I stood in front of my husband, waiting for him to look up and acknowledge that I was in the same room. Finally, I cleared my throat. He raised his eyebrows at me as if to say that I was interrupting him and could I please hurry it up.
“We need to leave in ten minutes.” I glanced at his unkempt bedhead and sweatpants.
“Do we have to go?” John whined.
“Yes. Madi will only turn five once.”
“Just go without me.”
“They’re expecting both of us.”
He turned his attention back to his iPad. “Make something up, then.”
Make something up? I wasn’t going to lie to my family, especially not my sister. Kaylee and I shared everything. Well, almost everything.
I’d left out some of the details about my marriage.
“John, I’m not going to lie for you.”
He sighed dramatically and set his iPad down, looking up at me again. “Tell them I had to work.”
“Our goddaughter is expecting you,” I said, trying to play on his soft spot for our niece, the girl who we’d agreed to raise should anything ever happen to her parents. I glanced at the iPad screen. He had some game going. “That doesn’t look like work.”
“Will you give me a goddamn break? I’m developing video game software, okay?”
“I don’t have time for this.” I still needed to wrap the present, so I left it at that.
And those were the last words I spoke to him that entire day.
Before I’d gotten married, I’d always lived by the rule that you should never leave the house mad or go to bed angry.
But dammit, I was mad. I wasn’t going to be the one to back down this time. John was missing a precious five-year-old’s birthday party—a five-year-old who adored him, by the way—so he could play video games. Or maybe so he wouldn’t have to spend time with my family.
The drive to my sister’s house in Santa Clarita took nearly an hour, giving me plenty of time to reflect on my marriage.
John and I had drifted apart in the three years we’d been married. Maybe we’d jumped the gun and gotten married too quickly, but we’d dated for almost two years before the big day. And after the big day, we settled into complacency. We’d become one of those boring, old, married couples I always dreaded being a part of.
It wasn’t me who changed, though.
John had become virtually unrecognizable.
He used to bike all the time to stay in shape. In fact, he’d once trained for and competed in a hundred mile race. Now his bike was gathering dust in our storage closet.
He used to love sampling craft beer. He’d find a brewery within driving distance and we’d go spend the afternoon tasting beer and laughing together. The last time we’d done that had been for his birthday the year before.
We didn’t take vacations because John didn’t want to take time off work. We didn’t go out on weeknights because one or both of us was usually working late. We didn’t even have date nights anymore except for our obligatory last Friday of the month date.
I didn’t feel like I had much in common with him anymore.
We got married because we loved one another. We had a small wedding and exchanged simple bands to save money for our future. We didn’t need flashy diamonds or a big wedding, even if a small part in the back of my mind wanted those things just like almost every girl did.
Shortly after we’d gotten married, though, I started wondering if I’d said yes because I’d wanted the wedding rather than the relationship.
Something needed to change, but I didn’t know how to get through to a man who cared more about his job than his wife.
“Where’s John?”
I must’ve been asked that question ten different times at Madi’s party. My mother, my father, my sister, my brother-in-law, my aunts, my cousins, my grandma, and, of course, the birthday girl herself.
Each time I answered the same: “Working.” I feigned a sad face, but truth be told, I was kind of happy to be away from him for the day. It gave me the space to think that our small apartment didn’t seem to offer.
It wasn’t until the party was nearing its end that my sister cornered me. We were washing dishes when she started asking questions.
“Where is he, really?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Working.”
“Lucy, it’s me.”
I glanced up from the soapy water to meet my sister’s concerned eyes. She was my opposite with her blonde hair and big blue eyes. She was a replica of my mom, and Madi was her mini-me. I’d been graced with my dad’s dark brown hair and caramel-colored eyes.
I handed her a plate to dry and refocused my attention on the dishes. “He said to say he’s working. I don’t know what he’s doing. Sitting at home playing video games.”
“Why didn’t he come?”
“I have no idea.”
She paused and looked up at me. “Do you think he’s…never mind.”
“What?” I scrubbed the dish in my hands a little harder.
“Do you think he’s cheating?”
“John?” I shook my head. I hadn’t thought he might have been until she brought it up. “No. He wouldn’t.”
“Okay. If you say so.”
“I do,” I said, trying to convince myself more than her.
“But it is a bit of a red flag.”
“What is?”
“Not showing up for family events. Working all the time.”
I nodded, not wanting to get into it with my sister—especially not at a family party.
“Are you still happy with him?”
My sister always knew how to ask the hard questions. She’d been one of the few people to ask me if marrying John was what I’d really wanted back before the wedding.
I rinsed the last dish and washed my hands before answering. “I don’t know if I’ve ever really been happy with him. Not since before the wedding, anyway.”
She nodded once, as if she’d known that all along. She stepped toward me, pulling me into a hug. “Thank God you finally admitted it.”
“You knew?”
“Lucy, I know you better than anyone. Don’t you think I could tell?”
I sighed and looked out the window above her sink. “So now what?”
“You either fix it or you move on.”
Her words replayed in my mind for the rest of the day. I was never one to just give up, and our conversation gave me a boost of determination.
I was going to fix my marriage. I was going to be happy with John again. I just had to figure out how to battle against the first love in his life…his job.
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