Callie smiles at me over her wine glass. She’s beautiful, as always. I still remember the first time I saw her walk into The Spot where I used to bartend. I thought she was beautiful then and now that I know the personality underneath, I know she’s even more amazing than she looks.

“It has been way too long,” says Callie. Her smile shows no hint of accusation, even though we both know the reason it has been so long is me. I’ve been dodging her invitations for years now. I call her every once in awhile, but it has been years since we met in person.

I finish chewing my bite of caesar salad, taking my time to pick the right words. “I know. I’m sorry.”

Callie frowns, reaching across the table to squeeze my hand. “Hey. Don’t apologize. You’ve been busy as hell. I just wish you’d let me—”

I hold up a hand, stopping her because I already know what she’s going to say. “I can’t take any money from you.” Callie is sweet, and she means well, but she doesn’t understand how hard it would be to live with myself if I took her handouts. I know I’m a terrible person for it because I’m letting my pride get in the way of good sense, but I just can’t do it. Before my dad passed away, he always pushed me to be a strong woman, to break the stereotypes and to find success on my own. I’ve tried to live by that as much as I can, and anything else feels like it would be a betrayal.

She purses her lips. “Will you at least tell me what’s going on? I promise I won’t offer to give you money again. But let me in at least. You can’t just keep bottling all these things up.”

I feel my lips quiver and my eyes grow heavy. I really am holding in so much. Way more than I should. If anyone knows how much I should talk, it’s me. But I’ve built a sort of mental dam, and I’m worried even opening a small crack to let some of the pressure through would bring the whole thing down, and I don’t know if I would survive that. “I’m fine, really.” I say. I can hear the strain in my own words, the lack of inflection.

The level gaze she gives me says she sees straight through my lie. “Julia. I say this as your friend...you have a son to look out for. You can’t take care of a child if you don’t take care of yourself first.”

I love her, but her implication that I’m doing anything less than the best for Roman rubs me the wrong way, even if I know there’s truth in it. “I’m doing all I can. Talking about any of my problems isn’t going to make them better. Do you know how it feels to spend all day sitting in my chair, trying to get people to talk through their problems and help them heal, knowing I’m always the most fucked up one in the room?

“The worst part is none of my problems are internal. I know how to help people like a doctor, looking at symptoms tracing them back to the cause. Except this shit I’m dealing with isn’t treatable. The diagnosis would be malignant life fuck-ups, resulting in acute pissed-offedness and suffering.”

Callie smirks. “Is that really a diagnosis?”

I can’t help smiling a little, already feeling better from venting. “No. But it should be.”

“Why don’t you just tell me the thing that’s bothering you most. Right now. What’s the top of your list of problems?”

“Ted,” I say without hesitation. It feels good to voice it. Of all the crap I deal with, Ted is the culmination. “He has been blackmailing me for years now.” Saying it out loud makes me feel vulnerable like I’m suddenly naked in the crowded cafe.

Callie’s face scrunches in sympathy. “Why didn’t you say something sooner? You said he went to the board with his evidence and they overturned it. Is this still about the thing between Leo and you? I’m sure Damian could get a lawyer to—”

I shake my head, interrupting her. “I’m sorry, but I knew you’d just worry if I told you. He never went to anyone with his evidence. He’s still holding it over me, and if he turns it in, I’ll lose everything. So he knows he can get away with pretty much anything he wants. For a while it wasn’t so bad. He would just give me the shittiest clients and constantly make it known that he wanted to date me. Now I think he’s gotten into something bad. He’s been showing up to the office looking harassed and stressed, and he has been taking money from my paychecks. I think he may have taken some loans out and can’t pay them back.”

“Can you please tell me where to find this guy? I’ll go deck him myself. Better yet, I could tell Damian what you just told me. I think Ted would rethink his ways pretty fast.”

I smile, touched by how much she cares about me. I can hear the sympathy and worry in her voice and the genuine desire to hurt Ted she has. “I’ll figure something out.” I feel a stab of anger toward Leo. If he had stuck around, none of this would be happening. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve thought those exact words, I’d be set.