I sift through the list, wondering what it is that Kit wants me to check out. I was wrong. There must be around twenty of them, all clumped together, one after the other. They don’t look like they’re work related. They look personal.
I open the first.
Alex, I just want you to know that I really enjoyed the past two nights. I hope you had as much fun as I did.
I close the message. Did he write this after we downloaded the app and had that amazing weekend together? My heart squeezes as I head to the next one.
Are you doing anything tonight? I would love to take you out for dinner again.
A lump rises in my throat. I wonder how long ago he sent this one. I check the date and realize it was Wednesday. Right after he asked me to his place and we went swimming. So he wasn’t avoiding me after that night—he was just messaging me and not getting an answer. I’m feeling nauseated as I look at the next note.
You just left the office. I don’t know what to think about things. If you weren’t in it with Ben...then I’m the biggest asshole I’ve ever met. This is killing me.
My phone trembles in my hand as I open the next. This one is longer. More detailed than the others.
Ben admitted he acted alone. He wanted to hurt you and me both. Your resignation letter sits on my desk, and I want to rip it in two. I want you back. I want you back with me.
Please see me tonight, I’ll meet you anywhere, just let me tell you this in person.
I shift through the remaining messages, tears streaming down my cheeks. This isn’t what I expected at all. Each note holds a piece of Kit’s heart, and each one I read breaks mine a little more.
I wipe desperately at my eyes. I promised to read them all, so that’s what I have to do.
The final note is from today.
You promised you’d read your messages. Are you reading this at all? I’m out on the ledge here, Alex. At least meet with me so I can tell you in person what this means to me. What you mean to me.
My hand lingers on the screen, but I don’t have the courage to reply. My heart has just grown wings, but I’m too scared to reach out. Too scared to hope that Kit means it.
* * *
Ellie comes over and gets me out of the house later that afternoon. We decide to head downtown.
“So are you really going through with the interviews?” she asks as we stand in front of a clothing store window on Miracle Mile.
“I have to. I can’t leave Helena hanging and I need to go on with my life. I’m just hoping Kit gives me a good reference.” I remember the notes on the app, and emotion rises in my throat again.
“He’s completely bereft, you know,” Ellie says, as if reading my mind.
I raise my eyes to hers.
“Kit,” she clarifies. “Are you really not coming back? It seems to me that he didn’t want you to go.”
“It was too messy, Ellie. There was a photo of... Kit and me. It was sent to Alastair and Kit. Kit thought I was in on it to oust him from the company. I couldn’t bear the look of betrayal in his eyes. Worse, Alastair...well, I betrayed him for real.”
“He and Kit are tense at the office. I don’t think either of them is happy to see you gone. But why didn’t you tell me about this before?”
“It was hard to talk about it. Especially when it was Ben who sent it.”
“Ben! Oh my gosh, that snake!” she cries. “No wonder he got fired yesterday! He was called into Kit’s office and Angela says when he came out he was white as a sheet. He packed up his things and security escorted him out.”
“I can only imagine how that went.”
“He was in Kit’s office for a long while,” she says with an evil little giggle.
Was that when Kit drilled him on whether or not he acted alone? And why does it matter? He believed the worst of me. He never called. He told his father he’d just played me.
But you know that the reality is actually in the messages he sent you, saved in the Cupid’s Arrow app, another part of me whispers.
Shaking that thought aside, I exhale and continue walking down Miracle Mile, window shopping and inhaling the breeze—when a familiar SUV pulling into a parking space about a block away snags my attention.
It’s a white Range Rover. The one I saw when I went to Kit’s house.
My heart trips as I spot the figure stepping out of it.
“Holy...” Ellie trails off as we both watch Kit approach.
My heart starts drumming.
My palms start sweating.
Every blood vessel in my body constricts with yearning.
I want to run to him and kiss him. I want to punch his chest for hurting me and then kiss him. I want to do a whole lot of things. But all I do is stare at him as he stops before me, a small smile on his lips.
“Ellie,” he says.
“Kit.”
Even when he greets Ellie, his amber gaze is solely on me. Eyes I’d never thought I’d see again. And they are so warm. So hot as they look at me. It’s as if my blood is boiling from the heat.
“Alex,” Kit finally murmurs, his tone a decibel lower than usual.
I only nod briskly. “We’re out window shopping. Looking for new suits for my upcoming interviews. I hope you’re well, Kit. It’s nice to see you.” I hurriedly brush past but he catches my elbow to halt me.
“Alex, don’t go.”
I freeze. His grip is warm and gentle on my elbow. I look down at his hand. I’m aching in places so deep, they’ll never see the light. He was the light that touched them, set them on fire. Without him it’s dark and lonely. My whole life is dark and lonely.
“I can’t do this,” I whisper.
“Alex, look at me.”
Inhaling, I raise my gaze up to his throat. His lips. His perfect nose. And look into his eyes.
“Did you get my messages?” There’s hope in his words, in his voice.
“Yes,” I manage to say, emotion overcoming me as I pry free of his hold.
“And?”
He drops his hand, waiting impatiently for my answer.
“And it’s too late.” I turn away but Kit says something else.
“I love you, Miss Croft.”
I halt on the spot, the words resonating in my mind, my chest, my heart. I almost laugh when he calls me Miss Croft, like I demanded he call me the first day we met.
“Or would you rather I call you Alexandra?”
I turn, and a wicked smile curves the corners of his lips.
“Alexandra Croft... I love you. Despite wanting to keep things professional. Despite thinking maybe you’d betrayed me. Despite feeling scared out of my bloody wits because what I felt for you was too strong. I still loved you. I was wrong, and I cannot tell you how sorry I am. I was afraid you’d gotten too firm a hold of me. And you know what, Alexandra?”
My legs are trembling as he takes a step closer.
“I was right to be concerned.” His expression fierce and meaningful, he starts to nod. “Because nobody has ever gotten this firm a hold of me before. I’ve never thought of anyone as much as I think of you. Or wanted, or respected, or admired, or needed a woman as much as I need you.”
His words have broken through my barriers and I can’t pretend that I don’t feel the same about him.
Kit stands there, wearing nothing but a pair of gray jogging pants and a white T-shirt, his expression raw and open. It’s like he doesn’t care who hears. Ellie. Whoever passes by. It’s like he just needs to get this off his chest. And I know how he feels.
Because I have so much to say to him, too.
I want to believe him.
I want to leap into his arms.
A party boy at the best of times, Kit has kept a cool demeanor from the start, unfazed by most people and situations. But now I’ve realized that just as he’s had an impact on me, I’ve thrown him off his usual ways, too.
Even before we met, he had all that potential to do well but wasn’t driven, was more interested in socializing than climbing a career ladder. But now I see a totally hot businessman before me, one who can get serious when he needs to and have fun when he wants, and I wonder why I saw so many faults in him in the beginning. When maybe I’m the one who’s a bit of an extremist, who thinks the only respectable thing to do in life is work, putting aside almost everything else.
Neither of us was entirely wrong. But neither of us was right, either. Having both things in your life can make you happy. And having someone you love to share them with?
Our gazes hold, and a tear slips down my cheek.
“I’ll give you two a moment,” Ellie mutters.
I think we both totally forgot she was still there.
We nod, but never take our eyes away from each other.
Kit’s gaze glimmers with heat and possessiveness as he looks at me. I’m basically panting in the middle of the street, breathless from fear of what I’m about to say.
“You hurt me,” I whisper.
“You hurt me, too,” he murmurs back.
“I’m not only talking about the email. You pulled away from me, and it hurt me.”
“I was coming to terms with the fact that I have feelings for you, Alex,” he says, with an apologetic nod. “Can you give a guy a moment to get his bearings after you knock him off his damn bloody feet here?”
I laugh softly, my eyes still stinging. “Maybe. But you caused some chaos in my life, Kit. Quite a lot.”
“I know, and I’ll do anything necessary to make it up to you.”
Silence falls after his promise.
I can’t stop trembling.
“I love you, Alex,” he says again, watching me as he takes one last step forward, so that our bodies almost touch. “Please believe me when I say I never wanted to hurt you. That whole Ben thing threw me for a loop. He was always hanging around you, and it made me jealous. The mere idea of you and him being together while all I wanted was to make you mine drove me crazy.” He shakes his head. “I drilled him. For hours. He wouldn’t admit his guilt. When he finally did, he confessed to acting alone. He doesn’t want us together, Alex. He wants you, and I can’t blame him for that. But he can’t have you...”
A light appears in Kit’s eyes as he tips my chin up, holding my gaze with his.
“He can’t have you, because you gave me everything you had...and I’m keeping you. I’m dating you. I’m protecting you. I’m...into you, Miss Croft.”
Another tear slips, this one a happy one.
After everything we’ve been through, I can’t believe this is me. That Kit Walker, this gorgeous, British hunk, stands before me, opening up.
I love him, too.
I want to throw myself into his arms and plead that he never leave me. I want to kiss him. To ask him to show me everything he wrote to me in those notes with his voice, his touch. His actions. In a grand gesture, like those black roses.
I reach up to stroke a fingertip across Kit’s lower lip. He smiles at that, as though approving of my move. You like that, Mr. Walker? Well, here goes nothing. I take a deep breath.
“Those messages you sent to me... I didn’t want to reach out because I was afraid they weren’t true. I was hurting too much over you. I was sad that you’d doubt me...but you’re right. In the beginning I didn’t want you. I misjudged you. But after getting to know you... Kit, I’ve fallen and there’s no going back—and neither would I want to go back. Not to a life without you.”
Kit smothers my cheeks in his big hands. He kisses me so fiercely that I think he’ll never let go. I seize his hard jaw and kiss him back. I’ve never kissed a guy so wildly before. I close my eyes, tears spilling as I realize I haven’t messed this up. It’s going to be okay. We can make this work.
* * *
Ellie walks Kit and me over to his Range Rover, telling me to give her a call later. Then she heads home.
As he drives us to his place, Kit takes my hand across the console.
“We need to tell Alastair. Tell him that we’d like to work together again. That we want another shot. If he forgives me for betraying his trust, he might consider taking me back—”
“He knows you weren’t conspiring with Ben. And what we did wasn’t reckless. We kept it strictly professional in the office. And it wasn’t wrong, Alex. He’ll want you back. I want you back. At the office and in my life.” Kit looks at me, his gorgeous face tight with resolve. “Don’t fret, Alex.” He shakes his head, a smile on his lips. “We’ll try to make him see.”
Biting my lip, I nod.
When we arrive, Kit comes around the car to help me out. After he ushers me inside, and closes the door, I take his hand and lead him through his lavish house toward the living room.
I sit him down, prepping myself for the craziest, most intense sex of my life.
“Alex, you’re scaring me a bit...”
I chuckle without much humor. “No, it’s just that... I want to eat you up with kisses.”
His eyebrows shoot up in amusement. “I wouldn’t object to that.”
His arm snakes out and goes around my waist, drawing me down on his lap.
Silence ensues. I glance up at him, wanting to know what his face will reveal. His features are in anarchy, his eyes bright with lust and tenderness. “Bloody woman, you’re driving me crazy. Come here. I’ve missed you. How can I miss someone I met only this year so damn much?”
“I’ve wondered the same thing,” I reply, stroking my fingertip along his lips.
I hold my breath, wondering what he’ll say next.
Then, to my surprise, he laughs. I blink in shock, watching his entire face light up. He squeezes me to him, nuzzling my face with his.
“Shit, are you really here?” he whispers.
I furrow my brow, laughing over his excitement. “Yes, I’m here. Were you expecting someone else?”
“No, no one else.” Kit pulls me into a hard hug, rocking me against him. “God, I missed you.”
I can feel hot tears forming in my eyes. I thought this euphoria I’m experiencing had abandoned me for good, that I’d never again know what it’s like to be truly happy. I lean in slowly and plant a gentle kiss on Kit’s lips. It’s salty from my tears, but I don’t care. This is our moment. Nothing could ruin this right now. Nothing at all.
“Kit...”
His nose nudges mine. “Yes?”
“Let’s try not to ruin this.”
Kit laughs, grabbing me by my knees and pulling them open so that I’m straddling him. We snuggle up close, planting tiny kisses all over each other. For a moment, I forget all the history that led to this. Our path was rough and scary and frustrating, but knowing that it led to this moment, I wouldn’t change a single part of it.
So when Kit takes my face in his big hands and starts kissing me for real, I can do nothing but open my mouth and kiss him back.
I hadn’t realized how much I missed his taste until now.
He groans and eases back to look at me.
“Yes,” I breathe to the unspoken question in his eyes. He wants to know that it’s okay for us to be together now, without having to go to Alastair first. He wants to know if I’m really into this. I can see the relief flood his eyes at my words.
“Come here then.” He smiles and stands, then bends down and scoops me up again.
“I can walk.”
“I know you can walk, Miss Croft. I know you can talk, too. But right now you’re doing neither.”
He brings me to his bed and lowers me down on it.
He loves me. I love him.
He wants me. I want him.
And for once in my life, I have no more fear. No more restraint.
Kit comes down with me and pulls me up against him, a promise of what’s to come. I like the way he takes control of the situation. Takes control of me. He captures my lips with his, and I’m lost.
His fingers move to the deep V of my shirt, where my breasts strain for release against the confines of my lacy black bra. Then he moves away again, teasing me. “Where do you want me to touch you?”
“Everywhere,” I say, the words floating out on a cloud of frustration.
He chuckles at my expense. “So eager.”
I grin slyly and nod. “Touch me again.”
“Where?”
As if reading my thoughts, Kit bends down to run his lips along my jawline. His hand searches my calf, moving over my thigh, the sound of his caress on the fabric of my jeans roaring in my ears.
His mouth searches for mine and kisses me, his tongue stroking and taking. The sound he makes is more like a growl than a groan. All it does is heighten my own excitement.
I become lost in the moment, in the rioting sensations swirling in my body.
“Alex?”
I moan, relishing the sound of my name falling from his lips, twisting around my heart and squeezing. The way it makes me remember the day we first met. The way I suddenly realized I wanted a man for the first time in I can’t remember how long.
He scoops me closer to him and lets my head fall back on the pillow, maneuvering himself so that he’s not crushing me.
He’s deliciously hard against my thighs, and I can’t stop myself from wiggling a little, tempting him. “I’m so ready for you.”
I lift myself up only long enough to shimmy out of my jeans. Kit stands and rips off his shirt, then sends his belt clattering to the floor. His boxers follow.
I pull off my top, then ease back onto the bed, wearing only my bra and panties.
“Gorgeous,” Kit says, looking down at me.
He leans forward and kisses me again. The kiss to end all kisses. He plucks open my bra, easing it off my arms, then tugs down my panties until we’re flesh to flesh.
I’m out of control, mindless with passion.
I rock my hips against his hand, angling for what I want, what I know he can deliver. A jolt of electricity rips through me when he strokes between my legs. But he refuses to give me what I’m aiming for, teasing me, torturing me. I begin to beg him, to plead, but he shakes his head.
“I’m going to make this last, Alex. I’ve been looking forward to you again for too long.”
Every single cell of my body sings. “Me, too.”
His hungry gaze intensifies. The strength of his desire and love for me shining there almost sends me back over the edge.
My eyes flutter closed as Kit starts to kiss me again, starting at my lips and taking a path downward.
“I want to taste you.”
“Kit,” I groan, tiny flecks of bright light floating in front of my eyes as he kisses beneath my belly button.
He blows out a blazing hot breath and it whispers against my belly. Then, my inner thigh as he parts my legs.
The first flick of his tongue makes my hips buck. A strangled moan escapes my mouth. It’s intense and all I can do is let my head roll back into the pillow and thrust my hips forward, seeking more.
He licks at me gently, and then with greater force as he traces my entry. His thumbs push into my thighs as he holds me wide open to his lips, tongue and eyes.
“You’re so beautiful, Alex,” he says, grit in his tone.
Once I summon the courage to glance down at his dark head between my thighs, his gaze connects with mine. He’s flushed, wild-eyed and full of passion.
His kisses are so sweet against me, his finger stroking me. Then his fingertip suddenly presses against my clit and I feel like a tree that’s been struck by lightning—the bolt of burning lust rips through my entire body, setting my skin on fire.
Kit watches me as he eases back. His tongue darts out against his lips. “You taste incredible.”
I want to give him something in return, but I can’t manage to find the words. How do you trust your voice when your body is screaming at you to shut up and come?
One finger, then another slips inside me. He moves them in and out, never breaking eye contact with me. “What do you want me to do next?” he coaxes.
Is he really going to make me say it? “I...”
“What?”
“I want you inside me.”
“Not yet.”
He lowers his head and his lips cover my clit, sucking me into his hot mouth, flicking me with his tongue. His fingers never stop their forward motion, sending me hurtling toward that brick wall of pleasure again.
“Do you want me hard and deep, Alex?” he mumbles against me, sucking me again before taking one long, leisurely taste of me.
“Hurry. Please.”
“I love it when you beg.”
Quickly, he reaches into his slacks on the floor, pulls out his wallet and removes a condom from it.
I almost tell him not to.
“Is this what you want?” he whispers after he rolls on the condom.
“Yes!” I reach for him, pulling him closer to me, egging him on. “Please, yes.”
He kisses me again, and then I feel him push inside me in one powerful thrust. God, he feels so good.
His hips move faster, increasing the urgency of our mating.
“You’re so damn right and tight. So slick. I’ve never felt anything like this in my life.”
His strangled words barely register. I cry out as I soar, digging my fingernails into his back.
He winds my hair in his fist as he pumps in and out of me, his body declaring just how much he wants me. How much he loves me.
“Kit...” My head falls back into the pillow again and I can’t manage to say anything more than his name.
“Come for me, Alex. Right now.”
His pace accelerates, our bodies in perfect tune. My hands are on his sinewy forearms and Kit tilts me so that my swollen clit hits his erection with every stroke.
My body fills with him. I scream his name, holding him so hard the muscles in my arms burn.
After that, we lie in each other’s arms.
I’m so alive, I’m buzzing all over.
“I love you, Alexandra Croft,” he murmurs in my ear. He speaks my name in a teasing tone and nudges my nose with his so that I face him.
I look up into the amber eyes of the man I love and say the words again, from the very bottom of my heart. Words I’d never said before to any man. “I love you, Kit Walker.”