Chapter Nine
Barrett
When I wake up in the morning, the sun is shining brightly through the blinds, and I know instantly that I've overslept.
My alarm must have given up, because it's still blinking on my phone as I rub the sleep out of my eyes. For a second, I just sit up and listen, expecting the rest of the house to be up and awake without me, but there's nothing but silence. Which might be a good thing, I could use a moment to clear my head after what happened last night with Ava.
Wanting her is the equivalent of running with scissors. In a word, she's dangerous. Wanting her this desperately could put an end to the closest friendship I've got, and worse than that, I sense she could leave me brokenhearted. I don't have time for a relationship, even if I wanted one.
But that didn't stop Ava from filtering through every dream I had last night, the way she gasped and grabbed at my shoulders, burying her face in my neck, how slick and hot she was against my fingers. We could have gone so much farther, but she pulled away and managed to stop, and somehow, I did, too, even though everything in me wanted to follow her back to her bedroom and make sure she was alright.
A couple of deep breaths get me back under control before I get out of bed. I head to the bathroom and splash some cold water on my face, and after washing up, I tug on a pair of pants and a shirt before heading down the stairs.
A distant sneeze catches me by surprise, and when I duck my head into the kitchen, Ava is there, wrapped up in a fleece robe. She's pressed close to the stove, watching over a steel kettle that's yet to boil, and a box of tea bags sits next to her on the counter.
God, why does she have to look so good in a pair of pajama pants—the same pajama pants I’d pulled down the night before—a fuzzy robe, and a messy bun? That's not normal, right?
“Morning,” I say entering the kitchen.
She jumps a little, and immediately covers her mouth to try and muffle a second sneeze.
“You okay?” I close the distance between us, and stop just out of arm's reach.
“Yeah, I'm fine. It's nothing.”
“Doesn't sound like nothing.”
She pulls her robe tighter. “It's a little cold. No big deal.”
It might not be a dig deal to her, but I don't like seeing her under the weather. “Did spending time in a cold car after being in the nice warm house make you sick?”
“Spending time in the car?” She raises an eyebrow, and I can't quite tell if she's annoyed or amused. “Is that what you call it?”
“Well, you came out to see me and...” I start.
She pokes my arm to interrupt, scoffing under her breath, “I came out there to make sure you were okay. Don’t blame me for catching a cold, you jerk. Typical.”
“That's not what I meant.” I don't want to insist too loud, not when someone else could be in the house, but Ava catches onto my hesitation in an instant.
“Nick isn't here.” Just that single statement is enough to make my shoulders relax, but I'm even more relieved when she adds, “he went with my parents to the pharmacy.”
Right. Nick mentioned that yesterday. It completely slipped my mind.
“So, we're alone,” I say.
“Yes, we're alone, but don't get any ideas.” Ava turns back around to the stove as steam billows out of the kettle's spout, making a high-pitched squeal. “Last night things went too far.”
“I know.” Hell, I'd known that the entire time, but with her body against mine, I hadn't been able to hold back. “Ava, I'm not blaming you for anything. We just lost our heads.”
“We...” she starts, then goes quiet for a minute. I think she might have been expecting me to argue with her.
She pours the water into a porcelain mug, but sneezes while trying to drop the tea bag inside. I catch the cup right before it gets knocked off the counter, ignoring the hot water that spills down over my knuckles.
“Shit.” She closes her eyes, clearly embarrassed. “I'm sorry, Barrett.”
“Don't be sorry.” After wiping up the spilled water, I smile.
She's nervous around me, and after last night, hell, maybe she has the right to be. Clearly, we don't know how to control ourselves. But from here on out, it's my job to make sure we do.
“Remember when you were little, and your pet rabbit went to go live in the country?”
“Yeah.” The memory of Bunny brings a smile to her lips.
“Well, this thing between us is a little like that. It's better for everyone if we just let this go.”
Her brows pinch together. “Barrett, I'm not that naïve. I know Bunny died and my parents made up that story to protect me.”
“Then let me protect you from this, too. We have to bury these urges. Nick would hate me, and with me living in Chicago, there's no way it can develop into more anyway. It would only end up ruining everything.”
She nods, looking somberly at her teacup.
“Go back up to bed and rest? I'll handle the tea,” I suggest.
“You don't have to do that,” she says softly.
“I know, but I want to.” I hold Ava's gaze for a long moment, watching the tense line of her jaw, itching to brush my fingers down the side of her face. “It's not a macho thing. You came outside to make me feel better, so can't I do the same thing now?”
She lets out a soft sigh, and nods. “That'd be great.”
I take a step back so she can step away from the stove, which I turn off the moment she leaves. With the tea brewing, I start checking through the cabinets and fridge, looking for something else that might help, and strike the jackpot with some chicken soup. Thankfully it doesn't take very long to heat up, and I carry the bowl upstairs in one hand and the mug in the other.
It's a little strange to barge right into her room, but she's already propped up in bed when I nudge the door open. She takes the tea between both her hands when I offer it, but surprise lights up her face when I set the soup on the bedside table.
“Well, aren't you handy?” She clears a rasp from her throat, then takes a slow sip of the tea. “Thank you.”
“My law degree had to be good for something, right?” I grin, not sure if she wants me to stay or get out of her space. “I push microwave buttons like a pro now.”
She rolls her eyes. “I don't know about that, but you're sweet.”
She takes a sip of her tea, and I want to kick my own ass for focusing on her lips as she drinks.
“Hey, Barrett.” Her voice is so soft, I wonder if what I was thinking showed on my face. “Can you check in that drawer for some tissues? I think my mom stashed some in there last time I was sick.”
“Yeah, of course,” I say, grateful for the distraction.
The dresser is a bit of a jumble, but I manage to unearth a box of tissues from under a dozen old magazines.
I'm about to push the top drawer shut when I spy three familiar faces peeking out from a photograph. I realize it's a picture of Ava, Nick, and me from an old football game. Nick and I look exhausted but happy, and Ava has both arms around our waists, her smile frozen in time. Her mom must have taken this years ago.
“Barrett?” Her voice prompts me to turn around, and she spies the photo held between my fingers. “Oh, that's a blast from the past. Bring it over.”
I do, sitting on the edge of the bed by her feet. She takes the tissues from me with a thank you, then leans over to get a better view of the photograph.
“Oh, dear God. Look at me,” she groans.
“What?”
Her eyes widen in surprise. “That was the year I got braces and everyone started calling me bear-trap.”
I look down at the photo and chuckle.
Then Ava smiles at me fondly. “You wouldn't let them tease me. You said true beauty was found within.”
“I still believe that, you know.”
She grins at me. “Is that a nice way of saying I never quite grew into my buck teeth and knobby knees?”
“Not at all. You grew into every part of your body. You're perfection.”
The moment the words leave my mouth, I want to stuff them back in but they hang between us. Ava's still watching me, with a curious expression on her face.
“Last night isn't happening again.” Getting the words out isn't as easy as I'd like, but I look her right in the eye when I say them. “We can only ever be friends.”
I put the picture down between the two of us, and Ava reaches down to touch the edge of it. “Just friends.”
“Friends who made a couple of mistakes together. But we're past it,” I insist, and reach to put the photograph away, not wanting it to get lost.
Our fingers brush, and even after all these years—and especially after what happened last night—it's that touch that makes me question every single thing in my life. I can feel it bone deep when our eyes meet.
She's perched on the bed beside me, and I lean in without thinking. If she had pulled away, I might have been able to stop, but her mouth meets mine without hesitation. The kiss deepens instantly, full of that hunger we shared last night in the cold.
No one else is here.
No one would know.
Just one more time … then I'll walk away.
These are the thoughts haunting me as I lean closer to Ava. One of her arms comes around my shoulder to pull me against her. My hands search across the softness of her robe to find the tie in the center, and I'm about to pull it loose when a heavy creak carries up the stairs. The sound is footsteps, and that realization sinks in just as Nick's voice calls out.
“Hey, Ava!” He's still walking up the stairs, getting closer by the second. “Where are you? I have a question.”
“Barrett, get...” Ava pushes against my chest. “Get in the closet. Just hide!”
I'm not even sure I can fit in the closet, but her panicked whisper is enough to send me scrambling off the bed and toward the sliding closet door. It rattles a little when I push it open, but I squeeze underneath the rack overhead and yank the door shut a second before I hear Nick walk into the room.
Fuck me. I shouldn't have kissed her, I shouldn't have...
“Nick. What's up?” Her voice has a subtle tremor in it, but not a noticeable one. I hope.
“I was going to bring some coffee back and realized I left my wallet.” His knuckles tap against his pocket. “But I saw everything in the kitchen and didn't know where you were. You sick or something?”
“Kind of. I woke up with a cough,” Ava says.
“Looks like a fever, too. Your face is all red.” Biting back a curse at Nick's words, I pray he doesn't press the issue. “Want me to pick up some meds?”
“That'd be great.” Ava sneezes afterwards; at least she doesn't have to fake it. “But for now, I just want to rest.”
“Okay, I'll leave you to it.” I hear the door creak as Nick steps back out, but then he hesitates. “Have you seen Barrett? Doesn't seem like he's in the house.”
“No, but I've been up here for a while, just went down to make myself some tea earlier.” Bless her for being able to lie through her teeth. “Maybe he went running or something?”
Nick laughs. “You know, if anyone was going to jog in this terrible weather, it would definitely be Barrett. I'll bring him back some coffee too.”
The bedroom door clicks shut, and I finally let out the tense breath I'd been holding. Counting to thirty inside my head, I wait until the last sound from the stairs fade before I chance to step out of the closet. Relief is written all over her face, and my first instinct is to comfort her, but I know better. I have to do better.
“We can't be alone together.” The words snap out of me, sharp and decisive. “Not in the same room. And it has to be that way until I leave.”
My stomach sinks when I see her defeated expression, but I don't give her the chance to answer, walking out of the bedroom before temptation overwhelms me again.
“Feel better,” I whisper as I head down the stairs.