Chapter 7

Alex gritted his teeth and tried to control the possessive rage still thrumming in his veins.

David continued, his voice rising on each syllable. “As if I’d—well—as if I’d ever touch a guest of yours. A woman who is under your protection. An innocent—”

“Yes, all right, you’ve made your point.”

His friend’s anger died. David gave him a quizzing look. “Why didn’t you simply marry the girl and leave her safely in London?”

“Why indeed.” He didn’t want to face that question.

Silence settled on the stateroom. He was not a man good enough for Hestia. Her father had seen it too. Alex’s late father had constantly reminded him of the disappointment he was, and his weaknesses for women and opium only proved the point.

David peered at him. “She’s still infatuated with you, I take it? That should have made it easy for her to accept you.” Shaking his head and filling his glass with brandy, David seated himself on one of the dining chairs and placed the heels of his boots up on another.

Alex couldn’t hide his annoyance and almost snarled at David. “You know the answer to that.”

“No. No, I really don’t. It’s time you produced heirs. She would make a fine wife. She’s beautiful, intelligent, kind, and in love with you. I could think of a number of women whom she’d be preferable to.”

Silence once again. He saw realization dawn in his friend’s eyes.

Don’t say it, please don’t say it.

David let out a low whistle. “You’ve got feelings for her. No, don’t deny it. That’s why she scares you.” Humor inflecting his voice, David added, “Come, Alexander, don’t get cross with me for telling the truth. Besides, she’s only a woman.”

“Don’t get cross, you say.” Rubbing his tired eyes, he uttered, “I don’t need this ribbing right now. If you’ll remember, we have Lord Pembroke to find and bring safely home to England without getting Hestia hurt, or worse still, killed.”

Alex took a large gulp of brandy. “If I am to find the earl without endangering all of us I need to focus. I need to make her keep her distance and push her away. How am I supposed to concentrate if she thinks her affections are returned?”

David tilted his head to one side. “Then why bring her?” When Alex didn’t reply, his friend cocked his eyebrow. “You could have left Jacob and some men to guard her.”

Alex cradled his head in his hands before replying, “I need Jacob with me. He knows the Mediterranean better than any other man.” Lifting his head to look at David, he cursed. “She’s safer with me and my men.”

His friend shook his head. “That is yet to be seen.” He hesitated before continuing. “I have a gut feeling that Fredrick is interested in more than Hestia’s money.” With a shrug of his shoulders he added, “Perhaps this is personal. Maybe he covets a flesh-and-blood Cary as his wife. They are distant third cousins. A fine match as well as the rest of the Cary assets, so yes, I’d take his threats seriously. I’d watch my back if I were you.”

“That’s the only reason she’s coming with me. She’ll be safer with me, with miles of ocean between him and us.”

He gulped the rest of his brandy. Yes, but would she be safe from him? She was so innocent. He was far too much of a degenerate for the likes of her. Over the last eighteen months he’d pushed her away, taking great pains to shelter her from the darkness of himself. He’d managed that feat by keeping distance between them; on board this ship that would be impossible.

His shoulders sagged and he shook with unreleased fury directed at no one but himself. His normal response was to flee, to pretend that the heavenly creature down the passageway didn’t exist. But that was not an option now. He was stuck with her. He’d created his own private hell.

From under nervous lids Alex eyed his longtime friend—the most honorable man Alex knew. Could he be the solution for ending Alex’s torment? Would Alex be strong enough to ask it of him? Realizing he had no options left, Alex stared directly into David’s eyes and said, “I do, however, have a favor to ask of you.”

David smiled. “What, another? I assume it’s to do with our delectable passenger.”

Alex stilled; his look grew serious and he watched the smile fade from David’s lips. He rose and paced to the open-air balcony at the end of the stateroom where the narrow jib doors were letting in the cool night breeze.

David had remained seated but had sat up, placing his feet back on the floor, worry beginning to etch across his arresting features.

Alex rested his arms on the carved gilded railing and stared down at the water below. Glancing over his shoulder, he sighed. “If we don’t find the earl, if he is declared dead, will you promise me you’ll look after Hestia?”

Behind him he heard David let out an audible breath. “Of course, I’ll offer her protection and look after her interests. But wait, where will you be? Why can’t you look after her?”

He turned and looked at his friend. He whispered, “Because I won’t be coming back from the Mediterranean for a while, not until I’ve settled my score with Murad. Why do you think I sent the first ship ahead with the missive? It’s to wait for me in Mykonos.” That is why Alex had jumped at helping the earl. If he could seek revenge against his captor, maybe he could let go of the darkness, get rid of his nightmares, and move on with his life.

“Christ. I remember the condition you were in when we rescued you from Murad, and I understand your need for revenge, but it’s been over four years; surely it would be unwise to go looking for trouble.”

Unwise. That was an understatement, but he couldn’t leave his past until he knew Murad was dead. “I’m hoping the bastard has been drawn and quartered by someone else by now. It’s highly likely. But I will have my revenge.”

“Why now?”

“Opportunity.” That wasn’t the only reason. He’d been thinking of going after Murad for some time. He hated this feeling of being a victim and he owed Murad for what he’d done to him, to Tulay.

Hestia’s request to find her father made everything fall into place.

“Has Jacob agreed to this?”

Alex nodded.

“That’s why this ship is filled with more fighters than sailors.” David sighed. “All right, if her father cannot be found, I’ll look after her until your return.”

Relief flooded him. “And if I should not return? Fredrick will still be after her.”

“Then forget this idea to chase after bad memories and make new ones. You could marry her.”

He ignored him. “Hestia married and settled in a new life is the best solution all around. It might take me a while to find Murad. I can’t have her a target for that long.”

David shook his head. “Hasn’t Murad already cost you enough? You have to leave the past in the past. You’ve changed, and you’ve conquered your opium problem.” He paused and eyed him warily. “You have conquered it?”

“You never conquer opium, you simply control it. I’ve tried to give it up completely, but…Hell, even Slade Ware has begun to notice something was not right. I’ve never told him about my captivity in Turkey, you’re the only one who knows besides the earl.” Slade was the Marquess of Hawkridge, another good friend who’d been with them in the Turkish wars.

“Well, you’ve had it under control since I treated you almost seven years ago on your escape from being Murad’s captive. So what’s the problem?”

Seven years! It had been seven years since he had escaped Murad’s prison. Alex’s head throbbed. Alex had been captured by Murad, just after fighting against the Turks in the war of 1807. He was only twenty years old. Murad had kept him prisoner for two years. At first in chains and then by keeping him enthralled with opium. On his rescue he’d almost died as the opium left his system. He’d craved the drug for a long time, and he still remembered the strength it had taken to leave the opium pipe on the floor of the tavern three years later when he’d rescued Hestia. Now here they were four years later again, and still he struggled with opium.

How to explain his situation to David? His friend and savior had no idea what Murad had done to him other than feed him opium until he was a walking skeleton, but Hestia’s father did. “Several years ago I made a promise to her father that I wouldn’t encourage her. He is dead set against a match.”

“I see. But this is a time of dire needs. Surely the earl would see it is the best for all concerned. Especially since he has left her alone and unprotected.”

Would he? Alex ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath. He probably would, but would it be right for Hestia? “I can’t make her happy,” Alex almost growled.

“Then let her make you happy; that would probably be enough for her, because she loves you.”

His body shuddered as if David had punched him. How could she be in love with a man like him? David did not understand. The girl was merely infatuated with him because Alex saved her from Murad. Hestia couldn’t love him because she didn’t really know him.

If he truly wanted to help Hestia he’d encourage a relationship between her and David. David would look after her, treat her well, and never endanger her. Hestia’s money could also help his friend. The bonus being she’d be safe from Fredrick.

He felt sick.

How did he confess that she was the most caring, capable, deliciously beautiful, and intelligent woman he’d ever met and he burned for her? But he could never have her. A man like David would never understand. Even the earl, though he thought of Alex as his own son, couldn’t bring himself to look past what he’d done and allow him to wed Hestia.

His time with Murad had twisted him, blackened his soul, and he didn’t know how to change that. He hoped killing Murad would balance the scales and bring him peace.

David continued. “Good God, Alex, she’s only a woman. There are plenty of women who’d jump at the chance of marrying a wealthy duke. Surely the earl can see the advantages for Hestia in such a match. He’ll eventually come around.”

“You of all people should understand why I can’t pursue her. I gave the earl my word that I would never wed Hestia. My word, David—to the man who saved my life. You know it’s impossible without his blessing, and that he will never give.”

“How can you be sure? Hestia’s older now, come of age; perhaps if he sees what is between you, he’ll soften his stance. Look how you’ve taken over from your father. You’re well respected in the House of Lords, and your estate is one of the most profitable in England. If the earl is concerned with your pleasurable indulgence in opium, then simply give it up.”

Alex’s mouth dried and already his hands wanted to shake. Give it up! Could he? He didn’t want to face that question, as it might make a liar out of him. He told everyone he was in control, but at the moment he barely could control the desire for the one or two drops of laudanum he allowed himself.

He wasn’t lying when he told David he’d stopped smoking the opium pipe, but he still used laudanum. “He’ll never change his mind. Don’t ask me why, he has a good reason. Besides, what if he’s dead? The dead can’t talk.”

David stood and crossed to the balcony and stood with his back to the sea, elbows resting on the railing. He turned his head sideways to look at Alex. “You really would give up everything, risk all—you have no heir, remember—to go after Murad?”

Bitter bile rose to choke him. “Yes. I have brothers.”

David turned toward the rail and looked out to sea. “I assume you haven’t told her about your pledge to her father. That’s a tad cruel.”

“I thought that as she grew older she’d see through her silly infatuation to the man underneath and realize she could do so much better elsewhere.”

“Perhaps she has seen through the infatuation and she likes and respects the man beneath. Come, Alex, you are being too hard on yourself.”

Done with this conversation lest he blurt out the terrible secret of why he couldn’t marry her, he said, “There is one reliable way to ensure she’s safe.” Alex turned pleading eyes on his friend. “I owe you so much already, but I want Hestia protected for the rest of her life. I want to know she’s married to someone who’ll look after her, someone who’ll cherish and provide for her, someone I trust and love like a brother. If I ask it of you, will you marry her to protect her? It will stop this nonsense once and for all. It will give me some peace knowing you’ll be there to look after her should I fail in my quest for revenge.”

David reddened. “Lady Hestia is highly unlikely to agree to this plan.”

“If I’m dead…I expect you to sweep in and pick up the pieces. Come now, you’ve seduced many women. How hard can it be to woo her?”

“You can’t force someone’s feelings. If she loves you she might not wish to ever marry anyone else.”

“Leave that to me. This voyage is the perfect opportunity to destroy any tender feelings she has for me. You’ll be a ray of sunshine compared to my dark, stormy composition.” Alex closed his eyes against David’s piercing gaze. He opened his eyes and looked pleadingly at his friend. “It really is for the best, and it helps you too. She’s very wealthy.” David’s lips curled up in a snarl. “Don’t look at me like that. You know it would be more advantageous to marry into wealth.”

David stared at Alex for what seemed like a century. Alex watched him battle with the request. Finally he ran a hand through his hair, his mouth set in a firm line. He was struggling with a reply.

“I’m not doing this for the money; hell, if I wanted money I could have married years ago. I’m doing this because if one of my sisters needed protection, I’d want someone I know and trust to look out for her. So I give you my word: if, and only if, after all this, the earl is dead, or something happens to you, I’ll have the great honor of asking for Lady Hestia’s hand in marriage. But on one condition—that she accepts freely. I don’t wish to be married to a woman who resents me for the rest of her life.”

He understood what his friend was saying. David had too much pride to force Hestia into marriage. But Alex had to protect Hestia from himself. The beast within, which cried out for release, would destroy everyone he cared about. The memories and nightmares were tormenting him once again from the minute he’d decided to go after Murad. He could feel himself beginning to be unable to control his need for the laudanum’s sweet release. Without a woman around to lose himself in pleasure, the pull of the opium tantalized like a genie in a bottle.

He’d destroyed Tulay, and if he fell under opium’s hypnotizing spell once more, he did not want Hestia anywhere near him.

David had agreed.

For the first time in over five days, Alex finally felt his body relax. He knew of a way to drive Hestia to David and he’d do it. His stomach settled, his shoulders loosened, and he felt an inner peace.

Whatever happened on this trip, he’d just ensured Hestia would be safe. Whether they found her father or not, Hestia was safe. His fate was set. He would have the revenge he craved against the man who’d taken every shred of his dignity and pride, and then he would….What would he do?

His heart seized on his next breath.

What would he do?

He’d think on that once this was all over.