Chapter 17

Alex sat through dinner like a lion with a thistle in its paw. He wanted to roar every time Hestia bestowed that special smile on David and not him.

Tomorrow afternoon they’d reach Corfu and she’d make a decision.

He might have to watch her walk away from him, and even though he knew that was for the best, it was killing him.

He had yet to tell David what he’d done, or why he should be the one to marry Hestia. It would strain their friendship, and if she chose Alex he would never have to admit to his actions. What would be the point of upsetting his friend if she picked Alex?

Just then her eyes met his and the look of longing and love in them took his breath away.

He smiled at her as the fortress around his heart crumbled. Damn, she would pick him and his world would change. He would marry her on Corfu, and find it almost impossible to leave her and seek his vengeance. But he owed Tulay. He had not protected her when she needed him to, so now he had to put her ghost to rest or he would remain haunted for the rest of his days.

What did give him peace was the thought that even if Murad killed him, a small part of Alex would remain buried in Hestia’s heart and soul. She would remember him.

His stomach clenched. If he had Hestia waiting for him, he wanted to survive. That’s what he dreaded. Would he be too focused on surviving to keep his edge, too scared to give everything to destroy his enemy?

Tulay’s battered and bloodied body swam into vision, and he clung to that image. His oath to avenge her was all he had left to hold on to.

“I must say that I’m really looking forward to stepping onto dry land. I hope your friends have a bath I may use. How did you meet Costa and his family?”

Hestia’s question interrupted his morbid thoughts. He tried to smile at her. She sat in her oversized sailors’ clothes, but they could not disguise her innate femininity. Her hands were too clean and soft. She did not smell like a man. That orange blossom scent still clung to her, and her lips looked as soft as rose petals. His groin tightened at the idea of licking the drops of wine off them.

If their enemy took this ship, Hestia was in grave danger, for any man would recognize her curves.

The fuzzy image from his opiate-induced night of her lying naked beside him played in his head as he tried to concentrate on his answer. “I met Costa and his father just after I escaped Murad’s clutches. They found me drifting in a small rowboat in the middle of the Mediterranean.”

Her forehead wrinkled as she frowned. “I thought my father rescued you.”

“He did. He found out where Murad was keeping me and alerted Jacob and David.” He looked at David before quickly continuing. “They managed to get me out of Murad’s fortress, but…we became separated. I spied an unattended rowboat and launched it into the sea, only to find I was so weak I must have passed out. The little craft slipped from the harbor. I awoke on board Costa’s fishing boat a few days later.”

As he lay recuperating, he’d managed to ask Costa to find Jacob, and Costa had. It saved his life because it brought him David too.

What he did not tell Hestia was the weeks of agony he endured as the poison from the opium ravaging him left his body. He thought he’d die from the cravings, and it was only David that pulled him through.

He looked across at his friend and felt the heavy burden of guilt. He owed David his life, and he’d talked him into looking at a marriage with Hestia and now…now he’d ruined that.

“How long will we be on Corfu?” David asked.

It was a leading question and Alex knew it. “That will depend on what information Costa has for me.”

“Regarding the whereabouts of my father,” Hestia asked.

“Exactly.”

“No more than two days,” Jacob added. “News of a ship the size of the Angelica will travel. It’s hard to hide in in these waters. We have to keep moving and be prepared.”

Jacob was not only worried about Fredrick. They had learned he was on another sloop. Murad would soon learn they were here and he would come after them. Alex inclined his head in agreement. “We need to find your father and get him and Hestia back to England as soon as possible.”

The table fell silent.

He watched David pat Hestia’s hand. “Don’t worry, my lady. I’m sure Costa will have good news for us when we reach Corfu tomorrow.”

Hestia looked at Alex and he wished he could wipe the worry from her beautiful face, but he knew it was him she was worried for. She knew no matter what they learned on Corfu, Alex would insist on sailing after Murad.

Still holding his gaze, she slowly stood. “It’s late, gentlemen. If you’ll excuse me.”

Alex watched her leave the stateroom, and every voice in his head screamed to go after her, until he noticed David watching her with the exact same look on his face. He should do the honorable thing and leave her be. Give her time to make her choice.

Choose me.

Then again, he’d learned over the years that you shouldn’t give up on what you want. If he were a quitter he would have died in Murad’s prison. His problem was he did want her, but he didn’t want to want her.

As with the rest of his life, Alex discovered that willpower was sadly lacking when, just after one in the morning, he found himself in front of Hestia’s cabin door.

Torn by indecision, he leaned his forehead on the door and warred with himself.

There was a high probability that he would die in the coming days, so God, and David, could damn his soul to hell, but he wanted one night with Hestia, in his bed, where he was not in dreamland. He wanted a clear head to perfectly remember her touch. Her taste. Her scent. Her loving…

To remember that for one magical night she was his.

Selfishness, thy name is Alexander.

He quietly slipped inside, closing the door behind him. He leaned back against the hard wood, warmth spreading through his chest because Hestia was standing beside the porthole, her thin linen nightgown completely transparent. It took his breath away.

She turned to him. “Some prayers do get answered. I prayed you’d come.”

He crossed the room in two long strides, his arms reaching for her and pulling her tight against his chest as his lips found the bounty he’d been dying to taste all evening. Her soft lips moved under his, and when they parted to give him entrance, his knees almost buckled.

The kiss was hard, possessive, showing her that she belonged to him. Only him.

Finally she tore her mouth from his.

“You must have known I’d never choose David.”

His heart took flight. “And here I thought you were an intelligent girl.”

“Then why are you here?”

He bent down and tenderly kissed her lips. “I can’t run anymore. I’m so sick of denying my need for you.” He grimaced, not believing how easily he’d folded. The future, and the world beyond finding her father, beyond seeking his vengeance, dissolved, along with his resistance. Years of resistance, wasted years.

To deny his attraction for her had been futile from the start. The power she had over him was frightening. He belonged to this girl, body and soul, and he knew it. He could no longer refute his turbulent need for her.

And thank God, for whatever reasons, regardless of his continued remoteness and cold treatment of her, she’d chosen him. His whole body was trembling, he’d never experienced such driving need, he was only just holding on, one minute more and he’d devour her. He swallowed hard.

“You know I will still go after Murad. This night, and our wedding, will not change that.”

“I haven’t said that I will marry you.” She cupped his cheek with her hand. “If my father can be found and Fredrick caught, I need not marry anyone.”

“Then I must let you be.” As he turned to go she grabbed his arm. “Hestia, don’t play with me. If you want me in your bed tonight you must agree to marriage. You’ll get hurt otherwise.” He placed his hand on her stomach. “What if you get with child?”

“You said that would be unlikely.”

He stood undecided, his need burning like a hot poker in his gut.

She dropped his arm and stepped back. “Your need to do what’s right, to be kind, gentle, and honorable, are all the reasons I fell in love with you. I know you will go for Murad because you made a promise to a woman you cared for. I know you will marry me because you think you’ve behaved dishonorably toward me. But I chose to go into your bed. I knew you did not really understand I was there. You owe me nothing.”

Alex’s heart beat swiftly as he stood breathing heavily in the small cabin, Hestia’s scent filling his nostrils. My darling, brave girl, you should push me away, not encourage me.

Holding his gaze she began to pull at the small ties on the front of her nightdress. “Don’t ask me to stop, Alex. I want this night even more than you do. It may be the last time I ever make love. For you are the only man I will ever love.” On those words the last tie came undone and the white linen slid down her curves.

His chest hurt as he slid his hand behind Hestia’s loose flowing hair and pulled her into a kiss.

The heat from her mouth matched the scorching of his hands as they slid over her smooth, silky skin. Naked in his arms she felt like heaven.

Hestia’s kiss was desperate, her lips parting his to allow her tongue to conquer his mouth.

Any thought of stopping, of walking out of this cabin, fled with his building need to devour her.

He swept her up in his arms and carefully laid her on the small bunk. His would have been preferable. “You should have come to my room,” he all but growled.

She smiled up at him. “I think the bunk is perfect. You’ll be close to me.”

Close? Very soon he would be closer than any man would ever be to her. “Just be careful of my side, since it’s so cozy.”

Her smile dimmed. “I’ll try to remember, but when you touch me I lose my mind.”

His eyes never left her delectable body as he hurriedly undressed and his desire spiraled higher as he noted her hungry gaze.

Once naked he stood looking down at her. Like the fiery woman she was, she did not look abashed. Instead, her eyes traveled boldly over him. Lingering looks at his groin saw him harden further.

She rose up on one elbow. “It’s not the first time I’ve been able to study the beauty of you, but I must admit the experience is far more titillating when you are awake,” she said, and crooked her finger.

He knelt down on the bed and loomed over her in all his natural glory. His heated gaze ignited need deep in her belly and she swore his eyes were like a touch, tracing over her sensitized skin.

Slowly, so he followed her movements, she opened her thighs wide. His moan made her heart soar. “You are so lovely,” he whispered against the skin of her inner thigh.

The reward for her bravery was the gaze he sent her. He looked at her womanhood with such desire. Hestia had never felt so beautiful—exposed, but beautiful.

His fingers stroked her belly, and shivers wracked her. When he finally delved between her thighs it was her turn to moan, and her head sank into the soft pillow.

At the first lick of his tongue she had to close her eyes against the pleasure he drew forth. Alex was setting her body alight with a delicious, all-consuming fire, and never in her life had she wanted so much to be burned. He expertly toyed with her stiff little bud, rubbing and pinching—the pleasure mixed with pain. She opened her legs wider still, lifted up to meet his clever fingers and tongue, desperate for more sensations.

Her little cries were begging him to take her. To her despair, he held back—teasing her and making her beg. “I want you,” she gasped. “Deep inside me, please.”

“The thought of you has tortured me for years. Now it’s my turn to torture you with pleasure,” he growled. With that his hands slipped under her bottom and tilted her up, and his mouth fastened on her.

Hestia lost all reason. She lost the ability to think; the world slipped away as his tongue, teeth, and lips consumed her. Just when she thought she could not stand the pleasure any longer, he lifted her legs, one after the other, and rested them on his shoulders.

His head moved between her thighs once more and her eyes rolled back in her head. She loved the intimacy of the moment. He loved her with his mouth and she fell to pieces. Hestia offered herself to him, writhing under his tongue, while he held her thighs apart, holding her open for his passionate assault.

The moment was more than she’d thought possible. He appeared to want to devour her, when for the last four years he’d tried to ignore her. She hoped that when she awoke in the morning, she would not find this night was a dream.

This was always where she’d wanted to be—in his bed and in his arms. Heaven.

He did not disappoint either. The tales of his skill at giving pleasure were not exaggerated. Crouched between her thighs like an untamed beast, he lavished her with wild yet possessive loving. Never had she been the sole focus of so much care and attention. Her body, particularly her heart, bloomed under his sensual ministrations.

His hot, wet tongue flicked over the tight knot of her sex as he pushed two fingers inside her. She bucked and cried out, the sensations almost too much. It was not the pleasure that overwhelmed, but the maelstrom of emotions he ignited deep within her.

Hestia loved this man madly, deeply, and the warmth of her love consumed her as much as the pleasure she was receiving. If she could own this man’s heart…what a prize that would be.

Soon his mouth replaced his fingers, and as his tongue probed deeply, sensations stormed through her body, rapidly sending her over the edge as her climax exploded and consumed her. Her body shuddered as contractions rippled through her in luxurious waves.

Before she’d even managed to steady her ragged breath, a hot trail of kisses moved up her body, setting her sensitized skin on fire once again. Her eyes could not focus as his mouth suckled her breast, but her hands went searching. She had to touch him. Feel him.

While he continued to shower her body with sensations, her hands wandered over his shoulders, sliding down his wide back, passing his narrow waist to grip his buttocks, unconsciously pulling him closer.

With a husky laugh Alex fitted himself to her body and slowly, exquisitely, pushed deep. Inhibitions fled and Hestia tucked one leg around his waist, conscious of his wounded side, while allowing her hands to roam over his back. The size of the man claiming her thrilled her more than anything she’d experienced in her life. He felt enormous and wonderful inside her, filling her, stealing her breath. Her heart he already had.

She was overcome with the knowledge that tonight he knew what he was doing, that he was not dreaming this time, that he chose her, that he’d come to her, wanting her…She squeezed her eyes shut, hugging the emotion as tightly as she hugged him with her body.

He was still moving deep within her but far too slowly for her liking. She couldn’t muster her senses to complain. Her hips rose, demanding he quicken his pace.

All that did was see him bury himself deep and stop. His lips trailed up the side of her neck to nibble on her ear. “I want to savor every moment with you, so relax and let yourself enjoy my attentions.”

She moaned. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for years. I just want to be closer…”

He brushed her closed eyelids with his lips. “Then why are you missing the event? Open your eyes and watch as we become one in our pleasure.”

She opened her eyelids to see Alex’s handsomely rugged face looking at her with such tenderness her vision grew blurry.

Holding her gaze he began to move again. Slowly at first, and she harnessed her impatience and rode through the fading echo of her climax. Gradually his thrusts became more powerful, faster, harder until finally he slipped his hands under her bottom and tilted her up to meet him while pushing her thighs wide.

It opened her fully to him, and the sensations, those lovely quivering sensations, began to rise again. He thrust harder, deeper, and before her orgasm hit for a second time, his fingers cupped her chin and she had to look deep into his eyes as she climaxed.

She held nothing back. This was for him. She showed him what was in her heart even while she was too scared to voice the words I love you. She loved him and always would. There would never be anyone else but him.

He recognized her message and his eyes stared back, his gaze turbulent with passion. “God you’re so beautiful when you come for me. With me…” he whispered as his thrusts suddenly grew frantic.

She clung to him, watching the sweat glistening on his skin as he thrust faster and faster, until with a deep cry verging on a roar, he came with a reverberating shudder. For an endless moment he hung above her, buried deep within her, their eyes locked, before Alex collapsed on her in a glorious tangle of limbs.

He buried his head in her shoulder and gathered her close. “Perfect. So bloody perfect,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her damp skin.

She untangled her arm and stroked his hair. “Better than I ever dreamed.”

They lay there content to bathe in the warmth and intimacy of the moment.

“I’ve wanted you for a long time,” he whispered. “I just never thought it would ever happen. Or should happen.”

“Because of my father. Why is it he is so against our match?”

“Let’s not spoil the magic with talk of the past.”

She snuggled closer. “Then let’s talk of our future.”

“You are choosing me?” he asked in wonder.

“Of course, silly.” She hated to break the wonderful closeness but she could not help it. “But you will let me turn David down my way.”

He raised his head and looked at her with distress. “No. It is my place. I was the one who—”

She cupped his cheek. “My darling man, you did nothing that I did not encourage you to do. It will be better for David coming from me. I need to explain that it would not have been fair to accept his offer because he deserves a woman who can love him. My heart belongs to you.”

She waited with her breath held for him to say the words back but they never came. Instead he asked, “So does that mean you will marry me?”

She could use the hope she saw in his face. She could agree only if he gave up the idea of avenging Tulay, but she’d seen his nightmares. Seen that something haunted him, and knew to deny him his chance to do what his conscience dictated would perhaps destroy him in the end.

The question she had to ask herself was what was fair to Alex. A haunted life, but at least a life, or to let him take his chance to erase his nightmares by killing Murad. If Murad won…She was selfish enough to want Alex at any cost, but she loved him enough to want him to heal. Could he heal without his revenge?

She rolled onto her side and propped up on her elbow while she trailed her fingers over his heart. “I will marry you.” He let out a rush of breath and pulled her head down to kiss her. When he finally let her go she added, “But I ask one thing of you in return.”

“Don’t ask me not to go after Murad.”

She shook her head. “I have no right to ask that of you because it is about your past, your life, and therefore your decision. All I was going to ask is that you truly think about the choice you are making. We could have a beautiful life together. If I am with child it could end up never knowing its father.”

He sat up and all but leapt off the bed. “Don’t you think I know that?” He paced her small cabin.

“I don’t mean to upset you, but sometimes the best way to forget the horrors of the past is to look forward. Prove to your enemy that you are the master of your destiny and nothing they did to you could break your spirit to survive.”

He stopped in the middle of the room and stared at her. “Is that how you got over your ordeal at Murad’s hands?”

Her face flushed with heat. “I realize my abduction and imprisonment was for merely a few days, but I was young, and I sometimes still have nightmares.”

He looked away and sighed. “I did not mean to trivialize your experience. I was merely trying to point out that while you were a captive for a few days, I was held somewhat longer and spent far too much time in Murad’s company.”

The hairs at her nape stood on end at the belligerent tone. She had to try…“Perhaps it might help if you talked about your—captivity?”

His eyes when they found hers were flat and cold. “If I told you what Murad did to me, to others, it would make you sick to your stomach with disgust, and I assure you, you’d never have another peaceful night’s sleep.”

She pulled the sheet tightly around her, fully able to believe his words.

“I should go. You need sleep and I need to…I need to organize my affairs so that this marriage can take place and be recognized in England. You are not safe unless it is witnessed correctly. I do not want anyone to be able to say the marriage is void or did not take place.”

The search for his clothes gave her plenty of time to consider her next words. She waited for him to dress before asking, “You will leave David to me?”

He pushed his hair off his face and turned to open the cabin door, his back to her. “I’ll let you talk to him first, but I owe him an explanation—and an apology.”

He peered into the corridor before slipping out and closing the door softly behind him.

Hestia sat with the sheet wrapped around her for what seemed like hours. Her heart was soaring. He did care for her. He could not let her marry David, he wanted her for himself. Her smile faded and she lay back on the bunk. The sheet still held his scent and she breathed deep. Her brain kept saying over and over: want did not equate with love.

Could she settle for want when love was her goal?

She rolled onto her side and hugged the pillow.

If he could learn to live with the ghosts of his past, he might grow to love her. It was a risk, but one she did want to take.

On a groan she thought of the conversation she would have with David. She hoped David hadn’t fallen in love with her.