THIRTY

She’s my Polaris—my North Star—my home.

Leelo

I’m sure the disbelief is plastered all over my face.

I’ve been chasing after him for over a week, his office telling me he’s out, or in meetings. Almost daily messages that went completely unanswered and the latest out-of-town excuse that turns out to be untrue.

You’d fucking think it should be clear by now what he can do for me.

I have to grab a firm hold of the temper I’m in danger of losing before I answer.

“As I mentioned in my voicemails and the messages I left with your staff, I would like the copies of the original drawings for the Whitefish, I understand you have on file here.”

“Ah, yes, that’s right. You’ll have to forgive me; it’s been incredibly busy. It’s true, it’s not unheard of that we sometimes keep copies of blueprints on hand for our clients in our archives. I believe my assistant, Rebecca, had an intern look, I simply haven’t had the time, but I don’t think they had much luck. Let me check.” Before I have a chance to say anything, he pushes a button on the phone on his desk and his assistant’s voice comes through.

“Sir?”

“Yes, those plans for the Whitefish, any luck finding them?”

“Uh...I don’t believe so, sir.”

“That’s unfortunate, I suggest you have look yourself next week, Rebecca. I’m sure they’re there.”

“Of course, sir. Will that be all?”

Without even responding, Henry ends the call, rests his elbows on the table, and tents his hands, tapping his fingertips together as if he’s thinking hard about something.

“You know,” he says to me. “It is always possible that they have copies at the municipal building. I know Sam applied for a few permits over the years, he may have been asked to supply them.”

I was just at the fucking municipal building.

Frustrated, I get up and grab my purse.

“That information would have been handy last week, Henry,” I point out. “Could’ve saved us both some time.”

“Yes, I wish I’d thought of it sooner. Talking about time,” he says, looking at his watch. “I have a meeting in a few minutes I need to get ready for.”

“That’s okay, I was leaving. I’m heading straight over to the municipal building.” I’m already halfway out the door when his voice stops me.

“I’m afraid they’re closed as of five minutes ago,” he says, tapping his watch. “Summer hours; they close at one on Fridays.”

-

My day didn’t get much better from there.

By the time I got back to the Jeep, I found my frozen yoghurt melted all over the back seat and my air conditioning stopped working on the way to the lodge. There I found a present left on Roar’s bed when I went to lay down to fight off a headache, after putting away the groceries and cleaning the car seat. Apparently, Ace had managed to sneak a rabbit inside the house and chose the master bedroom to pull the poor little creature apart and left its carcass on the bed. 

“He does that sometimes, when Roar stays away for longer periods,” Patti explained, while helping me change the bedding.

It was three before I finally got the nap I was craving, and by that time, my head was one big throbbing mass, so it took me a while to get to sleep.

“Mom?”

I peel my eyes open to find Matt leaning over me.

“What time is it?” I ask, rubbing the sleep from my face. Fortunately the earlier sharp headache was now just a dull nag, feeling more like a heavy fog.

“Seven,” he says and I shoot upright in bed. I’ve slept away the whole damn afternoon.

“Gwen?”

“On her way. She’s just south of Wawa.” He sits down on the edge of the bed. “Mom,” he starts. “She said there’s a lot of smoke coming across the highway a few kilometres south of the airport. She said she could smell the fire.”

“Jesus.” I knew when Roar left it could be dangerous for him, but hearing this makes it so much more real. Scarier.

“I know, Mom. Gwen does too, I told her when she called yesterday where he was. That’s why she called, she was concerned.”

I swing my legs over the side of the bed and run my hands through my hair, trying to get rid of the last threads of sleep clouding my thoughts.

“I have to call the station.”

“Just did,” my son says, gently smiling. “Was told the crew is fine. Apparently, the wind started to shift, and the smoke that was blowing mostly south before is now being reported blowing in more northerly direction. The woman at the station promised if there was anything to report, she has all our numbers.”

I’m relieved the guys are good, but I don’t like the sound of the shifting wind. If smoke is now traveling north, that means the fire likely is too, in our direction.

“Thanks, Mattie,” I tell him, pressing a kiss on his forehead before I head to the bathroom to freshen up. By the time I come out, the bedroom is empty but I can hear voices coming from downstairs. Sounds like Gwen arrived.

“Sweetie...” Her head snaps up at the sound of my voice, and for a moment I see my little girl, happy to see me, before her carefully cultivated mask slips back into place.

“Hey, Mom,” she says, allowing me to crush her in my arms, but reluctantly so.

“How was your drive?” I ask when I finally let her go.

“Long, and I’m starving.”

I smile at the hint of drama in her voice, for all her level-headed maturity and drive, she still can have those moments of teenage theatrics. Except now I don’t cringe at them, I embrace them, treasuring anything and everything I get from my kids. Even if it’s attitude.

“Why don’t you let Matt show you around, while I whip something up for dinner?” I suggest.

“Actually, Patti cooked chili while you were sleeping,” Matt says, with an almost apologetic shrug. “It’s good too, I already had some.”

It’s odd, where not that long ago I was upset to find Patti cooking in Roar’s kitchen, this time I just feel grateful.

“Hope you left some for us,” Gwen says, thumping her brother in the shoulder. He reacts by putting her in a headlock and ruffling her nicely styled hair. “Asswipe,” she swears at him, but he just laughs as he lets her push him off. “By the way, who is Patti?” she wants to know as she hooks her arm in his and allows herself to be dragged into the kitchen.

I barely hear his answer as I follow behind, a big grin on my face.

Dinner is a casual affair at the kitchen table and I enjoy the kids ribbing each other. They used to be best buddies when they were young, but adolescence put an end to that quickly. Now, both more mature with adult problems and responsibilities, they seem to be finding each other again and that brings tears of gratitude to my eyes. Despite the many screw-ups on their parents’ part, our kids are fucking awesome.

“What breed is this anyway?” Gwen says, watching as Ace follows me outside, a tray with cups and a teapot in my hands.

If he’s looking for handouts, he’ll be disappointed. He’s still in the doghouse.

“I think Roar said something about part timber wolf, part hound? Not sure,” Matt says, already camped out on one of the rockers on the porch.

“Wow,”  my girl says, getting her first glimpse of the night sky up here. “I’d forgotten how many stars there really are.”

“Beautiful, right?” I offer, as I pour us all some tea.

“Mmmm,” she hums noncommittally, but the little smile on her face when she takes the mug from my hand says enough.

“Apparently, it’s not unusual to see the aurora borealis up here when the conditions are right,” Matt pipes up. “It’s supposed to be better from the lake, if you take a boat a bit further north. Roar says a lot of the land there remains untouched because there is little access, except over the water.”

“Cool.” Gwen shrugs. “You should take me out there this week.”

“Need to buy a boat first,” my son announces, a fat grin on his face.

“Maybe you can borrow one of Mom’s boyfriend’s?”

It takes me a minute to catch on to Gwen’s reference, because my mind is still stuck on what she said before.

“You’re staying here the whole week?” I ask, doing my best not to sound too frigging excited and failing miserably.

“I thought you got that when I said I had a week off and was driving up.” I ignore the sharp edge to her voice, the way it gets when she’s irritated.

“Yes, I did hear that, but I’ve learned not to make assumptions. You could’ve planned to stay just for the weekend before heading somewhere else,” I point out calmly. “Regardless, I’m excited you will spend your whole week here.”

Gwen looks intently out at the night sky, visibly focused on something else.

“Can you smell that?” she says, and I immediately sniff the air.

“Smoke,” Matt says before I have a chance.

Roar

Five more hours.

I heave the last piece of the tree stump I just dug up onto the dump truck that will remove it. Looking back down the gully I’m standing in, I can see how much work we’ve accomplished today. Good thing too, since with the shifting winds, I can feel the heat from the fire pushing in this direction.

Five more hours, of cutting up some of the larger tree trunks and stumps into more manageable pieces before clearing them out, left in my sixteen-hour shift. I am so far beyond the point of exhaustion, I can’t even tell you if I’m hurting or not. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that this stupid firebreak we’ve been working on, for God knows how many days, may be the only thing between this angry fire and my home—my loved ones.

There is progress though, and a plan of action that might actually work, by using the power of nature against itself.

Winds are supposed to pick up during the course of the day tomorrow, assisting the crews to the south in driving the fire in this direction. A backfire will be lit along the south side of the clearing we created to burn out the fuel in front of the fire. North of the break, crews will be stationed to control any flare-ups, and waterbombers will dump their loads along the south, east, and west sides of the fire. Crews coming in behind will put down any remaining flames so it doesn’t have anywhere else to go.

It’s a perfect plan, provided the execution is flawless and there is no change in conditions. The only thing in the equation that is controllable is the execution, and because of that, I am ignoring the soot and the dirt coating my hair and skin, the stench of sweat and smoke I can’t get out of my nostrils, and the toll my body is taking.

Five more hours and I will hoist my tired, filthy body to my truck parked two kilometres from base camp, and I will not stop until I can wish my girl happy birthday.

Leelo

“You guys.” I smile when both kids barge into the bedroom, singing “Happy Birthday” and carrying a tray with breakfast.

I can’t remember the last time I had breakfast in bed. Maybe some Mother’s Day, when the kids were little.

“You know that’s way too much for me, right?” I point out, looking at the stacks of pancakes and entire plate of bacon.

“Duh,” Matt replies. “We’ve got to eat, too.”

Forty-six years old, and I find myself sitting in bed, bracketed by a kid on either side, sharing pancakes and bacon. Already it’s the best birthday I’ve had in years.

I’m about to tell my kids so, when suddenly Ace, who snuck in behind them, jumps up and runs out of the room, barking. Matt moves to get out of bed when a dark shadow fills the door.

Literally.

He’s barely recognizable with all the black crap covering him, but that doesn’t stop me from leaping out of bed and launching myself in his arms, completely forgetting about the kids.

“Happy Birthday, Sunshine,” Roar’s familiar voice rumbles in my ear as he gingerly lowers me to my feet.

I’m to busy kissing his face to respond.

“Baby, I stink and there’s two more people in my bed, staring at us.”

“Are you okay? Tired? Do you need something to eat? I can make more bacon,” I rattle off, but I can’t stop myself.

“Leelo,” he stops me sternly. “Maybe introduce me first? I’m thinking this is Gwen?”

I swing around to find Matt popping the last of the bacon in his mouth, grinning widely, while Gwen has her arms folded over her chest and her head tilted to the side, watching with cautious curiosity.

“Shit. Right, okay. Roar, this is my daughter Gwen. Gwenny, meet Roar Doyle. Actually, it’s Riordan, but he’s called Roar. Or Doyle. I guess whatever works for you.”

“Mom? You’re rambling,” Gwen kindly points out, with a smirk, and Roar chuckles behind me. “Nice to meet you, Roar,” she adds. “Although, I still have no idea what you look like, seeing as you’re covered in guck.”

“Right, I should probably grab a quick shower. It’s been a while.”

“That’s our cue, Sis,” Matt announces, jumping out of bed. “Let’s go cook up some more breakfast, I’m guessing Roar might be hungry.”

Gwen follows him right past us out the door, throwing a little smile in my direction before she turns to her brother and stage whispers; “Judging by the way he looks at Mom, breakfast may not be the only thing he’s got an appetite for.”

Roar

“I won’t be long,” I promise, pressing a kiss to Leelo’s mouth. It’s been six days and there’s nothing I’d rather do than have my way with her, but I’m filthy and I reek, her kids are around, and my time is very limited before I have to head back. With any luck, I can be home maybe Monday.

I strip out of my dirty clothes and step into the shower, groaning when I feel the strong warm stream of water hit my parched skin. God, that feels fucking fantastic. With my forearms leaning on the shower wall, my forehead between them, I let the water pressure massage my neck and shoulders, feeling the tension slowly ebb, leaving a dull ache in its wake.

I don’t move when I hear the shower door open and feel Leelo slip in behind me. I don’t object when I feel her soapy hands on my back, washing away a week’s worth of dirt and grime. I groan, feeling her fingers dig and her nails scrape my skin, followed by soothing kisses from her sweet lips. When her arms slide around me to the front, I feel her body bracing mine from behind. Soft pliable curves that gently cradle my battered body, as her hands wash my chest and stomach, before sliding down further between my legs. With one hand massaging my balls, and the other firmly wrapped around my rock hard cock. I drop one hand over hers to still her stroking.

“You don’t have to,” I say, my voice hoarse with fatigue and need.

“I want to,” she assures me, her soft voice brushing my back.

I don’t resist and let go, completely and quite literally in Leelo’s hands, I have no reserves. It takes her no time at all to have me shooting cum over her hand and the wall, my breathing ragged and laboured, and my knees near to buckling.

I let her minister to me as she washes my hair, guides me out of the shower and dries me off, and finds me clean clothes to wear. I’m little more than a rag doll.

“There are so many words I want to give you,” I tell her when I find my voice again. I watch her turn around from dropping my dirty clothes in the laundry hamper. “Much I want to say. That I’ve wanted to say. This morning I was out in the gully we’ve been clearing and I couldn’t see the stars anymore. It scared me.” She slowly moves toward me, taking the hand I’m holding out and I pull her between my legs. “Not because of the smoke getting thicker and the fire closing in, but because the stars made me feel connected to you. Reminding me that you were close. It’s strange how detached you become from everything when you are out there, fighting this bitch. It demands all your attention, needs all of your focus, and sucks up all your energy.” I drop my head between her breasts and her hand finds the back of my head, holding me in place. “It used to be it didn’t matter. The ultimate rush of adrenaline made it all worth it. But that has changed. This will be my last fire. I won’t let myself be scheduled on the reserve list again. I’m done. I want to give you my attention, my focus, and all of my energy.”

“Love you.”

I hear her clearly this time, and pressing my lips to her stomach, I lift my eyes so I can look at her. I carefully move her aside and walk into my closet, grabbing the glass jar from the top shelf.

“And I you,” I tell her, handing her the jar. “My birthday gift to you is all the reasons why.”