Chapter Twenty-Two
“How do you want to do this?” Tamara asked. It was just past noon, two days later, and they were lying in bed with nothing but lingering heat between them.
Caleb traced a trail over her breasts, his gaze following his fingers. “I just showed you how we do it. Need me to demonstrate again?”
She shot a hand down to cover her sex before he could make it there first. “Stop or I won’t be able to walk.” She tilted her lips toward him and gave him a kiss. “Although, I’m not really complaining about that option.”
The past couple of days had been a glorious haze of sexual satisfaction. They’d started each day tangled together, then he’d drop in for lunch, which had turned into a quick romp. Followed by shower sex before dinner.
Sitting in front of the fire in the evening, their glances would become longer and longer, until they were shutting up the place an hour before usual, slipping off to her bedroom to start again.
Tamara figured the man had over seven years of celibacy to make up for. She wasn’t going to deny him. So self-sacrificing of her, to be willing to have sex at the drop of a hat.
In her imagination, her sisters’ eye rolls were audible. Self-sacrificing, ha!
It had been worth it because Caleb wore the expression of a well-satisfied man. “What’s your question?”
“What do you want to tell the girls?” They’d ignored the conversation until now as agreed, but it couldn’t be put off any longer. “They’ll be here in a couple hours.”
He didn’t hesitate. “We tell them we’re getting married, and that you’re—”
“Caleb Stone.” Utter shock hit and instinct kicked in. She smacked a hand down on his shoulder. “Number one, that is not what we’re going to do, and number two, you didn’t ask me.”
A frown folded his features. “I could have sworn I did.”
Tamara thought back. “Unless oh my God, oh my God, hell yeah is cowboy for Tamara, will you marry me? you seem to have missed that detail.”
He shrugged, the slight motion shifting his broad shoulders against the tangled sheets. “Marry me.”
Okay, great in bed, sexy and dependable, and not a romantic bone in his body. Tamara raised a brow and ignored the little fist bump of happiness inside that he’d at least popped the question.
Once he’d been prodded. Hmmm.
She stuck to her guns. “Nice try, but no. Considering you’ve gone to your knees before, I’m not accepting that.”
For a second his eyes clouded, but she refused to let his past remain a forbidden topic between them. “I get that you have bad memories, but you need to think big picture here, dude.”
“I like the view from where we are just fine,” he grumbled.
Tamara sat up sharply to glare at him. While she’d been willing to let the past few days be all about the physical, that wasn’t enough to base a marriage on. And she was fairly certain she wasn’t the only one in the relationship who actually cared.
Getting him to admit he had feelings for her might be the biggest battle.
Her on the other hand? No problem expressing her feelings, at least regarding the annoyance rushing her. Yes, he’d asked her to marry him, and an honest thrill was running through her system, but…
But…
It wasn’t enough, and it wasn’t fair to either of them to not fight for everything.
Hence her annoyance rising to the top and escaping. “You not being much of a talker might be a good thing, because you’re doing a fine job putting your foot in your mouth.”
His face registered confusion. “What? Do you want a ring? Because we can get one by tomorrow. Maybe later today.”
“A ring would be part of it, but it’s not the main thing.” She folded her arms over her chest. Either he was being deliberately obtuse or the man honestly didn’t have a clue. Tamara examined his face, but it was unreadable again. He’d closed off and shut down, and hell no to both of those.
It was one thing for her to be stupid in love with the man, but was it too much to ask that he feel the same about her? No, of course not.
He probably was in love with her but too stubborn to admit it yet.
Fine. She’d take this back to where she knew they were in one hundred percent agreement. The girls.
“I don’t think it’s a great idea to drop a bomb like that. They like me plenty at the moment, but I’m their nanny. If you simply announce we’re together, they might get all scared that mothers are different than nannies, and they need to know that I’m still me, and not the title behind my name. That things aren’t going to go back to how they were with Wendy.”
He nodded, shifting back on the bed. “Ideas?”
“We go slow.” For his sake as well. Maybe a bit of time would be enough for him to figure out what he’d missed in that lame-ass excuse for a proposal. “Give it another month or so. Switch things up around Valentine’s Day.”
Hint, hint.
He nodded, but she could tell he wasn’t happy with the idea.
“We can sneak away sometimes to be together,” she suggested.
“I thought you wanted to keep this quiet. No way that’s happening if we’re caught sneaking around.”
“It’s all I’ve got,” she said.
He kissed her, hard. Demanding a response, and before he left her bed she was once again a wet noodle, sated and happy.
But he left the room as well, taking his clothes with him, and she stared at the closed door and wondered how long it was going to take to break through those final barriers. Wendy had hurt the girls, but she’d done a number on Caleb as well. It might take a while for them to finish the healing process.
Tamara did the next thing. She got up and made cookies. A triple batch, so she’d have extra to send home with whoever dropped off the girls. Then she retreated into the office to finish updating, using the information she’d gotten from Caleb during the ride home.
Dealing with the financial side of things was a distraction of a whole different sort. Caleb’s comment when he’d asked her to take over the task came back to her—that he’d probably hire a bookkeeper only to find out there wasn’t enough money to keep them on.
After an hour with the paperwork, she had to agree. Silver Stone was going to have to batten down the hatches. Nothing terrible, at least not yet, but when she compared this year’s bills summary with previous, expenses were up and income down just enough to make keeping in the black uncomfortable.
A knock on the door to the office brought her gaze up to meet Walker’s. She waved him in. “What’s up?”
He strolled in, glancing around the room. “Wow, you cleaned up the hurricane damage.”
“It wasn’t quite that bad, but yeah. There’s a floor. Who knew?”
He turned a grin on her. “Hey, Caleb forgot his phone. Wanted you to know when the girls arrive, bring them to the barns. He’ll be working with Josiah.”
“Sounds good.” She eyed him. “I enjoyed your Christmas present, by the way. You’re good.”
A flush hit his cheeks. “Thanks.”
“You planning on doing anything more with your music? That was a demo tape, right?”
For a grown man Walker was suddenly fidgeting like a kid. “Sort of. Just a decent recording a friend made. I don’t know—getting into the music industry is pretty time consuming, and so’s rodeoing. It’s probably not a good idea to try and do it all. I’ve got Silver Stone to help take care of, as well.”
“No reason you can’t make an attempt. The ranch will be here. You know your brothers wouldn’t want you to give up on a dream because you felt obligated to hang around.”
He dipped his chin. “Don’t know if it is my dream, or something I fell into. Still figuring that part out. What’s important, what’s just fun. What my goals are long term. You know, the tough decisions.”
Yeah, she could appreciate the difficulties more than he probably guessed. “Well, I hope you have fun while you’re deciding.”
“No problem there. I always have fun.” He tipped his hat then left the room, and she got back to work.
But she was waiting on the front porch when one of her family’s trucks pulled into the yard. Tamara admitted it—she’d missed the girls. As much as she’d enjoyed time alone with their daddy, the sensation of happiness welling in her belly as Sasha and Emma dropped from the truck and raced toward her was strong and addictive.
Lisa strolled forward, basket in hands. “Hey, is this the right place? I’m looking for the Heart Falls Zoo. I’ve got two monkeys for delivery.”
Sasha stopped short of throwing herself into Tamara’s arms, twisting to offer Lisa a hah, hah, very funny expression. “I am not a monkey.”
“Lion? Tiger?” Lisa let her eyes get big and wide. “Was I transporting dinosaurs without a permit? I’m glad I didn’t get stopped by the RCMP.”
Tamara accepted a hug from Emma, enjoying the brief snuggle as Sasha proceeded to make claw fingers and roar at Lisa.
“Yup. Watch out, Tamara, we’ve got a dangerous Stompasaurus on the loose,” Lisa warned.
“Too bad. I made cookies, but since dinosaurs aren’t allowed in the house…”
Sasha stopped mid-roar.
Tamara held out a hand for Sasha’s bag. “Did you have a nice visit with Auntie Dare?”
“It was great, only Joey has the sniffles so she didn’t want to take him on a long drive, so Auntie Lisa said— I mean Lisa said she’d bring us home. Can we have cookies now?”
Sasha being home meant the house was no longer silent. Tamara smiled. “Yes. Drop your bags in the laundry room, grab a cookie, then we’re going to the barn.”
“I bet Eeny, Meany and Miney missed us,” Sasha told Lisa. “You should come and say hi too.”
“You have time?” Tamara asked.
“Oh, I’m not going anywhere until I help you find your phone. You must have lost it since you left Rocky.” Lisa gave her a pointed look before following them into the house.
Oops. “Right. I was supposed to text you.” Tamara grinned. “I was…busy.”
A smile crossed Lisa’s face, followed by concern, but she held her questions until the four of them were walking across the yard, Emma and Sasha leading the way, cookies in hand.
“You had a couple of enjoyable days?” Lisa asked out of earshot of little ears.
“Yes.”
“And…?”
Tamara answered softly. “He half-assed asked me to marry him.”
“I knew it,” Lisa gloated. “The marriage bit, not the half-ass. Let me guess, you told him you guys should wait, right?”
Seriously? “How on earth? How come you know that?”
Lisa shrugged. “Because you’re you. Those two kids are amazing, and while I know you’re in love with the guy, you want it all. Him in love with you, them in love with you—it’ll happen.”
Hope swelled. “You don’t think I’m wrong for not just accepting and being done?”
“Hell, no. I’m proud of you.” Lisa stopped and gave her a hug. “You’ve got a heart the size of Alberta, sweetie, but you use a lot of it making other people happy. You don’t always do what would make you happy. He’ll get there, you’ll see. You’ll both be better off knowing this is more than lust or convenience.”
Tamara squeezed her. “How’d you get so smart?”
“I’d tell you I learned from my big sisters, but actually, I sent away for an extra-large box of smarts from Amazon. Delivered right to the door, very convenient.”
“Brat,” Tamara teased.
“Always.” Lisa whistled at the girls who were crawling on the goat pen and making horrifying noises. “Hey, no dinosaurs around the goats.”
Laughter rose. Tamara felt a little better at her sister’s assurances that she hadn’t just thrown away her future. Because Lisa was right.
Those little girls were in her heart as hard as their daddy. She wanted it all.
Now if that future would just hurry up and arrive.
For the umpteenth time that afternoon, Caleb found himself staring into space. And again, he forced himself to get back to the task at hand, helping Josiah check and file the horses’ teeth.
He’d been as shocked as Tamara at his proposal. Nearly fallen over when the words came from his mouth.
Maybe deep inside he’d been hoping to sneak it past her. If she’d agreed, he’d have been done, and the only thing that would change going forward would be where she spent her nights.
Only she was right—changing their relationship wasn’t going to be as simple as that.
He wanted her physically. He wanted her for his girls. It was still frightening to admit he wanted her for anything more, but now that he’d stewed about it for most of the afternoon, he’d figured it out. That was exactly what she was hinting at.
She wanted him to say I love you. And he didn’t know if he could yet.
Waiting was the only solution.
Josiah’s voice cut through his thoughts. “Of course, you could breed watermelons.”
Caleb blinked at that. Nope, made as little sense the second time as the first. “What?”
His friend slapped a hand on his shoulder. “I told you three times we’re ready to move to the next horse, and you didn’t budge. You’re wool gathering, which makes me suspicious.”
No way was he admitting to anything. “Of what?”
Josiah eyed him closely. “You miss the girls.”
“Yup.” That would do as a distraction. Caleb would admit to anything else right then to avoid confessing he cared for Tamara more than he’d expected.
That he might be falling in love.
“Must have been weird, not having them around the place for the first time ever.”
“Quieter.”
“Surprised you didn’t give me a shout. I would have come over, helped to pass the time. It was quiet for me at the shop.”
Caleb felt bad for a second. Very briefly, though, considering what he’d been doing instead of visiting with Josiah and playing cards. “Next time.”
“Hello.” Tamara’s call interrupted them. “I have two small people with me who have a ton of energy to burn after sitting in a truck for too long. Anyone in here want them?”
Caleb didn’t have to pretend anything as he stepped from the pen to greet his daughters.
An instant later they were both in his arms, squeezing him tight as they planted kisses on his cheeks. “We fed the goats, Daddy. Tamara said she did our chores while we were gone. Did you eat all the candy canes? Hi, Josiah.”
The whirlwind that was Sasha dropped to the ground and ran back to Tamara’s side, but she reached behind her for another woman’s hand.
She tugged Tamara’s sister into view, pulling her forward. “Lisa brought us home. Lisa, this is Josiah. He’s our godfather. Kelli says he’s too pretty to spend his days talking to animals.”
Josiah let out a guffaw, turning it quickly into a cough as Caleb gave his daughter a stern look.
Only Lisa was grinning as she held out a hand. “I don’t know. Maybe bright blue eyes and killer smiles make the horses happy. Hello, Mr. Coffee Shop.”
“Hello, Woman With Opinions About Breeding Etiquette. Nice to officially meet you.”
Caleb glanced at Tamara who was trying to keep a straight face and not succeeding. “Do you know why my best friend has lost his mind?”
She blinked innocently. “Josiah? Oh, he’s fine. He got a raw dose of my sister a while back, and she’s a touch sharp on the unprepared palate.”
“Some people like their food with a bite,” Lisa quipped.
“I like sharp things,” Josiah said at the same time, and the two of them laughed as if they’d just done something hysterically funny.
Caleb looked to Tamara for further explanation, but she just shrugged.
Emma slipped her fingers in his hand and tugged to get his attention.
“Yes, button?” he asked, leaning closer.
“I missed you.”
His heartbeat was back. “Missed you too.”
She curled an arm around his hips and held on. She was too big to suck her thumb, but he could tell she was needing a little extra cuddle time. He scooped her up, nodding to Josiah who was chatting with Lisa. “I’m calling it a day. You mind?”
“No problem,” Josiah assured him. “Dentistry can wait until tomorrow.”
“You want a hand?” Lisa offered.
Josiah blinked. “You want to help me float the uneven teeth in Caleb’s horses?”
She shrugged. “Why not? I just spent three hours driving, and I’m sticking around for a while. This will let me stretch my legs.”
“Up to you, I guess. And Caleb. What’d you think?”
Emma had laid her head against Caleb’s shoulder and was humming softly, and he was more focused on her and making sure that he didn’t do something incredibly stupid like walk over to Tamara and haul her into his arms for kiss.
Two days of unlimited physical contact was going to be a hard habit to break.
He met Lisa’s gaze. “Your choice. If it’ll help you relax, go for it.”
Tamara added over his shoulder. “Why don’t you both join us for supper when you’re done?”
“Works for me,” Lisa said brightly.
So it was him and Tamara with the girls, walking back to the house. Sasha chattered nonstop, and Emma tossed in the occasional near-silent comment.
Tamara walked at his side, not saying anything. She opened the door to the house and quickly went about getting dinner together. The girls pulled him off to the side, and while he loved hearing about their trip, it seemed strange to not have Tamara joining in.
When she put Josiah in the chair next to him at dinner, positioning herself on the other side of Sasha again, it seemed a little as if she were punishing him. Creating a physical barrier to match the emotional one still between them.
Boss and nanny instead of lovers.
It might be necessary, but he didn’t like it one bit. And that in itself was the beginning of an answer, he supposed.