Scarlet
“IT’S TIME YOU come back.”
“Brent has moved on. He’s happy. But Bray isn’t. He’s lost. Hurting. It’s in his eyes.”
“Dixie needs you there.”
“You know you want to be with her.”
“Just think about it. But not too long. Wedding starts at six.”
I looked out the window and watched as Dallas’s truck pulled out of the parking lot. He was gone but his words lingered. They were playing through my head over and over. His insistence that I should be at the wedding. That Brent was over what had happened. That Bray wasn’t.
My chest tightened. It always did at the thought of Bray. My sick brain had thought Bray was the only thing that could save me. I had clung to him hoping I could find a joy. That had been as screwed up as my head was. My soul so twisted and weak.
Forgiving myself was the hardest part. I hadn’t been able to do that yet. I feared I never would. My selfish desperation for Bray had hurt too many. I’d always hurt people. I needed to be alone. The things that had warped my brain at a young age ruined me for a normal life.
“That was one good lookin’ boy,” Ethel said coming up beside me. “He the reason you’re out here living this life?”
“No.”
“I find that hard to believe. Seeing him sure did cause a look on your face. Pure heartache.”
“He has older brothers. Seeing him reminded me of one of them.” I admitted only what I could.
She sighed. “Lord there’s more of them? That one seemed real determined about something though. Left here looking defeated.”
I finally tore my eyes off the parking space the Sutton farm truck had left vacant.
“It’s my best friend’s wedding today,” I told Ethel. “She’s marrying the oldest brother. I loved the next two. They’re twins. I caused a lot of pain.”
Ethel let out a low whistle. “That sure sounds like a hot mess. What brought that one out here to see you? He worried you’ll show up at the wedding?”
I shook my head. “He thinks I should be there. For Dixie, the bride. Says his brothers can handle it now. The one I hurt the worst has moved on. The other . . . well you never know with him. He’s dark, closed off, often detached, and can be possessive, passionate, wild . . . he’s special.” When I was with him, my soul wasn’t so tarnished.
Ethel patted my back. “Sounds like you need to go on and get ready for a wedding. I reckon your friend would want you there. Make her day even more special. And from the sounds of that boy, you might be the charm that tames him. It’s one of them things in life you gamble with. He could break you in a thousand pieces or make your world brighter than a fireworks display. The best ones are never easy.”
I wanted to be there for Dixie. I’d lived my entire life in that town. She’d been the first real friend I’d ever had. Other girls wouldn’t invite me over. Their mothers talked about mine. They whispered. They kept their daughters from me. And I understood why. Dixie was the first person in my world to make me feel normal. I had been away seven months. I’d shown myself that I wasn’t weak. I was strong. I could go back to that town. Face the demons there waiting to grab me. Stand strong. Smile. Pretend it’s all okay. And leave after the wedding. For Dixie.
“I’ll be back tomorrow,” I said before I could change my mind.
“You better not be. I’ll see you in three days. Take your time. Make the decision you won’t regret. Not the one you think is safest.”
I turned and hugged Ethel. “If it was only that easy,” I whispered. “Thank you for letting me go.”
Ethel hugged me back tightly. “We all have regrets honey. There’s always a chance for redemption. And not just with the good Lord.”
If it was only regret, I’d have gone back long ago. My redemption wasn’t in a Lord I’d never gotten help from as a child begging him to rescue me. My redemption was Ethel and this job. Maybe even that tiny camper I called home.
“Thanks, Ethel,” I said taking off my apron and handing it to her.
“Go on with your self now. Drive safe,” she replied.
With one last fake smile I headed to the door.
“Where’s she going?” Netty called from the kitchen window. “I got three orders up!”
“I’m taking her place. She’s got some fixin’ to do,” Ethel replied.
“Lord help us,” Netty replied and turned away.
I didn’t wait around for my good sense to come back. While I had the nerve to go, I needed to make a move. Heading for my car, I reached inside my pocket and pulled out my phone. Calling my mother wasn’t something I wanted to do, not that she was concerned that I left in the first place. Going to that house was the very last thing I wanted to do. She had called me once to ask if I’d taken a pair of her diamond earrings. She hung up on me when I said no. I had called and left my new number on her voicemail months before she made that call.
The man I called my father also had this number but he never reached out to me. He had never shown concern for my life from the moment I was born. He always traveled. He was a stranger to me. Even when he would return home he was absent to my world. He kept himself locked away in his office. Working. Ignoring life around him. Until the day came that he had to face the truth. Only then did he help me.
“Hello.” My mother sounded like she was still in bed. It was nine. I should have expected this. She normally slept until the afternoon.
“I’ll be there in three hours to get dressed. I need some clothes I left behind.” There was a good chance she’d have a man there. Possibly having sex on my former bed. The things I accepted from her as normal.
I heard her yawn and stretch. “Scarlet?”
“Yes,” I replied annoyed. Who else would it be? Thankfully, I was the only child brought into the world by her.
“What are you doing?” She was confused.
“I told you. I am coming by to get dressed. It’s Dixie’s wedding today.”
She sighed and mumbled something to someone. I waited.
“I think all your shit I didn’t have sent to the dump is boxed up. Stashed in the back storage,” she grumbled.
Responding to this was pointless. I should be thankful all of it hadn’t been trashed. At least I had something in storage. Although there was a possibility it could be moldy or mildewed.
“Locks have been changed to the house,” she continued. “The code is still the same.” Abruptly, the call ended. That was it. Nothing more. No questions or explanations.
I dropped the phone to the passenger seat. There was a numbness that came when dealing with my mother. It was a coping mechanism. I’d read about it.
Determined, I headed north. Back to the world I ran from. The mess I created and left behind. The heaviness that hung over that town making my chest hurt to breathe. Only there, the nightmares came to me while I was awake. I’d been away long enough to pretend less and forget. There was no forgetting once I entered the town limits.
I focused on the reason I was going. I thought about calling Dixie and letting her know I was on my way to prepare her for my sudden appearance. She would worry and I didn’t want to ruin her day. I just wanted to be there. I wasn’t sure if I would hide to secretly watch her before she walked down the aisle, or walk in like everyone else. I had three hours to play the scenarios through in my head. Planning would be what kept me sane and held me together.
If it hadn’t been for the guilt, I’d be working right now. Dealing with old men, burnt tourists, and potato salad. Dallas had to show up and give me the extra push to do the right thing.
Once I passed the Moulton welcome sign I turned left instead of going to that house I had finally escaped. I didn’t need anything from her. If I could go the rest of my life without seeing that house again I’d be fine.
The thrift store inside the Moulton Circle shopping center was open. I had ten dollars to spare. I hoped I could find something that didn’t smell of mothballs or dirty laundry.