This ride isn’t as calm as the others I’ve had with Green. No, this one is full of tension that rolls off of both Green and I. So much so, how we stay balanced on the bike is beyond me. It has to be his sheer strength that’s keeping us afloat.

Someone came into my place and left nothing except a few pictures that fell out of frames when they were smashed to the ground and a few random pieces of clothing. There was hardly anything for me to pack. My toothbrush sat on the counter in the bathroom, but no way was I trusting that.

Everything we had will have to be rebought. But it’s just stuff. Stuff can be replaced. Green or I—cannot. Paint can cover the words on the walls, but it doesn’t mean I don’t remember what was said.

After Green mentioned the Red Devils, I was ready to get on the back of his bike and just go. Actually, before I got home I decided on my long walk that I wanted to go with him. This incident just solidified it.

Green is smart, so I had to take a taxi to the other side of the city and do some shopping there, knowing he’d check every place around Anne’s office. I was terrified, but with each step, I felt myself loosening up to the fear. It was an independence that I forgot about.

During that time, I thought a lot about him and me and my life and his life. I thought about the wrongs that happened to me and the fact that I can’t keep wallowing in this sea of shit and think that it will go away.

It’s not going away. It’s part of who I am, but it does not define me or who I am as a person. It only gets to keep control of my life, if I allow it to. It only can pull me in, if I allow it to. It can only feed more fear and pain, if I allow it to. It can only breed and fester inside of my soul, if I allow it to.

What I decided on my small trip is that I want to be with Green. I want to start my life again and begin living it. Only one kind of man stands by a woman like me, and Green is it. He is one you keep and never let go.

I give a squeeze to Green who reaches over and does the same to my thigh. That little gesture reassures me once again that I’ve made the right choice. The right decision to leave everything behind.

Even in all the chaos and fear, he is my calm.

It was going to be my exciting thing to tell him once I got home. Unfortunately, some asshole, or assholes, had other things in mind with my place. I won’t lie and say I’m not afraid because I am. I’m afraid of them getting me. I’m afraid of them hurting me. I’m afraid of being anywhere near them.

The biggest one—I’m afraid of Green getting hurt. I’ve lived through it once, but to have Green go through it—no. That can’t happen. I really hoped my involvement with the Red Devils was done after what those three did to me. I thought I’d suffered enough, and Green told me it was all taken care of. Guess it wasn’t. Not that I’m mad at him for that; it just puts another layer of shit on me that I’ve wanted to scrape off.

Green had just gotten off the phone with Cruz when my parents showed up just as we were leaving.

“Oh, baby!” my mother cries out, running up to me and wrapping her arms around my body tight, my dad fast on her heels.

“What’s going on here?” my father asks Green and not me.

Green moves to my side as my mother pulls back from me. “Told ya on the phone, now I gotta get Leah outta here.”

“Where were you?” my mother asks.

“I’m fine. I just needed some time alone. I had no idea this was going on or I would’ve never left him.”

A warm arm comes around my body. It’s comforting, but it feels more like protection than anything.

“I’m takin’ her to Sumner with me.”

My mother looks stricken, while my father nods to Green. “Daddy, are you good with this?”

“Sweetheart, any man who sticks by my daughter day in and day out has my vote.”

To this, I smile and run into his arms and hug him tightly. “I’ll come back.”

“I have no doubt you’ll be back to visit.” My father looks relieved, while my mother has tears in her eyes. They love me and I know none of this has been easy for them, but they are with me a hundred percent.

“Love you.”

“Love you too, Dad.” I hug him once again and do the same thing with my mother.

Then Green puts me on the back of his bike, and we’re off.

Each yellow line that passes on the pavement, I feel a small bit of tension leave me. It’s like I’m made of fall leaves and with each marker that whizzes by, one of those leaves tumbles away leaving me a bit lighter. It’s taking the tension out of my shoulders, but my chest is still heavy.

Green is pissed at me, and he has every right to be. While my intentions were good, it wasn’t the best decision I’ve ever made. I knew he’d be angry, but it was the hurt in his eyes that gutted me. That was not what I wanted. Never wanted.

Nothing but the air around us, I try to force the relaxed feeling upon myself, but it doesn’t come.

Driving straight through only making a couple of pit stops for gas and bathroom, we make it to Sumner, Georgia just as the sun begins to dip from the sky. The sunset is beautiful over the horizon. A new sense of hope emerges as the sun continues to fall. Hope that this is our new beginning. That whatever those assholes wanted with me is over and that Green and I can start living our lives. That I won’t allow the fear to hold me in its clutches so much that I can’t live my life.

That’s what I hope. To just be normal, whatever in the hell that is.

It doesn’t hide the anxiety though. I have no idea what a life with Green will be like. His club is his world and while I’ve met some of the brothers, not them all or their wives or girlfriends. Bristyl is the only person I’ll really know besides Green. I just hope beyond reason that all of this works out.

The town is quiet as we enter, passing old buildings and lots of different houses. A grocery store and a salon are in a small strip mall that looks like it’s just been built. When the bike begins to slow, my heart rate picks up and my hands grip Green tightly.

Tall block walls line about a half a block with large barbed wire on the top, making it look like one of those prison compounds you see in movies. It even has a tower where a man stands looking down at us then waves us in. As he does, the steel gate creaks open, moving off to the left. The bike jolts us as we enter, the inside looking a lot more inviting than the outside. Green grass is off to the left with a huge jungle gym, and in front of it is a large building that looks almost like a warehouse. To the right is the automotive shop with a large sign that says Banner Automotive. This is where Green works.

In front of that is a large parking lot filled with bikes and cars. Green pulls into where all the bikes are and kills the engine. I still haven’t released my grip from around his body, but as I inhale the Georgia night, slowly my fingers release from him.

“Hop off, babe.”

Only then does my body become unstuck and I do as he asks, whipping my helmet off my head and the bandana that I have to wear to protect the parts of my head that are still a bit raw. Even with the hair growing in, different areas have different sensitivities. It’s just another stark reminder of my past. Hair shouldn’t be something you hate to look at because of the memories that come with it.

Green swings his leg over the bike then pulls me into his arms and kisses me hard on the lips. “That ride was exactly what I needed, Leah.”

My lips tip up. His body does seem much more relaxed than when we left Florida. I bet being home helps him too. He always talked about how his brothers were family, and it’s been a really long time since he’s seen some of them.

“But don’t think you’re gettin’ off shit, because we have a lot of talking to do. Be ready.”

“Leah!” My name screamed in a voice I desperately recognize comes barreling toward me, and Green lets me go just as Bristyl wraps her arms around me tight. Closing my eyes and inhaling my best friend, the knot inside me gets even looser. Damn, I’ve missed her so damn much. “I’m so happy you’re here,” she says into my neck.

“Me too.”

Bristyl jumps back a bit, startling me. “I’m sorry, did I hurt you?”

This time my smile is full on because this is what I love about Bristyl. She’s so damn caring, and I’m lucky to call her my friend. A dark cloud settles around me and I pull her back into my arms, crashing her body to mine. Guilt rides me hard, and my eyes start to water. My actions brought Bristyl to me and while I don’t know everything that happened with her, Cooper, and her dad, Regg, I know bits and pieces.

“I’m so sorry, Bristyl. I never thought they’d let you come alone, but it’s on me. I should’ve never told you to come to me.” A sob erupts from deep in my soul, bleeding all over the place as her grip gets tighter around me.

How could I have done that to my best friend? Even getting my hair pulled out of my head, I should’ve kept my mouth shut. I shouldn’t have told her to come to me. That was one of the stupidest decisions I’ve made. I don’t know how she has forgiven me so easily, but she has and I’m grateful for it. I just don’t know how to forgive myself.

She pulls away from me, her hands locked on my arms, demanding that I give her my full attention. “Those assholes were after me, Leah, not you. They knew who I was and were told they could have me. Those dickwads knew you and I were friends. My guess is they were tracking my computer and when you pulled up the dating site it was their in.”

She shudders, still holding me in place.

I start to talk, but she cuts me off, “No. No, no, no. I know what you are going to say, and no. They would have found some way to get me. This is my fault. Every cut and bruise on your body is my fault.” My heart breaks that she is blaming herself for this. She couldn’t control those men and their actions. I hate that she’s feeling this way.

Shaking my head, she still doesn’t let me talk and continues on. “I’m so sorry that you got the shit end of this mess. I’m so sorry I didn’t get there sooner to stop what they were doing to you. I’m so sorry that you were in a coma and I wasn’t there for you. By the way, Cooper is still paying for that one. But most of all, I’m so damn sorry that they had the opportunity to destroy your life in the blink of an eye. You deserve so much in this world and not this. I want you happy.”

Destroy. But they didn’t. They don’t get that power from me. They don’t get to destroy my life. My life is new and building with Green. They don’t get that.

On a hiccup with tears streaming down my face, I turn my head to Green who stands with several of his brothers, his focus solely on me. “I’m getting there.”

Bristyl kisses me on the cheek, and I’m put through a round of introductions. Several of them I met at the rally when I first met Green. Dagger, who hit on us, now has a very pretty woman wrapped around him. Rhys was pissed the entire time and still looks it with his arms crossed over his chest. Cruz was and still is overpowering. GT is a brand of hot that comes with age. There are the twins, Buzz and Breaker, who look exactly alike. Tug with a knockout of a woman next to him. Cooper has his eyes directly on his woman in front of me. All of them welcoming.

“Leah?” A woman with black hair with red streaks comes up to me wearing black jeans, boots, and a top with a deep cut in the front. Her entire demeanor screams Fuck with me and I’ll end you. She’s not one of those people who sends out cookies for a newcomer. No, she’s assessing me from top to toe and little goose bumps stand on my skin. Not going to lie, she scares me a bit.

“Princess, this is Leah,” Bristyl introduces. “Leah, this is Cooper’s mom, Princess.”

“Hi.” I give a soft wave, feeling like a goof.

“Hey. I’m your new training partner.”

Confusion hits me. Training partner? What the hell?

“I’m sorry, but what?”

Bristyl stands to my side, smiling like a fool in love; good thing she is or that would look dumb. “Princess knows her way around and can teach you some things to defend yourself.”

I reach up and clasp my neck, that tingle of fear and embarrassment rising up quickly. These people, all of them know what happened to me. I’m not sure why that gets to me, but it does.

“Not that anything is going to happen to you, but Princess can help you take care of yourself. If someone should happen to come up behind you, she’ll teach you how to get out of it,” Bristyl says.

The ball uncurls in my shoulders slightly. “Really?”

Princess steps up closer. “Bristyl and Green say you’re good people. That means you’re my people, and you will learn to tear a man’s balls from his groin if he ever lays a hand on you.”

Green takes that moment to walk up to me and put his arm around my shoulder. “Damn, Princess, my balls hurt.”

“Then have your woman rub them,” she smarts off to him, and a chuckle escapes me.

“Don’t you worry about that, but I think it’s good.” He squeezes me. “What do you think? Want to learn from the most badass woman here in Ravage?”

“No hair pulling,” I blurt out before thinking, my hands going to my head as I remember the agony. “I’m sorry… it’s just that…”

Princess steps up closer. “I’ve been given the low down on what happened to you. We won’t do anything to hurt you.”

“Most of my cuts have.” Subconsciously, I pull the sleeves of my shirt down and grab the material in my fists, not wanting to show any of my scars. They’re ugly, leaving the memories of that day forever etched on my skin.

“Beautiful, those scars don’t make us who we are. Those marks are nothing but war stamps. Why, because you lived through it. Because you’re standing here in front of me and not six feet under with a man at your side who will do anything to protect you. Because you’re a beautiful woman who was dealt a shit hand but will come out stronger and happier on the other end. Always remember that.”

Breathing out, I look up at Green. “I like her.”

He laughs, “Yeah, she’s likable. Just don’t piss her off.”

Not that I planned on doing it anytime soon anyway, but I’m totally game with learning from her. Maybe this is part of healing and moving on, learning how to protect myself. Because having a man to lean on is great, but having yourself is even better.

Having everyone around me so suddenly though is a bit overwhelming. Okay, a lot overwhelming. These men and women seem so sure of themselves and what they stand for. I want that. I want to be confident again. Dammit—somehow, someway—I will find it.