I’m in my studio, working on a canvas. It’s unlike anything I’ve painted before. I’m using green and blue hues instead of red and black. The shapes are soft, and there’s a sadness to the work… a hint of regret. Images of Catrin invade my mind. Despite my earlier resolve, she’s wriggled her way past my defences and into my life, evoking emotions within me that I thought I’d never feel again. To make matters worse, I’m fucking conflicted… one moment asking myself what the fuck have I done and the next moment desperate to see her again, to hear her lilting voice, to touch her soft warm body.

I close my eyes, remembering the tightness of her hot pussy as it sucked on my fingers, her moans of pleasure, how her mouth fell open and her tits heaved. The way she gave herself up to me was so damn erotic as her body shuddered and she threw her head back. I could smell her on my hand afterwards, her scent musky and sweet. My balls tighten at the memory.

With a groan, I wipe my paintbrush on a cloth and put it to soak in a jar of turpentine. Then I head into the kitchen, my thoughts chasing each other like greyhounds after a hare.

When Catrin said nothing in this life can ever be permanent, her words pierced me to the core. But how can we live in the present and not worry about the future? Even if we’re discreet and she sticks to her promise that no one will ever know, the truth has a sneaky way of coming out. Just one slip and my cover will be blown, catapulting us all into danger. It would be irresponsible of me to start a relationship with her.

I glance at my watch. There’s time for me to talk before we pick up the kids from school. I wolf down a sandwich and grab my keys.

Within minutes, I’m in her living room sitting next to her on the chintzy sofa, sipping from a mug of steaming hot coffee. I don’t beat about the bush but come straight out with it. “If we are going to have a relationship, it’s absolutely vital we keep it behind closed doors.”

She puts down her cup and flashes me a defiant look. “I told you yesterday I agreed to that.”

I scrub a hand across my forehead. Feelings roll through me, feelings I’ve only ever felt for one other woman. There’s a sense that I know Catrin in the deepest recesses of my subconscious. It’s not just the urge to bend her to my will, sink into her body and fuck her senseless. I want to protect her, keep her safe.

“Why do we have to keep it secret?” She asks bluntly, twisting her fingers together.

I exhale a long slow breath and reach for her hand. “You’ll just have to trust me. It’s better this way.” I pause, collect my thoughts. “If you accept that I’m not ready to tell the world I have another woman in my life, then we can continue. If you’re unable to do that, then we should call it a day.”

She’s silent. Her beautiful green eyes wander over my face, seeming to see into the darkest parts of me. I was trying to capture the hues of her stunning irises in the painting I was working on earlier. The emeralds and blues…

She pulls her hand from mine and lifts it, tracing a line from my forehead, down the side of my beard, to my mouth. She slips a finger past my lips, and I suck on it, groaning. My dick is hard as steel and my skin prickles all over.

I bend and kiss her soft plump lips. My mouth moves over hers, my tongue demanding entrance. With a sweet, gentle moan she opens for me and the sound goes straight to my dick. Her tits press into me as I put my arms around her. I stroke my hand up her neck and then squeeze her throat. Her eyes widen, but she doesn’t stop me. “You like that?”

She catches her lip with her teeth and nods, her eyes glowing. “Uh huh.”

I thread my fingers into her hair. “I’m a dominant, Cat. It’s a game I like to play. Do you understand what I mean?”

“I’m not sure.” Her brows draw together. “Isn’t that BDSM?”

I laugh. “I prefer to think of it as having certain desires. If we carry on a relationship, I’d need you to trust me without question.”

She scrunches up her forehead, and then nods. “I do trust you.”

“I need proof of that. I’m going to punish you, Cat. Spank your ass. But only if you agree.”

She gasps. “Will it hurt?”

“In a nice way, I hope. If you don’t enjoy it, just tell me to stop and I will.”

“Um… I’ve never been spanked before.” She tips her head to the side. “I’m not sure I’ll like it.”

“I think you will. But, as I said, tell me to stop if you don’t.”

I flip her over so she’s lying face-down across my lap. I pull down her leggings and panties, then stroke her rounded buttocks. Fuck, they’re so peachy perfect. I clamp one arm around her waist and bring the other hand down with a gentle swat. She yelps but doesn’t say anything. I spank her again, harder this time, and she pushes back at me, leaning into my strength with a whimper. I cup her ass cheeks and feel the heat of her skin.

“More,” she moans. “I want more.”

“Ah. Ah. Ah. I’m the one to call the shots. Not you.” I slip my fingers lower to encounter her wetness.

Fuck, she’s loving this.

I bring down another spank, more heavy-handed this time, and she writhes against me. I land another sharp blow, and a red bloom spreads across her buttocks. “Enough.” I stroke and squeeze her heated flesh before cradling her in my arms. “You did well, Cat. I’m proud of you.” I slip my hand down to her pussy. Jesus, she’s soaking wet. I’d fuck her now if I had a condom. She needs release. Deserves it, in fact.

I slip a finger into her slippery softness. Adding another finger, I thumb the hard nub of her clit. A mewling sound escapes her, and she bucks her hips. “Oh, God,” she moans, her tits heaving and her pussy clenching.

I insert a third finger and keep stroking. She gasps for air. Her head falls back, and she lets out a sharp cry as her body spasms and jerks against my hand.

She collapses onto to me, nuzzling my neck, and I hold her close.

“Thank you,” she sighs. “That was amazing.”

I kiss her, biting down on her lower lip. I stroke her cheek and grind my hardness into her soft belly. “I want you down on your knees, Catrin.” I point to the floor. “There, between my legs.”

She stiffens, staring at me silently. Then, slowly, she shuffles herself into position.

I take her hand and place it between my legs. “Take my cock out.”

With dithery fingers, she does as I command.

My blood rushes and pre-cum coats the head. “Lick it.”

She blinks, once.

“Do it. Prove that you trust me.”

She lowers her gaze and sticks out her pink tongue. Then she laps at my fluid, looking up at me with shining, hungry eyes. I suck in a breath as liquid drips down my shaft. “Lick it all.”

She gives a long, soft swipe of her tongue, making my cock weep for her. Then she laps without pause. “That’s good. Now suck it from the top.”

Smiling, she obeys and swathes her warm wet mouth around my tip. My pulse drums in my ears, and my climax starts building. I close my eyes, giving myself over to the sensations before opening them again so I can focus on her face.

Fuck, she’s so goddamn sexy with her pretty lips wrapped around my dick like she’s sucking on a lollipop. She makes slurping sounds and her eyes water as I thrust deep; drool dribbles down her chin. The muscles in my thighs twitch and my abs tense. “I’m coming,” I warn. And I do. My orgasm is a ball of fire, burning from the base of my spine, to my balls, to my dick. With a bellow, I spurt onto the back of her tongue; my cock keeps shooting, wringing me dry.

I bend and touch her jaw. “Swallow.”

She does as I ask, keeping her lips firmly pressed around my dick, swallowing my cum like it’s a treat she’s been longing to savour; her throat moves against my lowered fingers.

“Well done.” I stroke her hair back from her face as I withdraw, then lift her up and pull her into my lap again. I press a quick kiss to her lips. “You’re so beautiful when you submit to me, Cat.”

She squirms in my arms. “Am I?”

I laugh. She has no idea…

Shame this might have to end one day.

She cuddles against me and the minutes tick by while we breathe each other in like oxygen.

Suddenly, I notice the time. “We’d better go and pick up the kids from school.” I help her to her feet. “But first I’ll fetch a washcloth from the bathroom.”

She waits for me and then stands, silently submissive while I pat her ass cheeks with the cold cloth. “That feels nice.” Her voice is husky. “Except, I don’t think I’ll be able to sit down for a while.” She glances at me. “Would you do me a favour and fetch Becca from school?”

I give her a smile. “I don’t see why not. We’re neighbours. No one will be surprised.” I drop my face and our mouths come together, my nose brushing her cheek as my tongue thrusts between her lips. Fuck, she tastes good. A mixture of sweet milky coffee and sex. She runs her fingers through my beard and I deepen the kiss. God, how I want to fuck her. But I force myself to step back. “Got to run, Catrin. I’ll return as soon as possible.”

* * *

I break the speed limit driving down the road to the village. There’s no one about, so I take the risk and only slow down as I approach the school. I’m late by about ten minutes, and the yard is empty. Where the fuck are Ben and Becca? My pulse hammers in my throat.

I push open the car door and race into the entrance foyer, down the corridor to their classroom. Miss Simkins, their teacher, looks up from her desk as I storm into the room. “Have you seen my son?”

She gives me a surprised look. “I thought you’d picked him up already.”

I glare at her. “I don’t think much of your security if no one checks the children go home with the right people.” I pound my fist down on her table.

She flinches. “Calm down, Mr Collins. He’s perfectly safe, I’m sure. Perhaps he’s with Becca and her mother?”

“I’m here to fetch Becca too.” My voice is a growl. “Where the hell are they?” A cold sweat spreads over my body.

Miss Simkins gets to her feet. “Come outside with me. They’re probably hiding in the playground, the little monkeys.”

I wish I was as confident. There’s a bad feeling in my gut. Jesus Christ, I shouldn’t have let myself spend time with Catrin. I shouldn’t have let myself be distracted. Three fucking years and I’ve never once let down my guard. Why is fate so cruel as to repay me the first time I slip up?

I run alongside Miss Simkins as we head out to the front of the building. As expected, it’s still empty. I call out, “Ben! Becca!” My heartbeats pound in my chest.

Silence.

“Come with me, Mr Collins.” The teacher is making her way towards a collection of climbing frames, swings and playhouses at the side of the yard. She marches up to a plastic structure and knocks on the door. “Is anyone home?”

A peel of giggles, and a ginger-haired head pops through the window. “We were playing, pretending we’re brother and sister,” Becca laughs. “And this is where we live.”

“Daddy! Daddy!” Ben’s voice joins hers. “Where were you?”

“I’m sorry I was late.” I open my arms and he flies into them. I glance at Miss Simkins. “And I apologise for my outburst.”

She spreads her palms wide. “I’ll have a word with the teacher who was on playground duty. He should have checked Ben and Becca had gone home with the right person.”

The kids grab my hands and pull me towards the car. We get in, and soon we’re heading out of the village. My thoughts whirl as I drive home. What happened just now shook me to the core. I can’t go on like this, living in fear. Ben deserves a better future. Fuck it, I deserve a better future than sulking around looking over my shoulder all the time. If there’s a way to meet with Gleb without putting Ben in danger, I’ll find it. It’s not fair on Catrin that we can’t be open about things, that I might have to leave her without warning to protect my son. Enough is enough; I need to sort out the clusterfuck of my life once and for all. I park in front of Cat’s garden gate, then reach for the phone in my pocket. Smiling at her as she comes out of her cottage, I send Eric a quick message.