17
Madeline
The library seemed above me somehow, and I knew it was stupid. Because I am still a student and I still have work to do. I have five classes, two of which had final essays that I am finalizing now. The last three were final projects I finished last week, one of which I was using the same presentation that I proposed. I would just have to practice.
I plugged my ears and found a secluded spot near the bookshelves. Sarai was meeting me later but she said she might get held up at work, so I wasn’t all too sure. I tried to stay focus but I missed Jake and Logan. I was actually talking to them in a group message once in a while, but it wasn’t the same.
Even though they were the masters of dirty talk. They knew exactly what to say to me and it was so unnerving knowing that they knew me so well. I would often read their messages as I tried to fall asleep and get myself off to them. But it was nothing compared to the real thing. Their hands are so masterful and heavy on my skin. I could feel their grip even when they weren’t there.
I miss them so much and I feel sappy for it. But it’s the truth.
I go into work every day and there are too many people around to do anything. I think they like to build up the sexual tension just to explode later. It had been days since the apartment and we hadn’t done anything. I was in a constant state of arousal in some way, and one touch from them would probably send me over the edge.
I sighed and hummed to my music as I looked over my essay again. I wanted A’s in everything to keep my perfect GPA. I was riding on it, and it would only make it that much easier to get internships beyond this one.
And things were really underway. I had a meeting later with the marketing director to discuss a marketing plan. It was a real business meeting and I was excited, I couldn’t try and lie. But I was also nervous. I had to make real decisions, and Jake and Logan make me nervous enough.
I had to get going before I was late. I texted Sarai to let her know I was leaving and then was on my way. I already had a pant suit on, so I just tied my hair in a bun to look more professional and made sure I had everything I needed. I was nervous on the drive and when I got to the office I hoped to see them first. I knew they would put me at ease.
I entered the top floor and stopped at the landing, just short of Logan’s office. But they were both in there. Through the glass I only saw them and not who they were talking to. Logan wore only his dress shirt and had his arms crossed, his muscles bulging. He looked so powerful standing there. And then Jake was right there with him. Did he have to look so delicious? His office wear is not even office wear in my opinion. He had on green cargo pants and a black Henley. With his hands on his hips he stretched the material with his bulging muscles. His powerful thighs ran right to his chiseled ass and narrow waist, then his wide lats made him so imposingly large it was hard to look at. But you didn’t want to look away.
I moved closer, I was practically panting as I watched them. They have such an effect on me it’s ridiculous. But as I got closer I saw who they were talking to. A woman. Beautiful as it gets. Her black dress was tight and professional. But she had beautiful curves and she was tall. Her bust and hips could be seen from a distance. The way she did her makeup made her look so stunning, and her hair was a perfect brown color. Better than mine, for sure; nicely curled in loose waves.
But they looked so angry, and she was firing back. I couldn’t tell what was going on. Jake started pacing, and he looked mad. He looked like he could explode any minute. I could see the veins in his arm as he clenched his hands into fists. I knew he would never hit a woman but it was hard to tell with the way he looked like he was about to fight.
I wanted to just go into my office. And I knew I should have, but I couldn’t move. I was watching the scene unfold. Logan tried to remain calm but once the woman screamed over him he lost it. He started pointing at the door, and it looked like she was daring him. They sound proofed these walls and I couldn’t hear a thing. It went on for a little longer, maybe two minutes and then Jake came and opened the door. I hid behind the pillar so he didn’t see me.
The woman stormed past me and into the elevator. I don’t know why, but I followed.
Just until she stopped off at the end of the hall. Then she made a phone call and I practically held my breath.
“No, it’s done…I understand that but there isn’t anything I can do…we knew they were assholes. No, they are selling it. The meeting is a dupe.”
Selling it? Selling what? The only meeting we have today is the one with the director of marketing, and that was my meeting.
“Some new start up, it hasn’t even left planning stages…from their stupid college conquest. All I know is that it’s done.”
There was only so much I could put together, but I knew what the truth was. They were buying me out and didn’t even plan on telling me.
I fought the tears in the elevator ride down to the parking garage where I left in a hurry. I know, I have to stop being so unprofessional and so rash, but I was mad. I was in my feelings and stupid for letting emotions get in the way of work. Was that the only reason why I left?
Was I mad they didn’t tell me or disappointed? I thought I meant more to them. At least more than being lied to. Did they plan to buy me out all along?
I gasped as I drove. They just wanted to get me in bed, didn’t they? Ugh, I should have known. Two men like that don’t want to keep me. Maybe they want me to be theirs for a night but not any longer than that. I fell under a spell. Sarai was right.
I arrived home in a flurry of emotions. It was a godsend that Sarai was right there in the living room. She saw me and immediately rushed over and hugged me.
“What’s wrong? You’re shaking, come here!”
I was a blubbering mess of tears and sadness, I knew it. And I could barely form words as I tried. She shushed me and wrapped me in a blanket as I calmed down. I felt like I cried for hours. So frustrated by everything. I started the day so happy to take finals and graduate and make strides with the new business, and then it all came crashing down.
It was so utterly disappointing I didn’t know what to do.
“What happened?” My sniffles died down and I tried harder to speak coherently.
“I overheard someone today in the office. She left Logan’s office angry after talking to him and Jake. I heard her on the phone saying they were selling off one of their new ‘college conquests.’ That’s how I knew it was me. I was the only one.”
I grabbed more tissues and blew my nose out and cried more. She muttered something but I couldn’t hear through my ringing ears.
“Oh no. What did they say?”
I shook my head. “Nothing. I didn’t talk to them. I left after I heard.”
I felt her face fall. I knew she was looking at me with those eyes of hers that see right through me.
“Oh god, Madeline. What the hell? You don’t know for sure!”
She yelled and my face curled up with more tears, but she held strong as she still rubbed my back soothingly.
“I got so mad. I didn’t know what to do. I know I shouldn’t have left so please don’t say that. I just didn’t know what to do. I’m so stupid. And I missed the meeting! I’ve wrecked it all.”
Even though I wasn’t sure there would even still be a meeting. I thought I was being bought off.
“I know. I know. You have to get it together and be professional about it so that you’re sure.” I nodded.
“I can say I got held up studying. They didn’t see me there. I just don’t think I can do anything until tomorrow.”
She patted my back soothingly.
“Okay. Sounds good.”
I nodded.
I went to my room and dried my tears. But once I was in the shower new ones appeared. I felt so betrayed, it was just so hard to stop my heart from constricting at the pain. I knew I wasn’t sure but what else could she have been talking about? I had no idea how they felt about me, and they never said much besides bedroom talk. I had to tell myself that was all it was.
It sounded good and it stayed in my head forever but that’s all it was. It was meant to get me hot and bothered and that was all. I have to find a way to walk in there and break things off. Since they were buying me out anyway, they don’t need my company.
But I need them.
I got out of the shower and dressed in sweats to fit the occasion. I thought maybe I should call? I couldn’t reach for the phone. I was disappointed in them and myself. For being so unprofessional, and for letting them affect me. I knew I was so torn up because of how I felt about them. Hurt was the only thing I felt. I love them, I love them both and it hurts so much to not feel it back.
It was fast and sudden but it was real and it was consuming me. It wasn’t healthy or good for me. I’m sitting here in my bed, unable to move or do anything. It was sad and unfortunate. I was afraid and embarrassed to face them and that’s what was worse. I knew I wasn’t performing as well as I could, and they only saw me as a bedroom puppet. I dutifully played their game but now I need out.
There was nothing I could do but wish I wasn’t in love. Or wish I were loved.
Either way, I lose.