Chapter Thirteen
By the time he stopped for a break, it was already three o’clock. Yukon had been pushing himself from sunup until sundown for the past three days. He didn’t want time to stop and think about Robyn. Only a few days ago, they’d shared the most passionate night of his life. After what she let him do to her body, he was certain she was interested in a relationship. He couldn’t have been more wrong.
He’d actually been played by a woman. Now he was starting to understand why Parker had always steered clear of city girls. They were cold and heartless.
Yukon tugged off his t-shirt and wiped the sweat from his forehead. He needed to eat before he worked himself sick. After jumping down from his tractor into the muck, he did a visual sweep of his land. Land that his father had once harvested. He wanted to resent his life, the one that disgusted Robyn, but he couldn’t. If he wasn’t good enough for her, then it wasn’t meant to be.
The screen door slapped shut after he entered the house. Parker was gone, had been since he’d woken up. They hadn’t said more than two words since Robyn fucked off. What he wanted to know was where he went all day, every day. He didn’t have any job that Yukon knew about, and after hearing about his injuries and doctor visits, he was convinced Parker was riding in the rodeo again.
He made a sandwich and started up the coffee maker. As he glanced out the front bay window, a pick-up truck drove along the long driveway to his house. He took another bite and walked to the side door to see who was coming.
It was Gage’s truck.
“Hey, where’ve you been, stranger?” Gage tossed a cigarette butt as he jumped down from his lifted truck.
“Busy.” He went back inside, not sure how he could avoid this conversation. He’d been avoiding all his friends and neighbors since Robyn showed up in town. She’d really done a number on him.
Gage followed him inside.
“Marcy told me about the girl. What happened with that?”
He shook his head. “Long story. One I’m not in the mood for.” The carafe was full, so he grabbed a mug from the cupboard and poured a coffee. “Help yourself,” he said, leaving the kitchen.
“Since when do you keep details from me?” Gage rooted in the cupboard for a mug. “You’ve never been shy about kissing and telling before.”
“This one was different.” He crashed down on the sofa and put his feet up on the coffee table. “Well, fuck, I thought she was.”
“You should have known better. I saw the devil in her eyes. You know what they say about city girls.”
“Parker likes to remind me plenty,” said Yukon.
“What did he have to say about her?”
“I haven’t talked with him. He warned me from the start, so I don’t want to hear it. We haven’t said two words for days.”
Gage sat on the arm of the recliner. “Women are overrated. You should be celebrating being a bachelor.” He took a sip of coffee. “We’ve missed you at Meg’s. Stop being a stranger.”
“I’ll be by soon. Just need to get my head on straight.” He would. Yukon had to move on and stop moping. His misery wouldn’t make anything better. It was time he moved on, and he hoped he could put all memories of Robyn out of his head for good. It was just different now that he was older. He wasn’t interested in meaningless hook-ups. What he wanted was something lasting, a relationship with meaning. Maybe the men in his family were cursed to die alone.
Yukon returned to his fields after his break, pouring himself into his work. He had no intention of heading to Meg’s yet, not when his head was still a damn mess.
Once the sun had set, the outdoor flood lights illuminating the grounds around the farm, Yukon closed up the barn and made sure everything was secure for the night. He’d sleep good, exhaustion already pulling at him. When he entered the house, Parker was sitting at the dinette table, eating something that smelled like heaven.
Parker must have read his mind, pointing his fork to the oven. “Ms. Granger sent meatloaf.”
He helped himself. Ms. Granger was an excellent cook, and Yukon was starved. They sat across from each other at the tiny table, eating and not speaking. Only the clink of cutlery against china could be heard.
“You’ve been quiet,” said Parker.
“There’s a lot of work to be done around the house.” He implied that Parker wouldn’t know since he was always gone all day.
“I’m sure there is,” said Parker. “Was there any more damage from the storm?”
He narrowed his eyes. “This is our ranch, so why am I the only one working the land?”
“Farming doesn’t put food on the table these days, does it? I have some side jobs. Don’t worry about it.” Parker continued to eat.
Yukon put his fork down, leaning back in his chair. “Stop bullshitting me. You’re bull riding again, aren’t you?”
“Fuck no.”
“That why’ve you been to the doctor at least twice this month? What kind of side job gets your ribs kicked in?”
“Drop it,” Parker warned. “You’re not my mother, so stop acting like it.”
“Well, I thought you knew what it meant to keep your word. Most cowboys in this town have the kind of honor you can take to the bank.”
Parker bolted to his feet, his chair scraping along the tiles. He pointed his finger accusatorily in Yukon’s face. “You best watch your mouth.” Then he tossed his napkin on the table and left the room. Yukon could hear him taking the stairs to the second level.
Why was he lying? What was he hiding? He should have the balls to admit he was in the rodeo again.
Yukon hoped to open a dialog, to get some fucking answers, but he didn’t want to push it any further. He was dead tired, and his spirits were still in the dumps after Robyn stomped on his heartstrings. It would take time for him to feel like himself, but then again, that would only mean wanting more.
He walked to the front windows and looked out at the moon. Was it mocking him? Was God out there listening? Yukon had never felt so alone in his life. He’d been taught to man the fuck up from an early age, and staying strong was the only thing keeping him going. To what end? He was middle-aged, lonely, and craved a woman … no, one woman. Why was happiness always dangling just out of reach?
Yukon felt like he was being punished, destined to suffer to the end like his father. His old man wasn’t a saint, but he’d loved their mother something fierce. Yukon wanted to feel that passion, to work for more than dollars and cents. He wanted to provide for a woman, for a family of his own. When he envisioned that perfect scenario, Parker always came to mind. As much as they bickered and fought, they only had each other. They’d taken care of one another most of their lives, so the thought of moving on without Parker sent an uneasy feeling to his gut.
There were no easy answers.
****
Parker paced his room, feeling like a caged animal. Everything was coming unraveled, and he blamed it all on Robyn and her fickle nature. There’d been one time he’d fallen in love. Or so he’d believed at the time. It was almost two decades ago when that city girl had taken him for a ride. He’d been traveling the rodeo circuit and the girl with her book smarts and blonde curls lured him in, only to use and discard him like worthless country trash when she was through. She laughed when she told her friends about their time together. It had all been a joke to her, a fling with the brainless bronc rider. Ever since that day, he kept his distance from stuck-up bitches who thought they were better than him.
Robyn should have been different, but apparently he was still a bad judge of character when it came to women. It didn’t matter. He couldn’t give a shit one way or another now that Robyn had rushed off without a backward glance. It was Yukon he worried about. His brother had been pushing himself harder, pulling away from friends, and he looked like shit.
He should have a heart-to-heart with Yukon, but he wasn’t up to it. That siren had worked her wiles on him, too. He could still remember the scent of her perfume and the curve of her ass. Her crocodile tears were just that, and he wouldn’t be a victim. He’d never hand over his heart to a woman again, certainly not a city girl.
Parker looked at himself in the mirror, twisting at an angle to get a good look at the healing bruises on his side, now a faint purple. He should have known better, but at least he was on the mend.
He had another early start in the morning, so he needed to clear his head and get some damn rest. His dream was to work his own land with Yukon, make enough to live comfortably. With all their bad luck lately, it would be a while before that day came.
Parker lifted the crystal top off the decanter he kept on his dresser and poured himself a drink. He downed it in one swallow, feeling the burn all the way down his throat to his stomach. He poured another.
Robyn was probably laughing about them right now. Her and her asshole boyfriend.
After another hit of hard liquor, he hoped sleep would come quickly.
****
The next morning, his alarm woke him from a dead sleep. He sat up and scrubbed his hands over his face, feeling worse than shit after overindulging. After a quick shower to wake himself up, he made himself some oatmeal in the kitchen. He could hear Yukon milling around upstairs, and truthfully he wanted to be gone before he came downstairs. Any conversation with his brother would lead to more lies, and he was tired of the lies and games.
He shoveled the hot oatmeal into his mouth as he stood by the front window. The sun was just starting to lighten the sky, hints of deep pinks and reds peeking from behind the treeline. A rooster from the next farm over crowed.
“Another early start?”
Fuck.
He didn’t turn around. Or answer.
Yukon stood beside him, taking in the same view. He took a sip of his juice.
“Seems we’re becoming strangers, you and I. That the way you want it?” asked Yukon.
“Things are fucked up lately.”
“You don’t have to do whatever it is you’re doing. We can get twice as much done on the farm if you help out.”
“It still won’t be enough. Times are tough for crop farmers.”
Yukon finished his juice. “At what point are you going to give things a chance? We’re supposed to be a team.”
He knew his brother was talking about his promise never to ride in the rodeos again. Yukon expected him to listen, but he refused to do the same. The real issue with Yukon was that woman. He’d been moping ever since Robyn left.
“Don’t be a hypocrite, Yukon. You’re pissed I don’t listen to you, but wasn’t I the one to tell you to stay away from Robyn?”
“I really don’t want to hear her name.”
Parker scoffed. “At least you got something out of it.”
Yukon whirled on him, shoving him backward. “I didn’t want her for sex. I wanted to fucking keep her. Some of us think with more than our dicks.”
“And I warned you she’d break your fucking heart, didn’t I?” Parker wasn’t about to tell his brother the pathetic tale of his own broken heart so many years ago. He was protecting Yukon from the same heartache. City girls were good for nothing.
“Don’t worry about me. Do I look like a boy? I’m past having my heart broken.”
“Tell that to someone who’ll believe your bullshit,” said Parker.
Yukon’s body looked tense, his muscles rigid. He probably wanted to brawl and let off steam, but he held back, finally raising his arms to the side in defeat. “What do you want from me, Parker? You want us to live alone in this damn house forever? You want us to die like Dad?”
Parker was at a loss for words. He may come across as an asshole, but he wanted Yukon happy. He’d sacrifice anything for his younger brother because his love life was already a forfeit. That was how family worked. With his heart stomped on, Yukon could only see his pain, and refused to see that Parker had been trying to warn him the entire time.
He shook his head.
“Tell me the truth about one thing, Parker. I saw the way you looked at her. Tell me you didn’t love her.”
His first reaction was to lie. He was good at that lately. But Yukon asked for the truth. He wasn’t sure what the truth was, only that there had been something there—a connection, lust, desire, he wasn’t sure what the fuck it was. “Yeah, I felt something, but does it even matter? She’s gone, which means she’s no good for either of us.”
Yukon took a deep breath, running both hands through his hair.
“Don’t think about her. You know the best way to do that? Get out there and stop spending all your free time daydreaming,” said Parker.
Yukon nodded and returned to the kitchen, setting his glass in the sink. “I’ll see you later.” The screen door flapped shut a minute later.
He should take his own advice, but he’d been using cheap whiskey to stave off the loneliness and disappointment. Every time he remembered the day he caught Robyn rooting around his room, he’d get an instant hard-on. As much as he knew she was a mistake, he still wanted her. She was a forbidden temptation, and those were the hardest to forget.