CHAPTER 26 - DREAM

Somewhere in my nauseous sleep state, I found myself lost in a dream. I knew it was a dream because Chance had both of his legs, and as interesting as that was to see, I was almost disappointed to see him without the prosthesis I’d grown so used to.

“He’s got your eyes.” I looked up from the precious baby boy’s blues and into Chance’s.

“He’s got your smile.” Chance kissed my lips and snuggled me and the baby closer.

“Is he really ours to keep?” asked Star as she climbed up on my other side and lay her head close to the baby’s.

“Yes, he’s ours, and he’ll be like a little brother to you.” She smiled ear to ear. “What’s his name?”

“Samuel,” said Chance, his voice echoing.

“Samuel. Sam. Sam.” Star’s voice echoed, too, and then their voices bled into one as I was pulled from my sleep by the swirling sound. I ran to the bathroom and heaved.

“Are you okay, Dream?” I heard him at the door and let loose a deep breath. I’d been sick at the weirdest times and in the weirdest fashion, and to top it off, my breasts were so sore they were far too sensitive to touch.

I was starting to get a little freaked. The only other time in my life that I’d felt the way I was feeling now, was when I was pregnant the first time. Though I hadn’t known for sure until after I’d miscarried, I remembered the symptoms well.

What if I was pregnant with Chance’s child? The thought both thrilled and terrified me. What if now that he had saved me from Nick and the excitement was gone, he didn’t want me anymore. Or what if, worse than that, he turned out to be just like Nick. Just another abusive asshole. I refused to raise a child with a man like that.

No. No, I knew Chance was nothing like Nick. Shit, maybe I was the fucked up one, too used to running to be able to settle down even when I wanted it more than anything.

“Dream?” Chance’s voice broke through my thoughts.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, I just had a weird dream that’s all. Nothing big.”

*

The next afternoon I felt a little better physically, and I’d avoided Chance until I could figure out what exactly was going on.

I called Liza and told her about the dream. “It was just so real. The little boy looked just like him too. I’d never had a dream like that before.”

“And you named him Samuel? Does that mean anything to you? Is it symbolic?”

“No, not at all.”

“Then it’s most likely just something your subconscious made up.”

“Yeah, I can see that happening. I’ve been through a lot over the past month. I need to decide what I want to do. Is it possible that I’m damaged beyond repair?” I asked my friend.

Liza sighed on the other end of the line. “We’re all a little damaged beyond repair, honey.”

I laughed, but there was no mirth in it. “Yeah, I guess we are. I just don’t know what to do. We haven’t even known one another that long. What if I’m not the one he wants to be tied to for the rest of his life?”

“It will be okay,” Liza reassured me. “And you need to get your ass to the pharmacy and grab a pregnancy test. Everything you’re telling me—the sickness at strange hours, the swollen tits—it’s all signs. They call it morning sickness, honey, but it doesn’t always hit you in the morning. I had it three times a day with Brady, and it was so consistently on schedule, I called it breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”

“What if he isn’t happy about it?” “Nonsense. He’s a good guy, Dream. If you’re having his baby, he will be over the moon. For Christ sake girl, he almost killed a man for you.” “I know, you’re right. Seriously, I think Nick fucked me up worse than I realized. I can’t even let a nice guy in. I’ll go get a test soon.”

“Don’t wait too long. If you are pregnant, it’s important to get to the doctor as early as possible, and especially since you’ve already lost one.”

“What am I going to do? I didn’t go back to the diner because he said I didn’t have to, but if I’m pregnant, I need to start worrying about how I’m going to support myself if he flips out on me again.”

“Stop worrying. And as for a job, if you’re worried about making your own way, I haven’t replaced you at the diner yet. The job is still your if you want it. You can start tomorrow if you want.”

“No shit? If I’m feeling better, I will. There’s still a chance this is the flu, in which case I don’t need to be serving up flapjacks with a side of influenza.”

Liza cackled. “I don’t think so, honey. Trust me on this one.” I knew she was right, and I was in a serious state of denial.

We ended our call, and I finished my bath and wrapped myself in my robe as I looked in the mirror. My tummy didn’t stick out or anything, but it had grown harder and my breasts we much perkier, and my nipples were tight from the cool air.

I went to my room and pulled on some comfortable pajamas and then headed to the living room where Chance and Star were snuggled up on the couch watching a cartoon. The little girl’s head rested against his chest.

“I’ turning in early tonight. If I’m feeling up to it, I’m going to work in the morning.” I turned and headed back toward my room.

“Work?” Chance shot up off the couch and came after me, leaving Star to curl up in his spot, her eyes still glued to the TV.

“Yes, I’m going to work. I don’t see why I shouldn’t. I’m not in danger anymore and I can’t just stay holed up in this house all the time.”

“I told you I could take care of you. You don’t have to work while you’re here. Or do you not plan on sticking around.”

“It’s not that; it’s just that—dammit, Chance! Do you want me here or not? Do you still want to be with me? Because I thought that’s what we were doing.” I searched his eyes.

“I thought so too. But you’re the one who can’t seem to wait to earn a way out of here.”

“That’s not true.” I let out a growl of frustration. “You’re just picking a fight. Your whole attitude has been shitty lately. I can’t even understand you.”

“Then it’s not going to work out, I guess.”

“Chance. What the hell is happening? I thought you cared about me?”

“If you have to ask that, then I guess this whole thing we’ve been trying to do is hopeless.” He turned and stormed back into the living room, and I knew better than to follow him in there with Star’s little ears too close.

I turned and went to my room and shut myself inside. Come morning I’d go to work, and I’d ask Liza if she still had room for me at her place. Whatever was going on with me and Chance, it was only getting worse. How in the fuck would adding a baby to this disaster be any better?