Daniel

Daniel grabbed his friend by the arm and shoved him into the den off the main foyer. Boden barely managed to keep himself from crashing over the low leather couch in the center of the room. He rolled to his feet and caught a vase seated on a nearby table to keep it from falling to the ground.

As soon as he set the vase down he whirled to face Daniel, his teeth drawn back in a snarl clearly visible in the moonlight pouring through the windows. “What the fuck?” His words came out in a low hissing whisper.

“What the fuck is wrong with you saying that kind of shit to Hope,” he said in an equally soft, but fierce tone. “You were all but dry humping her in front of me.”

Boden’s eyes narrowed and he leaned against the back of the couch. “As opposed to eating her pussy where people have to prepare food. That is so far against the fucking rules. If Milton finds out he is going to fire your ass! Where else are you going to get a job like this? Where else are you going to be hired for your military skills?” He blew out a deep breath and smoothed his hair back. “How serious is it?”

“Pretty serious.” He ignored Boden’s dramatic sigh filled with disgust. “Remember that night we drank those horrible tequila shots with the habanero sauce in it.”

“I try to pretend that night never happened.”

“Well, that chick I was talking about from high school? The one that got away? It’s Hope.”

“Fuck...that does complicate things. Still, Escobar, you can’t fuck her in the kitchen. If it had been one of the other guys from the Agency you’d find yourself instantly fired.”

“Why the fuck didn’t you let me know you were here?”

“Oh, please. I rang the bell but no one answered. I was worried, especially when I heard her screaming, so I ran to the kitchen.” Daniel glared at him and he shook his head. “Don’t worry, I didn’t see anything. Right before I reached the doorway it became clear what kind of screaming it had been. All I saw was a pair of very nice legs wrapped around your ugly, bald head.”

Daniel winced, shame turning his anger on himself. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. It’s just...shit man, it’s Hope. I probably would have married her if her dad hadn’t split us up.”

Boden sat on the edge of the royal blue armchair. “Did Milton know this when he assigned you?”

“No.” He rubbed the scar on top of his head.

“Buddy, you gotta get off this case.”

A territorial anger tightened Daniel’s hands into fists. “No way.”

“Hear me out. You’re too close. You’re either a man in love, or falling in love, and that makes you vulnerable. You aren’t going to be paying attention to the rest of the world, everything inside of you is gonna be paying attention to that beautiful woman. And it only takes a few seconds for DeLuca’s thugs to kill her while you’re paying more attention to her than to your surroundings.”

He wanted to kick himself in the ass. “I really fucked up, didn’t I?”

“I’m not even going to get into the ethics of having sex with a client...”

“Hey! You’ve dated pretty much every starlet and socialite you’ve ever been a bodyguard for.”

“Yes, I have.” His sharp features grew serious. “But that was all off the clock, man. After my detail was over.” He grinned and stood up straight. “Look, I brought brownies so heat up some for her and put on a mindless chick flick. You get your ass into another part of the house and catch up on your work.”

They’d reached the front door and Boden glanced at the stairs before whispering, “Whatever you do, don’t sleep with her yet. Play it slow, let her come to you. If you want this to work in the long term you need to lay a good, solid foundation for a relationship.”

“Thanks for the advice, Don Juan. It might mean a bit more if you had a relationship that lasted longer than a month.”

Boden’s face closed down into a tight mask and he got a glimpse of the heartache that hid so well behind his friend’s always joking exterior. “I’ve been in love, Escobar, and I loved her as much as any man has ever loved a woman.”

He shifted and felt like an asshole. Boden had loved his wife and her death had almost destroyed him. Thankfully Daniel and Omar had been there to hold him together before he got home from Afghanistan, but it hadn’t been pretty. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to reopen any wounds.”

The suave smile slipped back onto Boden’s face and his eyes closed off once again, but Daniel had seen enough of his pain to know he’d misjudged his friend. “No worries. I’m off now. Give me a ring if you need any backup.” He waggled his eyebrows. “From what I can smell of Dr. Walker’s pussy on your breath, she must taste delicious. So try to avoid the temptation of her forbidden fruit.”

He ducked the smack to the back of the head Daniel threw at him and walked down the front steps to his sleek black custom Harley parked in the circular drive.

With a sigh Daniel shut the front door and leaned back against the solid wood. Out front a big engine rumbled to life. He felt like knocking his head against the door until his brain started working again, but it would be sawdust by then.

*****

THE WHISPER SOFT SCUFF of Hope moving about the kitchen reached Daniel’s ears from where he sat in the nearby living room, pretending to read a book he’d pulled at random from the loaded shelves in the library. He tried to imagine what she was doing right now, and he strained to hear more while respecting her privacy.

His tense muscles relaxed a fraction after a few minutes passed, and he didn’t hear any sounds of disgust coming from Hope. Boden had brought them a box of brownies fresh from the bakery and they were delicious. She hadn’t been in the kitchen when he got back. He wanted to respect her privacy, so he didn’t try to find her. Besides, he knew where she was. The very faint rush of water coming through the pipes overhead let him know she was in the bathroom. Minutes ticked by on the small silver clock on the fireplace mantle, and he let his gaze roam around the room while he listened to Hope. Exposed dark wood beams bisected the high white ceiling, and the recessed lighting softly illuminated the artwork hanging on the white walls adjoining the massive river stone fireplace on the opposite side of the room. Normally, he found white and black rooms to be cold and uninviting, but the lushness of the overstuffed furniture and the bright paintings made the place seem more clean than stark.

“There you are.”

Hope’s voice flowed over him like fine velvet, and he tried to suppress the automatic smile that came to his face whenever he saw her. It wasn’t very often you got a chance to see a person you thought had vanished from your life forever suddenly appear out of nowhere. “Hey. I’m just trying to catch up on some work.”

She had a plate balanced on one arm and held two glasses of milk in her other hand. When she moved across the room with no difficulty, he wondered if she’d been a waitress at some point in her past. She leaned over next to him, and he took the plate from her arm. Setting down the two glasses, she flopped back onto the couch with a low groan.

“This has got to be one of the longest days in my life.” She then placed her feet on his lap and he noticed how pretty the pale rose polish looked against her warm cinnamon skin. “Now be a good friend and rub my feet.”

Oh, he wanted to rub her. He wanted to shove his dick so far inside of her that he wouldn’t know where she ended and he began. He wanted to eat her pussy, to make her scream his name, begging him to never stop. He wanted those full lips wrapped around his cock, sucking him dry. His lust roared through him, and it took every ounce of his willpower to resist touching her...because more than anything he wanted her to be safe. And right now her safety depended on him keeping both of his heads under control.

He didn’t want to remove her feet from his lap, that would require touching her and he couldn’t do that, so he leaned back against the sofa, spreading his arms across the back. “I’m your bodyguard, not your masseuse.”

“Hmmm,” she said and looked at him with a wicked smile deepening the dimples on her cheeks. “Well, you have to be near me at all times in order to properly guard me.”

“Behave.”

“Fine.” She crossed her arms beneath her breasts, mounding them together in a mouthwatering display. She’d undone a few more buttons on her top and he thought he could just barely see the faint beginnings of the darker skin surrounding her sweet nipples. “Tell me about your grandfather.”

The look on Hope’s face, and the little determined line between her eyebrows, let him know he wasn’t going to be able to put her off any longer. Once again, he stood at the mental cliff in his imagination, staring across the chasm at Hope. Except this time he closed his eyes and held out his hand, reaching for her with all of his mental might. It took almost as much courage to speak to her as it had to shield his men with his body from the bomb blast that ended his military career.

“My grandfather taught me how to cook.” The words came out in a rush and he cleared his throat.

Her lips twitched as if biting back a smile. “Well, he did a great job. It was delicious.”

“It would have been better if I had fresh ingredients. My grandfather had his own small garden out back of his house. He grew his own peppers and spices.”

“Sounds like an interesting man.”

There was no doubt she wanted him to continue, to tell her more. He should stop this right now, call up Milton and ask to be replaced, but he knew he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. The moment he set eyes on her he’d been a goner. He almost chickened out and gave her some lame, impersonal answer. He needed tell her the truth.

“My grandfather, Miguel Escobar, came over to the US from Cuba with his young wife right before World War II. He fought in the US Army and then retired to North Carolina where he opened a restaurant.”

“Cuba? I thought you were part Puerto Rican.”

“I think my mom lied about that to further throw me off the trail of her family.” He shook his head and tried to lighten the mood. “And to think I almost got a Puerto Rican flag tattoo when I first joined the Marines.”

She picked up a brownie and held it to her nose, inhaling the scent before taking a bite. The smile of bliss that curved her lips made him grin in return.

She gave him an expectant look as she chewed; he sighed and continued, “My mother was the youngest out of six kids and the wild child of the family.” He rubbed his face. “While the other kids went to college or stayed behind to run the family restaurant, my mother went on tour with rock bands and lived a hard and fast lifestyle. Somewhere along the way she met my father. He was a guitarist for some band, and they married and had me...or had me and got married. She was never very clear on what came first, but my dad died when I was two of a heroin overdose while on tour with his band. His family denied that he was even my father and wanted absolutely nothing to do with us. Probably didn’t help that my mom sold everything he piooowned before he was even in the ground.”

Seconds ticked by, and he struggled with how to say the next part without talking about the night that ended everything between them with blood and death. “My grandfather lost track of her after a few years, but they never stopped searching for her.” He gave a grim laugh and shook his head. “All that time, my mother had told me she was an orphan, the only child of illegal immigrants from Florida who had died. All those years we went from one rundown apartment to another with stays at shitty battered women’s shelters in between when we could have had a real home with a real family.”

“I remember you searching for them,” she said in a soft voice.

“Yeah, well, my mom made sure I would never find them.” He leaned forward and poured her a glass of milk. “It was only when the police had me in custody and refused to give me to my mom that she told them about her father and begged them to send me there.”

She stilled and her voice took on a tone that soothed his soul. “Sounds like she finally made a good decision regarding you.”

He clenched his hands together and tried to keep his voice light, but the deeply buried old anger seeped through. “My mother was the single most selfish person I’ve ever met. I know she loved me in some way, but the paychecks I earned working after school at the grocery store paid most of the bills, giving her more money to spend on drugs.”

“Oh, Danny Boy.”

He cracked his knuckles and blew out a harsh breath. “Did I ever tell you how she used to use me while begging for money for her next fix?” Hope shook her head slowly. “When I was little I remembered going into different cities with her where she would panhandle. She’d tell them she was trying to get up enough money to buy medicine for me, new clothes or, depending on the season, presents for Christmas or my fictional birthday.”

“What a bitch.”

His immediate reaction was to defend her, but he looked into Hope’s eyes and saw the sorrow there. “She was my mother. In her own broken, fucked up way she loved me.”

“I know she did. She wouldn’t have sent you to your grandfather if she didn’t. I mean you could have easily ended up in some CPS housing unit or worse.”

“I’m sure the only reason she sent me to my grandfather is she was hoping to get money from him.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, Hope. Yes, I do.” Shame blended with the anger, leaving a sour lump in his stomach. He looked away, tracing the pattern of the rug with his gaze, unable to face Hope as he told her the terrible truth. “I overheard him on the phone with her a couple nights after I arrived. He agreed to send her five thousand dollars if she would sign over custody of me to him. She fucking sold me for five thousand dollars then vanished.”

“Did you ever hear from her again?”

He rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed his face. “Yeah. Around four years ago, she showed up at my grandparents’ house while I was there for Christmas.” He closed his eyes, trying to keep his cool. “By showed up I mean she was caught breaking into the place and stealing my grandmother’s jewelry.”

“Oh, Danny...”

Hope made a soft sound of sympathy and hugged him tight.

He tried to shrug her away, ashamed of the unshed tears burning in his throat, but she tightened her grip. “Don’t pity me. I don’t deserve it.”

She scooted closer and laid her head on his shoulder. “It’s not my pity you have, Danny. You know that.” Shifting, she scooted onto his lap and pulled his stiff arms around her, melting the ice in his veins with her warmth.

He leaned his head back against the couch and stared at the ceiling. The wooden beams above were hand carved with different hunting scenes. It was really quite breathtaking, but still not enough to distract him from how damn good Hope felt in his arms. His cock was so hard it hurt, but he relished the delicious pain caused by her pressing her soft ass against him.

She made a pleased murmur low in her throat and traced the exposed skin of his neck just above the line of his shirt. With just one fucking finger she reduced his self-control to ashes. Desperate, he clutched the back of the couch. “Please, Hope, stop. If anything happened to you because I was distracted by your beauty I would die.”

She froze, then leaned back, looking him in the eye. “You are so terribly sweet. Makes me almost hate myself for what I’m about to do to you.”

“What?”

She slid off his lap, and the way she bit her lower lip, clued him into her intent.

“Whatever you’re thinking, Hope, it isn’t going to happen. I’m not touching you tonight.”

“I know, but you do need to be near me at all times. So I’m going upstairs to take a shower and you’re going to guard me.”

“No, I’m not.” His whole body clenched in protest, screaming at him to follow her.

“Well then.” She turned away from him and unbuttoned the shirt before sliding it off her arms, revealing the smooth expanse of her back descending to the rise of her lush buttocks. “I guess if anything happens to me on the way to the bathroom, you can just tell yourself you were doing the right thing.”

She didn’t turn around fully, but she did give him a coquettish look over her shoulder that reminded him of a pinup girl poster. He told himself he wouldn’t follow her, he’d stay right here. It was the only sane, rational, logical option.

When he stood and followed her, he tried to tell himself he was just making sure she was safe, like any good bodyguard would. When her rounded ass cheeks flexed with each step on the stairs, he clenched his hands into tight fists in an effort to keep from grabbing her. And when she went into the bathroom off her suite, he followed her like a fool in love.

She turned on a few of the lights, just a dim amber glow on the very edges of the ceiling. It made her look fantastic, and he appreciated her effort to keep him comfortable. Plus, it made her skin shine like she’d been covered in a light layer of copper. This bathroom was done in shades of gold and peach, a far more feminine affair than his own black and silver bathroom.

Without saying anything she walked over to the shower, a big glass double door monstrosity with multiple jets and a keypad on the wall where you could program in different settings.

In a last effort to save himself, he looked away when she bent over to take her pants off. He kept his hands folded over his crotch, trying to hide his enormous erection. He was sure neither of them was fooled; he was practically panting after her like an animal.

“I’ve always found a shower can take the most horrible day and wash it right down the drain. You just have to endure the heat to get your body to relax.” The sound of rushing water filled the air. “But sometimes you have to do a little something more to take the...edge off.”

His gaze darted around the room and came to rest on the mirror above the vanity. Through some trick of angles he was able to see her in the silvered surface. She’d turned on a light above the shower and, in the surrounding dim illumination, it almost appeared as though she was beneath a spotlight on a stage.

This was a private show, just for him. His dick ached with every beat of his heart and jumped when Hope leaned back against the amber-streaked cream marble lining the shower. She adjusted the water to fall like a rainstorm, and it cascaded over her magnificent body. Her breasts were the stuff of dreams, big and soft with full, dark nipples. He wanted to take her nipple into his mouth, suck on it until she was mindless with need. While he watched, she closed her eyes and arched her back, skating her hand down the valley between her breasts and over her belly button.

He groaned softly as her full lips parted in a gasp. She cupped her sex with one hand and every so slowly began to rub herself.

Okay, he was going to fucking die if he didn’t come.

Turning around to look at her, not even bothering to pretend to be unaware, he began to massage his aching erection behind his pants, squeezing his shaft and sending a delicious bolt of pleasure through him. He took a step closer, then another until he stood only two paces away from the glass shower wall separating him from Hope. She looked like some exotic creature on display for him as she continued to just rub her pussy with the heel of her palm.

She opened her eyes and they widened when she noticed him standing so close. Then her lips curved into a sensual smile and formed the words “Show me”.

He didn’t even hesitate, feeling like he’d been given permission to join her. Jerking the belt open, he popped the button of his jeans and unzipped them before shoving them down his hips. His dick was so hard it almost reached his bellybutton. He gripped himself with his fist and gave her a savage smile.

She bit her lip and shuddered before reaching for her nipple with her other hand. As she tugged and extended that dusky peak, his mouth flooded with saliva at the need to taste her. But he resisted, determined to not touch her. He did, however, move as close to the shower as he could.

With a low gasp she pushed herself off the wall and moved to the glass separating them. Placing her palm against the glass to balance herself she spread her legs, revealing the swollen lips covered with her honey. The water flowed over her sex and the gold ring resting against her clit glimmered, tempting him. While he watched she pinched her clit between two fingers and gently tugged.

They looked into each other’s eyes and the loneliness Daniel saw in Hope’s gaze just about broke his heart. As soon as this fucking detail was over and Hope was safe he would make sure she never felt alone again. He’d do whatever it took to make her happy, to make her his. She would never know another minute of fear or unhappiness if he had his way. An almost primal need to fuck her tightened his body and he fought his nature, determined not to go into that shower with her because, if he did, all bets were off. Even a saint couldn’t resist the wet, lush, amazing perfection of her body beneath his hands and Daniel was no saint.

Her moan almost broke him, but he placed his hand against hers on the glass, the transparent surface separating them. Palm to palm they pleasured themselves and, all too soon, his balls began to draw tight as the need to orgasm burned at the base of his spine. His whole body tensed as he started into Hope’s eyes. Her movements became jerky, and he could tell her orgasm was about to hit. She got that fucking hot look women got right before they came, her face tensing, her eyes shutting as the look of almost-pain drew her muscles tight. He’d bet that if he was inside her right now, he would be able to feel her hot, slick cunt gripping him like a fist.

She threw her head back and screamed, the water streaming down her face as she slid two fingers in and out of her pussy. He could imagine how her sweet inner muscles were gripping her fingers right now, how fucking hot it would feel to have her doing that around his dick. He’d keep fucking her, making her come again before he finally let go.

Her eyes cleared and she brought the fingers that had been inside of her to her mouth. Holding his gaze she sucked them clean, and that was all he could take. The first spurt hit the glass and she stroked it, as if she could feel the come on her fingertips. Another jet ripped out of him and his hips swung forward, helpless to restrain himself. Fuck, all the need, all the tension seemed to disappear with the final jerk of his dick.

Hope smiled and made a “come here” motion with her finger. His spent cock throbbed and he groaned anew. Squeezing the last bit out of the tip, intending to make Hope lick it off, he almost didn’t hear the annoying buzz of his cellphone. He looked between the warm, wet woman waiting for him and the pocket of his pants. With a groan of frustration he grabbed a towel and cleaned himself off and quickly wiped down the glass.

Zipping his pants back up and trying to get his dick into a more comfortable angle, he searched for his phone while Hope laughed softly from inside the shower. He grinned at her as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. One look at the number on the screen chased all the grin from his face in an instant.

Milton had called, and the boss didn’t call anyone after 10 p.m. unless the shit had hit the fan. He walked out of the bathroom, his senses totally focused on the phone as it beeped and Milton’s recorded voice growled out.

“Escobar, I need you to call me ASAP. There’s been an incident with Hope’s father. Someone broke into his house a few hours ago and beat him up pretty good. They said he needed to tell Hope to ‘give the bitch up’ or next time, they’d start killing off her family. Call me as soon as you get this.”

The message ended and he was left staring at his phone. Anger bordering on rage seared through his veins as he mentally fought to get his shit together. Hope needed to know this right away, but how was he supposed to tell her that, while they’d been fucking around, her dad was getting his ass beat by DeLuca’s men.

Hope’s voice came from the doorway, startling him. “Danny? What’s wrong?”

He switched on the bedside lamp and turned to face her. “I have to call Milton. Your father’s been in an accident and I want to get the facts straight.”

She’d wrapped a towel around herself and her knuckles blanched as she gripped the fabric. “Is he okay?”

“That’s what I’m finding out right now. Just hang tight for a sec.”

She nodded and sat next to him on her bed. He moved and tugged at the comforter, covering her with it while his phone rang.

“Escobar, why didn’t you answer when I called?”

“I was in the bathroom, sir.”

The lie burned on his tongue. Hope flushed and looked away, tugging the comforter closer around herself. She suddenly appeared so small and fragile, as if something responsible for keeping her together had broken inside her.

“Dr. Walker there with you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Tell her that her dad is okay. He’s in the hospital and might have some bruised ribs but, other than that, he’s just banged up. I’ve already talked to him, and he is adamant that Hope stays where she is and does nothing to put herself in danger by coming to see him.”

He relayed the information to Hope then said, “How did it happen?”

“Oldest trick in the book. A flower delivery that turned out to be a hired thug. Had to be a professional because he made sure not to leave any prints. He beat Hope’s father up while wearing leather gloves. Said it wasn’t personal and that he was just there to deliver a message.”

Hope kicked at his ankle and he looked over at her. “One second.”

She held her hand out and said in a low, trembling voice, “Give me the damn phone.”

He hesitated because he didn’t think Milton wanted to talk to her at the moment, but it was her dad. He handed her the phone and stood close by, ready to take it away if she vented her frustration on Milton.

“Mr. Milton? Yes, it’s Dr. Walker. How is my father?” She looked off into the distance, unseeing as she listened. “Right. Do you think DeLuca did it?”

Whatever Milton said to her next made her drop the phone. Daniel quickly picked it up and sat down next to her, hugging her close. “Sir, it’s me.”

“Keep her under close watch tonight, Escobar. If they knew where she was, they would have gone after her tonight. By hitting her father, DeLuca showed us how frustrated he is by not being able to get to Hope.”

“Roger that.”

“Also, we’re going to have another vehicle escort you to and from Hope’s work.”

“Got it.”

“See if you can get Dr. Walker to get some sleep. There’s some tea in the purple canister in the kitchen my sister swears knocks you out like cold medicine.”

“Thank you, sir. Please let us know if there are any updates on her father.”

“I will. You’ve got your orders.”

“Sir, yes, sir.”

Milton hung up on him. Daniel tossed the phone onto the bedside table and pulled the sage green comforter closer around Hope. She gave a soft sob and collapsed against him, hugging him so tight her nails bit into his back. He rocked her, knowing that he would do anything in the world to keep her safe and wishing he could do the same for her father. Her dad was a prick of epic proportions but, despite her anger, Hope loved him deeply and it hurt Daniel to see her so upset.

Hope’s tears diminished to sniffles just before midnight, and Danny continued to hold her in the darkness. He’d switched off the light a while ago in an effort to comfort her and now, all cuddled together in the blankets, she finally relaxed against him. She was curled up on her side, her head on his chest and her hand on his bicep.

She wiggled against him, getting closer, There was nothing sexual in her movements; it was more like a kitten trying to cuddle. He curved his arm around her back and kissed the top of her head. Exhaustion pulled at him, much as it had after a battle. His thoughts drifted and he soon found it a struggle to keep his eyes open. A soft snore from Hope reached his ears and he smiled against her hair as contentment and a peace he never thought he’d achieve rolled through him in a warm wave.

He woke up hours later, taking a moment to orient himself. The soft form of a woman slept next to him, her butt pressed against his hip. His entire soul buzzed with joy when he realized the woman was Hope. Reaching out a tentative hand, he lightly stroked along the dip of her waist, trying to keep from waking her. She slept on as he eased himself from the bed to answer the call of nature. A quick glance at the clock showed it was a little after 5, his usual waking time. Normally, he’d go for a run right now, but he wasn’t leaving her alone in this house for a second.

Besides, he needed to check his email and familiarize himself with the plan for the day. No doubt the agency’s strategists had been pouring over the details all night. One good thing about working with former soldiers, he knew they would go over every angle and option as they’d done during their military career. It was time to start acting like a professional, not like a man deeply in love.

After going to his room to put on some clean pants, he carried his laptop downstairs to the library and started it up. He opened his email and tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes. The first letter from Milton was about what the fire department had said about her house. It was almost a total loss, but Milton had a cleaning crew over there right now trying to save what they could of her personal items. The fire had been started on the main floor and outside of the house with some type of accelerant, but the old plaster walls had taken longer to burn than modern day drywall so the firemen had managed to contain the fire itself to the main floor of the house. The upstairs suffered mostly smoke and water damage from where they’d cut holes in the roof to spray water on the interior. They also found two fireproof boxes in the house, and Milton would hold onto them for Hope. The insurance agent would be out tomorrow to get started and would contact Hope via email later this week.

Danny felt a weight lift from his heart. He was glad he would have some good news to share with her. Rubbing his tired eyes, he tried to focus on the next email which held tomorrow’s itinerary. If everything went right, he’d be able to keep Hope safe while the FBI waited for DeLuca’s men to mess up. Everyone seemed to believe if the stakes became too high, DeLuca would either give up on Hope or he would be forced to flee the area.

Scrolling through the email he frowned in puzzlement when he came to the section about going to Hope’s work. Instead of listing one of the local hospitals it showed she was expected at “My Sister’s Place Women’s Shelter” at 11 a.m. His heart stopped beating for a moment and he blinked, certain he’d misread that.

A horrible ache raced through his chest and sent shards of guilt mixed with self-loathing through his system, destroying the joy he’d felt moments before. Just to be sure, he goggled the name and soon enough the answer to his query stared him in the face. He slammed his computer shut after taking one glance at the website and put his head between his legs, afraid he was going to throw up.

His stomach churned and lurched, the horrible proof of how badly he’d screwed up Hope’s life burned into his brain. She wasn’t a doctor working at a hospital, she worked at a fucking women’s shelter. One of those horrible places where he spent a great deal of time as a child with his own mother, dirty places filled with despair and broken women. Places where other kids like him fought to survive and not end up victims like their parents.

He let out a low moan and damned himself over and over again. Because of him, because of his fucked up mother, Hope had given up on her dreams of becoming a doctor and instead spent her life trying to fix women who couldn’t be fixed. She surrounded herself every day with a reminder of that night, never moving on and finding her own joy. Bile rose in his throat as he remembered how bad those places smelled and how many predators stalked the children there, creating another generation of victims.

Pimps weren’t only males; there were females who were just as cold and ruthless.

He remembered one woman tried to get Julie, the teenage girl who stayed in the room next to his, to prostitute for her. Through the thin walls of the shelter he could hear their conversation, the lies the older woman spun about how good it would be, how her “Daddy” would take care of them, how much money Julie would make working the streets. He’d been around ten at the time and had been unable to stop himself from interceding even though he knew it would get them in trouble. Leaving his room meant leaving their meager possessions to get stolen by the other people staying at the shelter, but he just couldn’t stand the thought of Julie being turned out. She’d always been nice to him, spending a few hours during the day helping him read and, in his world, her friendly affection had been like rain in the desert.

So, he’d gone over to that room and chased the woman away. To his dismay, Julie yelled at him and told him to stay the fuck out of her life. He’d asked if she wanted to become a whore, and she gave him a smile filled with such sadness it physically hurt him. She’d then said that she’d already been her father’s whore, she just hadn’t gotten paid for it.

The memory made the hair on his arms stand up. If it had just been that way at that shelter he might have been able to write it off, but it happened at practically every place they went. He almost preferred staying in some shitty apartment with no heat while his mom smoked crack than going into one of those horror shows. If there was true evil in the world surely it was fed and nurtured in places like that. God, how could she stand it? How could she stand him? Had he messed her up so bad she thought she deserved nothing better?

In a blink of an eye everything changed and he rubbed his chest as his heart broke anew. What a fool he’d been, what a complete asshole. He was responsible for Hope being in this situation. She’d never have been in danger like this if she hadn’t been exposed to him and his fucking drug addicted mother. She’d been so young and sheltered, how could she not have been forever changed by that terrible night.

In all of their talking about their dreams after graduation she’d always been so passionate, so driven about becoming a pediatrician. With her grades and brilliance she could have gone to any school she wanted, and he knew she would have been the best doctor anyone could ask for. She’d have lived a life of luxury and safety. In his spinning mind, it all made sense now, the small house, modest car, the lack of a husband. All sacrifices she made because of him and his selfish need for her love.

He could even understand the lack of a man in her life. How could she possibly want to be with a man after listening to women tell her stories of abuse and brutality day after day? Yeah, she’d been sexually aggressive with him, but he knew better than anyone that sex could be just a bodily function, no more intimate than going to the bathroom. He thought they had some kind of connection, something special, but it had to be all in his head. Once again, he was seeing what he wanted to see instead of the truth.

He’d irreparably harmed Hope.

She wasted her life trying to save people who didn’t want to be saved, spent her days as a therapist in some job that would slowly suck the life out of her. Just look at where she was now. The target of some wife-beating mobster. All those years ago he’d known deep inside he didn’t deserve her. No wonder her father tried so hard to keep them apart. Dr. Walker must have sensed something rotten in him. Instead of leaving Hope alone, he’d held onto her until he’d dragged her down with him and now she had to live with the bitter results.

He was such a selfish fuck.

Feeling like his heart had been yanked out of his chest, he wrote Milton a brief email requesting that someone replace him on this assignment without giving a solid reason beyond his eyes bothering him. He couldn’t be around her anymore, couldn’t face what he’d done to her. He had to do the only thing he could for her, get out of her life now and pray someday someone would make her happy in a way he never could. Later this morning someone would be by to relieve him of his post and he would disappear from her world before he fucked it up anymore.