Hope

A bright light shone onto Hope’s eyelids and she rolled over, snuggling deeper into the comfortable pillow. Memories of Danny holding her all night flowed through her thoughts and she smiled, joy filling her heart. A few moments later she stretched out her hand, eager to snuggle up against Danny and go back to sleep. When she found nothing but empty space and cool sheets next to her she opened her eyes and frowned. Leaning up on her elbow she examined the portion of the bed next to her and tried to clear her muzzy thoughts.

The space next to her on the big bed was empty, and there were no signs of someone having slept in it. She thought he’d said something about doing some work before bed. Maybe he’d fallen asleep on the couch downstairs. In fact, she should sneak downstairs right now and wake Danny in a rather deliciously naughty way. While nothing would totally melt the icy ball of worry in her stomach for her father, she hoped to find some comfort with Danny. He’d been so amazing with her last night and, while she really admired his restraint, if he thought he was going to hold out on her tonight he was sadly mistaken.

She smacked her lips and amended her plan to ambush Danny downstairs. First a trip to the bathroom to brush her teeth and maybe wash up a bit. She went into the bathroom and one glance in the mirror at the smeared remainders of her makeup convinced her she needed more than a quick wash.

After a swift shower and shave she wrapped one of the luxurious cream towels around herself and dug through her bag for some underwear. The doorbell rang downstairs and she froze, fear worming into her belly. Moving quietly, she opened her door just a crack and listened as the front door opened, then closed. A few seconds later, Danny’s voice and that of another man floated up from the foyer. She couldn’t hear what they were saying but she was reassured that neither voice was raised or sounded angry.

With her plans for a morning seduction interrupted, she decided to get dressed for the day and see who had come for a visit. She pulled out a black Chanel pantsuit she’d gotten for a steal and her black kitten heels. The suit was made of some type of expensive wrinkle-resistant material and the sunset orange silk-blend tank top that she’d wear with it would go well with her skin tone while showing just a hint of cleavage if she bent the right way. She wanted to look good for her man.

Her man.

Those words brought a silly smile to her face and a giddy feeling into her chest she hadn’t experienced in ages. God, when was the last time she felt this foolishly happy about anyone? When she looked in the mirror to apply her makeup she was surprised she wasn’t glowing. She really needed to talk to her dad as soon as she could, to let him know she forgave him.

While she understood why she needed to keep her distance from her father now, it still made her chest ache to think about him sitting alone in the hospital. Wait. Check that. Someone from the Agency would be with him at all times from now on. She had to do her part and play bait today. As much as that thought scared her she clung to the belief that Danny wouldn’t let anything happen to her. As long as she was with him she would be safe. She didn’t intend to let him out of her sight now that he’d finally come back to her.

Her smile slipped a fraction when she realized she hadn’t told Danny yet about where she worked. He’d mentioned living in a couple shelters but had never really gone into any detail other than he hated them. Hearing from him about how bad they were provided the driving motivation that made her want to become a therapist and do her best to make sure the women and their children who’d found the strength to leave an abusive situation would find safety instead of a new kind of hell.

She’d worked her ass off for the past five years to help make My Sister’s Place the kind of shelter that offered women and children a truly safe home to regroup and grow. They’d won multiple awards and had opened up several branches all over the United States with the help of some very generous supporters with extremely deep pockets. She was justifiably proud of what she had helped accomplish here. Delight mixed with her joy until she thought she might burst from happiness. Danny would be so proud of her. He would see what a difference she’d made in the world, just like he had. They’d both chosen to serve and protect others, but in different ways.

Hope put her gun in her purse and added an extra clip, just in case. She opened the door to her room and was halfway down the hall towards the stairs when Danny’s angry voice echoed up from the foyer. “I need him here now, not after lunch.”

The anger in his tone slowed her steps and she paused at the top of the stairs. Milton and Danny stood below, both dressed in dark suits. Milton shook his head, the deep lines around his mouth tightening. “I can’t get anyone out here who’s qualified for this type of assignment until then.”

“But...”

Milton leaned in until they were almost nose-to-nose. “I don’t care what kind of personal problems you have with Dr. Walker. You will buck the fuck up and do your job until your replacement can get here. Frankly, I don’t give a shit what your problems are as long as you can still do your job. Now, do we need to keep Dr. Walker here or can we go on with the day as planned?”

Danny let out a harsh breath and ran his hand over his shaved head. “Fine.”

Milton backed up and brushed the front of his suit. “Excellent. As soon as you hand Dr. Walker off to Omar I want you in my office.”

“Yes, sir.”

Danny remained in the center of the room as Milton headed for the front door. Before he opened it, he paused and glanced up the stairs. “Good morning, Dr. Walker. I trust you slept well?”

Danny flinched as if he’d been struck but did not turn around to face her. She wet her lips and leaned against the wall, her chest filled with pain and her knees suddenly weak. “Yes.”

When she didn’t, couldn’t say anything else, Milton gave her a surprisingly sympathetic look. “Be safe today, doctor.”

With that he closed the door, leaving them in silence. Her legs trembled as she took the steps down to the main floor, clinging like an old woman to the railing. “Danny? What’s going on?”

He didn’t turn around. “Omar will be taking over guard duty for me.”

Her heels clicked on the marble of the foyer as she reached the bottom of the stairs. “Why?”

“I can’t be here anymore.”

She gripped the ornate railing tightly to remain standing. “What are you talking about?”

“This was a mistake, a terrible one, and I’m very sorry.”

What little strength she had left went out of her knees and she sank down against the railing, her heart thundering in her chest so loudly she could barely think. “A mistake?” Her voice cracked on the last syllable. She hated how weak she sounded. “What the fuck was a mistake, Danny?”

“All of it.” He crossed his arms, the suit jacket tightening over his back. “I never should’ve taken the assignment in the first place. I’m no good for you, Hope. I wish with all my heart I could undo the past. Besides, I’m a danger to you right now. I’m not focusing on the job like I should be.”

“What the heck are you talking about? This doesn’t make any sense.” She rubbed her stomach, trying to ease the cramp there. “Is it because we fooled around?”

“No. Well, yes, but that’s not the only reason.” He took a deep breath and turned to face her, wearing those damned sunglasses so she couldn’t see his eyes. “I know where you work.”

She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to keep her temper under control. “You aren’t making any sense.”

“You work at a battered women’s shelter, Hope! You’re throwing your life away on a bunch of women who will never wise up, who will only drag you down with them. A bunch of victims and junkies that will use you up until they’ve bled you dry then move onto someone else.” She stared at him, unable to comprehend what he said. “I know why you’re doing it. You’re doing it because of me and what happened that night. I’m ashamed of what I did to you and I need to leave before I screw up your life even more.”

She drew in a deep breath, anger fortifying her as what he said started to make sense in a really messed up way. “Wait, are you telling me that you’re ashamed that I’m psychologist working at a women’s shelter?” She surged to her feet, adrenaline pumping with each beat of her heart. “You think the only reason I’m there is because of you?”

He hesitated for a moment then shook his head. “I know it’s because of me. If you hadn’t seen John beating my mom, if you hadn’t stopped him from trying to hit me you would have gone to school to be a doctor like you wanted. I exposed you to their filth and your soul got stained by it.”

“You self-important prick!” She screamed at him, her voice echoing through the house. “I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do. Help people. How fucking dare you look down on my job, on my shelter.” She stalked towards him and he took a step back. “You want to know what? Those women in that shelter are some of the most courageous, compassionate, and strongest people I’ve ever met. They’ve been terrorized by someone who was supposed to love them, kicked to the gutter over and over again, and they still have the courage to at least try to love again.” She stopped an arm’s length from him and sneered. “Unlike some people I know.”

He snarled back. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

A part of her brain yelled at her to not hurt Danny, but another part yelled even louder about how much he’d hurt her. “It means, Danny, I was wrong about you.” Tears of anger thickened her voice, but she swallowed them back. “You’re more like your mother than I thought. Always ready to blame someone else for what happens. Well, if things are over between us, it’s your fault, not mine, not the shelter’s, yours. You have no one to blame but yourself for being too much of a coward to accept my love. You’re so blinded by your own past you can’t see that I’m leading exactly the kind of life I’ve always wanted to live.” The hurt ran deep, cutting her and draining away her happiness. “I wish you’d stayed the fuck away from me!”

As soon as she said those words, she wished she could take them back. What little color remained in Danny’s face drained away. He strode past her to the front door and jerked it open. “I’ll be waiting for you outside in the Lincoln.” Before she could respond, he slammed it closed behind him, leaving her alone with her anger and despair.

*****

HOPE CLUNG TO THE DOOR handle of the SUV, wishing she’d eaten something before leaving the house. Her empty stomach clenched and unclenched as they drew closer to her shelter. She wanted to insist Danny drop her off on the corner to he keep his prejudices and negative attitude out of her sacred space.

She pressed a hand on her gut and considered her thoughts. To someone else it might seem odd to call the shelter a sacred space, but to her it was. She’d never in her life felt the touch of God more so than when she did His work at the shelter. When she was lost with how to help someone she’d often pray and somehow the right words would come to her. Some people, like Danny, would look at those women and only see the worst that humanity had to offer.

She looked at them and saw the best.

Once, a long time ago, Danny had been the same way. He’d always been able to see the positive side of things, to find the silver lining in any situation. In her young eyes, that made him incredibly brave and strong. She’d admired his refusal to let his situation drag him down. What had happened in the years since that had broken his faith in humanity? When had he begun seeing the worst instead of the best?

She stole a glance at him out of the corner of her eye. He remained with his gaze firmly fixed on the road. They hadn’t said one word since she got into the backseat of the SUV, too angry to sit next to him. Thankfully the GPS gave him directions to the shelter so she didn’t have to speak with him. She was afraid if she said one word she’d begin to cry and not stop. Last night, while falling asleep, she’d been happier than she could ever remember being. Her dreams had been filled with that joy, vivid imaginings about a wonderful life spent with Danny. Then she woke up and watched as those dreams shattered like fine crystal hitting the cold marble floor of the foyer.

The thing that really pissed her off was she knew deep in her heart Danny loved her. If he would stop being such a stubborn asshole for a minute and listen to her, things would be different. But did she really want a man who thought he knew what was best for her without her getting any say? Who would give up so easily?

She sighed and rubbed her face, careful not to disturb her makeup. Later. She’d think about all this shit later. Right now, they were less than a mile from the shelter and she needed to get her head on straight. Not only did she need to ground herself for her patients, she also needed to keep an eye open for anything out of the ordinary, anything that could be a sign of DeLuca and his men.

Downtown Detroit rolled past the tinted windows of the Lincoln and she gripped her purse as they pulled up to the old Detroit Police Department’s 8th District buildings, now converted into one of the best women’s shelters in the United States, My Sister’s Place. Built in 1901, the buildings resembled a French renaissance style country estate. When the Foundation purchased the building they installed state of the art security systems and bought the surrounding property, knocking down abandoned buildings and leaving the shelter surrounded by well-tended gardens behind seven-foot stone walls topped with black wrought iron spikes that could be electrified, if needed.

Danny’s jaw dropped slightly and he leaned forward to look through the windshield. “Not what I was expecting.”

“Pull around to the left. You’ll come up to a gate. Stop at the entrance and press the call button. They’re expecting us.”

She’d feel better, safer, once she was inside. The windows facing the street had all been replaced with bulletproof glass and the seven-foot high wall of cinderblocks provided more than adequate protection to those within. There were also five security guards on staff at all times who constantly watched the cameras and patrolled the grounds.

They pulled up to the rear gate and Danny did as instructed, speaking with one of their security guards who let them through. She looked behind her as the gate shut, checking to make sure no one tried to follow them in. Not that she really needed to. Every inch of the grounds was monitored and their security team knew exactly what could happen if they were lax on the job. More than one abusive spouse or partner had tried to breach the walls to get to the residents.

Danny stopped as the drive split, one direction heading to the apartments the women with children could stay in on the left, and the main buildings on the right. In the middle stood a massive playground and behind it a small school and library where private tutors worked with the children to make sure they didn’t slip behind in their schoolwork during their stay here. This morning a group of boys played on the monkey bars while a smaller group of girls huddled together on the swings. One of the shelter’s employees watched their unfamiliar vehicle and spoke into her phone, no doubt verifying who they were with security.

“Which way?”

“Head to the right and park next to the white minivan.”

As soon as he put the car into park she opened her door and stepped out, ignoring his muttered swearing as he scrambled to catch up to her. She stopped at the rear door and looked up, waiting for whoever was at the security desk to buzz her in.

Less than five seconds later a man’s voice came from the speaker next to the doors. “Morning, Dr. Walker.”

“Good morning.” Danny joined her on the steps and she tried to keep her voice civil as she said, “I have a guest with me this morning.”

“This must be Mr. Escobar. Dr. Brevshek and Mr. Milton informed us this morning that he would be joining you.”

The door buzzed and she yanked it open before Danny could reach past her and grab the handle. It might seem petty, but she didn’t want him doing one more thing for her than he had to. In her opinion, lunchtime couldn’t get here soon enough.

They entered the cool hallway of the shelter and she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself and find her center. One of the secretaries liked to burn incense and the smell always lingered here, soothing and tranquil, an olfactory reminder to leave her shit at the door and enter with an open heart. No matter what happened in her personal life she always left her personal problems in the parking lot. Unfortunately, this particular problem followed close at her heels as they walked to her office. He stayed a couple steps behind her, but his presence irritated her like a bit of glass in a wound.

She stopped so abruptly he ran into her, then stumbled back just as quickly. After glancing up and down the hall to make sure no one was around, she poked a finger into his chest. “Look, you don’t want to be here and I don’t want you here, but if you say or do one damned thing to upset anyone here, I swear to god, I will rip your balls off and shove them up your nose.”

He pulled off his sunglasses, squinting at her in the bright lights of the hallway. “Come on, Hope, do you really think I would do that?”

She shook her head and tried to swallow back some of her anger. “If you had asked me that yesterday I would have said not in a million years, but today...” Unable to face the pain that filled his face she turned her back on him and resumed her march to her office.

Brightly colored children’s drawings decorated the walls, placed in between beautiful works of art donated to the shelter. One of their leading patrons had been the wife of one of the major automotive companies’ presidents and she’d bequeathed her massive art collection to the shelter. While many of the pieces had been sold off or put into trusts, some of the less expensive paintings and sculptures had been used to decorate the shelter. They took the wide stairs up to the second level and passed a couple of the classrooms where women were learning different skills to help them get jobs once they left the shelter.

Hope and Danny reached the door with her name engraved on the small brass plate. Danny managed to reach the handle before she did, opening it for her with an impassive expression that made her want to kick him in the shins. How dare he act like he was the wounded party in all of this, and how dare he try to make her feel guilty for being mad at him? He had no right to decide shit ends like this. No. No way. She’d have closure if it killed her.

Hope suddenly realized Lydia, her receptionist and a former patient, was watching her with a concerned look. Realizing she must look as pissed as she felt, Hope quickly let the negativity go. She immersed herself in the room, a place focused totally on a feeling of peace. The warm peach tones of the small sitting area adjacent to her office usually soothed her, but nothing short of a fifth of rum was going to do that job today.

Lydia stood up from her cluttered desk and smoothed her pale green suit jacket that set off her rich coffee complexion. “Good morning, Dr. Walker.”

Hope tried in vain to give Lydia a welcoming smile, but her secretary paled when Danny entered behind Hope, her right hand moving immediately to the underside of her desk to the panic button. Before she could press the button and bring the security guards and the police down on them, Hope shook her head. “It’s okay, Lydia. He may look like a pit bull, but he’s harmless.”

“I highly doubt that,” Lydia said in a low voice and patted her salt and pepper braids.

Danny moved from behind her and gave Lydia an all too charming smile. “Don’t worry, I’m house broken.”

Lydia patted her hair again and returned his smile. “Indeed.”

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes and kick Danny in the ass, Hope tapped the file on the edge of her secretary’s desk. “Is this my 12:30?”

Flushing, Lydia nodded and handed her the folder. “Yes.” She glanced at Danny and pursed her lips. “Um, considering her situation, I think it would be best if your gentleman friend wasn’t here when she arrives.”

“I won’t leave you unguarded,” Danny said and crossed his arms.

She closed her eyes and prayed for patience. “You can’t be here.”

“I’m not leaving.”

Spinning on her heel, she poked at his chest and snarled up at him. “Listen, we’re on the second floor of a highly secure building. There are no windows in my office and I doubt anyone could have gotten inside without someone noticing.”

Lydia stepped in between them, and Hope immediately backed up, feeling like a fool for fighting like this in front of her secretary. Putting her hands on her hips, Lydia faced them both with the same no nonsense look that had helped her raise six boys into respectable men. “Mr...I’m sorry, what is your name?”

He seemed as chagrined as Hope felt. “Daniel Escobar, ma’am.”

“Mr. Escobar, how about a compromise? You can search Dr. Walker’s office, something Mr. Boden from your agency did for us yesterday and, if you are satisfied it is safe, would you consider waiting somewhere else during her session?” She hesitated and laid a hand on his arm. “You are a very intimidating man, whether you mean to be or not, and some of our clients would see you and freeze up, making Dr. Walker’s job of helping them recover all that much harder.”

Danny glanced at Hope then back to Lydia. “Boden was here?”

“Oh yes. He and a few of his men worked with our chief of security to ensure Dr. Walker’s safety. Tell you what. There is an empty classroom across the hall. Why don’t I set you up there with some coffee and a nibble from the cafeteria? I’ll leave the door open and you can see anyone coming into or out of the office while staying out of sight.”

Hope made a mental note to give Lydia the biggest gift basket Sanders Candy made for Christmas this year. “That sounds like an excellent idea.”

Both women looked at Danny expectantly and he shifted beneath the weight of their combined stares. “Fine.” He cleared his throat and a slight flush colored his cheeks. “Thank you, Ms. Lydia. That sounds like a great idea.”

Lydia gave Hope a wink and bustled Danny out of the room, keeping up a stream of chatter that scarcely left him room to breathe, let alone protest. She grabbed the file off Lydia’s desk and scanned the sticky notes on top containing her phone messages. Before Danny could think of some reason to object, Hope went into her office and closed the door behind her, resisting the urge to lock it for good measure. The light scent of vanilla and lavender immediately soothed her. She took a deep breath, enjoying the lingering perfume of the candles she burned during sessions to help her clients relax.

She tossed the file onto her orderly desk with a weary sigh before turning on the brass lamps flanking the small couch set against the wall of her office. She sat behind her desk and rested her head in her hands, taking a deep breath and using the breathing techniques she learned in yoga to try to center herself. In with the good air, out with the bad... Girl, you better remember your place in the universe.

Her racing pulse slowly calmed down and, by the time she’d finished her mantra, she could look at the file on her desk and actually focus on the information it contained. She’d been seeing her client, Diane, for five months and knew her pretty well. Even better, Hope was pretty sure that Diane would soon be ready to leave the shelter with her young daughter and go on with her life.

In light of all the horrible things Diane had gone through, Hope’s heartache seemed like a petty thing. She didn’t want to be the kind of person who lashed out at others in anger. While she was still pissed at Danny, guilt weighed on her soul at the things she’d said to him. Why was it that the words that would cut someone you loved the deepest were always at hand, but the words to heal those wounds were impossible to find?

Closing her eyes, she reached down deep into her soul and went to the place where she talked with God.

Dear Lord, Please give me the wisdom to say the words that will heal, the patience to really listen to what is being said, and the compassion to soothe a wounded heart. Please be with my father today and watch over him...and please help me let go of my own selfish anger and help Danny find his own peace. Amen.