Chapter 14: Chelsea

I woke up next to Flynn that morning, and everything felt right with the world. There he was, sleeping soundly while his muscular, chiseled chest rose and fell with his breaths, and I couldn’t help but dance my fingertips along the crest of his pecs. He’d always been handsome, but rodeos and farms and time had been kind to his body. He’d tacked on more muscle than I ever thought a man of his body stature would have, and I reveled in the bite marks that cascaded over his shoulders and chest.

He had been taking such excellent care of me over these past three weeks. He was making me food and drawing me baths every night. My parents were coming by as often as they could, and he let them in with no issues and no fuss. Every time I turned around I had clean clothes that were folded in my drawers and, somehow, my toiletries were slowly replenishing themselves. His cabbage soup was the best I had to make sure to keep my mouth shut about it whenever my mother was around. Honest to god, nothing was as good as mom’s cooking when I was in Paris.

But Flynn knew his way around a kitchen, and I could feel the little paunch in my gut that was slowly not receding whenever I’d go to the bathroom.

“You gotta stop feeding me all this food,” I snickered.

“Nothing wrong with a little meat on someone’s bones,” he smirked.

“Yeah, well, the fashion world isn’t kind to women who don’t keep themselves physically together.”

“Then maybe they just need to redefine their physical standards,” he shrugged.

Today was my third doctor’s appointment, and each one had told me I was healing well. The gauze finally came off in the second week, but I still wasn’t allowed to travel or do anything strenuous. Flynn had cradled my head when we made love, and his tongue had sent me to places I’d never found when I ran away to Paris. His moans and groans that fell from his lips whenever he was between my legs were nothing short of catastrophically beautiful. Since that first night, we had made love several times over the course of the week and every time we woke up next to one another I felt safe.

I felt safe, I felt cherished, and I felt like I was back in college.

Guilt started to bubble in my stomach while we rode in his truck to the doctor’s office. Today would be the day that they would tell me whether I could travel or not, and I knew Flynn knew that. I was due back in Paris at the end of next week, and I knew there were still many unanswered questions between Flynn and me. My heart fluttered whenever his lips touched my skin and every time we woke up next to one another I couldn’t help the smile that peeled across my face. And now I was going to have to leave him again halfway around the world while I went off and pursued my dreams.

He deserved better than that, but the least he deserved was answers.

“Flynn, do you think-”

“We’re about ten minutes out from the doctor,” he said lowly. He gave me no smile and no indication that he was ready for what the doctor had to say today, and that told me everything I needed to know.

He knew what was coming, and he still had no answers for the last time I’d left him.

Well, the time before last time.

Fuck, I was a terrible person.

“Flynn, maybe we could go get some food after and-”

“Let’s just see what the doctor says first, alright? There’s been a bit more… jostling… this week, and I want to make sure you’re alright.”

He reached over and grabbed my hand, and I felt my heart rate begin to speed up. He traced comforting circles around the top of my skin, and part of me wanted to pull this truck over and crawl into his lap. I wasn’t ready to talk about this, but I knew we had to, and now I got the feeling that Flynn wanted to avoid it at all costs.

My stomach lurched with guilt, and I felt myself growing nauseous, and when we pulled into the doctor’s office, I had to lean against the truck door to steady myself.

“You alright?” he asked lowly.

“Just fine,” I sighed.

We walked hand in hand into the doctor’s office, and I was seen immediately. I reluctantly let go of Flynn’s hand and went back into the office by myself, and a few tests were performed before they took a bit of blood. I had lights shined in my eyes, and I had my ears looked at. I followed fingers and got my reflexes checked, and when the doctor was finally done, she stood back and smiled.

“You’re healing beautifully, and we got your tests back that you did at the hospital a couple of days ago.”

“Oh? Well, what do they look like? How’s all the swelling?” I asked.

“Nonexistent. Your brain looks like it’s finally healed, and you’ll be just fine to travel next week.”

“Oh.”

The memories of Flynn began to rush through my head. Memories of him holding me so close his touch woke me up and mornings where I woke up and he was smiling at me. Memories of him bringing me breakfast in bed and huddling down into the covers while we watched television together. I remember a few days ago I heard a commotion out with the animals, so I wrapped a blanket around my naked body and made way for the window. I watched Flynn mount one of his horses bareback and go after a bull that was terrorizing a small calf that had been born while I had been here, and I saw a glimpse of the man who lived for the thrill when he was chasing after that bull. I watched him bring out a whip and a rope and physically drag the bull away from the calf, and when he finally had the bull controlled, I watched him hop off that horse and scoop the little calf up in his arms.

I knew I was in a hell of a lot of trouble when I thought, in that very moment, that he looked so good with small animal in his arms, and I bet that he would look even better with a small child in them.

The doctor patted my shoulder before she wrote down some things on her pad, and then she left. She walked out of the room and left the door slightly opened, and I knew that Flynn would come bursting in after a few seconds. My heart beamed at the protective role Flynn had adopted when it came to taking care of me, but I felt tears spring to my eyes when I realized I’d have to tell him.

I’d have to tell him I was cleared to travel, and that I’d be leaving again.

I thought about all the memories I hadn’t created with him because I was in Paris. Rodeos I never watched him ride in and nights where I was never there for dinner. Vacations where we lounged around on the beach and hospital trips he took with his dad where he could’ve used the support. I can only imagine that he’d been the rock of his family whenever his father’s health declined for the worst, but even those who are rock solid had a foundation to stand on.

I wondered who his foundation was and if he sunk himself into different women to forget. I wondered if he stayed away from women like I stayed away from men and if my presence penetrated his life like he still did mine. I had no right to claim him… no right to ask anything of him other than to forgive me.

And part of me felt I didn’t even have the right to ask him that.

I owed him answers and I needed to be ready to give him those answers. I needed to brace for his anger and be prepared for the fact that he might throw me out. He might get so angry and feel so betrayed that my shit’ll be out on his front lawn by the time I get him calmed down long enough to talk. I’d made assumptions about him back in college whenever I’d left my life behind to go to Paris, and I knew exactly how Flynn felt about people assuming things about him.

I had to stop being so fucking scared and just talk with him.

He had questions, I had answers he deserved, and it was my turn to take care of him. It was my turn to give him what he needed, even if it meant possibly destroying the greatest thing I’d ever built since I’d left for Paris after graduation.

But really, me going back to work at the end of next week would destroy that anyway. I was walking into a massive amount of work that had to be done on my end, and I probably wouldn't come back until next summer to visit my family.

Flynn deserved better than a string of summer romances with one used up woman.

“Knock knock.”

Flynn slowly stepped through the door, and he had a massive smile on his face.

“The doctor told me you were doing well,” he nodded.

“Yeah,” I breathed. “Yeah, she uh… she says everything seems to be healing just fine.”

“How’s the swelling?” he asked.

“Looks to be almost gone.”

“Good! That’s good. Any more restrictions?”

There it was. The question that would lead to all sorts of other questions. I’d tell him there were no restrictions and it would dawn on him that it meant I could go back to work, and then he’d wanna know what I did for work. That’s when I’d tell him I worked for a prominent fashion designer in Paris, and that would make him curious. He’d ask how long I’d been working in Paris, and I’d tell him five years, and he’d do the math, and then it would happen.

All the questions he had for me would come pouring out at once.

I’d never been so thankful for a doctor interrupting me in all my life.

“Alright! We need you to try and pee in this cup again, and then you can head on out. I’ll see you in a week!” she smiled.

“What a mood killer,” Flynn smirked.

“What mood? There was no mood,” I giggled.

“There’s always a mood when I’m with you,” Flynn said lowly.

“I could walk around in your mother’s moo moo, and it would make you horny.”

“Because it isn’t the clothing that turns me on,” Flynn lulled.

His voice made my skin hot, and I grabbed the cup and made my way to the bathroom before I dug myself a deeper hole. I had to talk to him. I had to tell him everything. I had to tell him the doctor cleared me for travel and that I had to go back to Paris and that Paris was where I’d been for the past few years and that I didn’t think he would want to go with me and I figured he’d ask me to stay. I had to tell him he couldn't know because if he’d asked me to stay, I would’ve.

For him.

For us.

“How about we go get us some dinner at the house, and I find you one of those moo moos you speak so highly of?” Flynn asked cheekily through the bathroom door.

I washed my hands and whipped the door open only to punch him in his arm.

“You really are a piece of work,” I laughed.

“Want me to put that cup at the nurse’s station?” Flynn asked.

“You’re not putting my pee cup anywhere, Flynn. I’m healing. I can get some things on my own.”

I took the cup over to the nurse’s station, and she nodded at me with a smile on her face. We both made our way towards the exit, and when we stepped out into the harsh sunlight of an Oklahoma summer, I felt Flynn slip his hand around my waist.

“How are ya feelin’?” he asked lowly in my ear.

And I lied to him when I told him I felt fine.