Green’s lips are dominant and loving as he coaxes mine open. I climb up his body and straddle him, with our tongues dancing and my hands at the back of his neck. We’ve kissed many times but have never taken it any further, and I’m scared to death to. It’s like I’m a teenager getting touched for the first time. Except this time, it’s someone I truly, utterly, care about and I don’t want to scare him away. That would break me more than what those men did to me.

I’m apprehensive, but my need is greater.

His hand sweeps up my body, coming to the hem of my shirt. Warmth touches my bare skin and I jolt away from him, panic and fear taking over.

“You trust me?”

The lump in my throat is hard to swallow, but I get it down. The fear. The anxiety. The worry. “With everything.” He catches my meaning, if the smile tipping his lips is anything to go by.

“Let me in and I swear you won’t regret it.”

My mind goes back to when I made my decision to come with Green and not letting what happened to dictate my life. If I give into the fear and unknown, I’ll never get to experience life, and that’s what I’m here for. To experience life with Green. My body trembles, but I nod.

Green lifts me easily and lays me on my back, him on top of me hovering. “Let me show you.” His hands go to my shirt and slowly pulls it up. He gives a little chuckle when I don’t raise my arms to help him. “Not gonna force you, baby. Either let me in or don’t. No games.”

Sucking in a deep breath, I lift my arms and he pulls my shirt off my body. I wrap my arms around me trying to cover up, but his hand on my arm stops me. “Trust me.”

I nod, not really feeling it, but I need to do this. If he’s going to be scared away by my body, then he needs to do it now. It’ll crush me, but today hasn’t been the best and I may as well get all disappointment over within one swoop.

Green leans down, his lips touching my skin. Shivers break-through as I know he’s kissing one of the scars. I know where each of them are on my body without looking, so I know. I grip his head as he kisses every single one of my scars—up my torso, chest, and arms. It’s slow and while scary, it’s also soothing.

With each kiss to every part of my flesh that was marred, a tear leaves me. It’s not sad but cleansing, as if he is taking away all the dirt, filth, and grime they put on me that day, that I haven’t been able to get off my body. Like his lips are my bleach, wiping away their touches. He must see it in my eyes because as he kisses them he watches me, which gives me more comfort.

Green clasps his fingers in mine putting them beside my head, his weight on me, but not painful, his body fitting between my legs. “Every part of you, Leah, is what I want. The good, bad, and ugly—we go through this life together, next to each other, and building what we want out of it. No one and nothin’ holdin’ us back. Know you’ll never forget, but give it all to me and I’ll carry it for you. Be by your side every step of the way.”

My heart swells, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to burst out of my chest. All this time I’ve been searching for the one, and he came to me under dire circumstances. But he came and the walls around me begin to crumble letting all the fear, pain, and torment wash away.

“Make love to me.” The words leave my lips so quietly I’m not sure he can hear me, but then his drop-dead gorgeous smile lights up his face.

“Been waitin’ for those words, baby.” He leans down and kisses me, soft and sweet. He continues and kisses down my body. I tense when he gets to my jeans and unbuttons them. He stops and looks up at me, waiting for reassurance, and hesitantly I nod.

Once he strips me of my pants, he kisses my legs exactly like he kissed the top of my body. As he reaches the apex of my legs, I’m wet and aroused more than I’ve ever been in my life. My core is begging for more of what he’s giving me. With him being so cautious and loving, it’s only adding to all the feelings I have built up inside for this man.

He kisses me above my panties then starts using his tongue and teeth. I grip his head, feeling an enormous amount of pressure building. My body is moving on its own accord, and I have zero control.

Green stops, and I let out a groan only to hear him chuckle. “Patience,” he chides then moves back between my legs, eating me and loving me in every possible way. Inserting two fingers and moving his tongue, the build is too much.

“Green, I’m gonna come,” I pant, barely getting the words out.

“What the hell you think we’re doin’ here, baby? Come all over my face.”

Those words directed at me send me over the edge of the cliff, spiraling down to the depth of water below me only to float up to the top and feel a sense of euphoria. My body continues to shake as the last remnants of the orgasm crawl throughout my senses.

Only when I lay back on the bed do I look down at Green, whose eyes are dancing. Yes, dancing, obviously pretty pleased with himself. I admit, he should be. Not even the guys before had ever done what Green just did to me with only his tongue and fingers.

Green kisses my hood and makes his way up my body, giving me searing touches of his lips the entire way. When his lips crash to mine, his body covering me, I fully give in to him, tasting myself on his lips.

Breathing becomes difficult as he sucks it from my body, my hands roaming all over his, while he caresses each side of my face. His hardness rests between my legs, still covered in jeans. I reach down and grab the belt, unlatching it.

Green pulls back looking down at me. “You sure?”

My heart swells. Damn, I love him. I’m totally utterly in love with this man. “Absolutely.” The smile that spreads across his face has tingles coming back full throttle. Giving me a peck on the lips, he maneuvers his jeans and underwear off, grabbing his wallet and pulling out a foil packet. After covering himself, he lays on top of me, his cock right at my entrance.

“Let me love you,” he says, and it feels more like a plea.

“Always,” I whisper back as he positions himself and starts pressing in. Even with him stretching me with his fingers, I’m still tight and can feel my walls trying to accommodate. His comforting gaze watches me closely, and I love that about him.

Once he’s seated inside of me, he kisses me. The connection between us begins to fill and grow, like we’re together in a way I’ve only hoped for in my dreams that I thought were gone forever. Green has filled those dreams and still keeps giving me more of himself.

He begins to move in and out of me, scraping the nerves each and every time. Faster and faster the pace picks up until beads of sweat roll off of Green, and he works me into a frenzy.

“This right here,” he pants out, “is the best the world has to offer. You, me—together.”

I reach up and pull his lips to mine as we both fall over the cliff, him grunting, me moaning into his mouth.

We kiss through the orgasms. We kiss while we lay bound to one another. We kiss as if time doesn’t exist and we are the only ones here on this planet. We kiss like people in love should kiss, and I’m so thankful I was able to pull myself out of my head to get to enjoy this.

When Green pulls out and rolls to his side, pulling me to him, it’s that moment that I feel complete. Even with the scars and memories, I feel right.

“I’m in love with you, Green,” I whisper into his chest that’s rising and falling deeply.

Green’s arm around me tightens. “Bout damn time you realize that.”

I hit him playfully on the chest, rising up to give him a glare that I don’t mean. “Baby, I love you too. More than you know.”

Tears pool in my eyes, falling down my cheeks. He wipes them away with his thumb. “Thank you.”

“For what, baby?”

I blow out a breath, trying to get the tears to recede. “For standing by me. For taking a chance on me. For being the man I need you to be. For loving me.”

“None of those are a hardship, Leah.”

It makes me chuckle, and I lay my head down listening to the beat of his heart. The steady rhythm and the day put me right to sleep.

“Leah?” I hear Green calling my name in my dreams, only it’s not my dreams. Slowly, my eyes open to see Green hovering over top of me with a soft smile on his lips.

“What’s goin’ on?”

He brushes a strand of hair away from my face. “Gotta go out with the boys for a while. Probably won’t be back until late or maybe tomorrow. Bristyl’s here, and from what I hear Princess is ready to give you your first lesson.”

“Where are you going?” I don’t like him leaving. There are bad people out there that can hurt him. That just can’t happen.

He licks his lips. “Leah, there’ll be a lot of things that I can’t tell you. It’s club business, and our women don’t get that information. Just know that whatever I do, it’s in my mind to protect you, us, with everything I have.

“Be careful.”

He leans down and kisses my lips. “Always. Don’t worry about your man. One thing people don’t do is fuck with what’s mine.”

After a deep kiss, he’s gone and I’m left here in the clubhouse. Alone. It’s fine. I walked downtown by myself and made it back to my place just fine. Being here in a strange place, it’ll be the same. Green trusts everyone here, and I trust him. He’d never leave me here if it wasn’t safe. I got this. I can do this.

Damn, I sure hope Bristyl is here now.

* * *

“Dammit!” I yell out, angry at myself. Princess has been working me for the past few hours, and thank God I did yoga before I came to make myself limber. She has me doing all kinds of crazy shit, twisting and turning my body.

Princess is strong as hell, and I’m not sure where it comes from. Sure, her body is hard, but she’s not bulky by any means. She’s been really careful with my head which is really the only place that still has some tenderness. Other than that, it’s fair game.

But dammit, I’m not fast enough. I’m not sure anyone with Princess could be fast enough.

“Again!” Princess orders as she wraps her arms around my body. It’s my job to break free. Which hasn’t happened yet. Thinking back to what she taught me, I stomp on her foot hard at the same time that I take my elbow and jam it in her ribs. She loosens enough for me to turn around and lift my knee. Since she doesn’t have jewels that doesn’t work well, but I am able to step a few feet away. Part of me thinks she just let me.

“Good. Remember. You can always go limp as well. When you do that all of your weight falls, putting the attacker out of balance and giving you enough time to kick, bite, and scratch his eyes out to get away. The ultimate goal is to get away. It’s not to be a martyr or beat whoever it is to a pulp. It’s only to get away. That is your goal. Always remember that is your goal, and don’t lose sight of that.”

“Right.” I nod.

“Also, you have to always be conscious of everything around you. Not in a paranoid way, but in a logical way so you know what to expect. Anticipation of someone’s moves.”

We do move two more times where I fail miserably. I need to show myself that I can do this. I can. I refuse to have anyone take advantage of me again.

Sweat glistens off of me. It’s not smart to wear long sleeves and pants while working with her, but I’m not ready to show my body. I don’t know if I ever will be. “One more. I want to get out.”

“Alright. Just keep your focus. You know I’m comin’, so you’re already part of the way there. You just don’t know how I’m coming, and you need to anticipate it. No hesitating. Play out the scenarios in your head. What would you do if… Fill that in and give yourself a plan of some sorts.”

All of her information is overwhelming, but I soak it all in.

“Got it.”

“Let’s do this.”

I turn my back to her and start going through possible scenarios in my mind, playing the what-if game to prepare myself. Arms wrap around me, this time over my arms, holding them down. Her grip is tighter than before making me realize she was probably a little soft on me before. One day, when I get stronger, I’ll make her do full bore because I can still feel this isn’t.

With only my feet mobile, I know she’s going to be expecting a foot pound or a shot to the leg. Instead, I lift my elbows fast. She’s still very strong, but I get maybe an inch enough to turn around and lift my knee to her crotch and reach for her eyes; not that I actually make contact because I know this woman could put me six feet under.

Princess smiles. “Nice job. I like the reversal. Not doing what the first thing most would do and finding a different route. From now on, you and me an hour a day minimum.”

“Thanks.” Pride fills me, something I thought was long, long gone. It’s that sliver of self-confidence that is growing in my soul. Last night giving Green all of me. Today, learning different ways to protect myself. Happiness is what I feel, and I’ve missed it. It’s a ray of sunshine tearing through the dark clouds.

I can do this. I will do this. I must do this so I can live again.

* * *

“Do you know where they went?” I ask Bristyl at lunch with Princess that afternoon. Turkey sandwiches and chips hit the spot after a long workout with Princess. We sit outside on the picnic table that is in the courtyard of the club. There’s a huge playground area for kids, but I haven’t seen any around yet.

Bristyl and Princess exchange a look, and I’m thinking I asked the wrong question.

“Have you ever seen Fight Club?” Bristyl asks, wiping her mouth with her napkin.

“Yes.”

She chuckles. “So the first rule of fight club is you don’t talk about fight club. Think about that in this situation. The guys don’t tell us, and we roll with it.”

“Really?”

Bristyl leans in. “Remember when Stone and Dad had the outing, and you came over and stayed with me?”

“Yeah, we had all that junk food and watched movies until we couldn’t hold our eyes open.” Remembering takes me to a very happy place when there were no worries. When we were just kids hanging out and enjoying life. Strange how things change.

Bristyl smiles big. “Them leaving was club business. I didn’t ask, and they didn’t tell. That’s how it works, and I’m fine with that. It’s not like your man is out screwing another woman or anything like that. Whatever they’re doing is for the club—our family.”

“So, it extends out to us?”

Princess takes a sip of her soda. “Sometimes. Sometimes not. You just gotta be okay with your man doing what he has to do. He’s not gonna lay in bed with you at night and tell you everything that he’s done that day when it comes to the club. It’s life.”

“And you guys just trust your men?”

They both nod, but it’s Princess who speaks. “Yep. If you can’t hack that, this life isn’t for you.”

Thinking about Green going on in his life without me is like an electric eel wrapping around my heart and shocking it until I can’t stand or move. No way am I cool with that.

Immediately, “I can hack it.”

Bristyl rubs my arm. “Take it one day at a time. The longer you’re here the longer you have to get familiar with the idea. And I’ll be here every step of the way if you have any questions.”

“I appreciate that.”

“And, woman,” Princess chimes in as the Georgia heat beats down on us. “Know you have marks, babe. But you’re gonna fuckin’ melt, you keep wearin’ long sleeves and pants.”

My heart pounds hard in my chest. Yes, it’s hot, and sweat pours from everywhere possible. Exposing myself though, I don’t know if I can do it. In front of Green is one thing, in front of everyone else is another.

“Not ready for that yet.”

“Better get ready, or you’re gonna fuckin’ melt.” Princess and Bristyl begin laughing, and I can’t help but join in. Day one with my new life is going pretty well.

“Oh!” Bristyl calls out, running into the building like her ass is on fire. She comes out holding two bags. “I went shopping.”

Tears well in my eyes. “Thank you.”

“I would’ve taken you with me”—she shrugs—“but I know you’re doing baby steps.”

Standing and pulling Bristyl tightly into my arms, I whisper in her ear, “Love you. Thank you for this.”

“Anytime.”

I pull back, holding her at arm’s length, and ask, “Did you get me underwear?”

She bursts out laughing. “Babe, I got you enough to last two weeks.”

A smile forms on my face. “I’ve missed you.”

She grips me again, “You’re here. No more missing between us.”

Having Bristyl around is one of the best gifts. Now to have Green come back safe and sound, that’s the goal.