Chapter Fourteen

Sophia

Ryan moving into my apartment now rather than later makes perfect sense because not only does it seem absurd for two people about to get married to be living in entirely different apartments, we need to spend as much time as possible working out how best to prove to the outside world that we are actually a real couple.

I’ve lived with ex-boyfriends before, so it’s not a big deal for me to do it again, and this is Ryan we’re talking about, the man I’ve been developing a theatrical relationship with (and secret crush on) for over a month and a half. Who wouldn’t want to share a bed with him immediately, if only under the pretense of a fake marriage?

Alice and Alex are the only two other people in the world who know that this relationship is a fake one, and Ryan and I are making it our goal in the next couple of days to try and convince everyone else before we head down to the city clerk’s office and make this thing official.

After agreeing to go ahead with this, we’ve decided that we’ll tell both of our parents about our relationship, make sure we’re being seen out together as a couple, tell everyone at the theatre and make it absolutely clear that no other conclusion can be drawn about our status, which is extremely exciting for me, because it means that in public Ryan and I get to do the things all normal boyfriends and girlfriends do, and I can squeeze him, hug him and steal kisses without feeling like I’m doing anything wrong. In fact, the more I do it, the better an effect it will have for us.

“Which side do you want?” Ryan says, staring at my double bed. He’s brought a suitcase and a backpack with him, and little else, and looks like the sexiest traveller I’ve ever seen.

“You take the side by the window”, I say. “That way you can protect me if anyone comes in.”

Ryan dumps his backpack by the side of the bed I’ve just given him and his suitcase on top.

“That happen a lot?” he asks.

“It might”, I say, suggestively. “You might have to hug me just in case I feel scared. Or cold”, I add. “This room can get a bit cold.”

“I’m sure that’s something a husband can do for his wife.”

I smile and flop down on the bed. ”After that sofa, this is going to feel like heaven”, I say.

Ryan takes his suitcase off the bed again and flops down by the side of me. “Oh my God”, he says, stretching out. “This is fucking luxury.”

I go up on one elbow to look at him. “Egyptian cotton sheets, duck down duvet, memory foam mattress”, I say, stroking it all.

“You sleep on this every night?” Ryan asks. “How the hell do you ever get up in the morning?”

“It’s good isn’t it?”

“Good? It’s—. I don’t want to get up.” Ryan rolls onto his side to face me. “Thank you, Sophia. I really appreciate you doing this for me.”

I shrug. “It’s going to be fun”, I say. “And it’s only marriage, after all.”

“It might be weird at first”, Ryan says, “you know, pretending to be madly in love with each other. Doing it on stage is one thing but doing it on stage and then everywhere else as well is another thing entirely.”

“Just think of it as method acting”, Sophia says. “Plus kissing and cuddling is fun, right? It doesn’t sound like work at all to me.”

“When you put it like that—”, Ryan says, rolling onto his back again.

I snuggle into him and put my hand on his chest mostly because I can’t resist it and I know now I can get away with it.

“What kind of boyfriend are you?” I ask.

“Thoughtful, caring, fun to be around”, Ryan says.

“That sounds like an online dating profile”, I say.

“It probably is. Nature lover seeks companion for late nights out and long nights in.”

I laugh. “Nature lover?!”

“Everything except for cats, I have to draw the line at cats.”

“Okay, how would you describe me?” I say, pushing away from him and sitting up. Ryan readjusts himself and leans up against the bedhead, his legs crossed.

“How would I describe you if I were writing your online dating profile?” he says, looking at me suspiciously.

“Sure”, I say. “Exactly that.”

“I feel like this is an unfair game”, Ryan says.

“Alright, I’ll start”, I say. “Just to make it fair, and then you can tell me how accurate I am.”

“Because?”

“Because we need to know as much as we can about each other in case people ask”, I say.

“And it’s fun to see what we really think about the other person. If we’re going to get married, I want to know how you see me.”

“Honestly?” Ryan asks.

I nod. “Totally one hundred percent honestly.”

“Alright.” I watch him readjust himself and clear his throat theatrically. “Blue by the way, I’m an only child and I was born in Boston. That’s all they’ll need to know if they ask. Oh, and my birthday’s in August. The thirteenth.”

“Favorite film?” I ask.

“Seven.”

“Favorite song?”

“Don’t have one.”

“What do you mean you don’t have one?”

“I don’t have one”, he says. “There are too many.”

“So what are we going to play at our wedding?”

Ryan shrugs. “You can pick it”, he says. “I’m happy with anything.”

“Favorite actor?”

“Forest Whitaker.”

“Good choice”, I say.

“You?”

“That isn’t the game”, I point out.

“You can tell me how sexy I am afterward”, Ryan says.

“One sister, married with two children, we don’t talk much, she’s a doctor, eight years older than me, and we’re completely different. One brother, currently living in London and working as a computer techno geek at some internet start-up. Blue as well, but not any shade of blue, the kind of light, almost transparent blue that the mediterranean sea is when the sun’s shining in the summer time. I’m a capricorn, which on paper means I’m risk averse, practical, highly organized and need stability, but none of that is true, apart from the stability bit, so I wonder if my parents somehow mixed up my birth date. It’s the fourth by the way, so i’ll expect flowers. Amelie because I’m in love with Audrey Tautou, My Heart’s a Mess by Gotye because it helped me after I got my heart broken for real and Audrey Tautou for reasons already mentioned. Did I miss anything?”

Ryan has a huge smile on his face like the cat that got the cream.

“What?!” I ask.

“Nothing”, Ryan says, his smile not shifting. “It’s a good list.”

“We should take turns in telling stories”, I say. “Past experiences so we can get to know each other better, kind of like speed dating.”

“You want to speed date your fiance?” Ryan asks.

I giggle. “Yes”, I say. “That’s exactly what I want to do.”

“You want to do first impressions?” Ryan asks.

“After”, I say. “I want to hear what we think of each other for real first. First impressions are always wrong anyway, they shouldn’t count.”

Ryan laughs. “That means mine was a negative one.”

“Thoughtful, sensitive, extremely attractive”, I begin.

“Woah, hold on”, Ryan says, his hand in the air. “Extremely attractive?”

I shrug and hope I’m not going red. “Come on, you know you’re sexy, hundreds of people must have told you that before.”

“Hang on, extremely attractive or sexy?” Ryan says, “they’re two different things.”

“Arrogant, big headed.” I laugh and Ryan joins in.

“I’m just normal”, he says. “I’m not ugly and I’m not a model.”

“Alright, I take arrogant and big headed back”, I say. “Actually, I think you’re sweet, funny, thoughtful, very attractive, considerate and fun to be around.”

“Wow”, Ryan says. “I sound like I’d make a good husband.”

“The resume doesn’t always match the worker”, I say. “They have to prove themselves first.”

“And how am I doing so far?” Ryan says.

“So far so good”, I say. “But it’s a multiple interview process. I won’t really know for sure until we’re actually married and have been living together for a while.”

“That’s fair enough”, Ryan agrees. “A trial period to get adjusted is normal.”

“So what about me?” I ask.

Ryan shifts his position like he’s about to get off the bed. “I couldn’t possibly say”, he says, pretending to avoid the question.

“Too bad”, I say, my hand on his arm to pull him towards me. “It’s your turn. After this we’ll do first impressions, embarrassing moments, fears, fantasies and darkest secrets.”

Ryan laughs. “Did Marshall give you a list?”

“You want to get to know your wife, right?” I say.

Ryan sinks back into the bed and I lie alongside him again, close enough to kiss, even though I don’t dare to.

“You’re right”, he says. “I want to get to know you.”

“Good”, I say. “I want to get to know you too. If we’re going to get married, live in the same apartment, share the same bed, convince everyone in the world that we’re in love with each other, we need to do it right. We’re going to be husband and wife, for real, everywhere in the world but our own heads.”

“The most attractive girl I have ever seen”, Ryan says, and it makes my heart skip a beat.

“What?!” I say, definitely going red now.

“I’m serious”, Ryan says.

“Come on, you don’t have to act now”, I say, convinced he’s just saying that in the role as my future husband.

“I’m not”, Ryan confesses. “I’m serious. I think you are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, and I don’t mean just the way you look, it’s everything. The way you carry yourself, your actions, the looks you give me, the way that you act, it’s incredibly sexy.”

“Wow”, I say, and for the first time in my life, Ryan looks like he’s just revealed a secret he shouldn’t have.

“I think you’re a special person”, Ryan goes on. “Not to mention a brilliant actress. I think you’re fragile too, because people haven’t taken care of you as they should have done in the past. I think you’re imaginative, creative, caring, thoughtful, interesting, and a lot of fun to be around, and I think we have a lot of things in common.”

“Like what?” I say, still stunned by what he’s just revealed to me.

“Well, we both like the color blue for example, you know, that’s very important for when we redesign our brand new house.”

I laugh. “I said honestly.”

Ryan holds his hands up. “I’m being honest. I asked you in the first place because of those things. Plus, I can’t think of anyone else who would be cool with marrying me and insisting we shared the same bed to make sure we did it right.”

Close enough to kiss him through this fug of sexual tension, but I’m not going to do it. Instead I’m going to look awkward because I can’t think of what to say right now.

“If we’re going to get married”, I finally begin. “And stay married—.”

“You know that Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter slept in different beds”, Ryan says.

“Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter got divorced like two years ago”, I point out. “Anyway, we need to convince people we’re for real. Especially if they send someone round to assess us. If we can convince Alex and Alice as well, we’ll know we’ve done enough.”

“You think that’s possible?” Ryan asks.

“That depends on how committed we are to making this work”, I say.

“I thought you said that you didn’t have many of the typical traits of a capricorn.”

“I don’t”, I say. “I just like to give my all if I take on a job.”

“Can you imagine what they are going to say at the theatre?” Ryan says, leaning onto his back again.

The amount of times I’ve thought about him being in this bed with me and now he’s here I’m struggling to get those images out of my head. Now he’s my fake fiance, I feel like I should do them even less.

“Leading men and women fall in love all the time”, I say. “And Marshall will be over the moon.”

“We need to get some press coverage”, Ryan says, “Just a little story about our relationship.”

“Let’s get the marriage license first”, I say, “the last thing I want is my parents coming over here to try and stop me.”

“I thought we were going to tell them”, Ryan says.

“We are, just late enough that they can’t do anything about it. When they find out that you’re not a doctor, a lawyer or a politician, they’re going to freak.”

“Even when they find out I’m extremely attractive”, Ryan says, and it makes me laugh.

“Even then”, I say. “Unless you know how to charm them, in French.”

“I’m an actor”, Ryan says. “You write the part for me, I’ll deliver it.”

“Talking of parts”, I say, “we should start putting our plan into action.”

“Agreed”, Ryan says, sitting back up. “And you know what the first step in any new relationship is?”

“A romantic candlelight dinner?” I ask.

Ryan shakes his head.

“A walk along the river?” I guess.

Ryan shakes his head.

“A trip to Coney Island to eat hot dogs?”

“All very good guesses, but not the right answer”, Ryan says, taking his cell phone out of his pocket. “The first step in any new relationship is, of course, changing our facebook status.”

I laugh while Ryan pulls me towards him and lifts the camera into the air to take a selfie.

“This is like the twenty first century equivalent of taking an advert out in a national paper”, Ryan says. “Plus, if it’s on facebook, it must be official.”

“That’s so true”, I say, styling my hair and getting ready to pout. “This will definitely get the rumor mill going.”

Ryan takes a series of shots: one of us with our cheeks pressed together, one of us laughing, one of us back to back, one of us pulling faces, one of me kissing his cheek, one of him kissing mine, and then uploads all of them to his facebook account, tagging me as he goes.

“We’re missing one”, I say when he’s done, taking my cell phone from the side table and excitedly lifting it into the air above us. “A proper kiss.”

Ryan doesn’t have time to react either way, before I’ve pressed my lips against his, slipped my tongue into his mouth and stolen a kiss more passionate and more lengthy than is arguably entirely necessary to prove our point. When I’m finally done, a good twenty seconds after I’ve taken the photo, I pull away, peck Ryan again quickly on the lips for good measure and then try to pretend that was all perfectly normal.

“Just in case people think we’re messing around”, I say, “or doing something as William and Elouise. It makes it look more real this way.”

“I—, er, absolutely agree”, Ryan says, in a kind of stunned way that makes me think that my spontaneous game of tonsil tennis wasn’t entirely expected.

I try and ignore the heat crawling up through my belly and shift the focus onto the purpose of our make out session. “Done”, I say and hold the phone out for him to see it. “I’m now officially in a relationship with Ryan Carter Speed.”

“That’s hot”, Ryan says, looking at the photo of us both with our lips pressed together. “Now we just wait for the messages to come in and people to start doing what they do best on social media: gossip.”

I put my cell back on the side and run my tongue over my tingling lips, to smack Ryan’s taste against the roof of my mouth. I don’t usually get to do that until the end of each evening’s performance, so it’s nice to get a little practice run in now. My next challenge will be going from kissing to full on naughtiness and everything else in between, but when we’re married and we’re both in here with a lot fewer clothes on, I’m sure it won’t take much encouragement. Now that I’ve got every opportunity to extend my visa and stay here, I’m not going to miss out on the possibility of doing absolutely everything I want to with Ryan Carter Speed. After all, if we’re going to get married, it’s not unusual for a wife to expect her husband to perform certain duties.

“This is real, isn’t it?” I say. “I mean, it’s actually begun.”

Ryan nods. “The comments are already coming in.”

I grab my cell phone and take a look. She’s gorgeous, who is she? Are you winding us up? About time. In addition we already have fifteen likes. “The power of social media”, I say, freaking out ever so slightly.

“People love to gossip”, Ryan says, “And some people like to be seen to be the first ones to do it.”

“Are you friends with anyone from the production?” I ask.

Ryan shakes his head. “We’ll have to just tell people there, or at least make it obvious that we couldn’t be anything else.”

“Kisses?” I ask.

Ryan smiles. “The way that you look at me for the part of the play where you don’t hate me, like that but before, and after”, he says. “And if you get a moment, tell Tracy, she’ll spread it around like wild fire.”

“Done.”

“Are you okay?”

“My heart is beating at about a million miles an hour. It’s beating so fast it sounds like one continuous noise.”

“It’s not too late to pull out”, Ryan says, “I still haven’t unpacked.”

I shake my head. “Are you kidding? I already told you I’m not going to change my mind, it’s just—. I’m not nervous, it’s how I get before a performance. Before it was just between you and me, but now it’s out there, it’s definitely real. It’s exciting.”

“My heart’s beating too”, Ryan confesses. “It’s normal. It’s not every day that you try and convince everyone that you know that your fake relationship is a real one.”

My phone buzzes again and I scroll down to the comments section. “It’s Alice”, I say, tilting the screen so Ryan can see as well.

“I knew it!” Ryan reads out, “so happy for you guys. Smiley face, winky face, heart, heart, heart. That’s good of her”, he says. “I’ll have to get Alex to do the same.”

I still have the phone in my hand when it rings, and it gives me such a shock I almost drop it.

“Fuck”, I say. “It’s my parents. What do I do?”

Ryan shrugs. “You could answer it?”

“And tell them what?”

I look at the still ringing phone in despair. They couldn’t know, could they? I mean, how could they know?

“Tell them you’re getting married to a doctor”, Ryan says. “Or just ignore it and come with me to the city clerk's office to get our marriage licence.”

I let the call ring out.

”They’re going to have to know at some point”, Ryan says plainly.

“I’m just a little bit terrified of my parents”, I admit, almost apologetically. “I will tell them, but only when it’s too late for them to do anything about it.”

Ryan takes my hand. “They can’t do anything about it anyway, it’s your choice remember.”

“I know”, I say. “I’ve just got a weird dysfunctional relationship with them, that’s all, and it stresses me out.”

“It’s alright, my parents are just as bad, don’t worry about it. There’s not all that much reason to tell them anyway to be honest, if you don’t want to, except it probably looks better for our claim. By the way, the fact that telling your parents you’re getting married stresses you out more than actually getting married makes me feel very happy that I have you.”

I smile. “Is that weird?” I say.

Ryan shakes his head. “Not at all.”

I shift my thoughts away from my parents and onto the task ahead. “You can bring more stuff if you want, there’s plenty of space in the wardrobe.”

Ryan looks down at the suitcase and the hastily packed rucksack he’s brought with him. “Compared to what I’ve been used to over the last week, this is way more than I need right now. I’ll bring the lorry load of man’s things when we finally get our outrageous house.”

“Will it have a dance floor and built in jacuzzi?” I ask, as Ryan puts his arm around me and guides me to the living room.

“And gymnasium, and private cinema, and helipad for our private helicopter.”

“You know I’m not used to such lavish riches”, I say, more entertained by dreaming big than actually living it.

“Don’t tell dear aunt Caroline that”, Ryan says, “she might come back from the grave and ask for her money back.”

We’re in the living room, hand in hand facing each other.

“We might as well just drop in on the way to the theatre”, Ryan says.

“Just to see what they need”, I add, not that I haven’t looked at it all already.

“Get it out of the way.” Ryan’s smile makes heat rise through my chest again.

“Get onto the matrimony”, I say.

“Kids, arguments, bitter resentment.”

“I was thinking more of extended holidays in the caribbean.”

“That sounds way better”, Ryan says. “Let’s stick with that.”

“Deal.”

“Deal.”

“Remember”, I point out. “As soon as we get out there, we’re boyfriend and girlfriend. I’ll expect attention, romantic gestures and all of my meals paid for.” I smile, reach up and kiss him on the cheek. “And absolutely no looking at other women.”

Ryan pulls me into him and this time he’s the one that kisses me: a series of light sensual smacks that climb up my neck, dot the edge of my mouth and finish perfectly against my lips.  “I don’t need anyone else now that I’ve got you”, he says, one word sewed between each kiss so the sentence comes out staggered.

We look at each other and for the first time in all of the time we’ve been together I see it, and then before I have a chance to make sure I’m not dreaming, it’s already gone again.

“Ready?” Ryan asks me, his acting face squarely on now.

I nod.

“Then let’s go and find out how to get married.”