Chapter 19

Callie

When I arrived at the office, I was sick to my stomach. Grayson’s sister, Carter’s wife, mulled in my mind, and the more I thought about it, the more horrible I felt. No one deserved to go through something as terrible as losing a loved one, a sister, a wife.

Why was the universe so cruel? Why did some get to live, to receive do-overs and second chances, and others died?

I scrubbed my face with my hands, ran my fingers through my hair, checked if my make-up was smudged in the rearview mirror and practiced my smile before I climbed out of the car and headed into the office. I had to face Isaiah, and I had to put on a believable act for him. He was the hardest to convince that I was all right when I was everything but.

“Morning,” I said brightly when I walked into the office and made a beeline for my desk.

“What’s wrong?” Isaiah asked.

So much for looking normal.

“Nothing,” I said. “Why?” I stood with my back to Isaiah, going through the client file for my meeting later. I had told Grayson I’d forgotten about a meeting. I hadn’t forgotten, of course, but the meeting was real. Only a partial lie, then. I had needed to get away from him and the sorry that hung around him like a cloud so badly.

“You look like shit,” Isaiah said matter-of-factly. “And you’re refusing to look at me.”

I plastered on my most neutral looking face and turned around.

“Maybe the pressure’s getting to me,” I said. “I’m juggling all my clients and trying to get Abigail’s wedding done in the shortest time.”

Isaiah folded his arms. “I heard you, but pressure hasn’t been an issue before. What’s going on?”

There was no way I would be able to explain to Isaiah what I was feeling. And I couldn’t tell him what Grayson had told me anyway. It was a confidential thing. Grayson wasn’t a client who fell under my confidentiality clause, but what he’d told me wasn’t something I imagined him wanting to broadcast to the world. He’d seemed too vulnerable for that. For someone as macho and masculine as Grayson to look vulnerable was a big deal.

“Do we have the seating chart for the couple I’m meeting with?” I asked, changing the topic. I was better at handling someone else’s chaos than my own.

“She emailed it through last night. It’s such a fuss.”

“It’s hard to seat everyone when half the family doesn’t get along.”

Isaiah shrugged, and I knew by how he looked at me that he was uninterested in discussing the couple I was meeting with later. He wanted to know what was going on with me. He wasn’t going to find out. I told Isaiah almost everything, but even I was allowed to keep secrets so I would push through and insist on that right. I had to get through the day, and that would be my main focus. I had to meet with the couple now, and later, Abigail and Carter were going to walk through the venue again.

Grayson would be there, too, naturally.

How was I going to face them after what I’d found out? How was I going to act normal around Grayson after what we’d done? God, how the hell was I going to get through the night?

The couple arrived a half an hour late, and it looked like they had argued in the car on the way to my office.

“Sorry we’re late,” the bride said, looking as apologetic as she sounded. The groom looked around my office, refusing to make eye contact.

“Not a problem,” I said, thinking I would bill them for their time. “Please, sit down.”

They sat down in the armchairs, and I noticed their body language. The groom lounged in the chair, splayed out like he was in front of a football game at home. The bride sat on the edge of her chair, arms folded in her lap. They were both slightly turned away from each other. There was nothing loving about them. They were as close to their wedding as Carter and Abigail were to theirs, but these two seemed at war.

I was glad Carter and Abigail had found each other. In my industry, I was able to tell if couples would make it through or not. It wasn’t that I tried to dictate their fates, but some couples purely didn’t work, and they were pushing for something that should have stayed as it had been. I felt this couple was heading in that direction. They were asking for something neither of them really wanted. Why get married, then? Why go through the effort of arranging a wedding and getting everyone to celebrate a day that wasn’t as happy as it should be?

I discussed the final details with them. The bride answered everything. The groom was silent and barely looked at me. By the time we were done, I was emotionally drained. Sometimes, a couple took everything out of me. Their energy was heavy, and I couldn’t seem to connect with them or them with each other. When they walked out the door, I sighed.

“This is a disaster,” I said to Isaiah.

“When are they getting married?”

“This weekend. I don’t think they’re ready.”

“It’s going to be a tough one to coordinate,” Isaiah agreed. When the couple was like this, the wedding and the reception often went wrong. It was as if the universe tried to throw signs at them left, right and center. We always had our hands full with a couple who didn’t look like they belonged together, and then I hated my job. I was in the business of happily ever after, and when I saw a relationship that wouldn’t make it past year three, it made me feel like my job was in vain, and it left a bitter taste in my mouth.

At least I knew Abigail and Carter would be happy, no matter how tragic Carter’s past was.

I buried myself in paperwork for the rest of the day. When it was time to go to the venue, my head hurt and my throat was scratchy.

“You can’t afford to come down with something,” Isaiah said when I complained about my headache.

“I’ll be fine,” I said. I knew my supposed pending illness was a direct result of the panic and stress I felt. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Have fun venue walking,” Isaiah said. I wished I could look forward to it.

I met Abigail and Carter outside the venue. Grayson was there, too, of course. He looked neat and put together, calm and collected. Nothing like the emotional mess he had been last night and nothing like the open, vulnerable person who had sat at my kitchen counter this morning. Maybe he’d had a chance to vent his feelings and, for the first time, he felt all right.

Maybe he was so damn good at putting on an act, he was still hurting, taking his friends for a ride.

Or maybe he had taken me for one.

I shook off the thoughts and greeted Abigail and Carter with the same bright smile I greeted all my clients. Abigail looked at me for a beat too long for me to think she bought my act. Carter was none the wiser. When I greeted Grayson, we were cold with each other. We couldn’t let the others know what had happened between us. I was glad he was like this with me. I couldn’t pretend everything was perfect, and with him being distant on purpose, it hid that my distance was natural.

The manager came out to meet us. She was all smiles, chattering away, and I was relieved for the distraction. We walked through the venue, listening as she explained which areas we had access to and what the rules were that we had to adhere to.

“I’ll need you all out by midnight. Any later and I have to charge you for every half hour following that to cover the extra hours for my staff,” she said.

Grayson glanced at me with his eyebrows raised. I knew he thought it was a little excessive, and it was. But in the wedding industry, everything was overpriced, and I was used to the terms and conditions that were all similar.

“I’ll leave you to get the feel of the place and plan your things,” the manager finally said. She smiled at Abigail and Carter. “And may I offer my congratulations to the happy couple.”

Abigail and Carter beamed and thanked her. The contrast between how they were with each other and the couple I had dealt with earlier was staggering. It gave me hope that Abigail really had found true happiness. My friend deserved it. And after what I had found out about Carter, he did too.

My stomach turned, and I tried not to think about Jenna.

Abigail and Carter worked through the plans for their wedding day and decided where it would all take place in the venue. Abigail paced out the steps from the door to where the altar would be. Carter and Grayson discussed where to put the candy bar and the gift table. I stood back and watched friends come together and discuss the day that would be the happiest of them all.

I felt like I was going to throw up. Knowing what I knew about Jenna, about how it had affected Carter and Grayson, made me feel horrible. I knew that Abigail’s happiness was due to Carter’s tragedy, that if Jenna hadn’t died, Abigail wouldn’t have found him, and they wouldn’t have been getting married now. But I was hard for me to add up in my mind. It was hard to justify one person’s pain with another person’s happiness.

“Are you okay?” Abigail asked, coming to me. “You’ve been very quiet tonight.”

I nodded. “I had a difficult couple today, and it gets to me when people force something that should have stayed as it was before.”

Abigail hugged me. “Your job has the strangest challenges. They’re all so emotional. But you’re with us now, and you know we’re supposed to be together.” She looked at Carter who was measuring the side of the venue with Grayson, and she had stars in her eyes.

I smiled at her. “I’m so glad you’re happy,” I said. “It’s the most any wedding planner and friend could ask for.”

“I’m glad I’m happy too,” Abigail said and giggled. I hugged her. It was a small consolation that my friend was in such a good space, that she was so in love and that her future was as bright as this. There were a lot of horrible things that happened in this world, but the good things shone through the darkness like tiny points of light.

Maybe this bit of light would be enough to pull me through the next few days because God knew I didn’t feel like I had what it took.

When we were done at the venue, I said goodnight to Abigail and Carter. Grayson came to me too.

“We’ll see you around,” he said as if we had nothing going on between us. He glanced over his shoulder, saw Abigail and Carter wrapped up in each other so much, they would never see anything else, and he brushed the back of his hand down my cheek. The gesture was so small, but my stomach did a little flip.

“Goodbye, beautiful,” he whispered before he walked away.

I took a deep breath and let it out with a shudder. Panic and butterflies fought for a space in my tummy. When I climbed into my car, I was glad to be heading home.