Rex

Well, at least we confirmed that it’s possible for Felicia and I to spend twenty-four hours together without having sex. I’m not sure why I crashed so hard last night, but not even wagyu beef and good scotch could rescue my mood. I know it’s because I’ve always been very conscious of using protection and avoiding an accidental pregnancy. It’s such a huge betrayal that it’s difficult to wrap my mind around it. The idea of fighting her for custody had already been rolling around the back of my mind, but my rational side wouldn’t accept the idea of raising a child on my own. Being Mr. Mom has never made my vision board. As I lie here watching Felicia sleep, I can’t help but think that she would make a great mother. I can’t expect her to agree to raise another woman’s child for the next two decades though. That’s a lot to ask.

“What’s on your mind?” she asks, cracking her eyelids open and catching me in deep thought.

“You don’t even want to know.” I chuckle, rolling over and getting out of bed. “I need to brush my teeth. That burger was awesome, but I can still taste the aftermath of onions, pepper jack, and chipotle.” She sighs as I pass by the bed, obviously picking up on the fact that baby thoughts are still swirling through my mind. After taking care of business and brushing my teeth, I return to her side of the bed and drop down on one knee. “I have a serious question for you.”

Her eyes widen, and the way I’ve been feeling is suddenly reflected in her face. “Yes?” she says with hesitation in her voice.

“Do you like omelets?”

“I do,” she replies with a visible sense of relief.

“Okay, then here’s the big one. Sausage, bacon, ham, or veggies?” I smile, kissing her on the cheek.

“Ham, veggies, and lots of cheddar cheese.” She giggles, pushing against my chest. “You’re a little shit.”

“You deserved it after causing me to have nightmares all night.” I push back up to my feet and grab the iPad to place our order.

“I’m sorry, did you have baby nightmares?”

“Dreams, nightmares . . . whatever you want to call them.” I punch in our omelet order. “Coffee or a latte?”

“Caramel latte, please, and it was just a question. I don’t expect you to take responsibility for something you didn’t do. Like I said, just forget I asked,” she says, holding out her hand. I finish submitting the order before taking her hand and slipping into bed next to her, still clutching the iPad. “At least I learned one thing last night,” she adds.

“What’s that?”

“If I ever get tired of having sex, all I have to do is start talking about babies.” She laughs out loud. “It’s like I let the air out of this thing,” she says, reaching down for my package.

“I hate to say it, but today was the first time that I can remember not waking up with a hard-on.” I chuckle at the realization. “It’s not that I don’t love babies.”

“You just aren’t ready for one,” she says, hitting the nail on the head. She continues to run her hand along the front of my boxers, looking for a reaction. “Is this thing even on?” she asks, giving me a look of concern.

“I’m sorry, but I’ve got way too much going on in my head. I’m sure he’ll be ready to roll by tonight.” I give her wink and punch Jessica Connors’s name into Google, holding my breath while waiting for the search result to come up. Jessica Connors Pregnancy Fraud is the first story at the top of the page. I punch the link and turn the iPad toward her so she can read the headline. “TMZ is already running it on the front page, so yes, he’ll definitely be better by tonight. We’re going to have a great day. Let’s get dressed. Our food should be here in fifteen minutes or so.”

Felicia

By mid-afternoon, Rex turns his phone to silent mode as it’s been blowing up for hours. With just over an hour to get our booth ready, it’s time to focus on business. I actually find myself feeling a bit sorry for Jessica after seeing how the story went totally viral. We live in a scary world where your life can turn upside down awfully quickly, especially if you are one of the divas of social media. She had apparently stepped on enough toes that no one hesitated to perpetuate the story. Within a matter of hours, it had taken on a life of its own, and by noon, they were even talking about it on E! Much to the delight of Rex, everyone thought that the name of his website was hilarious. Bettergasms.com was receiving millions of dollars’ worth of free publicity, and the number of Facebook fans and Instagram followers was absolutely exploding. There has been a permanent grin plastered on his face since nine o’clock this morning.

“I had been thinking that this show would be the key to taking my business to the next level, but it’s almost irrelevant at this point,” he says, unpacking cases of dildos and Demonizers with a glint in his eyes. “I just wish we had more inventory. We’ll be crushed with backorders.”

“That’s about the best problem a young company can have,” I reply with a laugh. “It’s all free publicity, so there isn’t a downside.”

“You’re right. I just have a natural tendency to need something to worry about,” he admits, sort of taking me by surprise. He seems about as calm as anyone I’ve ever known.

“You always walk around like you don’t have a care in the world.”

“That’s because I’m busy internalizing everything,” he says, setting down the last box and coming around the corner of the table. “That’s why I like being with you so much. It makes me forget about all the other bullshit floating around in my head.”

“Mm, I’m just glad to see his spark is back too.” I run my fingers along the bulge in his dress pants. “I really like how you look in these pants. Especially when this happens.”

“You know, Sexapalooza is an adult toy and novelty show, not a live sex show,” a woman’s voice comes from behind us.

“Cindy!” Rex blurts out, completely shocked by her presence. A distinguished looking older woman with salt and pepper hair and crossed arms gives him a maternal grin, one eyebrow convincingly cocked.

“I’ve been in town all week attending a conference, and I received a hysterical call from my sister at noon.” Her expression becomes sterner. “What did you do to Jessica?”

“Exposed the truth,” he says, returning her glare. “Do you realize she took my used condoms and inseminated herself?”

“Seriously?” Her jaw drops along with her arms.

“Yeah, she’s basically been extorting me. But I hired a private investigator who found out she used a fertility clinic.”

“My God, she is just like her mother,” she says, closing her eyes and making balls with her fists. “Jessica’s mother pretty much did the same thing. Francisco Wylder was her target,” she explains, referring to the famous Hollywood director. “But he was a childless widower in his seventies, so she never made any claims until after his death. Jessica was his only living heir, which is why she has always had a trust fund.”

“Oh, I assumed all her money came from her social media stuff,” Rex counters.

“No. She gained full access to her trust when she turned twenty-one, and she immediately started living like a rock star. She spent a ton of it buying her way into social media success,” she adds, explaining why many of her peers don’t respect her.

“So she’s running out of money and looking for her next meal ticket?” I ask, putting two and two together.

“She should’ve found a wealthier target than me,” he adds with a look of shock.

“You were convenient,” she says rather coldly. “Once she fleeced you, she would’ve moved on to the next one.”

“That’s why she was pushing for a lump sum settlement,” Rex gasps. “She had no intention of raising the child.”

“Jessica would be a horrible mother, even worse than my sister,” Cindy scoffs, becoming more perturbed by the minute. “I’m going to give her a call when I leave here. She’s going to need someone to talk to.”

“She’s lucky to have you,” Rex says, reaching out and putting an arm around her. “You helped me through some pretty rough times.”

“Jessica is going to be a true test of my abilities, I’m afraid,” she says with a sigh. “Well, I fly out at six,” she adds, looking down at her watch. “I’d better catch a cab.”

“Good luck,” Rex says, giving her a full-fledged hug.

“Same to you,” Cindy replies, her eyes scanning the booth. “How much do you charge for one of these?” she asks, picking up a box.

“One twenty,” he says with a wink. “But you go ahead and take a complimentary one,” he adds, causing a flush in her cheeks. “I know you always liked me, but Mom would’ve killed us both.”

“You’re hilarious, but yes, your mother terrifies me,” she replies with a giggle. “Thank you. It looks fabulous. I’ll be sure to go online and write a review for you.” She grins and kisses him on the cheek.

“Take care, Cindy, and good luck.” A reminiscent smile rests on his lips as he watches her walk away.

“Thanks for introducing me,” I say, pulling him out the trance.

“I’m so sorry,” he says with a cringe. “I was just so shocked to see her and there was so much to talk about.”

“It’s fine. I’m just teasing,” I assure him. “She seems to be very special to you.”

“I was always way closer to her than my own mother,” he says, explaining his feelings. “She was always so easy to talk with. She actually listened.”

“So she was really your second mother,” I say as he nods in agreement. “And you gave her a clone of your cock, which she fully intends to use.” It takes every ounce of strength not to burst out laughing.

“I knew it!” he says. “I just knew you were going there. Grab the iPad and make sure the Square app is working. The doors open in fifteen minutes,” he says, turning the conversation on a dime. “She always had a thing for me,” he mutters while looking over my shoulder at the iPad. “Believe it or not, she was hot ten years ago.”

“She’s still hot,” I counter. “She’s in great shape for someone her age. How old is she, anyway?”

“Fifty-seven,” he replies without hesitation. “She’s twenty-five years older than me. I spent plenty of time trying to justify the math as a teenager. I could never justify it in my head.”

“Neither could she,” I add, patting him on the shoulder. “Otherwise she would’ve gone after you in spite of being afraid of your mother.”

“I know. That’s why I gave her the next best thing,” he says with a boyish grin. “I’m officially off the market.”

As people begin filtering into the show, our booth is one of the first to become busy. The words off the market keep echoing in the back of my mind and make me smile each time. There is nothing I want more than to be in a secure, loving relationship with someone who actually cares about me. I watch him interacting with the women who are coming up to the booth. He is a master flirt, but it’s paying off in a big way. He’s charming their panties off and I’m staying busy swiping their credit cards. We’ll definitely be out of these things long before Sunday.