TWENTY-SIX

I can’t remember what I did before she filled every one of my days.

Leelo

“Doesn’t look like it was tampered with,” Bill says, handing me my laptop.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry with relief as I quickly thank Bill, tuck the computer under my arm, and rush to my bedroom. On my bed, I flip it open, type in my password, and assure myself that everything is still as I left it.

“All there?”

Roar is leaning against the doorway, having clearly followed me upstairs. I smile my relief at him.

“Come see.”

I pat the mattress next to me and watch as he saunters over and sits down beside me, his hip butting up against mine.

I click on the folder that holds a lifetime of memories and give him a first row seat into my life. The world around us disappears for a while, as I flip through picture after picture of my history.

“Your daughter is very beautiful, does she know she looks just like you?” Roar comments when I show him Gwen’s convocation photo, and I laugh.

“Oh, hell no. She doesn’t like being compared to me, in any way. In fact, I think she goes out of her way to prove to the world she’s not like me at all.” I grin, flipping through the pictures taken by Matt at the ceremony I was asked not to come to. I’ve looked at them so often; it barely stings anymore. All I feel now is pride for the independent, capable person she has become.

“She could do a lot worse,” he mumbles under his breath.

“Thank you, but she’s always marched to her own drummer, that one. I think she’s so determined to carve her own path; she doesn’t want to be compared with anyone. It’s not just me.”

“Pizza!!” Matt’s voice sounds from downstairs.

“We should grab some before he eats it all,” I warn him, closing my laptop.

“Hang on. Let me see that?”

Roar lifts the lid back up and points at the small thumbprint beside the filename—Daddy. A melancholy feeling washes over me when I double-click on the file, and the screen fills with an image of my dad, sitting in his favourite chair, a half-smile on his face, and his pipe stuck in the corner of his mouth. He’s watching eight-year-old me, sitting on his knees, reading my book, completely oblivious of the sheer adoration on his face.

If this picture was in print, it would be grey by now from all the handling.

Funny how an image can invoke such seemingly contradictory feelings, so maybe melancholy is not the right word. There’s sadness, absolutely, but also a deep gratitude that I had a father, who could love in a way that showed in everything he did. Even just watching his daughter read.

“Great picture,” Roar says simply, but his eyes show the deeper understanding.

“It is,” I agree, slapping the laptop shut. “But that’s enough of that, we’re missing out on the food and I’m starving.”

When we get downstairs, Lin is complaining loudly about the ‘cardboard pizza,’ but she does it while shoving another piece in her mouth.

Charlie took no half measures, there’s a stack of five large pizza boxes and an assortment of drinks on the bar in the restaurant.

“Jesus, Charlie,” Roar remarks. “Who else did you invite?”

“Don’t you be a smartass, Riordan,” she scolds him, waving her index finger. “Between Matt and Zhao Lin, it’ll all get eaten.” That remark, of course, starts another tirade by the older woman.

I take a seat on an upside down bucket, eating my slice, and smiling as I listen to the three older ladies disagree on everything, including the colour of the sky.

Somewhere I lost the time, and I’m surprised to notice the shadows quickly getting longer as the sun is setting, painting the sky a warm gold.

Although, Lin claims it’s red, and Charlotte insists on yellow.

I shake my head and reach for another slice from the box Roar brings around, his eyes crinkled in a barely-there smile.

-

There are five beams and thirty wood planks that make up the ceiling in Roar’s bedroom.

I’ve been counting.

The clock on his nightstand reads three-thirty, and I’ve been lying here, staring up, and counting boards for over an hour.

Oh, I fell asleep. Well, more accurately, I was fucked into oblivion by Roar, who had my legs bent up in ways I didn’t know were possible. Although I’m sure he would disagree on the fucked part.

I passed right out after that and slept blissfully for a few hours, but woke up in the dead of night, and now I can’t get back to sleep.

The past twenty-four hours have left me with so many impressions that my mind seems unable to properly process them. Add to that the things that are left to be done over the next days and weeks before I can even feel back on top of the game again. Not to mention my budget, which is blown to smithereens. Even if I get a decent chunk back from insurance to cover damages—something that remains to be seen, given that this would be my third claim in a very short time and bound to raise suspicions—I’ll still run short.

I was supposed to capitalize on the summer so that my income could last at least partway through the winter, but the summer is about half gone, and I really have no income to show for it.

“You think loud,” Roar grumbles sleepily. “Go to sleep.”

“I’m trying.”

“Not hard enough,” he complains, reaching over to pull me onto his chest. His large hand cups the back of my head, and I instantly feel more restful, breathing in his warm scent. “It’ll be all right,” he soothes and I feel the words vibrate in his chest.

Already my eyes feel heavy.

“Everything’s gonna be fine.”

-

“Should we go check on Matt?” I ask, stacking our breakfast plates and walking them over to the sink.

Last night, I tried to get my son to stay at the lodge one more night, but he was gung-ho to try Charlotte’s cottage. Armed with her keys, the leftover pizza, and driving her little old car, which she let him use after he dropped her home, he left with a big grin on his face. I chuckled when I noticed how he had to fold himself behind the wheel, but watching him drive off, I wondered when my boy had grown up.

“He’s got Charlie’s car and food. He’ll surface when he’s ready.”

“Pizza isn’t breakfast food,” I sputter.

“If you’re a twenty-year-old kid it is,” Roar claims.

I run water over the dishes and squirt detergent in the sink, when I feel him walk up behind me. He brushes the hair away from my neck and presses his lips to the sensitive skin behind my ear. It sends a current over my skin that leaves my nipples achingly pebbled.

“Honey...” I sigh, not sure whether it’s a plea to stop or to continue. The deep chuckle against the shell of my ear is not helping.

“I like it,” he says straightening up, and I feel the immediate loss of his heat.

“What?”

I’m playing coy, knowing full well he likely took note of my hard nipples, as he doesn’t really miss much, but his reply is a surprise.

“The way your body responds to just a little touch. But I really like when you call me that.”

“What—honey?” I ask, turning to face him.

“Yeah,” he drawls, a look of contentment on his face. “I like that.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I concede with a smile, putting my hand in the middle of his chest and leaning in for a kiss.

He covers my hand with his as he kisses me back, sliding it down over his stomach, to the hard bulge behind his fly.

“My dick likes it, too.”

Roar

That fucking picture of a little, chubby girl, her tongue peeking out between her lips as she’s reading a book on her father’s lap is messing with me.

So innocent, so blindly trusting that her daddy had her back.

I felt the same trust from her last night, as she sat beside me and took me on a guided tour of her past.

Christ.

There are times I wish it was easier for me to say the words I feel, instead of scribbling them down on scraps of paper. Somewhere between my brain and my mouth, they tend to get mangled. So more often than not, I say nothing, gathering them up throughout the day until a single thought floats out above the rest—and that one I write down. Jars full of them. Years of thoughts, memories, and feelings, reduced to random scratches on bits of paper.

“Roar?” Matt’s head sticks out of the side door, waving my phone. “It’s ringing.”

I drop the large shard of windowpane I just managed to pull free from its frame in the bucket at my feet and reach over to take it from him.

“Yeah?”

“Prosecutor brought down charges,” Bill announces. “Thompson’s not going anywhere for a while. We found evidence in yesterday’s search of his house, that he may have blackmailed the previous owners into selling him their property at a ridiculous price. So there’ll likely be more charges coming down. Tell your girl she can rest easy, he may not be talking, but his house of cards is coming down, one way or another.”

“Good to know,” I say with some relief. “Is anything else required of her?”

“Prosecutor’s office will likely get in touch with her at some point, but that could be a while.”

“Sounds good. Anything else?” I want to know as I watch Leelo round the corner at the back of the house. She was on the dock with a cup of coffee, needing some Zen time to let her mind settle. Her words, not mine.

“Nope, but I’m off in an hour and a half and am coming over with Travis to help put those windows in. I just saw him at Tim’s and he says the truck is on its way.”

“Not gonna say no.”

“I figured as much,” he fires back.

“Asshole,” I grumble, but I do it grinning.

“Yeah,” he drawls, a smile in his voice. “But I’m your asshole.”

Leelo slips her arm around my waist just as I end my call.

“Who are you calling an asshole at ten in the morning?”

“Bill,” I tell her, slipping my phone in my back pocket before wrapping her up in my arms. “He’s always an asshole, but especially so at the end of an overnight shift.”

“Don’t be mean,” she scolds. “He probably needs his sleep. He didn’t sleep the night before either.”

“I know. Yet he’s still got it in his head that he’s coming straight here to help install the windows.”

“For real? But that’s so nice.”

I grin into her smiling face, knowing that the next words from my mouth are going to wipe the smile right off.

“I know, especially since he’s bringing your good friend, Travis.”

I chuckle as I watch a frown start between her eyebrows.

“You’re kidding right?”

“Afraid not.”

“Asshole.”

I laugh as she wiggles out of my hold and stomps off inside, throwing me the bird before she lets the storm door slam shut behind her.

-

“Add a shim on that top corner there, Matt, it’s still off by a hair.”

I hand him the small strip of wood.

We were able to replace just the glass in most of the windows, except the large one in the living room, overlooking the water in the back. Matt is the one who suggested putting a new window in there. The new ready to install frame, with double-paned glass, would help keep down the cost of heating in the winter, with the way the winds can blow off the lake.

With the window now plumb, it takes only seconds to fill the remaining gaps with foam insulation before we finish off the inside framing. I hand Matt—who is still standing on the ladder—the moulding for the top, when I notice he’s looking over his shoulder, his eyes focused on something beyond the open door to the restaurant. He’s down the ladder and out the door before the sound of raised voices reaches my ears, and then I’m tearing out after him.

I don’t see them at first, hidden by the bulk of a brand new, shiny, GMC Sierra Denali. A typical city boy’s idea of penis enhancement. Safe to bet the owner is lacking in the schlong department. It never fails; it’s always the smallest guys who drive the biggest trucks.

When I round the front end, I find that Matt has already joined in the confrontation between Leelo and some penny-loafered asshole. So he’s not quite as short as I thought, but judging by the formfitting shirt and too-tight-to-be-comfortable pair of jeans he is wearing, he isn’t hiding much else.

So this must be David, judging by the way Matt edges his way between his father and his mother, drawing the man’s obvious ire to him. I knew I liked that kid for a reason.

Rather than jump in, which would be my normal response, I instead lean my shoulder against the fender, and let Matt sort this out while I listen in. Something goes wrong, I can always move fast.

“What the fuck, Dad? What the hell are you here for?”

“What kind of question is that? Your idiot mother gets it into her crazy head she wants to move to the boonies, where, might I point out, she is clearly failing, not that I expected anything else, only to drag you down with her? You want me to stand by and let that happen?”

It takes everything out of me not to wipe his sissy metrosexual ass all over the parking lot, but I want to give Matt a chance.

“Get lost, Dad. You come here and give off on Mom, when it’s me you’re mad at, just like always. You’re an asshole!”

“Don’t you talk to me like that.”

“Why not? You’re the one who taught me!”

I watch as Leelo plants her forehead between Matt’s shoulder blades, both in support and perhaps an attempt to help him keep his cool.

“Son,” he says, in a clear attempt to calm the waters, although by the stubborn set of Matt’s shoulders, I’m  not sure it has any effect. “You walk away from a future many a boy your age would gladly sign for, of course I’m going to be worried. You pack up and disappear without a word and don’t answer my calls, of course I have to come to make you see reason.”

“Are you for real?” Matt hisses, leaning forward to the point where Leelo is physically holding him back. “I didn’t disappear without a word, which you well know, since you’re the one who held open the door to make sure my ass was walking out. As usual though, you’ve chosen to rewrite fucking history, so that you come out the innocent victim. And don’t even pretend that it’s my well-being you are concerned with, because I know that fucking snitch of a bank manager called you the minute I got off the phone with him. Go home, Dad. I’m making a life here and there’s dick-all you can do about it.”

I’m so impressed with the kid; I almost miss the hot glare the asshole is sending my way. I raise my eyebrow in challenge.

“Who the fuck are you?” he barks, trying to come around Matt, who sidesteps to block him, but I take it as an invitation to join the discussion.

Walking up, I lightly tap Matt on the shoulder to let him know to step aside, and make sure I tuck Leelo safely under my arm.

“Who is this bozo, Lilith?”

She just looks up at me with a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, and places a proprietary hand on my stomach.

“David, meet Roar, my—”

“Are you kidding me?” he interrupts rudely. “Not wasting any time fucking the local handyman for favours now, are you? Although, you might’ve saved it for someone with balls—this one doesn’t appear too eager to come to your defense, leaving a boy to do a man’s work.”

That triple stab signals the end of my patience.

“Few things,” I finally say, working hard to keep my voice level. “Matt here may only be twenty, but in the past five minutes has proven to be more of a man than you ever were or will be, during the course of your miserable life.” The weasel opens his mouth to speak, but I snap my fist up, index finger out just a hair from his nose, effectively shutting him right the fuck up. “Next, you must be the dumbest fucker on the face of this earth to let this woman here walk out of your life. She has more balls than you’d even know what to do with, but perhaps that’s why you couldn’t hack it—maybe you knew all along she was your superior in every way that counts and simply wasn’t man enough to keep up.” I ignore the barely contained snort coming from Matt, because I’m on a fucking roll here. “And finally, the only reason I stood back and let these two handle you, is because there’s not a doubt in my mind that either one of them could wipe the fucking forest with your skinny ass.”

I can tell most of the fire has gone out of him as his eyes flick from his son, to me, and to the woman he discarded, but as usual, someone cornered has no choice but to come out swinging and this time he aims for Matt.

“Good thing I have one child who takes after me with common sense and some brains. One who isn’t destined to become a loser like his mother.”

I use the index finger I’ve been waving under his nose to poke him in the chest once, hard, to get his attention.

“You don’t deserve any of them, and I believe you’ve been asked to leave politely, but let me make sure you understand clearly.”

I lean in, my nose almost touching his.

“Get the fuck out of here. Fuck...off!”