Chapter Eighteen

When she emerged from sleep a few hours later, Jewell felt completely disoriented. Where in heaven’s name was she? These sheets and these covers didn’t feel like hers. Her adrenaline spiked, but then she felt Blake’s body next to hers, felt his arm wrapped around her back, and felt his heartbeat beneath her hand.

Her eyes still closed, she savored the moment, letting her guard down fully as she enjoyed the comfort of being held. If only she could admit to Blake how much she needed this moment.

The sex had been wonderful — unbelievable, in fact — but this right now, right here was what she needed more than anything else. She needed to feel comforted by another person. By Blake. She shouldn’t feel anything at all toward him, but her heart had made its choice.

Yes, he was demanding, and yes, he made no promises to her, but how could she not feel emotion toward this man who had changed her world so dramatically? Would it really be so bad to take his name, if that was even what he still wanted?

It would indeed be bad, because she had no doubt that if she spent too much time in this man’s presence, she was going to fall in love with him, and that was something she couldn’t afford to do. She was already too dependent on him.

When he disappeared for days — he’d been gone for more than half of the time, in fact, since he had reappeared in her life — she’d felt unmotivated, almost listless. What would it be like if she were with him for months, or even years, and then he decided to toss her aside?

Could she be with him without giving him her whole heart? She doubted it. But what other choice did she have at this point? That was the fundamental question she needed to answer.

“Are you hungry?”

Jewell was jolted by the sound of Blake’s voice, but she didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing. Damn. Holding her tongue was becoming such a habit with her.

“Are you in a sex coma, Jewell?” he asked with a laugh as he turned her so she was now facing him.

She was afraid to open her eyes. Maybe if she stayed as she was for a little while longer, there wouldn’t be any stress, no worries, nothing to upset the moment. She needed just a few more moments of no worry, to just accept the comfort of being in his arms.

“Ve haf vays, Fräulein Heston, of makink you talk,” he said in an accent she’d never heard him use before. Was he actually joking around with her?

“I … uh … I’m awake,” she finally said, letting her eyes slowly drift open.

“I think I’ll enjoy this boat,” he told her as he rubbed his hands up and down her back.

“I can’t believe anyone would pay so much just to have sex,” she blurted out, and then felt her cheeks turning red. Not only had he paid millions for his new boat so they could complete what they had started, but he’d also paid a heck of a lot just for her.

His mood lost its lightness. “Don’t think about it, Jewell. Don’t analyze it.”

“How can I not? What in the world are we doing? Why would you want to help me? I just don’t understand any of this.” She’d laid out her vulnerability for him to see if only he cared to look.

“I explained it very well. You need help with your brother, and I need a wife for this business deal, so we’re helping each other.”

“You’re always so calm and determined. How can you make marriage a business deal?”

“Life is a business deal, so marriage can’t be any different,” he said, his voice firm.

“I don’t feel like I have any other option, and that makes me almost despise you, you know.”

He paused, his hands stilling on her naked skin, his face losing all expression and retreating behind the mask she was most familiar with.

“I don’t need your love, Jewell.”

This he had said before, but it still hurt. Even if she was saying things intending to wound him too, it still hurt.

“You just want my body, Blake.”

“Yes.” He didn’t elaborate. Even though she hadn’t asked him a question, he still answered.

“Don’t forget that my little brother comes along with me, Blake.”

“I like kids.”

“Have you ever even been around them?”

“I was a child once.”

Jewell had a hard time believing that. It seemed more likely that he’d sprung from the womb full-grown. Okay, that was a bit ridiculous, but she couldn’t imagine Blake smiling with dirt smeared on his cheeks, or running around playing cops and robbers. Yes, he worked on construction sites even now, but that was different from making mud pies or building forts.

“I don’t think you know how to be carefree and go with the flow,” she told him. “I don’t think you even knew how to play games when you were a child. You’re too hard, too set in your ways. You won’t be good with Justin. You’ll realize this eventually and then I’m the one who will pay the price.”

He was quiet for so long that she figured her words had finally gotten through to him and he was deciding to break things off with her. Why did that cause such a pang inside her chest?

“Once I decide on a course of action, I don’t change my mind, Jewell. I’m not letting you go, so don’t waste your time thinking about it.”

With that, he unwrapped his hands from her and stood up. Though she was exasperated with the man, she couldn’t help but look at the magnificence of his naked behind, and she almost groaned when he pulled up his pants, covering up the prime view.

“I don’t think we’re ever going to agree on this,” she said when he turned back toward her.

“It doesn’t matter what you want, Jewell. It’s about what I want.”

With that, he walked from the room. She gazed at his retreating form and sighed. What was worse than anything else at this moment was that she knew he was right.

It didn’t matter at all what she wanted.