CHAPTER 18 - DREAM

I woke alone in bed the next morning. Chance had gone out early to clear a path to his truck in case we needed to get out fast. It was getting colder in the house. I pulled on an extra pair of socks and wrapped myself in Chance’s robe before padding my way to the living room, where I found him sleeping peacefully on the couch.

I went over and sat beside him, brushing the hair away from his face and then not being able to resist, I leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

“What time is it?” His voice was gritty, and he made a strangled sound as he stretched.

“It’s just before eight in the morning.”

He stood up and walked over to the fire, tossing on a few more logs. Before long, the room was toasty warm and the wood sizzled and popped in the hearth. “Did you sleep ok?” he asked, turning to look at me.

“Yeah, but I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing. Sitting here, waiting for Nick to make his move is making me a little crazy.”

Chance nodded and came to sit next to me on the couch, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me close to him. “I know, but it’s all we can do right now. If he’s going to come, I want to have home field advantage,” he said.

I sighed and put my head on his shoulder. “Can I ask you a question?” I ventured.

“Sure, you can ask me anything,” he said.

“You’re really good with Star, and you mentioned being married before. I’m just wondering why you don’t have kids of your own?”

He was quiet for a moment. “Well, my ex and I tried for a long time to get pregnant before I left for my tour, but it never happened. When I came home after I was injured, things kind of went south for us. I guess it just wasn’t in the cards for us,” he said, a hint of regret in his voice.

I nodded. “Did you ever want kids?” I pressed.

“Yeah, very much so,” he answered. “What about you?”

Now it was my time to be quiet. I didn’t really want to answer his question, but I’d been the one to open the door, so I couldn’t very well slam it shut in his face.

“Um, yeah. Yeah, I always wanted kids, but I don’t know if I can have them,” I said, exhaling shakily.

Chance turned to look at me. “Why not?”

I swallowed thickly as I felt tears burn the backs of my eyes. “Well, I was actually pregnant once. With Nick.”

His brows rose. “Oh? What happened?”

I cleared my throat and told him everything. I told him how I had given Nick a beer instead of a scotch one night and he had called me a stupid bitch and thrown me down the basement steps. I told him how I’d started to bleed almost immediately and how the pain had been nearly unbearable. I shared with him my horror at finding out that the baby had died, that Nick had said it had been my fault, and that I’d carried around unimaginable guilt at feeling relief that I didn’t have one more thing to tie me to Nick forever.

Chance stayed quiet and held me as I cried. I could feel the anger coming off him in waves.

“There was some damage, and I never got pregnant again after that, even with all the times Nick forced himself on me. I’m not sure I’m able to have kids,” I finished.

The muscles bunched in Chance’s jaw and his hands were fisted in his lap. “That motherfucker,” he spat. “I swear to you on everything I am, Dream, that that sorry excuse for a man will never hurt you again. I’ll cut off his dick and choke himself with it if I have to.”

I couldn’t help but smile at the image and I kissed his cheek before wrapping my arms around my knees and drying my tears.

He kissed the top of my head as he rose and went outside to gather more wood for the fire.

He was just so amazing, and I knew with everything in me that if he asked me to stay in Buffalo with him and be a family, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

I walked to the door and was about to go out when I heard him talking on the other side of the door. It sounded like he’d stopped on the porch to call and check on Star, and I knew the frustration must be building with not being able to talk to her.

I decided I’d go and straighten up his house a bit. There was a bar in the kitchen that seemed to be a catchall, and I decided I’d at least organize the stack of mail and throw away all the expired pizza coupons.

I went to the kitchen and sat on a barstool knowing he’d be a while. Once I got the pile done, I’d go upstairs and see if I could change sheets or at least dust the tops of the dressers. Anything was better than sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I couldn’t help but feel a little nervous after what I had disclosed to Chance. Though he had held me and comforted me, he had admitted that he wanted children. Maybe my admission that I wasn’t sure I could have any, would drive a wedge between us. Maybe he would decide he didn’t want to get involved with me and my mess after all, if there wasn’t a real future for us.

No, I couldn’t do this to him. He had taken me in, sent his niece away, and now he was risking his life to save me from Nick. What was I thinking, letting him do all of this for me? I had upended his entire life, and what could I offer him in return? Certainly not the one thing he really seemed to want: a child.

I vowed that once the storm was over, I would demand he drop me at the nearest bus stop and flee to Canada like I’d planned to do before I let him bring me back. He’d been through enough already, he deserved a quiet, peaceful life.

My heart ached at the thought of leaving when I’d just started to realize that I was falling for him, but Chance deserved so much more than what I could offer him. I went upstairs and threw my clothes back into the small suitcase and brought it down and placed it next to the door.

Chance came in with an armful of wood and nearly tripped over it. “What the hell?” he asked, looking down as he dropped the wood in the bin.

“Chance, listen. I don’t want to do this anymore. When the storm lets up enough for us to get down the mountain, I want you to take me back to the bus station.”

He shrugged out of his coat and groaned. “We’re not doing this again Dream. You’re not running anymore, period.”

“Listen, this is my life and I won’t have you controlling me like he’s done for the past ten years!” I yelled, trying to put any distance I could between us. The twitch in his jaw told me I’d hit a nerve.

“Are you seriously comparing me to that asshole?” he asked, incredulously. “Have I once laid a finger on you? And I sure as shit didn’t force you to fuck me all over this goddamn house!”

Good, I’d made him mad. This was the emotion I was way more comfortable with from a man. How sick was that?

Before I could say anything else to fan the flames, Chance grabbed his coat and stomped back outside into the cold.