Chapter Ten
Hannah
“Morning.”
I sit up and yawn, wrapping my arms around my stomach. It takes me a moment to remember where I am, and when I do, I frown. I guess I did finally fall asleep.
“What time is it?” I ask.
I yawn, still waking up. I shiver and reach for my jacket, slipping it on. I look over at Declan, who is busy making breakfast in the kitchen. I swallow, pretending I don’t notice how good he looks in his worn jeans and tight black tee shirt. His hair is a mess, and it suits him, as does the thick layer of stubble covering his jawline.
“It’s just after eight.”
“Anna?” I ask, keeping my voice short.
“Asleep.”
I nod. She obviously needs it. I’ll let her sleep for as long as she needs to, but then we are out of here. I’m done giving him chances to prove himself. If he wants to fight for his daughter, he can do so in court.
“If you want to shower, it’s just through there.” He points to a door off the kitchen. “Towels are in the cupboard under the basin. I’ll turn around while you go in there if you like.”
“Thanks,” I mumble. I wait until he’s facing the other direction before I get up. I grab my jeans off the armchair where I left them, and pad toward the bathroom. I lock the door and walk over to the basin. Staring at my reflection in the mirror that hangs above the basin, I frown. I look like shit. Which is fitting because that’s how I feel. I couldn’t have gotten more than a couple of hours sleep, and, after such a shitty week, the fatigue is really starting to weigh on me.
What am I doing?
I know exactly what I’m doing. I’m losing it. I’m way too close to this. I feel like everything is just piling on top of me, crushing me, and I’m not sure how much longer I can
I walk over to the shower and run the water. Steam slowly begins to fill the room. I close my eyes and breathe in, forcing myself to focus. I take off my clothes and lay them over the bathtub, and then step under the hot stream of water. God, that feels good. Instantly I feel my
Even if it sets Anna back initially, it’s better than losing her to another one of his lies. That’s the thing with what I do; nothing is ever is right or wrong. It’s never that clear-cut. Every action has a consequence, and it’s usually a case of choosing the lesser of two evils.
I step out from under the shower and reach for my towel. Looking up at the ceiling, I watch the steam float toward the slightly open window. I take a deep breath, wishing I felt more confident about my decision.
I just hope I’m doing the right thing.
Dressed and with my hair tied back, I wander back out to the kitchen where Declan is still preparing breakfast. I frown and sit down. He hands me a coffee and throws some toast on the table in front of me.
“Thank you.”
“There’s more in the pot over there if you want it,” he offers.
“Thanks. I think I’ll need it,” I mumble.
“I know the feeling,” he replies.
I scowl at him. If that’s an attempt to get my sympathy, then it’s not working. I can’t think about how hard this is for him, because then there is the risk I will start caring. And I don’t want to care. My thoughts are interrupted by the screams of Anna. Declan jumps up, but I put my hand out.
“Let me go. Please,” I say. He hesitates, but then nods. I run down the hallway. By the time I reach the guest room, the screaming has lessened into soft whimpers. I rap softly on the door and walk inside.
She glances up at me, her green eyes full of fear. She’s huddled on the bed, half under the covers, her long hair damp against her flushed skin.
“Nightmare?” I ask, edging closer to her. She darts her eyes away, refusing to even look at me.
“I used to have nightmares a lot after my sister died,” I say. I feel like the only way I’m going to get her on my side is to open up to her. She still won’t look at me, but I can tell she’s listening.
“Want to talk about it?” I ask. What do you say to a six-year-old who has been through what she’s been through? She doesn’t reply, so I sit on the edge of the bed, allowing enough distance between us so that she doesn’t feel uncomfortable.
“Sometimes talking helps,” I say, trying again.
I’m determined to get some sort of response from this little girl. Her frown makes my heart ache. I feel so responsible for letting her down. If only I’d done things differently, then her Mum might still be alive. I reach over and pick up the worn, brown teddy bear I haven’t seen her without. I study his face. He’s missing an eye, and he has several tears that have been patched up by hand.
“He’s very cute,” I say.
I see a hint of a smile and my heart soars. I feel like jumping for victory because it’s such a milestone, but then as quickly as it’s there, the smile is replaced with that same, sullen expression.
I’m at a loss at what to do. Kids usually love me, but maybe I’m putting her off without even realising it. Maybe the guilt I feel is making her uncomfortable. I need to work this out, for her. I need to figure out what is best for this little girl and put my feelings toward Declan aside. Like leaving her with him is even worth considering? I’d laugh if I wasn’t on the verge of tears.
“Is everything okay?” I look up and see Declan standing in the doorway, his athletic frame leaning against the wall. Anna jumps off the bed and races over to him, throwing her arms around him. I feel a twinge of guilt. Granted, she barely knows me, but doesn’t know him much better. I straighten up and cross my arms over my chest, watching them.
“Morning sunshine,” he chuckles, stroking her cheek affectionately. He crouches down so he is at her level. “You okay?” he asks. She throws her arms around him. His eyes widen in surprise as he hugs her back. He looks as shocked as I do at her affection toward him.
She really does only trust him. If I didn’t believe it before, I do now.
She is a completely different child when she’s around him. How can I take that away from her? My job is to keep her safe, and my gut tells me she’s safe with him. I don’t have to like him or forgive him for what he did; but for this little girl, I need to get over my own feelings.
“I didn’t sleep much,” she says quietly. I breathe out. They’re the first words I’ve heard her speak since we met. Her voice, so soft and gentle, breaks my heart.
“You should’ve come and woke me up,” he chastises her gently.
“No. I wanted to be a big girl.”
My heart swells. I’m on the verge of tears when I sneak out of the room. I want to give them a moment, because he’s getting more out of her than I think I ever could. I walk back down to the kitchen and grab my bag, fishing my phone out. I call Max.
“Hello?” he asks.
“Hey, it’s me.”
“Hey you. Where are you? I stopped by your house last night to check on you and you weren’t home,” he says, sounding genuinely concerned. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m fine. I’ve just been with Anna all day, and I’m just struggling to figure out what to do. Can you cover for me? I’ll try and get there later this afternoon.” I’m babbling, and I know Max knows me well enough to know when I’m lying, but he lets it go.
“Sure, whatever you need, Han.” He pauses, thinking about his next words before continuing. “You know I will help with whatever you need, right? But just so you know, Jo has been looking for you.”
I sigh, and close my eyes, feeling a migraine coming on. Jo is my boss, and while most of the time we get along fine, she doesn’t like being left out of the loop. You don’t want to get on her wrong side, and I have a feeling that I’m doing exactly that with this case.
“Tell her I’ll talk to her tonight,” I mutter. I end the call and stare at my phone. I have no idea what I’m going to tell Jo, or if I’m even going to make it back to the office today. I need to sort this out today. I know exactly what I have to do, but God, it’s so hard admitting that.
I swallow the lump that is growing in my throat. If I put myself first, I’ll never see Declan again. If I put Anna first … God I can’t even think it. I can’t handle seeing him, but I can’t handle him not being part of my life. I could palm this case off to someone else, but the second they discovered the truth about Declan, Anna will be in state care. I can’t do it. I can’t do it to her, not when I could’ve done so much more to help prevent this in the first place.
I turn to Declan and say the words I never thought I’d ever have to say to him.
“Fine, I’ll help you.”
His eyes widen. “Thank you so much for this. You have no idea—”
“You need to understand this has nothing to do with you. I’m only doing this for her, okay?”
He nods, a flicker of pain passing through his eyes. “Fine. I can live with that.”
“Good,” I mutter. The question is, can I?
I could lose my job over this. I’m withholding knowledge about the case that could leave the department open to being sued. I feel sick. I can’t believe I’m doing this and for him? What if my gut is wrong? Anna won’t speak to anyone right now, but she’s been through a huge trauma. What if leaving her with him is worse for her in the long run? God, what if something happens to her? I shiver. Do I really believe he’s capable of hurting her? Would anything surprise me, after what he did to Cecily?
No. He wouldn’t hurt Anna.
As much as I’m scared that I’m doing the wrong thing, deep down, I really don’t believe that he is capable of hurting her. I don’t know why, because I have no reason to believe him, but when he tells me he loves her, I think he’s telling the truth. Another wave of nausea hits me. What am I doing? I’m in way over my head. If anything gets out about this, my career is ruined. Hell, I’m open to the possibility of criminal charges if anything happened to Anna.
There is so much I don’t know, and it’s impairing my judgement. It’s partly my own fault, because I wouldn’t give him a chance to explain. We need to sit down so he can tell me everything, because if I’m going to help him there can’t be any more surprises.