-19-

 

“Ash, are you with us?”

An intense bright light shone directly into his eyes making him wince. The room above him swirled, streaked by kaleidoscopic colours. He lay flat on his back with people all around him. Ash couldn’t quite figure what they were all doing in his bedroom, unless this was somebodies idea of a joke.

“Fuck off,” he managed to drawl. Raising a hand to bat them away. He was tired. He wanted to roll back over and check out for a while longer.

“He’s with us again,” someone claimed.

Hell no, he wasn’t. He was sleeping here, and intended to keep on doing so. Leastways, that was the plan. Only his eyelids seemed to close one moment only to lift again the next.

“Hey, Chief.” Ginny looked down at him from above, and leaned forward to give him a gentle kiss. “Glad to see you’re back with us.”

He’d only been asleep. She’d settled down right beside him to do the same.

Slowly the details of his surroundings broadened. He wasn’t in bed. He was outside in the courtyard, lying on something soft and warm enough for him to realise it wasn’t the ground. Whatever the thing was, it moved.

He tried to sit, and discovered straps across his chest, holding him securely in place.

What in the hell? What was this, besides the worst practical joke ever? “What are you playing at, guys?”

Blue lights blinked overhead, brightening the darkness. Fuck! Why was he on a gurney? What had happened? He didn’t recall doing anything that would necessitate him having to be restrained. He’d had a jolly fun time with Ginny, and then curled with his precious lady tucked against him for some quality shut eye. He got tired quickly these days, had done ever since his first trip to hospital, probably his brain needed extra down time in order to fix itself, and he had worked hard today ensuring every note he played was perfectly executed.

Ginny clasped his hand. It was with considerable relief that he realised he could feel her grip upon his fingers. What wasn’t so hot was the worry twisting her face. “They’re taking you to the hospital. You passed out.”

Xane appeared on the other side of him, his dark hair pulled back and secured in a messy knot. “Knocked a chunk out of your nut too.”

Now he thought about it, the left side of his head did throb.

Rock Giant barged their front man out of the way and loomed over Ash. “Man, they’re gonna have to shave you.”

“Give it a rest, Paul. Like he needs you winding him up at the minute.” Ash couldn’t see Spook, but his friend clearly had his back as normal. “They’re not going to shave him. They’re just going to run some tests to find out what’s going on. Just take it easy, okay?”

“Ginny, are you going in the ambulance?”

The paramedics raised the trolley up into the back of the vehicle and Ginny got in alongside him. “You scared the hell out of us all.”

“What happened?”

“Can’t you remember?”

“Only being in bed with you,” he croaked around his bone-dry throat. Maybe once they got wherever it was they were taking him, they’d do something about that.

 

***

 

By the time the guys arrived at the hospital, Ash was sitting up drinking milk—no hot beverages on the ward. Not that he was on a ward exactly. After the paramedics had handed him over to the A&E staff, he’d quickly been sent off for X-rays, then shunted into an assessment area, primarily to keep him out of sight as far as he could tell. Additional security had already materialised from out of nowhere, but in terms of receiving treatment, he guessed he wasn’t very high priority.

Of course, said security and the nurses still wouldn’t let the guys in to see him to relieve his boredom. He could hear them out in the waiting room, feet slapping against the heavy-duty lino as they paced. Speculations flying between them about what was up with his brain and the possibility he might succumb to the same fate as Steve.

“There’s no sign of bleeding on my brain, is there?” he asked the nurse, who eventually stepped into his curtained bed space dragging a blood pressure monitor.

“None,” she replied cheerily. “If they thought that you’d be being prepped for theatre, not sitting here with me, and you definitely wouldn’t be guzzling fluids. Give us your arm, then.” She pushed up the sleeve on the hospital gown he’d been given. “Hm, blood pressure’s a bit low. Have you had a lot of dizzy spells recently? Headaches? Nausea?”

“Sometimes.”

“Been tired quite a lot?”

“I’ve been working hard.”

She smiled as if to say she doubted it. Rock stars didn’t work, not in the way that other people did. They lounged about taking drugs and washing them down with alcohol, and if they weren’t doing that, they were promiscuously fornicating.

“The doctor’s asked for some blood work.” He watched her tick boxes on the form for various substrates and disease markers including the ones for hepatitis and HIV, then brooded over her assumptions as she stabbed him and drew vial after vial of his red stuff, before sticking a bit of cotton over the puncture with a strip of tape. “I’ll get these sent down to the lab, and then I’ll be back to clean that cut up.” He’d almost forgotten the huge bit of gauze taped to the side of his head. Moments later, while she was peeling the wound pad away and swabbing at him with water and more cotton wool, he dearly wished he was unconscious again.

“It’s deep.”

Next thing he knew, they’d been joined by one of the doctors. “It’s going to require stitching, but we’re going to have to shave the area around it first. Might be best to use some glue too, once you’ve got those edges pulled together.”

Great! Just bleedin’ fantastic. “Whatever you need.” So Rock Giant had been right after all. He’d be so smug once he realised.

“Hey, no need for that face. It’s only a bit at the side we’re taking off. You can probably make it work as a sort of undercut.”

The doctor’s words didn’t assure him.

“Do you do those in here?” he enquired.

“Uh? No. Want me to numb the area first?”

“I’ll cope.” He bit down hard as the nurse relieved him of a broad strip of hair. Hey, it wasn’t anything vital. It’d grow back, and at least they hadn’t shaved the lot and cracked open his skull. He was not shedding tears over the strands falling onto the floor. What would be the point in that? It was the aftershock of the trauma making him dewy eyed.

In fact, the hair loss wasn’t nearly as bad as the sensation of the thread pulling through his skin. That was… He shuddered. Yeah, how to set someone’s teeth on edge. Horrid, horrid, nasty. Please let it end. Fifteen minutes after he was all patched up and had been wheeled along the corridor to a different curtained bed space, his skin was still crawling.

“Do I have to stay over?” he asked, when someone arrived to tut over his blood pressure again.

“You gave your head a good old crack, and your obs are a bit off. Also, you reported nausea. Probably best if we monitor you for a few hours.”

That sounded like he was staying.

“Can someone at least tell my girlfriend what’s going on?” Better yet, he hoped they’d let him see her.

Sadly, it wasn’t to be. He was wheeled off to another room, and Ginny and the guys sent away.

 

***

 

“I don’t understand why they wouldn’t let us see him,” Ginny muttered for the umpteenth time since they’d left the hospital. She sat wedged between Spook and Rock Giant in the back of Dani’s old estate car, while Xane rode shotgun.

“It’s after midnight. They couldn’t have us all crashing about, disturbing people trying to sleep now, could they?” Spook wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. “He’s in good hands, Ginny. They’ll look after him, and they’re only keeping him in for observations. This isn’t like last time. He’ll be home again tomorrow.”

Home, where exactly was that? Did Ash own such a place? She and Dani still had the flat, but no one had set foot inside it for months. Sooner or later they were going to have to make a decision about whether to let their rental agreement lapse.

On the other side of her, Rock Giant bowed his head in order to rest against her shoulder. Only, he was so tall, and she so petite he had to bend his neck at such an awkward angle he ended up snuggling the headrest instead.

“I don’t understand how he could pass a health check a couple of weeks ago and then be ill again so soon. I don’t understand what it means. Is his brain injury still not fixed yet? Does this mean he won’t be able to tour with you guys after all?”

“Crap. It could,” Rock Giant mumbled. He sounded as miserable about that prospect as she anticipated Ash being. They all knew what was at stake. They’d been living with the horrid possibility of Ash not being able to tour since the summer. They’d battled the odds and overcome that nightmare. No wonder all their faces were so long. Her own heart was bleeding with horror for them, and she was only a bystander, not part of the actual band.

Her thoughts returned directly to Ash. He must be feeling so lost, angry and hurt. It wasn’t right that they’d been forced to leave him alone. Now was when he absolutely needed company and his friends around him so that he knew they’d stand by him no matter the verdict.

“Some jobsworth is bound to make a fuss about this and get the insurers riled up, even if they give Ash the all clear tomorrow,” Spook said.

“You don’t know that.” Xane twisted himself so that he could peer into the back of the vehicle. “I don’t think there’s any sense in us speculating about what may or may not happen until we know why he passed out. I mean, it could be nothing more than him having stood up too fast. It happens all the time. Your brain doesn’t have enough time to process the signals, and so your heart doesn’t know to compensate for the difference in pressure, so the blood pools in your legs, and over you go.”

It sounded logical, except for the fact that Ash had managed to wrap himself in a duvet and walk from their room to the lounge before he toppled over. He’d hit his head with such a horrid thud too. She was more than half convinced they’d mixed his X-rays up with someone else’s. It seemed incredible he hadn’t fractured his skull. Then again, maybe she’d arrive to see him tomorrow and find him shaved bald and woozy from anaesthetic.

“On the same grounds, it’d be silly to rule out the possibility of it being something worse—a side-effect of the damage Iain inflicted.”

They all chewed over that uncomfortable possibility in silence. Not for the first time, Ginny imagined embedding a large axe in Iain’s skull. The man truly was an arsehole.

“What I can’t really believe—” Rock Giant said, intruding on her imaginings. “—is that he killed the tinnies.”

The remark broke the tension in the vehicle, allowing them all to groan and give their worries an outlet as they berated him for his insensitivity.

“Come on guys, you have to agree that was a genuine doofus move. I mean, if you’re going to nosedive, at least aim to fall on something soft and non-essential.”

At one time, she might have believed that the destruction of the beer mountain was genuinely more important to Rock Giant than the safety of his friend, but she’d learned better. The big guy was all heart under his hard-arse exterior. He was the biggest pussy cat she’d ever met. She suspected his jokes were a method of self-defence, so he didn’t have to show how worried he truly was. Looking between the members of Black Halo, it dawned on her exactly how close-knit a team they really were. They looked out for one another, even when they were plotting to murderlize each other, and their fates were heavily entwined. Ash’s issues affected them all, just as Xane’s had done, and so on. It eased her own concern a little knowing they were there for Ash.

“You’ll be pleased to know that at least half the beer is salvageable.” Xane read out the latest text from Luthor. He and Liam had volunteered to stay behind at Rockfield and see to the tidying up while the rest of them raced after Ash. How much actual tidying had taken place, Ginny didn’t care to speculate. Likely not much as Luthor had been exchanging texts with Xane every few minutes since they’d left the hospital waiting room. She was genuinely astonished to find the place spotless when they returned. The pyramid reconstructed, and the beer and blood stains washed out of the carpet. As it was well into the small hours, everyone drifted off to bed pretty promptly, though they did all give her hugs before they left. Rock Giant gave her an extra couple in order to tide her over, since she wouldn’t have Ash to snuggle with for the night.

“I’ll stay and act as a surrogate if it helps,” he volunteered. “And I’m not suggesting anything untoward, if you’re thinking that. I know it can be hard to be alone after a shock like this one.”

Yup, total teddy bear underneath the granite exterior.

“That’s sweet of you, but I think I actually need to be alone for a bit, in order to process everything.”

Their room felt horribly empty without Ash in it. Ginny pulled on one of his T-shirts grateful that his stuff was present, and she could at least surround herself in his scent. The bed was icy, freshly remade with a different duvet than the one Ash had been entwined in when he’d fallen. It smelled of laundry detergent. Right as her head hit the pillow, it occurred to her that the bed having been remade might not be such a great thing. Ginny leapt out of bed and lifted the mattress. The two envelopes were exactly where she’d left them. Thank the lord for fitted sheets, so whoever had remade the bed, hadn’t needed to do hospital corners. She’d been wavering over her decision but, Ash’s return to hospital had cemented her resolve. He couldn’t know about this. He didn’t need the extra trauma. More importantly, he needed to focus his efforts on his health, not have his energy side-tracked into other avenues, and he needed her support. If he knew the truth about her, she couldn’t be certain he’d still want her to be around for her to give him that. Definitely, it would be far better not to say anything yet. Soon, sure. Just not yet.

Okay, so maybe she was digging herself a bigger hole, but she just couldn’t tell him yet.

 

***

Ginny was waiting by the passenger door of Dani’s car the next morning, while a debate raged over who was doing the driving, and in fact which of the band members were heading back to the hospital with her, and which were required to stay so as not to disrupt their recording schedule, when Ash arrived by taxi. Ginny ran straight to him. “You’re out. How are you here? Why didn’t you call? What did they say?” she squealed.

Ash returned her tight hug, as she continued to bombard him with question after question.

“They’ve shaved you.” Rock Giant joined them, and wrapped them both in a bear hug.

Ash fingered the wound along his scalp. “Only a bit. It doesn’t look too awful, does it?”

Rock Giant leaned back to assess it properly. “I don’t think you’ll win any style awards, but I reckon a bit of a trim with the razor on both sides, and leave that bit long, and you’ll do.”

“You’ll do anyway,” Ginny reassured him. “Now explain how you’re here. We were coming to see you.” She retrieved a bag from the front footwell containing his clothes. It had occurred to her first thing, that he’d been naked when they carted him into the back of the ambulance. Indeed, he was currently sporting a very fetching pair of blue scrubs and a pair of slippers, she guessed he’d picked up in the hospital shop.

“They didn’t need to keep me, and I wasn’t hanging around pointlessly.” He shuddered. “Too much hospital time for a lifetime already.”

“But they have given you an explanation for what happened, right?”

Ash glanced around the courtyard, as if he expected a news crew to leap out from behind one of the stone pillars. “Shall we go inside, and I’ll update you?”

To save him the effort of repeating his diagnosis to seven different people, they all gathered around the dining table for the big reveal. Ginny kept a tight grip on Ash’s hand, fearing the worst despite Ash’s relatively upbeat mood. What if his joviality was merely a front, and he was going to clue them in on something catastrophic?

“I’m anaemic,” he said, to utter silence.

“And?” Luthor prompted, voicing what the rest of them were clearly thinking, judging by the frowns and intense stares focussed on her beloved.

Ash rested his shoulders against the chair back. “And nothing. That’s it.”

“That’s it?” Xane said, his incredulity bleeding into his voice.

“Well, and I have low blood pressure, because apparently I don’t drink enough. So, I have to drink more—but not alcohol. And I have to take these lovely horse pills.” He slapped a pill bottle down on the table before him. “Preferably to be washed down with copious amounts of orange juice. And I have to eat more meat and acres of leafy vegetables.”

Ginny picked up the pill bottle, and squinted at the label. “Weren’t these one of the things they gave you to take when they discharged you from hospital in Karlstad?”

Oh, yes, talk about him uncomfortably squirming.

“They are, aren’t they? They’re one of the things you flushed.”

“You flushed the meds they gave you?” Rock Giant clobbered Ash on the back and laughed. “Fucktard.”

Ash glowered, but Rock Giant’s bellyaching had already set the rest of the gang off laughing too. Spook was fighting it, leaving him with a lemon sucking pucker.

“Go on, I think you’d better tell us what the other symptoms of anaemia are.”

Ash covered his eyes with his hand, then bit the bullet. “Fatigue.”

“Tick,” Ginny said.

“Weakness, dizziness, shortness of breath, pallor, heart palpitations.”

“Tick, tick, double tick.”

“Tingling sensations in the limbs.”

“Ash,” she stood.

Xane bashed his forehead against the table. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Seriously, you’re telling us we’ve suffered through months of your shit because you haven’t been eating your greens?”

“More like ’cause he flushed his medication down the crapper,” Rock Giant said. “I mean, good man on doing without the painkillers, but you might have considered looking at the other stuff to figure out why they’d prescribed it before you decided you didn’t need it.”

“So, I made a mistake, okay? And it hasn’t all been down to anaemia.”

“Crap bloody vampire you are,” Xane remarked. He swung his chair onto its back legs, then let it fall onto all four again.

Spook slid a bag of fresh spinach across the table to Ash. “Tuck in.”

Luthor provided him with a carton of orange juice. “Eat up, Popeye.”

“Yeah, yeah, you can all fuck off.”

They stayed to watch him munch through a handful of spinach, washed down with juice from the carton, then drifted off a couple at a time to get back to work on the album.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Ginny hugged him tight once they’d all left. “Are you going to join them, or shall I get you some proper breakfast?”

Ash upped and dropped the rest of the spinach in his hand into the kitchen waste. “Actually, I think I’m going to head to bed for a bit. Hospitals are the least restful place on the planet.”

Ginny slipped under his arm to give him an enormous hug. “Reckon I’ll join you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. If that’s okay.”

He snuggled her closer. “More than. I’m sorry I scared you. I’ll try not to do it again.”

“Please do. I don’t think I can deal with them carting you off again. I don’t know what I’d do if you never came back.”

He swept her up into his arms. “That’s not something you have to worry about. I’ll always come back. Strawberries and fish paste, remember? We belong together.”