CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX | ACE
A week went by and nothing in my life had changed.
Sienna was gone, and she’d taken the annulment papers with her. I had no interest in knowing if she’d actually filed them or when. Given how desperate she was to file them to begin with, I wouldn’t be surprised to know that she’d done it right away.
No matter the connection we shared, she didn’t want to continue being married to a man like me.
Neither did she want me to claim fatherhood.
Maybe this was the ideal situation for her.
This way, not only had she gotten the annulment but she’d made sure I would stay out of her and the kid’s life.
For the first time, what I was going through felt like painful suffering. Something I couldn’t fix.
This was a problem that was out of my hands.
Especially because I had no clue what to do.
Was I supposed to just forget about my kid and move on with my life?
Was I supposed to chase after Sienna and force her to let me have the kid?
There was no way I could raise the kid alone.
I didn’t really even know how to be a mentor to a full-blown adult like Asher. How was I supposed to be that for a kid?
Besides, wasn’t the best thing for a child to be with their mother?
I missed her.
I wished we could just forgive each other and move on. That I’d met her under different circumstances. That she wanted me the way I wanted her.
What different circumstances? Who was I kidding?
There was no other way for our worlds to collide.
The only way in which we could ever have been a part of each other’s lives was this.
We had a good run.
A few weeks of relying on each other. Getting along. Being more than friends, more than just two people who were trapped in this mutually-beneficial maze.
And now it was over.
Now that she had the annulment papers, there was no other reason for her to rely on me for anything. And with the baby on the way, there was no doubt she wanted to get as far away from me as possible.
I’d fucked up everything.
I spent the week moping. I kept silent about it, although I was sure that Bingo hadn’t been able to keep his gob shut for too long. My circumstances weren’t a secret anymore.
Obviously, everyone in the MC knew.
Gratefully, none of them tried to broach the subject with me, not even Asher.
They knew I’d staple their tongue to their cheek if they tried to pity me or give me unsolicited advice.
Hopefully in a few weeks, I would forget about Sienna and the kid and move on. Till then, I’d have to suffer in silence.
***
It was a usual night at the High Rollers Casino. The music was loud, the regulars sat at the tables, ordering too many drinks and losing their bets. My instinct told me it was going to be a no-nonsense night tonight. An occasion when I wouldn’t have to remain in high alert.
The past week, since I last saw Sienna, had been surprisingly eventless.
That didn’t exactly suit me since I was desperately hungry for the distraction.
I would have jumped at the opportunity of dealing with some self-confident asshole counting cards at the blackjack table.
But everyone behaved themselves and it meant I had nothing to do.
Even the garage was taken care of. Asher looked after every car that came in. It had turned into a hobby of his and I wasn’t about to take it away from him.
Which meant I had nothing to do but mope about and fantasize about Sienna. Dream about what she would look like with a full belly—with my baby growing inside her.
I walked around aimlessly in the casino, avoiding everyone’s eye. If the music was too loud, I didn’t notice that either. My mind was elsewhere.
I stationed myself in one corner, crossing my arms over my chest and staring at nothing.
I was too lost to even notice Buck come over to stand beside me.
“You look like a man who isn’t ready for advice,” he said. I could hear the light-hearted smirk in his voice.
I looked over at him, straightening myself up. I wasn’t surprised that news of my situation had traveled up the grapevine and reached Buck, too.
He was right, I didn’t need his advice but I couldn’t tell him to fuck off either.
“I’m okay,” I mumbled and Buck thumped my shoulder like we were brothers in arms.
“Ace, let me be the one to break it to you. There is no shame in being torn between your duty and your responsibility. It is a man’s problem to have and I’m here to remind you to deal with it like a man.”
I glared at him for an explanation. It was obvious he was talking about Sienna and the kid but right now he made no sense to me.
“The only reason why you’re even here, sulking right now, is because you believe you owe the MC. It’s your sense of duty holding you back.”
I ran a hand through my hair roughly and tried to shake my head. I refused to believe Buck knew what he was talking about.
“That and because for the first time in your life, you’re experiencing fear, my boy,” he added.
I met Buck’s eyes and he was half-smiling at me. He had that expression on his face like he knew exactly what he was saying.
I clenched my jaws and my fists. This was not a conversation I wanted to have but it didn’t seem like he was in any mood to stop.
“I recognize that look. You’re thinking I’m nothing more than an old guy giving you unsolicited advice,” he continued and I shook my head.
“I just don’t think there is a solution to my situation.”
“That’s what I thought, too. I knocked up a girl when I was younger than you.”
His words forced me into sudden silence. That was not what I was expecting to hear.
I thought I knew everything there was to know about Buck.
He nodded his head and there was this sudden faraway look in his eyes.
“I freaked the fuck out. I didn’t think I could handle it. No, the truth was that I didn’t want to think about handling it either.”
I watched as he rubbed a hand over his face in regret.
This was not a good look on him.
Neither was it a look I’d seen on him before. I couldn’t help but wonder how many people in the world actually knew this story about him.
“What did you do?” I asked.
“I ran, because I wasn’t man enough to face my responsibility. I told myself the usual shit, that they would be better off without me. That if I stayed I’d only end up fucking it all up. Pure bullshit. The truth was I was scared.”
I’d never witnessed Buck speaking this way and I was certain not many other people had either.
“I’ll tell you now, Ace, I’ve regretted that decision all my life.”
I gulped.
“That child is an adult now and doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. And for good reason. I abandoned her at a time when she most needed me. I let her grow up with a single mom, struggling to make ends meet. She spent her whole childhood wondering why her daddy hated her.”
“And what now?” I dared to ask. Buck shrugged his shoulders.
“Nothing’s changed. I doubt it ever will. She’s going to despise me all her life and I’ll be carrying her photograph around in my wallet every day.”
I couldn’t respond to that. I didn’t know what to say.
“You have to do the right thing before it’s too late,” he added.
“It’s not just about me, it’s not just my choice. Sienna has to agree to it as well. I don’t think she wants me around either.
Buck shook his head.
“Of course it’s your fucking choice, boy. Every moment that you choose to be here in this casino, you’re making a choice to not fight to have your family.
“High Rollers is my family!” I snapped at him.
Buck thumped my shoulder once again, just moments before he was about to walk away.
“That may be true, but you have a more important family now, Ace. One that needs you more than we ever will. You’re going to find that out eventually. I hope it’s sooner rather than later.”