Chapter Twenty-Five
A few days later
The post brought Eleanor a most unusual missive. After making inquiries, she found out it had not come by post, but had been delivered by a Longmere servant. It was from Hugh.
29 June
Longmere
Dear Miss Broxton,
Sir Hugh Grey respectfully requests the honor of your presence at his home this day, 29 June, in the company of one dark-haired little imp, at four o’clock in the afternoon. Play and conversation are on the schedule, with dinner to be served afterward.
Yours,
H.
Ah. Hugh had returned from London and was requesting her company at his home. He seemed to have every expectation that Eleanor would dance attendance on him. She sighed.
No, that wasn’t fair.
If she were in his position, she would not wish all her visits with Lili to be at the Broxton home. She must tell Hugh he could take Lili away on his own, without her, although he may not be comfortable enough yet in his role as a father to do so.
She supposed they would go. Since Eleanor had temporarily closed her business, she’d been feeling a bit stifled in the daily company of her parents. She’d had so much freedom at her cottage. Now she was required to fit into the customs and habits of the Broxton household. That was not a bad thing for Lili, who needed stability and routine. But it was somewhat constraining for her and reminded her of life before Lili, when she had so craved independence.
That afternoon, Mary helped her pack up some things for Lili—a few toys, books, and a change of clothes. Sarah, who’d accompanied her to Portsmouth, helped Eleanor dress in the primrose sprigged muslin dress she had worn to the Carringtons’ garden party. She looked well in it.
Her father insisted on escorting her to Longmere himself rather than sending a footman. Eleanor toted the basket, and Sir William carried Lili. They walked along in amiable silence. After a few minutes, her father said, “Have you sensed any change in your mother?”
Eleanor was a bit flummoxed and had to gather her thoughts before responding. “Are you referring to her attitude regarding Lili?” The child’s head whipped around when her mother said her name.
“Just so.”
“I have. I’m aware she’s making an effort, especially with her granddaughter. She hasn’t apologized to me, but in word and deed, I can see she’s remorseful. I had told her before we left for Portsmouth that I would hold her accountable if anything happened to Lili.”
“I had a long talk with her. I asked if she wanted to be a lonely old woman or one who shared the love of her family. She wept, Norrie. Kitty wept, something I haven’t seen for years. She said she would far rather have you and Lili as a part of her life than not. Allow her to make up for her offenses in her own way and in her own time. Apologies are difficult for her.”
Yes. Eleanor knew someone else about whom she could say the same. “Very well, Papa. And thank you for everything, for standing by me even though Mama did not approve. You’ve been my rock the last few years.”
He smiled. “What are fathers for, after all?”
Indeed.
Hugh was waiting for them out front. Dressed in buff britches, a pale green waistcoat with gold-thread embroidery, and an indigo coat, he looked devilishly handsome. His hair had been trimmed and was pushed farther away from his face than usual. Eleanor wasn’t sure she liked it that way. A servant appeared and collected the basket, and Eleanor took Lili from her father.
After shaking hands with Hugh and receiving his assurances that he would deliver them home himself, Sir William took his leave.
“It looks lovely, Hugh,” Eleanor said, gesturing toward the newly planted front gardens. Lili wiggled, and Eleanor set her down.
“It’s coming along,” he said. “We must wait until cooler weather for certain plantings, but I’m happy with the progress we’ve made.” He wasn’t looking at her, but rather watching his daughter. “Will she be all right, just wandering like that?”
Eleanor quelled a smile. “We’re here, watching her every move. She’ll be fine.”
“What do you think she would like to do? If you have no objection, I thought I might take her up on my horse. Just walk around a bit.”
“She would love that,” Eleanor said. “I trust you with her.”
…
Hugh took great pleasure at hearing his daughter’s squeals of joy when she was placed on the saddle in front of him, his arm firmly holding her in place. He walked the horse down the driveway, but not so far that they would be out of Eleanor’s sight. She watched them, smiling, sometimes laughing, while Lili repeated over and over, “horse ride” and “I ride horse,” much to Hugh’s delight.
Afterward, Hugh carried Lili upstairs, Eleanor following. “I fitted up a chamber for her,” he said. “Oh, it’s nothing like a real nursery, but somewhere for her to stay when she’s here.” He set Lili down to explore. When he glanced at Eleanor, her mouth was gaping open in surprise.
“You have gone to a great deal of trouble, Hugh. This is a child’s dream.”
“It will do for now.” In truth, he was proud of it. He’d painted it himself, a bright yellow, and a local seamstress had sewed white dimity curtains. A rocking horse sat in one corner, just waiting for a rider, and a crib in another. Newly built shelves had been hung on one wall, where he’d placed books and toys. Tops, whirligigs, puzzles. Knickknacks she was too young for at present, but eventually she would learn how to manipulate them. Lili went straight for the rocking horse.
Eleanor crossed her arms and tapped her foot. “You must have done some shopping in London. Clearly, you are going to spoil this child. You’re aware of that, are you not?”
He smiled sheepishly. “Isn’t that a father’s prerogative?”
“I suppose it is,” Eleanor said, laughing. “Now, didn’t your invitation mention food? I’m starving, and Lili will soon become cranky if she doesn’t eat.”
“Of course,” he said, picking up the child before she could climb on the horse. There was a washstand with a pitcher and bowl in the room, and after Hugh washed his own hands, he helped Lili with hers.
Once downstairs, Hugh said, “My new cook, Mrs. Foster, said she would feed Lili if we wished to dine alone. To talk about everything.” How transparent was that? Would she guess he simply craved the opportunity to be alone with her? While he adored his daughter, that did not detract from the pleasures of her mother.
“Yes, fine,” Eleanor said. “We do need to talk.”
When they were seated at the dining room table, an array of food before them, Hugh dismissed the footman. He served the soup himself, and managed not to spill any of it.
“I’ve been wondering, Hugh. Did you and your mother…reach an understanding?”
He set down his spoon. “More than that. I did what you advised. I told her exactly how I’d felt those many years ago, and that my discovery of the letters had changed everything. Then I apologized.”
Eleanor, too, had lowered her spoon and had fixed her gaze on his. “And did she accept your apology?”
“She did.”
Unexpectedly, she reached out and grasped his hand. “I’m very glad for you, Hugh. It’s high time you reconciled with your mother and brother.” Just as he was poised to press her hand against his cheek, she removed it.
“I’m very pleased, and I believe Deborah is, too.” He paused a moment before going on. “She wants to meet Lili. Would it be all right with you if I invited her—and perhaps Adam and his family as well—for a weekend?”
Her face flushed. What had he said to upset her? “That is entirely up to you. You may have Lili as much as you like for that weekend, or any other time, for that matter.”
She may as well have said, “It’s nothing to do with me.” And she would have been right. This was not her home, and the way he’d worded his question made it sound as though it was. “Thank you for that. I appreciate your willingness for me to be a part of her life.” Christ. Now they were back to the stilted formality again.
They ate in an uncomfortable silence, and afterward Hugh suggested they sit in the library for tea. Eleanor went in search of Lili first, and after settling her upstairs for a nap, joined him. A footman brought in the tea, and Hugh poured for her. “You’re quite lovely in that dress, Eleanor. You wore it to the garden party.”
“Yes, I did. Thank you.” She changed the subject. “Your library is every bit as comfortable and cozy as I envisioned. Are you enjoying it?”
“I haven’t had much opportunity yet, but I expect to spend most of my time in this room.”
Unless you were here, and we would instead do wicked things together in the bedchamber.
Her eyes darted away from him, as though she couldn’t bear to look at him.
That was enough. He could stand it no longer. “Eleanor, is there no chance for us? Can things between us never be as they were before? I miss you to distraction.” They’d been sitting across from each other, he on an upholstered chair, she on the sofa. He pushed the tea tray away and moved to sit beside her. He did not attempt to touch her.
“You don’t look like yourself with your hair brushed back like that,” she said.
Her response was so surprising, he laughed. “Very well, I’ll fix it. No, better yet, you fix it.” She was studying him closely, as though he were a dissected puzzle she must put together. Then, just when he’d concluded she would not, she lifted her hands and began rearranging his hair. Her touch was electrifying, and he closed his eyes from the pure pleasure of it. She was lifting tendrils of his hair with her fingers and smoothing them into place. He could feel them, and her fingers, lightly brushing his face. Good God, how was he meant to withstand this? He caught her hands in his, opened his eyes, and looked directly into hers.
And then he kissed her. Softly at first. But soon his overwhelming need for her possessed him, and he intensified the kiss, enticing her mouth open. Pulling her close, he moaned her name. “Eleanor. Oh God, Eleanor.” He could kiss her for hours, if she’d allow it. Kiss her back to him. The sweet taste of her, the feel of her satiny tongue sliding into his mouth, the sound of her soft moans drove him to the brink. He wanted her. Oh God, did he want her. His cock was throbbing, and he was tempted to lay her hand against it.
Abruptly, she drew back, placing her hands on his chest and pushing. Leaving him in no doubt of her feelings. “No, Hugh.”
Bloody hell. “You want this, too, Eleanor. Don’t deny it.”
“That may be, but what I want and what is good for me aren’t the same thing.”
“I can make it good for you.” He tried to drag her back to him, but when she resisted, he ceased.
“You know that is not what I meant. What we had before was enjoyable, but—”
“Enjoyable? Enjoyable? That is all it was to you?”
She rose and moved away from the sofa, apparently not trusting him to keep his distance. “Very well. It was more than simply enjoyable. But in the end, it hurt us. Me. I’d rather not go down that path again.”
Losing the tenuous grip he had on his temper, he said, “It wasn’t sleeping together that hurt us. It was the fact that you kept Lili a secret from me. You didn’t trust me enough to tell me about her. You chose a life of endless labor over the one I could have given you and our daughter.”
“Oh? I don’t recall receiving a proposal of marriage from you.”
He got to his feet and raked a hand through the hair Eleanor had just rearranged. “I intended to propose.” Christ, that sounded weak. Why was he so tongue-tied whenever he tried to express his feelings to her? If she’d told him she was expecting his child, he would have proposed immediately. Upon his return to Surrey, if she’d come to him with the news that he was a father, he would have proposed then. Nothing, in fact, would have made him happier. He damn well should have offered Eleanor marriage by now. He should have bloody begged her to marry him, but his rage and resentment had prevented it.
She threw her arms up. “There, you see? You continue to blame me for a situation that was largely beyond my control. We will never agree.” She turned for the door. “It’s time for Lili and me to leave. And I would prefer it if a footman, or Ned Martin, if he is available, walk us home.”
“Damn it, Eleanor. Don’t run off.”
She paused at the door. “I want you to know I am proceeding with my plans to quit Haslemere. I’ve written to my cousins in Devon and asked them to check on cottages available to rent there.”
He must have misheard. “I beg your pardon. Did you say ‘Devon’?”
She placed one hand on her hip in obvious defiance. “I did.”
“But that’s miles away, too far for me to see Lili regularly. Why Devon?”
“My cousins can help spread the word about my business.”
“Hell, handbills can spread the word. Besides, I will be supporting Lili. You won’t need to work as hard as you once did. It feels as if you’re doing this to spite me.”
She looked on the verge of tears. “No, I’m not, I swear. It will simply be easier if I’m not completely alone. I need a few people to rely on.”
Stay here and rely on me.
“Why not somewhere closer? Far enough that you would not be recognized, but close enough for me to visit.”
“I’ll consider it.”
Would she? He supposed that was all she was willing to concede for now. Feeling defeated, he walked over and opened the door for her. There was no point in further discussion of this tonight. “I’ll find Ned. He’s about somewhere.”
“And I’ll fetch Lili. She must be awake by now. These late-day naps are usually of quite short duration.”
Hugh nodded and went in search of his steward.
…
Once at home, Eleanor played with Lili and dressed her for bed. After listening to a few fairy tales and looking at the illustrations, the child’s eyes grew heavy, and Eleanor laid her in her crib and covered her.
The elder Broxtons were out for the evening, thank God. Eleanor didn’t think she could have faced them after the disaster at Longmere. She had come dangerously close to giving in to Hugh, because her attraction to him was so consuming. Was she being a fool? He had not proposed, nor said he loved her; instead, he had brought up what she’d hoped they’d laid to rest. Indeed, she had apologized to him more than once. Eleanor thought he’d gotten over the fact that she had kept Lili a secret for so long.
He’d offered no apology to her, choosing instead to continue to blame her for their impasse. Look how many years it had taken Hugh to reconcile with his mother. Eleanor refused to spend her life continually worrying that the past would rear its ugly head once again and come between them.
He said he’d intended to propose to her. Then why hadn’t he?
It was best that she carry on with her plan to move, and the sooner it could be arranged, the better.
…
Hugh was reclining with his feet on an ottoman, drinking his second brandy and staring into space, when Ned entered the room.
“Help yourself to a drink.”
After Ned had poured himself a finger of brandy, he claimed the chair facing Hugh. “You and Miss Broxton had a falling-out, did you?”
“Yes.” Hugh was in no mood to discuss it.
“I see. She was very quiet on the walk to the Broxton home. In case you were wondering.”
“I was not.”
“Ah.” Ned took a swallow. To Hugh’s consternation, the man was apparently willing to wait him out.
Oh, what the hell. “I can’t… She won’t listen to reason.”
“I see.”
“What is that supposed to mean, ‘I see’?”
Ned set his glass down. “Nothing. You haven’t given me enough information to form an opinion.”
“Oh, for Christ’s sake. Eleanor doesn’t want to stay here in Haslemere. She’s determined to take Lili and move to blasted Devon, of all places.”
“Why would she do that?”
“To start over where she’s not known. Evidently she has cousins there upon whom she can rely.” He paused momentarily, rubbing his forehead with both hands. “When I asked her if she would consider somewhere closer, she agreed. But she was just trying to appease me.”
“You don’t wish her to leave Haslemere at all, then. If you don’t mind my asking—”
“It never bodes well when a sentence begins with those words,” Hugh said, casting his friend a baleful eye. “But by all means, continue.”
“What do you want, Hugh? With Eleanor?”
Taken aback by the question, Hugh got to his feet and walked over to the sash windows. Gazing into the darkness, he mulled over a response. “I want to marry her. Not just for Lili’s sake, but because I love her. I love them both.”
“Have you told her as much?”
“Not since I found out about Lili, damn it. I never seem to say the right thing. And then we both become angry, and any chance of telling her how I feel vanishes. And I don’t even know if she loves me.” Perhaps if he hadn’t been so damned vindictive and stubborn, this wouldn’t be the case.
“Maybe you should help her achieve whatever it is that will ensure her peace of mind. Her contentment. If it is leaving here, commit to it. If you dedicate yourself to her happiness, she’ll see how much you love her.”
Hugh made no answer. After a while, he heard Ned leave the room. His steward’s advice made no sense. And yet it made a great deal of sense. By the time Hugh climbed the stairs to crawl into bed, an idea had taken root.