Salinger

Emerson’s ship has gone down.

I see the same horror I feel cross my wife’s face, and it takes me a full second to shake myself out of the shock I’m in and go to her.

“Is he...?” Her words are weak as I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her against my chest.

“I don’t know.” I don’t know anything except what my father told me. The ship was torpedoed. An act of war. But by who?

Alaska has remained neutral. We have very few enemies, especially since we had sanctioned ourselves from the lower forty-eight.

The laughter and talking in the other room stops. And there’s silence before shocked curses begin. One of the other men must have received a similar call.

Fallon is the first out the door and when his gaze lands on mine, a silent conversation takes place. He drags his fingers through his cropped hair as the other men, including Giles file through the door.

“I have to go,” Fallon says, his voice steady, despite the emotion I see in his eyes. “They haven’t called me yet, but I know I’ll be asked to fly out.”

“But…” Tia begins to cry, and Fallon wraps her up in his arms.

“It’s going to be okay,” he assures her, but as he says it, our eyes lock. There are no guarantees when a ship of this magnitude goes down.

The truth is, Emerson is not coming back. It’s not like Giles being attacked by wolves. This is ice cold waters in the dead of night. It’s an entire naval ship sinking below the surface. It is a crew of twelve hundred men all unaccounted for.

Tia has already been through so damn much, is going through so much, even now.

She can’t know the truth, it would slay her.

“I love you,” she tells Fallon, kissing him. Their foreheads meet, and I hate that the only thing I think of is how earlier tonight, in my bathroom, our foreheads touched the same way.

I hate the competition I feel weaving through my heart, but goddammit, I need Tia, all of Tia.

“I love you too,” Fallon tells her, kissing her softly.

“Let me go pack a bag for you,” she tells him. “I feel like I need to do something. And I need… I need a moment alone, okay?” She looks around the room, and I don’t think any of us want to argue with her.

Not over this.

“You sure you’re alright by yourself?” I ask.

She nods. “I want to say a prayer, an offering…” she shakes her head. “I’m not religious, but I know Em--” her words catch on her sob. “Emerson is a man of faith and I just…”

Her thoughtfulness tugs at my heartstrings. Damn. This woman has done something to me, something so fucking real. I pull her close and even though I haven’t shown Tia affection in front of the other men, right now I need her to know I can be her comfort just as well as anyone else.

“Do you want to call his parents?” I ask. “I can ask my father for access to the directory to find the number. Unless anyone else knows it?”

The other husbands shake their heads, and I want to kick myself for not having a better system in place in case of a family emergency. No one here would have access to my mother’s phone number either. I have no idea what Banks’ family is like, where they live. Or even if there is a family. We need to begin to seriously open up to each other.

Tia looks up into my eyes, the tiniest smile of relief on her lips. “I’d love that,” she tells me earnestly. “Thank you, Sal.” Then she gives me a kiss on the cheek, before leaving to get Fallon’s bag packed.

Huxley, Banks, Giles, Fallon, and I are left, but the room suddenly feels empty without her.

“I can’t believe this,” Giles says, head in his hands. Poor guy just got home, barely beginning to recover from his injuries and now this. He’s military so I know he understands the seriousness of the situation.

Banks and I exchange a look. I know he works with scientists, but he is on the inside with lots of people in the government offices. I don’t know his sources exactly, but they seem to be accurate as far as I can tell.

“We have to tell her,” Fallon says immediately. “We’ve been pissed that she keeps secrets, we can’t very well do the same to her now.”

“Tell her what?” Huxley asks, his brows furrowed.

“Emerson’s ship was torpedoed,” Fallon offers and Huxley whistles low, the shock hitting all of us.

I lift my eyebrows at Fallon, impressed someone so stalwart would give up such classified information.

He shrugs as if reading my mind. “Fuck, we’re family now, right? If I can’t trust you guys, who the hell can I trust?”

I try not to let his words cut too deeply. “I think she’s dealing with a lot right now.”

They don’t know about the pregnancy test. I’m not sure someone in her potential condition should have the added stress right now.

Huxley cuts me off. “No, we should tell her. It’s better coming from us. I don’t want her to think we’re hiding anything.”

I shake my head, this is a bad idea. Giles just came back and Fallon is leaving. She needs stability. She needs a warm bath and a good book. She needs to relax. Not to grieve the loss of her fucking husband.

“I disagree--”

“She has to know,” Fallon cuts me off.

“What are you protecting her from?” Giles asks me. “If it was reversed, wouldn’t you want her to know that you were…”

“Dead?” I shake my head. “We don’t know anything yet.” But even as I say it I know my words fall flat.

What ship on Earth would survive a torpedo? Even if there are survivors, the rescue boats and planes won’t get there before the men freeze in the icy water.

My throat constricts. It’s not just Emerson we lost today, there are hundreds of men on that ship we’ve known for most of our lives.

“Be realistic, man,” Huxley says, trying to soften the blow. Then he looks at me the way only a friend can. “So, would you mind being the one to tell her?”

“Why me?” I ask, looking around, reading the room. “I see, you want me to deliver devastating news so your precious time with her isn’t marred by death.”

I shake my head. I’m just finally getting Tia to see me as more than a friend, and now I will be the one to rock her world, and not in the way I really want to.

“It’s not that. It’s just... don’t you get paid to deliver information in a palatable way?” Banks asks.

“I’m not a fucking puppet,” I tell them, raking my fingers through my hair.

I swear to God, I see Fallon smirk at this. I know most of the house thinks I’m a joke, a three-piece-suit-wearing man who is on his father’s beck and call. But I am more than that.

Aren’t I?

“Fine,” I say, resolutely. If Tia needs to know, it’s better I tell her anyway. I know her burdens, and maybe that can help soften this horrific blow. “But I’m not doing this for you,” I tell them. “I’m doing it for Tia.”

“Doing what for me?” Tia asks from the top of the stairs, holding a bag.

Fuck. I’m not doing this here, now.

She walks down the stairs, and all eyes shift between her and me.

“Is there more news?” she asks, handing Fallon the bag.

“I’ll let Sal tell you.” He kisses her cheek. “I hate to leave, but...”

“I know. Go.” She places a palm on his cheek. “And bring Em home.”

Fallon’s eye twitches, and he nods before turning and leaving.

Both Banks and Huxley are quick to follow Fallon out the door, both with only a small explanation of where they’re going, and I’m left helping Tia get Giles situated in his room.

It’s late, and I can tell the events of today, including the news about Emerson, have drained him despite how hard he tries to do everything himself. I stay while Tia checks his wounds and re-bandages them.

My stomach rolls when I get a glimpse of the damage that was done to him by my father. The cuts will heal and his nails will grow back, but I wonder what kind of psychological damage was also inflicted.

It takes both of us, to help him out of his clothes and into pajama bottoms. And by the time we’re done, I can see the frustration on his face.

“Do you want me to stay with you?” Tia asks Giles, sitting on the edge of his bed beside him. I can hear the conflict in her voice. She wants to stay, but there’s something more - a restlessness.  

Giles glances at me and his look is one that tells me he knows I still need to talk to her. He runs his knuckles across her cheek and gives her a small smile.

“I think you need to talk to Sal first.”

“Why?” She looks over her shoulder at me and frowns. “What aren’t you telling me?”

I wince. She’s smart. She has to know that the chance of Emerson surviving this is minimal at best. But she also doesn’t know how his ship went down.  

“We should let Giles sleep,” I say, seeing his exhaustion; the way his eyes barely stay open.

Tia looks back at him and must see the same thing because she nods. “I’ll check in on you later.”

He’s asleep before she walks to the door and flicks the light off.

I pull her into my arms the second we’re alone, and she doesn’t resist, her body melts into mine, and she presses her forehead against my chest, fingers fisting in my shirt.

“Tell me,” she whispers.

I inhale a steadying breath and tighten my arms around her. “The ship didn’t just go down, it was hit.”

“Hit?” She tilts her head to look up at me.

“Torpedoed.”

She swallows hard, understanding flickering in her eyes and she says shakily, “Oh.”

“It’s...” I press my lips against her forehead. “We need to prepare ourselves. It’s unlikely that there will be any survivors.”

Her body trembles in my arms and I just hold her. My body her anchor in this storm. And I know she’s still holding onto hope that I’m wrong.

“Who?” she finally asks. “Who would do this?”

“We don’t know yet.”

She gives a small nod and we continue to stand in the hall, arms wrapped around each other.

“Stay with me tonight?” she asks.

My heart thuds in my chest. “Of course.”

I take her hand and lead her to her bedroom. But when I lie beside her, I know she doesn’t need the one thing I’ve been longing to do. What she needs is my strength. So, I give it to her. Pulling her back against my chest, I hold her, stroking her forehead until she drifts off to sleep.