Chapter Thirty

· zach ·

My heart still felt like a punching bag, as if I’d gone all rounds, fighting gallantly only to lose in the end. What had I expected? That Hilary would fall in love with me, that everyone would love the idea of us together, and we’d live happily ever after? That was fairy tale shit that didn’t happen to guys like me.

I was fucking miserable, although I tried to live my life like Josh suggested. I went to the restaurant to talk to the staff, made sure things were running efficiently. Not working for Evan gave me a lot of extra time, more than I knew what to do with. I found myself going to Josh’s to hang out with him and Marla. I asked if I could take Hank to the park, and I spent the day spoiling the dog.

Glumly, I thought about my next set of plans. My apartment in Boston wasn’t utilized, as usual, and I debated moving to Austin for good. It was late evening. When I pulled the car into the driveway, I was shocked to see Evan sitting on my front porch. Grace was outside of her garage, painting a celestial sky on a canvas.

I exited my car and walked toward him. He stood, nodded, and cleared his throat. “Can I talk to you?”

“Yeah, of course.” My head went over all the scenarios that could play out. Was I forgiven? I unlocked my door and let him enter. In all the years I’d known him, we’d never had a fight like the one we had. I didn’t know how or where to begin. A best friend and brother was someone in life to count on. Disagreements were normal, but fights were brutal. Betraying a friend broke the trust, and earning it back would be difficult. I was up to the task even if I had my work cut out for me.

I set my keys on the bar and made my way to the fridge. He leaned his arms against the counter and hooked his fingers together. He was contemplating what to say, how to say it, and I was ready for the bad news. He probably sold his shares. I tried to call and beg him not to sell, but all I ever got was his voicemail. Perhaps I was too late.

I busied myself with serving drinks. I set down a glass for him, and his eyebrows lifted. “Seriously?” I shrugged as he picked it up and sniffed at the contents. “Your iced tea is lethal.” I always put too much sugar, brewed it too long, watered it down too much. I waited until he took a careful sip. His expression showed surprise as he took another drink. “Well, that’s…actually really good.”

“I tried my best to make it right,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. He nodded, noting the connotation. “I really am sorry, Evan. For not telling you about Hilary. If there was a way to fix the way it happened, I would.”

He exhaled and cupped the back of his neck, rubbing at it as he seemingly looked for the words to say. He was like Rebecca in that regard. “I get it, man. I know I can be a hardass and super protective of her. And she’s a determined girl. I could see where you were freaked out and not sure what to tell me.”

Evan was empathetic, always looking in from the other person’s point of view. I tried to look through his. “I knew better, though. I should’ve done more to stop it, but…”

“You didn’t want to.” His eyes locked with mine, and he grunted, shaking his head. “You love her.”

“Yeah,” I whispered. “A lot. I’d never take back what we shared.” I meant it, and Evan could see that.

“You risked it all, and she left. That’s very Hilary of her. She hasn’t come to see you?” He took another drink of iced tea.

“No. I don’t want to pressure her into anything she doesn’t want.”

Evan rolled his eyes. “She’s wanted you since she was in elementary school.” My eyes felt about ready to pop out of my head. Evan laughed and patted the top of my shoulder. “Dude, come on, she told everyone when she was a kid that you were gonna be her future husband.”

The chuckle from my mouth was a cross between embarrassment, disbelief, and a tiny glimmer of hope that maybe all wasn’t lost. Maybe she’d come around, come back to me, and give us a try. No, I squashed the hope down quickly. “She doesn’t seem too keen on the idea of being together now.”

“Sometimes, it can be the wrong timing, which sucks. But you love who you love.” Evan gulped the rest of his tea. “That shit’s good. I think you need to serve it at Roots.”

“About that—”

Evan interrupted as he walked to the door. “Don’t worry. I’m in it for the long haul.”

Shock coursed through me. “What made you change your mind?”

“Perspective.”

“Grace?” I asked. He turned to me and nodded. We were family, we always would be. And Grace having lost her brother had affected Evan’s decision.

He waited as I took a moment to process. “Zach, I have to apologize to you, as well. I never realized how much you did for me.” I shook my head and started to speak, but he cut me off. “No, let me finish. I demanded a lot. I’m sorry I didn’t see it.”

I kept my eyes on the ground, grateful for his words, unsure what to say. I finally gave him a squinted glare. “You want me to train the new assistant, don’t you?”

“God, yes, please, for fuck’s sake,” he groaned.

I laughed, “Okay, fine. But I need to ask you one thing first.” Here went nothing…

BALANCING THE GROCERY bags as I opened and shut the door was a challenge. I lugged them to the kitchen, shoved things into place, and put the mesh bags into the hall closet where they were typically stored.

My eye caught movement on the couch, and Hilary sat there, watching me. “Fuck!” I clutched a hand over my racing heart.

“I didn’t expect you to offer so soon, but I’m totally for it.” She stood up. Thick waves of golden hair fell around her shoulders. She wore some frilly blouse and tiny, white shorts. Her long, perfect legs ended in a pair of sandals. She took my breath away.

I couldn’t talk; my voice was stuck, although my dick worked just fine. It pressed against my zipper the moment I saw her. She was there, in front of me—unless I’d gotten to the point of delirium. I fucking missed her so much, perhaps I was dreaming.

“I saw an ashtray outside.” She crossed her arms and shook her head. “You promised me you’d quit smoking.”

I just stared at her, barely hearing what she said. “Another broken promise, I guess. Just a long string of many.” I shoved down my emotions and tried not to care, but frustration seared my nerves. “What are you doing here, Hilary?”

Her teeth bit down on her lip, and I tried to find a way to focus on anything else before my pants embarrassed me. “I—”

“Came to get your things? Your clothes are still upstairs.” I gritted my teeth. She had left me hanging. No word, nothing. That made my desire turn into irritation. An emotion I couldn’t hold back. I wanted to take the leap for her, but I couldn’t deal if she up and ran again. “Don’t you have a job in Boston to get to?”

She flinched. The cool exterior she displayed began to wither. “I came to talk to you. Explain.”

“Explain what? How you left without telling me where you were? Breaking things off without discussing it with me? Or how I poured my heart out and you freaked out and ran away?” My anger warred with my need for her. I wanted to hold her, yet at the same time, I prayed for strength to stay away. This woman had changed my world, yet she couldn’t admit she wanted me back. It was too much to deal with.

I turned to walk to the stairs, but she grabbed my wrist and pulled me back. “Wait, Zach! Please let me talk to you.”

“God, what do you want, Hilary?” I cried out and looked into her chocolate eyes. They glimmered with tears, but nothing fell. She had punctured my heart, made it bleed, and the more she stood saying nothing, the closer I was to losing my cool. “I can’t take you coming here and acting like it’s okay to fuck me and then leave again,” I gritted out. “I’m tired, and I just can’t give you more of that. You knew I wanted you, and you tossed me aside like a fucking toy.”

“I love you.” Painful emotion poured from her eyes as her breathing shuddered. “I’m in love with you, Zach.” She was vulnerable, letting me peer into her soul as she admitted the words I’d only dreamed of hearing from her lips. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember.”

“God, you’re seriously going to drive me to insanity,” I said, running my hands through my hair. I gave her a merciless stare. “Why are you telling me this? Is this just to mess with me? The player gets played? Is it because I said it first? What?”

“No! Of course, not. I’m saying it because it’s true.”

“Then why did you leave me? We were a team. We were supposed to get through this together.”

“I know,” she said delicately. “But I ruined everything you worked for, and I couldn’t face you. I was so self-centered, asking you to risk what you did. I wanted to make it right and did everything I could to get your restaurant back. I wanted to go back to Boston and sell my condo, but it was under Evan’s name. I asked my mom for a loan, and she refused because she didn’t want the money going to Evan for the wrong reasons. I tried to apply for a loan to buy the shares myself and got laughed at. I thought if I went back to Boston, Evan would forgive you and blame me. I tried everything I could think of.”

“Except staying with me. Even when I told you we’d figure it out, that I wanted you long-term. You thought it was more important that I had my restaurant.” I was trying to fit everything together. She’d done all this for my benefit, but it hadn’t worked. “Why?”

She drew a breath, and a tear fell. “I didn’t want you to hate me for what I caused.” Her eyes were downcast, dark lashes splayed and wet. A sob escaped from her, and the sound tore at my heart. “I was scared you’d stay with me out of obligation, and that you’d eventually want someone else like Isabella, or someone who didn’t take your dreams and bludgeon them to hell.”

I shook my head, my voice breaking. “I never wanted anyone else. After you, I couldn’t be with anyone else. You were everything to me. You were my dream.”

She tipped her head up, her eyes focused on mine. “Were?” She waited for my response, and when it didn’t come, she proceeded. “I’m so sorry, Zach. Please forgive me.”

I tried to remain distant, but it was impossible when she was baring her soul. She stepped closer to me. “Look, I know we both have this crazy baggage, and we share the same family, and it all seems so messed up. I know I hurt you by making you think I just wanted to have fun, but I was protecting myself. I couldn’t hold you in my heart that way, Zach, because it would just…devastate me if it didn’t work. You’ve been my dream man since the day your arms wrapped around me, and you promised to look out for me.”

“Great job of that I did,” I scoffed.

She wiped a tear from her cheek, her face pleading. “You did a great job, Zach. You’ve always looked out for me. You’ve been everything to me. You urged me to pick up my camera and do something I love. You’ve led by example, and you made me want to be better, not just for myself, but for you.” She reached out tentatively, grabbing my hand with both of hers. “I deserve great love, and so do you. You deserve it all, and I’ll give it…if you’ll have me. Everything. My heart belongs to you. My soul, my life, it’s all yours, and I won’t ever take them away. I promise I won’t ever leave, I won’t ever run. Ever.”

It was what I wanted to hear, but how did I know she’d stick around? The risk was great, and my mind to want her had been made up long ago. How would I know she wanted me as much? “What made you change your mind?”

“I trust you, Zach. More than anyone in the world. You’re my best friend. I’m in love with you, and I’ll always be here…I got you.”

She repeated the words I always said to her as she lifted my hand to her lips and kissed my knuckles. My breath stopped, along with my heart as I gazed at the woman I longed for. Dreamed of. Wanted. And she loved me. Her eyes spoke truth; her vulnerability was as beautiful as her strength. I couldn’t hold back anymore. The risk was worth it, she was worth it. I jerked her toward me and took her mouth, devouring her along with the sensation of finally having her be mine. She was truly mine.

“I love you so much,” I whispered against her neck, pulling her into a tight hug. My fingers dove into her hair, and I kissed her again. “Don’t ever leave me.”

“Never.” She kissed me back. “I love you, too…And your sexy body.” We both laughed through our kisses. “I don’t care what happens around us, as long as we’ve got each other, but you have to know I tried. I tried everything I could to get your restaurant back for you, Zach.”

I broke away, my breathing rough as I tried to control my insatiable need. “Evan’s not backing out.”

“What?” She blinked back tears.

“He’s okay with us. It’s gonna be okay.” My hand cupped her cheek, and I brushed away a tear that rolled down. “Don’t cry anymore, kid. I got you.”

“You promise?”

“Promise.” I kissed her again, then smiled.