We stay on our separate sides of the car for the rest of the ride back to Vegas, but things have definitely changed. If nothing else, I feel a little closer to him. The ride was full of ups and downs—we went from laughing together over Snapchat to me yelling at him for showing up at my parents’ house. It’s like a reflection of what a life together might be like, a rollercoaster halfway between terrifying and thrilling.
Except I’ll never know what a life together would be like. That thought hurts my heart more than I care to admit.
The closer we get to Vegas, the wider the wedge between us grows. We both grow quiet, lost in our thoughts. It’s the elephant in the room, the name we keep pretending doesn’t exist. But it does exist, and he’ll be waiting for me back at Mark’s place.
The Strip lies ahead of us, a beacon in the distance. I catch a glimpse of Mandalay Bay on the left and follow the line all the way to the Stratosphere on the right. It looks tiny from this distance, but I know we’ll be there in less than twenty minutes.
Mark presses a button. “Call up Vinny and tell him to pull into the gas station at the next exit.”
“Yes sir,” comes the voice from the driver’s seat.
I glance over at Mark.
“If you want to switch cars, this is the place to do it.” He stares straight ahead as he speaks, as if it’s painful for him to say the words.
“If I want to? Mark, it doesn’t matter if I want to. I have to.”
He finally turns toward me. “You think it doesn’t matter? Of course it matters.”
I break our eye contact and return my gaze out the window without another word. We get to the gas station, and I get out of the car, each step I take pushing me further from Mark and closer to Brian.
Even if Brian’s claims about his brother aren’t true, this is still the right decision. No matter how I look at it, Mark would be a risk. Brian’s a sure thing. I may live in Vegas, but my heart is too valuable a currency to gamble with.
I trudge toward my car. Vinny parked it in front of a pump, and he’s standing just outside the driver’s door. “Want me to fill it?” he asks as I approach.
“I’ve got it,” I say.
He nods once, and I walk over and slide in my credit card. I fill the tank, and just after I pull the receipt from the printer, my skin erupts in goosebumps and then I’m forced up against my car. I grunt, half in fear and half in pleasure. I know it’s Mark before I even make eye contact.
His body presses me to my car, his erection pushing into my hip. He leans down and nuzzles my neck, and my body vibrates. A soft purr escapes me when his lips press to my skin, and then he’s nipping his way up to my lips and I’m lost.
He opens his mouth to mine, and when his tongue finds mine, the throb that’s been pulsing between my legs since I first spotted the Yukon outside my childhood home turns into a fierce ache.
My senses come alive in his arms. His fresh laundry and sandalwood scent envelops me as peppermint caresses my taste buds. My hand moves up to palm his cheek. The stubble outlining his jaw prickles under my hand and his soft moan fills my ears. My arms tighten around his middle. His body boxing me against my own car is both comforting and petrifying.
I kiss him back, pouring everything I have into this kiss, ten years’ worth of a crush and two months’ worth of dizzying lust.
He breaks our kiss and rests his forehead to mine for one beat that’s cut way too short. “Tell me this is what you want.”
“I do, Mark,” I say, my eyes on his chest rather than gazing into his penetrating ones. If I look up at him, I’ll change my mind. I’ll do anything he wants me to do. I gather the material of his shirt covering his chest into my two fists. “Of course I do.” My voice breaks. “But I can’t.”
His hands come up to cover mine over his shirt, and he holds on for a moment. I don’t know if he’s looking at the connection of our hands or if he’s looking down at my face.
If he’s looking at my face, surely he sees the pain and indecision there. I’m trying hard to be strong here, to do what’s right—because even if I wanted this, even if I thought this could last past just one more night, I still have another man to consider.
Another man who’s waiting for me at Mark’s penthouse on the forty-seventh floor of the Mandarin Oriental.
I let go of his shirt and slide out from beneath his grasp, and then I get into my car and drive toward the Strip…toward my boyfriend, even as my tongue tastes of another man.
* * *
I text Brian after I drop my car off at valet.
Me: I’m here.
I feel like I should say something more personal—missed you, can’t wait to see you…something along those lines, but I don’t because my thoughts are so thoroughly scattered.
Brian: Be right down.
As I wait for him, my thoughts drift to Mark as they always do. Will he show up here? Will he wait a bit? Will he tell Brian we were together today?
I don’t know the answer to any of those questions, and I feel like I’m playing a dangerous game of cat and mouse. I’m stuck in the middle between two brothers who are very different people. On the one hand, I have Brian, the responsible businessman who makes me feel adored, who will provide me with a safe, if predictable, and secure future. On the other hand, I have Mark, the womanizing rock star who ignites my passion but is a total and complete risk.
I believe Mark is being sincere with me. That first night, he told me things he’s never told anyone else. Every time he’s kissed me, my feelings deepen. Every time I see him, my heart binds closer to his.
But the same can be said for his brother, too, and I don’t have any idea what the right answer here is.
The elevator doors open. Brian is looking down at the ground when the doors start to open, but his eyes lift to mine. Can he tell I kissed another man—his brother? Can he somehow read that I’ve betrayed him even though Mark was the one who kissed me…multiple times since he’s been gone?
I should’ve told him from the start. I should’ve been honest about the fact that I had a one-night stand with his brother before I even met him, but now it’s too late. I can’t just admit it now; too much time has passed.
“Hey,” Brian says softly as he steps off the elevator. I rush to him, because despite everything, I did miss him. I do have strong feelings for him…I do love him.
He wraps his arms around me and his lips find mine. Can he taste his brother there? Can he smell the soft sandalwood on my skin?
“God, I missed you so much,” he breathes against my mouth. He lowers his head to the crook of my neck as his arms tighten around me.
“I missed you, too,” I murmur.
“Are you hungry? Do you need anything?”
I shrug. “I could eat.”
“You’ll need the fuel for what I have planned.” He shoots me a wicked, panty-melting grin.
“What, exactly, do you have planned?”
“You’ll see.” He smiles again then grabs my hand and pulls me through the lobby and up some stairs toward a bistro.
We’re taken care of despite the line out front. The hostess refers to Brian as Mr. Fox when she sees him, and she leads us directly to an open booth overlooking the Strip. Brian orders us a bottle of wine and I look over the menu while we wait for it to arrive.
“How was your flight home?” I ask once I’ve decided what I want to eat.
“Fine. I worked through most of it.” His eyes remain on his menu. “How was your car ride?”
Incredible. Confusing. Heartbreaking. “Fine.”
“Long ride?” he asks.
“It seemed like it went faster than normal today.”
“Good music selection?”
I think back to Mark’s serenade as guilt stabs at my abdomen. “The best.”
He closes his menu and sets it on the table. “What else did I miss while I was gone?”
I shrug. “Nothing exciting.” Except your brother kissed me and I think I might be in love with both of you.
None of the lines I’ve crossed with Mark have been my fault. While I admittedly didn’t stop them, he’s the one who kissed me first. He’s the one who obtained my phone number, and he’s the one who showed up in Phoenix uninvited and kidnapped me for five hours.
I suppose I could’ve put up a bigger fight, and that’s on me—that’s my fault, and that’s where my guilt stems from. That and the little omission that I’ve slept with Mark.
We order our meals and chat about nothing important as I do my best to focus on the man in front of me while I simultaneously push Mark further from my mind.