Chapter Twenty

Ryan

Alex practically chokes on his cappuccino when I tell him. “So you’re doing this for real now?” he says, as though the fact that we’ve suddenly started sleeping together means that the idea of us getting married is somehow even more shocking to him.

I take some napkins out of the dispenser and pass them over. “Everything is the same as it was before, it’s just right now we happen to be sleeping with each other”, I say, and doing so out loud makes it seem all that more real to me.

Ryan wipes the spilled coffee away from his chin and then wipes the rest of it off the table. I can tell he’s dying to say something to me.

“What?” I ask.

“This”, Alex says excitedly, slapping his hands on the table and giving the elderly lady sat at the table next to us a fright. “Everything. It’s your fucking wedding day, Ryan. I never thought I’d see this happening.”

“Thanks for coming, you know, at such short notice.”

Alex holds up his coffee cup and for a moment I think he’s going to say something poignant. “You haven’t even given me time to organize a buck’s party, you realize that, right?” he says instead, before covering his top lip with what’s left of the cappuccino foam, slurping it out from the bottom like a hungry dog. “I had it all planned out. The weekend in vegas, the strippers, the inevitable post event shame. It would have been amazing.”

“Another time”, I say.

“I can’t believe she said yes”, Alex goes on, drilling down to the crux of the matter. “Not only that, I can’t believe you’re actually banging her.” And there it is, exactly what he was dying to tell me.

Alex smiles at me with a huge grin, while the elderly lady decides she’s had enough and changes table.

“I know”, I say, finding it hard to get the smile off my face too. “I can’t believe it either. One minute she’s telling me she can’t do it, the next it turns out it’s all an act and she’s saying yes and then a heartbeat later she’s coming on to me before and after the show, and half of the time I have no idea whether it’s because she really likes me or she’s just getting stuck into the part.”

“I’m proud of you, man”, Alex says, reaching over to squeeze my shoulder. “For a while I thought you’d lost your touch.”

“I’m lucky”, I say. “I had no idea she felt the same way about me.”

“See, it’s that kind of modesty that makes girls fall in love with you in the first place. Chicks dig that kind of thing.”

“I thought chicks dug money”, I ask him. “And rings.”

“Chicks dig all kinds of things”, he says. “They’re complicated. You should know that even better than me.”

“Everyone’s complicated”, I say. “The key is finding someone who can get along with that.”

Alex regards me with what I can only describe with a look of concern. “Now”, he says, “as your groomsman I feel it’s only my duty to ask you.”

“Go on.”

He makes a point of leaning forward across the table, and then checks around us to see if anyone is listening, which is pretty ridiculous considering he didn’t care who heard what he was saying before. “Are you absolutely sure this is the right thing to do?”

I’m about to begin speaking when Alex holds up his hand to stop me. “Marriage seriously fucks up a lot of relationships”, he says. “Just look at my parents, and your parents.”

“My parents are still married”, I say.

“That’s exactly my point”, he says. “Marriage fucks up relationships, and I know you like this girl.”

“I don’t follow”, I say.

“I just don’t want you to ruin a perfectly good relationship with her by rushing into a marriage.”

I have to laugh because I’ve never seen Alex look so concerned. “Thank you for your concern, Alex, seriously, it means a lot to me.”

Alex sits back in his seat. “I had to make sure, as your best friend and one of the only other people who know you’re planning on doing this today.”

“I’m sure”, I say. “Getting married isn’t going to change anything between us except our legal status, and I know that sounds weird, but believe me, it’s only a big deal if we make it a big deal.”

“You’re moving in together”, Alex reminds me. “I dated that tightrope walker for three years and we never even considered moving in together.”

“It’s different, and she was a gym teacher, not a tightrope walker.”

“She had a job at the circus”, Alex points out. “How many times do I have to tell you that?”

“Look, you’ve got a point, it’s a little weird, but the quicker we get married, the quicker we can find an apartment, big enough for us to begin this relationship slowly. That’s what we’re going to do—.”

Alex is looking at me suspiciously. “You, slowly?”

“She’s not like the other girls, Alex”, I say. “She’s something completely different, and I’m going to do everything I can to make this marriage and this relationship work between us. I’m serious about that, more serious than I’ve ever been about anything else in my life.”

“Holy shit”, Alex says, leaning back into his chair and pointing at me loosely. “That’s it right there. You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

I lean back into my chair too, the two of us regarding each other like chess players who have just worked out the other knows their strategy. “It’s time to go shopping”, I say, trying to change the subject.

“I thought you were bullshitting before, but you’re not, are you? Holy shit. You’re actually in love with this girl, for real.”

“If we don’t get the suits we’ll be late”, I say, refusing to answer his question.

Alex is shaking his head, his lips curled into a smile of satisfaction. “I never thought i’d actually see the day”, he says. “And Sophia’s hot, don’t get me wrong, but, wow! I think I’m in a state of shock.”

“Come on, Alex”, I say, already on my feet with my jacket half way on. “I’m not in love with her. I like her a huge amount and the sex is absolutely fantastic, no, wait, it’s beyond fantastic, it’s like all the best things in the world crammed into a single box and given to you on your birthday, and I think about her like all the time, even when I’m sleeping, and I dream about her constantly and I miss her when she’s not there, of course, and when we are together it’s like the world couldn’t be even more perfect, you know, like sunshine and rainbows and heaven itself all rolled into—.”

Alex finally gives in. “Alright, alright, you’re going to make me throw up my breakfast.”

He gets to his feet and puts his jacket on.

“We’ll see how it turns out”, I say. “But I’m doing this and I’m not going to let anyone talk me out of it.”

“I’m not trying to talk you out of it”, Alex says. “I just don’t want you guys to fuck up what could be an incredible relationship by getting married the day after you first sleep together.”

“We’re going to take each day as it comes”, I say. “And to be fair, some people don’t even get to sleep together first. At least we’ve made sure we know we’re compatible in that respect.” I stop Alex just before we step out on the street, fix him with as serious a look as I can manage and then say, in a conspiratorial tone, “we’re really fucking compatible in that respect.”

Alice has taken Sophia dress shopping while Alex and I go searching for matching suits with the idea that we meet each other at the city clerk’s office after lunch and try and maintain at least one of the traditions of a wedding day that interests us both. We could have come downtown together after breakfast, but it’s way more exciting this way. I know the normal thing is to sleep apart the night before the wedding as well, but in our case, that wasn’t exactly possible.

We still haven’t told our parents, and I doubt we will until it becomes entirely necessary. In fact, apart from everyone at the theatre, no-one else but Alex and Alice know we are getting married at all, and it’s only Alice and Alex who know we’re doing it today.

“So, what's she like?” Alex asks. “Alice, I mean.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Come on, man.”

Alex shrugs. “I thought we might have something in common with this. You’ve got to admit it’s a good start.”

“She’s got a boyfriend, and you need to get a new technique”, I advise him. “And what happened to Tracy anyway?”

“Tracy was more interested in talking about you than she was about anything else. I think she’s got a thing for you, seriously.”

“Tracy hates my guts”, I say.

“Yeah well, you know how thin that line is sometimes.”

I have two places in mind that specialize in suits, and several back up stores if neither of the first two turn out to be suitable. I want something that’s going to make Sophia moan like she did last night when she sees me, and a groomsman’s equivalent for Alex. I know the ceremony is likely to take less than half an hour, but if I’m going to get married, and then inherit a hundred thousand dollars just for the pleasure of doing so, I want to make it memorable. Besides which, Alex has agreed to put it all on his credit card until the inheritance money comes through and despite failing in pretty much every other area of his life, he does numbers like the universe does stars, which means he’s got a seriously good credit rating and an upper borrowing limit I could only dream of having.

We haven’t got enough time to get bespoke suits made for us, so the plan is to find something off the peg in one of the specialized stores I have in mind, and failing that, buy something from one of the large department stores. If that fails too, I have William’s back up suit at the theatre, but even though Sophia would definitely see the funny side, I want to get married as Ryan Carter Speed not an invented character based on Marshall Fuller’s life. Thankfully Alex and I are both normal sized, so we shouldn’t have any problem.

“I can’t believe you’ve brought me shopping”, Alex says, with the kind of dread in his voice a soldier might display seconds before climbing out of his trench to run blindly across no man’s land. Standing at the edge of Manhattan’s extensive shopping district, the comparison seems like a fair one.

“We get in and get out”, I say. “I have a plan, I promise.”

“I don’t know, Ryan”, Alex says. “It looks kind of dangerous.”

“We go straight to the store, we find our suits, we buy our suits, and then we get out again before we get suffocated by these maniacs. Easy.”

Alex gives me a side glance filled with fear. “This is why I do my shopping online”, he says. “Today isn’t even Saturday.”

We take a deep breath, step into the chaos and then try to make our way to the store with as minimal damage to our nervous systems as possible. Alex is asked a bunch of times for charity donation, we see Superman, Aladdin sat on a flying carpet, and a man dressed as a waiter mid fall, and bump into far too many people to mention buzzing from store to store with arms full of shopping bags like gangs of zombies out looting. Eventually we make it to the suit store I had in mind, quickly slam the door shut behind us and then lean against it and catch our breath as though whatever has chased us in here is something we’d definitely prefer to keep out.

An attendant looks at us both nervously, and then calls over to his boss in a voice lilted by urgent panic.

When the boss arrives quickly from one of the rooms at the back of the store to find out exactly what’s going on, and I’m not entirely sure whether we’re going to be asked to step right out into the chaos of the street again, I’m more relieved than I have time to admit to see his expression soften into a knowing look of empathetic understanding before he finally welcomes us over. This is a man who has seen other men try to navigate the dangers of clothes shopping before, and as much as I’m trying to play it cool, he can see right through us.

“Wedding or funeral?” he asks, beckoning us into the store.

“Wedding”, I say, stepping away from the door. “I’m getting married today.”

“Congratulations”, the man says, filling his face with what seems like a fake smile. I expect he’s repeated the same action so many times he can’t even say congratulations now without a smile following it automatically. “How can we help?”

“I’m going to need two suits”, I say. “Shoes, ties, vests, everything. For both of us. Something that will make us stand out.”

“Something that will make us look like models”, Alex adds.

“Or just something that will make us look really good”, I confirm, keen not to extend this trip any longer than is necessary.

“To hire or to buy?” the boss says plainly.

I look at Alex. “To buy”, Alex says confidently, and then to me: “you never know, Alice might decide she likes me when she sees me all dressed up.”

The whole process takes way longer than I want, but about as long as I expect based on similar experiences in the past in every single costume department of every single theatre production I’ve ever been a part of. Between us we try on matching combinations of three different suits, several pairs of shoes, more vests than I can count, an elaborate variety of ties and a number of different hat styles, only a few of which fit Alex’s oddly shaped head, but after what feels like an event in itself, we eventually manage to find something that not only makes us look good, it really makes us look like models.

The suits are similar but not matching, the color is a dark grey that looks like a metal yet to be discovered, the cut is apparently Italian and so well tailored it could be bespoke, the vest is a horseshoe style, which I didn’t even know existed before, and sits so snugly over my shirt it doesn’t feel like I’m wearing it at all, the ties are suitably intricate for this kind of thing, the hats fit like they were always meant for us and the shoes are some of the most comfortable I’ve ever worn. As far as I’m concerned, we’re done here.

“Fucking hell”, Alex says as he sees himself in the mirror for the first time. “Fuck me. I actually look really good.” He turns to check me out. “Sophia’s going to love you”, he adds.

I brush down the front of my vest, making sure nothing is creased. “I hope so.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look hot, man”, Alex says, taking a step back to admire me like I expect Alice is doing right now to Sophia. “Smoking.”

“Happy, gentlemen?” the boss asks.

“Fuck yes, we’re happy”, Alex says, as he stares at his own ass in the mirror. “I’ve never looked better.”

I sit down and begin to take my shoes off when Alex stops me. “Hey, what are you doing?”

“Getting undressed”, I say plainly. “What do you think I’m doing? We’re not meeting Sophia for at least another hour.”

Alex shakes his head. “No chance. We’re not getting undressed again”, he says, “I’ll never be able to work out how to fold the tie.”

I look at Alex, over to the attendant who still seems to be wearing the same nervous look on his face that makes me wonder whether it’s a permanent characteristic of his and then all of us look over to the boss. “It’s up to you”, he says diplomatically.

Alex has got a point, but as much as I’d prefer to avoid the hassle of undressing and redressing again, I also don’t want to walk across town like this either. “So what do you suggest we do?” I ask.

“There isn’t anywhere else to get ready”, he points out. “We haven’t got time to get to mine and you don’t even have a proper home yet.”

“I live with Sophia”, I say plainly, as though he might be suggesting I’ve spent the last few nights living on the streets.

“Exactly, so you can’t go back there. I say we just stay like this. Can’t you get Sophia to meet you there earlier?”

“A girl early to her own wedding?” I say. “Impossible.”

Alex shrugs. “I guess we could take the long way round via a bar or two.”

I roll my eyes. “Or we could just get there early and wait in the queue”, I say.

“Or we could do that”, Alex agrees. “Even though it’s the most boring of all the possible options.”

“I don’t want to fuck this up”, I say. “We can go and get drunk after Sophia’s said I do.”

Alex gives me a quizzical look. “Don’t tell me you’re doubting her now.”

“I’m not doubting her at all”, I say, suddenly feeling even more nervous than the first time we got married on stage. “I just don’t want anything to go wrong, that’s all.”

“You want me to call Alice, see where they are at?” Alex offers.

“No”, I say, a little more bluntly than I want to. “Let’s just call a cab, get to the city clerk’s office, and tell Sophia we’re there waiting for her. That way we don’t need to get undressed and spend hours working out how to do our ties.”

“Or get changed in the restrooms”, Alex adds.

“Exactly.”

“Alright”, Alex says, his hands up into the air passively, while I begin to put my shoes back on. “That sounds like a perfect plan to me.”

I turn to the mirror to take another look at myself while Alex puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into him. “You know how I know you’re in love with her?” he teases.

“Come on, man.”

“I know you’re in love with her because I’ve never seen you this nervous before.”

I sigh, but as good an actor as I am, I know I can’t fool my best friend. “I’m getting married, Alex, I’m entitled to feel a little edgy.”

“Damn straight you’re getting married”, Alex says excitedly, as though he’s only just remembered. “And I’m going to make sure that definitely happens.”

Alex steps away for a moment to gather his other clothes and make payment for the suits, while I take a little longer in front of the mirror, trying to prepare myself for what we’re about to do. I am unquestionably nervous, and it’s not necessarily because I’m about to get married either. I think the scariest thing for me right now is that I think I’m falling in love with Sophia, and there’s every possibility she might feel the same way as I do too. I take a deep breath, give myself the same short motivational speech I do before each new performance and then go and join Alex at the register.

“There’s a cab on the way”, he says. “And the suits are all paid for.”

“Thanks, Alex, that’s remarkably efficient of you.”

“Don’t mention it, man, just remember that bike I want when you get that inheritance money.”

“Driving lessons first”, I point out, “Harley Davidson afterward.”

“I already know how to drive”, Alex complains. “Accident free for three years now. I know how to drive”, he makes a point of repeating to the store owner, as though defending his case to a judge.

We put our original clothes in my rucksack, which Alex offers to wear during the ceremony so I don’t mess up my suit, and sit on the chairs near the dressing rooms while we wait for our cab to turn up. I can almost feel the nervous tension biting through the air, as though we’re queueing to go on a theme park ride that is both terrifying and exhilarating in equal measure.

“What do you think Sophia’s going to wear?” Alex asks me after a while, his voice lowered to a whisper for no other reason I can think of than the fact that he’s feeling it now too.  “Classic wedding dress or, you know, some kind of modern twist?”

To be honest, with everything else going on this morning, I hadn’t even thought about it.

“I don’t know”, I say trying to picture what it could be, “but whatever it is, I know she’s going to look amazing.”

Alex puts his hand on my shoulder. “I can’t wait to see you both up there, confessing your undying love for each other.”

“I have no idea what it’s going to be like”, I confess. “They might just get us to sign the register.”

“Whatever”, Alex says. “As long as it’s official. You can do the romantic stuff tonight, and don’t tell me you haven’t already thought about it. A marriage isn’t a marriage until it’s consummated after all.”

“I’m so happy you’ve got our best interests at heart”, I say, while he settles back into his chair with a big smile on his face, perhaps to imagine himself doing the same with Alice, a girl he hasn’t even met yet. It doesn’t last long, but Alex is the kind of person that has trouble sitting still for more than a second anyway so I kind of expect it. He clicks his fingers and practically bounces off his seat. “Flowers”, he says, “I almost forgot. Chicks dig flowers. We’ll pick some up on the way.”

“Anything else?” I ask.

“I guess you didn’t get rings?” Alex asks.

I shake my head. “Things have kind of happened so fast I didn’t have a chance.” I feel bad that I haven’t and briefly wonder whether we should pass by the theatre and pick up the ones from there. That consideration lasts right up until I imagine myself bumping into Marshall, Tracy and half of the rest of the cast and have to explain why I’m dressed like this.

“Chicks dig rings”, Alex says solemnly as though reciting a ten thousand year old mantra. “I did tell you before.”

“We’ll be fine”, I say. “We’d only have to take them off before tonight anyway.”

“No buck’s party, no rings, no guests to usher into their chairs, you know, I feel like my role as your groomsman is a little limited in its scope”, Alex says.

“It’s not exactly the most traditional of weddings”, I point out. “If it makes you happy, you can do a speech afterward if you like.”

Alex’s face lights up. “Funny you should say that”, he says, reaching into his inside pocket. “I’ve actually already got something prepared.”

I can’t help but smile as Alex pulls out several sheets of crumpled up note paper.

“When did you put that in there?” I ask.

“While you were doing your jedi bullshit motivational talk”, he says. “It’s still a little rough around the edges, you know, you didn’t give me much time, after all, but I think it’ll do. It’s got all the most important things in it. I mean, Sophia barely knows you so I figure it’s only fair for me as your oldest, longest and most important friend to embarrass you in front of your wife.”

“You’re an ashole”, I say.

Alex laughs. “Don’t look so worried”, he says, feeding the messy script back into his inside pocket. “I’ve only mentioned the ballet lessons and that weird retainer you had once.”

“Gentleman”, the shop owner says, before I can push Alex further on the content. I’ve got nothing to hide, but Alex has known me a long time and even though things have changed now, I wasn’t exactly the most popular kid in school. “Cab’s here.”

Alex springs to his feet. “This is it”, he says. “I hope you’re ready.” And with my heart beating at about a million miles an hour, we make our way to the door.