What had I done?

For a long time, I stared at the front door, praying that she would come back. She never did. I was frozen in place, like a statue captured in the moment of catastrophe.

What had I done?

My heart felt frozen. It was so cold that it burned, radiating with a deep, soul-chilling pain that left me gasping for breath. Why had I been such a fool? Why hadn’t I just told her the truth from the start?

Suddenly, I ran to the door and jerked it open. “Adele!” I screamed, but she was already gone. I feared I had lost her forever.

I could feel my heart shatter. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to put it back together.

Somberly, I walked onto the driveway where she usually parked her car. Already, there was a void in my life. I needed to make this right. I needed to get her back.

I took out my phone, about to dial her number, but then I stopped myself. I needed to clear my head first.

Feeling like a zombie, I shuffled into the kitchen. I turned on the coffee maker, working on autopilot. On the counter was her favorite mug. I had bought it for her a few weeks ago at a discount china store. She liked that it looked like a cat and that one of its ears had broken off.

I picked up the mug, running my thumb along the shiny surface. All at once, it hit me. It truly hit me, like a freight train ramming right into me. I clung onto the counter for support, feeling like I had gotten the wind knocked right out of me. Tears ran down my cheeks.

Anger bubbled up inside of me. God, I had been so stupid! My fist slammed into the nearby wall.

“Fuck!” Pain pulsed through my hand and crept up my arm.

Breaking down, I slid to the ground, hanging my head in shame.

Why hadn’t I just told her the truth?

* * *

The next day, I woke up feeling exhausted. I had spent the whole night tossing and turning, thinking about Adele. I felt like such an idiot for losing my temper. Why had I allowed my emotions to take control like that?

My stomach churned, fearing that I had lost my chance with her, the girl of my dreams. She was going to marry me. She was going to say yes.

I had been such a fool.

With my body feeling like lead, I rolled out of bed. Once I was done in the bathroom, I didn’t even bother to get dressed. What was the point? I was just a fuck-up anyway. I looked at myself in the mirror and all I could see was a mirror. No wonder she had stormed out. I had treated her like crap like it had been her fault when it had been mine, all mine.

Maybe she was better off without me. She could find someone else, someone who would treat her right. She could finally have the life she deserved.

And yet, I knew I wouldn’t be able to let her go. I just couldn’t. I loved her.

She was carrying my baby.

I snatched my phone and dialed her number. It rang and rang and rang, but she never answered.

What if she had already deleted my number?

I didn’t bother leaving a voicemail.

* * *

By nightfall, I felt like I was losing my mind. I had occupied myself with working on the ranch, but now that was finished, all I could do was think about our fight. I kept picturing her tears, the way she looked at me, the heartbreak written on her face.

She would never forgive me. How could she? To her, I was some conniving, money-hungry liar.

Still, I had to get her back. I couldn’t live without her.

I tried calling her. It was the seventh time that day. I was getting desperate.

Ring… Ring… Ring…

My chest tightened in anticipation.

“Please… Pick up…” I mumbled under my breath, praying for a miracle.

Click.

“Hello?”

“Adele!” A flood of relief washed over me. “Please, don’t hang up the phone, I just need to talk to you.”

She didn’t say anything, but I could hear her soft breathing through the line. She seemed to be willing to listen. Good. Hopefully, I wouldn’t blow my chance.

“I just want to apologize for being an asshole. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I lost my temper and I know that’s no excuse, but I really hope I can make it up to you. I never intended to hurt you.”

She was quiet for a moment.

I wanted to say more, but at the same time, my throat felt like it had swollen shut. I feared that if I said anything else, I’d make an even bigger ass of myself. So, I just waited.

Eventually, she sighed. “Look, Braden, I appreciate you trying to apologize, but it’s not going to be that easy. I’m going to need time.”

“I’ll wait,” I said quickly. “As long as you need.” I tightened the grip on my phone, feeling like this was a critical moment. She could either give me a second chance or she could push me out of her life forever. “I miss you…” I blurted out before I could stop myself.

“I miss you too…” she whispered back, her voice barely audible. She sounded like she was on the verge of crying. “But you betrayed me. I need to mull things over, to screw my head back on.”

“I understand,” I said, feeling like this was her way of letting me down easy.

“Why don’t we grab coffee sometime next week? You know, a neutral setting. That’ll give us the time to think and then we can talk things over.”

“Okay. Maybe. I’ll text you if I have the time.”

“See you then.” Without a second thought, she hung up the phone.

I was left standing there, wondering how I would survive the week without her.

* * *

It wasn’t easy, but somehow, I managed. I drowned myself in work and kept busy so I wouldn’t spend every waking moment thinking about her and how I had ruined the relationship.

I texted her twice — not enough to look desperate, but enough to let her know that I was serious. A man who could hold up my end of the bargain.

I had to set this right.

So, I shaved, put on a nice, clean outfit, and headed to the coffee shop.

To say I was nervous would be an understatement. I could feel my stomach twisting into knots, threatening to make me sick. I didn’t know if I’d be able to face her.

I was first to arrive. I ordered us drinks and bagels. Unable to stand still, I started to pace, warranting a few strange looks from the baristas.

“Are you okay?” a petite redhead asked.

“Yeah,” I answered. “I just messed things up with my girlfriend and am meeting her here, hoping to set things straight.”

She frowned. “That bad, huh? I’m surprised you didn’t bring her flowers, that’s what most guys do.”

My eyes widened. Right, of course, flowers! Why hadn’t I thought of that?

I was just about to run out the door when Adele walked in. When she turned to the side, I could see the slightest hint at a baby bump. My breath hitched in my throat, and I swallowed hard. That was my baby. Our baby.

Our eyes locked for a moment before she looked away. Great, she couldn’t even look me in the eye anymore. I truly had become a monster.

“Um… I ordered us drinks and a couple bagels. Hope you don’t mind.”

“That’s fine. Did you bring my textbooks like I asked?”

I nodded. “They’re in my car.”

“Good, because I have some exams coming up and I really need to start studying for them.”

“Why didn’t you just drop by the house and grab them?”

“I couldn’t.”

The barista placed our order on the counter. Adele grabbed her drink and headed for a table in the corner. I joined her. Neither one of us spoke a word. The tension between us was so thick that I felt like I could cut it with a knife.

Trying to distract myself, I pulled out her bagel and handed it to her.

She took it but didn’t bother eating it.

I tried nibbling on it, but it felt like a boulder sliding down my throat, weighing heavily in my stomach. “So…” Unable to take the silence any longer, I broke it.

Adele just looked at me, her eyes full of pain.

“Do you think you’ll ever come back to the ranch? It’s not the same without you…” As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted saying them. I should have said something else – anything else. Asking her to come back was too blunt—too desperate. I was already starting off on the wrong foot.

She ran her fingers over the lid of her cup before taking a deep breath. “I think it’s best if I just stay with my sister for a little while. With my exams coming up, it would be good for me to just focus on that for a while and not have… Other things to distract me.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah…”

We fell into silence once more.

I couldn’t take it. I needed to get this off my chest. “Adele.” I reached forward and took her hand. To my relief, she didn’t pull away. “I’m so sorry, for everything. I want you to know that I only hid the truth because I didn’t want money to overshadow my love for you—”

Suddenly, she got out of her chair and rushed to the bathroom.

“Adele!” I shouted in alarm before I chased after her. Luckily, the women’s bathroom was empty.

I cringed when I heard violent retching coming from the last stall.

“Adele?” I whispered, unable to find my voice. “Is everything okay?” I tiptoed forward, slowly pushing back the door.

Adele was hunched over the toilet, throwing up.

Immediately, I crossed over to her, taking her hair in my hand and keeping it out of her face. Gently, I rubbed her back, trying to find the words to say something but all I could do was watch in horror as she dry-heaved, her whole body shaking.

Eventually, she wiped her mouth with the back of her sleeve. She looked up at me, her skin pale and pulled tightly over her face.

Gently, I helped her onto her feet, pinning her close to my body. “What was all that about?”

“Morning sickness.” she said with a grimace. “Been happening lately. Apparently I’m one of the lucky few who has it start after ten weeks.” She pulled away from me and took in a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She laughed slightly, and then she groaned.

I kept holding onto her elbow just in case. “Do you want to go back and sit down?”

“No. I thought I’d be ready to talk, but I’m not.”

I nodded. “Okay, I won’t push it. But I want you to know that I want to keep taking care of you, whatever you decide to do.”

“Can you just drive me back to my sister’s place?”

“You didn’t drive?”

“No, my sister dropped me off. I was planning to do a bit of shopping, but I don’t feel up to it anymore. I just want to lay down.”

“Okay.” I helped her out of the coffee shop and into my car. “Do you want me to recline the seat back?”

She shook her head. “No, it’s fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

I hesitated, feeling like there was more I could do to help her. After a few moments, she looked at me, silently questioning why I was still standing there.

This got me moving again. I closed her door, rounded to the driver’s side, and got in. “I’ll drive slow, okay?”

She nodded, leaning her head back, and closing her eyes.

For a while, I managed to keep my mouth shut, but the silence was driving me insane. “Adele… You know I still love you, right?”

She didn’t say anything.

“I’ll move Heaven and Earth if it means being with you again… I’ll prove my honesty and worth. I’ll be the man you deserve. I’ll do anything you want me to.” I looked over at her, but her eyes were closed. “I can understand if you don’t want me anymore, but you need to know that I’ll still support the baby. Our child will never lack anything, I promise you that.” I was ranting at this point, spilling the words out of my soul in a desperate attempt to reconcile. I had no idea whether it was working or not. “I—”

“Braden, stop.” Adele sat up in her seat before looking over at me. “I love you too. I always will.” She reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tight. “And… believe it or not, I can still see a future for us.”

My heart skipped a beat. Did this mean she was going to forgive me? I started to smile, but there was a bleak expression on her face. I hadn’t reached the light at the end of the tunnel just yet.

“But… this…” She made a circular motion with her hand. “… has rocked me.” She let go of my hand and placed it back on her knee, rubbing it in contemplation. I knew she was choosing her words very, very carefully. Adele had always been level-headed like that. I envied her. “Your family has always been cruel to me, especially your grandfather. And I’m sorry, but the contingency in the will really freaks me out. I don’t know if I can accept it just yet.”

“Okay. I can understand that.”

“I think I just need a bit more time to wrap my head around all this.”

I nodded. “I can wait.”