HIS LIGHT SNORES told me he had fallen asleep. The arm around my waist relaxed, releasing its tight grip. I waited for what seemed like an eternity before sliding out of bed as quietly as possible.
Being with him came so easily it scared me. Therefore, I picked my offense to play tired. The goal being to get him to sleep then get the fuck out of here. It had better work.
I knew he wouldn’t have let me leave earlier. I also knew he told me never to leave the bed, but fuck him. Fighting with him wouldn’t have been an option, because I would have lost. He would have done something to make me fall into his world and stay. However, I didn’t know who in the hell this man was. He most definitely was not the guy I had lost my virginity to. The worst part was I thought he still had some of that in him.
I hated being wrong.
Quickly and quietly, I put on my jeans before moving toward the door, still keeping an eye on Cade. He remained lying there, naked from the chest up, a sheet covering his lower half. His tattoos that I inspected before were an intricate design that flexed with each breath he took. He looked so damn peaceful, happy even.
I was a fool telling myself my heart couldn’t get involved, but it didn’t have choice with Cade. From the first moment I’d laid eyes on him, he became my infatuation. Even after he had let me go and through all the pain, I still cared for him. Shit, I even loved him.
Those six months we spent together were the best of my life. My father was there, but not really, always busy doing something.
I had no mother. I’d asked my father about her, but he shot me down every time until I gave up. I had to raise myself. Sure, I had nannies who stayed with me at times, but they never treated me any differently than my father—a burden. Always a burden. Once Cade entered my life, it made the world a little more bearable. Then my world crashed.
The man lying in that bed had lost his mind. Sex slaves? I wasn’t naive. I knew shit happened in the world, but come on. My father a part of it? It was too much.
His eyes though, spoke of honesty, giving me the same look when we had been kids. Deep in my gut, I believed him, but it was too overwhelming. I needed to get out. I needed space to think, and doing it lying next to Cade proved impossible.
I spotted a side door that had a big illuminated exit sign above it. I opened it. My lucky day. It led right into the parking lot.
I darted to my car, fumbling with my keys to get them out of my pocket. Laughter could be heard through the dark night in the distance as I entered the car. I sat there, my hands shaking, everything weighing on me like an elephant on my shoulders.
I looked in the rearview mirror. My eyes were a bit void. That was scary. I closed them, taking some deep breaths. I got this.
I started the engine, pulled out, and had to stop at the big gate. The same man with the goatee came to the window. Needing to play this cool so he would let me out of here, I rolled down the window.
He smiled appraisingly. “Hey, how you doin’?”
“I need out, please,” I told him, ignoring his lust-filled eyes.
“You seem a little tense. Not get what you needed from the boss?”
Suck it up, Trix.
I plastered on a sultry smile, biting my bottom lip as suggestively as I could. “Oh, yeah. I’m letting him sleep it off.”
“He know you’re leavin’?”
I rolled my eyes in exasperation then lied through my goddamned teeth. “Of course. You think he’d let me leave if he didn’t want me to?”
He nodded. “Nope, but hard for me to believe he wants you out of his bed.”
I leaned forward, no doubt giving him a great view of my tits. “Believe it. Can you open the gate please?” I gave him my best eye flutter bullshit. I’d seen my girls use it to work over a client for bigger tips.
He licked his lips. “Fuck.” He raised his hand to the guy above in the tower, stepping back from the car.
The damn gate seemed to take an eternity to open, but as soon as it did, I floored it, getting the fuck away from that nut house.
TOSSING CLOTHES INTO my bag, I ran into the bathroom, gathering all my toiletries. I needed to go somewhere Cade couldn’t find me, because I had no doubt he would. At the moment, the only person I could trust in my life was myself, because I’d never let myself down. I had Jett, but I could never tell her any of this. My gut told me that I needed to hole up in a hotel for a few days to clear my head.
I grabbed my gun, putting it in my purse, and went to my closet, picking up my small safe. After entering the combination, the metal popped open, displaying another gun along with cash. I stored about three thousand in there. The money would be enough to get a semi-nice place without using a credit card.
Cade was smart. My credit card would be the third thing he checked after checking here and Sirens.
I put everything in the bag making it to the hotel in record time. I checked in under the name Annabelle Jacks then bolted every single lock on the door.
The mid-range hotel sat on the side of town. The walls were painted a universal beige with the carpet a darker tan. A small kitchenette with a fridge and microwave sat on one wall with a large-screened television. The bed looked seriously comfortable, covered in white linens. This place would do fine.
Even lying in bed, I couldn’t relax. Everything rattled around in my head. There was too much to think about.
Part of me wanted to go straight to my father and flat-out ask him, but I wasn’t stupid. My father had always been a dick. That was his nature. He had zero patience, especially when I got something wrong. Despite that, he had never hit me or hurt me physically in any way.
Believing he had taken over a sex slave operation and was still running it to this day didn’t compute. Not to mention, the thought of him selling me as Cade said. Why would he do that? He might not have liked the fact that I wasn’t born a boy, but to sell me to some asshole who would do God knows what to me? What father would do that to his child?
Sure, my father had a mysterious aura always surrounding him. He had men he called friends, but with one look at their bulkiness, I knew they were guards. I’d asked once about them, and he told me it was none of my business, so I never asked again. I thought he was a card player; I mean, how else would he have taught me?
When he was teaching me self-defense and giving me a business sense, I had never thought about why he needed the guards. It was just how my life was. Cade said the Colonel had hookers. I didn’t know about that.
Then there was the fact that Cade had to even get involved in this in the first place. Did he hurt the girls his father had? Did he treat them like the mouses in his clubhouse? Did he actually help his father sell kidnapped girls? At that thought, the tears fell from my eyes. Everything I thought I knew about Cade was a lie.
I tossed and turned all night and into the morning. I rose from the bed with a heavy head, like I’d been on an all-night bender or something.
I grabbed my phone, seeing thirteen missed calls from Cade, one from Jett, and a whole slew of text messages. The ones from Cade, I ignored, only reading the ones from Jett. Nothing big, just telling me everything went well last night.
I ordered room service and watched movies until the sun set. I turned my phone off completely after the vibrations from Cade calling wouldn’t stop.
My damn heart would flutter every time he called, but I wouldn’t pick it up. I couldn’t trust him. I couldn’t trust anyone except Jett to run Sirens.
I texted her, telling her I wouldn’t be in tonight, then fell asleep with the gun under my pillow.
I AWOKE TO a banging on the door that jolted me upright and caused my heart to pound.
“Trixie, open the fucking door, or I swear I’ll fucking bust it down,” Cade’s voice rang through the other side.
How in the fuck did he find me? I covered my location and done everything possible to stay hidden. I’d made sure of it.
No light came through the windows, so it had to be night still.
My bare feet hit the plush carpet as I made my way to the door, looking out the peephole. I saw Cade’s vein pulse in his neck, anger radiating off him. Not only that, but Boner and Stiff were with him. Fuck.
“I know you’re fucking in there, Trixie. Open the goddamned door now.”
I didn’t want to.
I heaved out a big sigh. “Cade, go away. I’m tired. Please leave,” I said so softly I didn’t know if he heard me.
I pressed my palms to the door to hold me up as a wave of despair hit me. It felt like fifteen years ago when he ignored me. Except, this time, it was worse. I knew what he really felt like now, what he tasted like. Regardless, I couldn’t trust him. He’d broken that a long time ago, and now with new information sprung on me I was so damn confused.
“No, open the door.”
My heart hurt as it squeezed, and a tear slid down my cheek.
“Cade, go away.”
“Trixie, let me in now.”
I hit the door hard with my palm, screeching, “I’m done! Whatever sick game you have going on here, I don’t want any part of it, Cade Baker. I’m out. Leave now!” The last part had a crack in my voice that pissed me off.
“Trixie.” His voice calming. “This isn’t a game, and I’d rather not discuss this through a fucking door where everyone in the damn hallway can hear.”
“Just please go.”
“Trix,” Boner said softly in a voice that was so damn compassionate I almost forgot why I didn’t want them inside the room. “Open the door and let us talk to you.”
I shook my head, tears falling from my face. I knew they couldn’t see, which was a good thing since I didn’t cry in front of anyone if I could help it.
“Babe, just open up so we can talk to you,” Stiff said, his voice also calm.
“I can’t,” I told them.
“Why not?” Cade clipped.
“Because I can’t trust you, Cade. I can’t trust any of you.” I couldn’t trust anyone in my life. While my gut told me he was being honest with me, that didn’t mean I could actually trust him.
“Trixie, you can trust me. Always,” Cade said as I rested my forehead on the door.
I wanted that. I wanted to have someone I could count on in my life, but I didn’t. All I had was myself, and that sucked.
“No, I can’t. I don’t know who you are anymore, Cade. I don’t know what you’re into or what you’ve done. This story is so farfetched I can’t wrap my head around it. Then, with the Colonel involved … I just can’t.” All of it was too much. I was a damn strong woman, but fuck, talk about bringing a woman down to her knees.
“How can you not trust me? I told you the truth, something I don’t tell anyone. Please open the door so we can come in. I can’t have everyone hearing me.”
“You’re not gonna go away, are you?” I relented.
“No, babe. Open up.”
I lifted my head from the door and pushed off. The tissues on the table were rough when I wiped my nose on them, but I got all the tears off my face before steeling myself. I looked down at my clothes, seeing I had pajama pants and an oversized T-shirt on, so nothing was showing.
Just like everything else in life, I could do this, too.
I sucked in a deep breath and unlocked the door. I gripped the handle, and in a whoosh, Cade stood in front of me.
I met his concerned stare head-on, not giving a single inch. Sure, he could probably see the redness of my eyes, yet I didn’t care.
“Baby.” He stepped closer.
I took a step back, widening the door for them to come into the room. I couldn’t let him touch me, not knowing what that touch would do right now. I needed distance.
Once the men were in the small space, it seemed almost claustrophobic, so I moved to the only window across the room as the door clicked shut.
Cade started toward me again.
“Don’t,” I warned him, my eyes growing intense.
He halted.
“Stay over there. Say what you need to say then get out.”
He moved to the wall only a few feet to the side of me while Stiff and Boner stayed back by the door.
“Trixie, tell me what’s in your head,” he said.
I scoffed. “No. Say what you want and get out.”
“Trixie …” he warned. “Why don’t you trust me?” The words were pained as they came out, like I was physically hurting him.
“Oh, I don’t know. Because fifteen years ago, you told me you weren’t ever going to let me go, only to let me go in the most dick-ish way possible. Then you decided to lay a bomb on me that shakes the ground under my feet. So, no, Cade, I don’t fucking trust you. And as far as you two go”—I aimed my stare at Boner and Stiff—“testing me isn’t fucking happening. I’ve dealt with too many shitheads in my life. I’m done with that.”
“I was a dick, and I told you why,” Cade started.
“Then why even tell me all that shit? Because now, with our past Cade, I don’t know if I could ever trust you. Especially after all of this.”
Cade looked at Boner and Stiff then sighed. “Let’s talk about trust for a minute. I’m gonna put even more trust in you. I’m going to tell you something that only three people know besides me. Boner, Stiff, and Bosco are the only ones. This shit’s important, and I need to know I can count on you to keep it between us.”
Oh, shit. My stomach did a somersault as I nodded.
“My father had me tailed that night we were together. The guy reported back to him that you were with me. My old man told me, if I didn’t get my head in the game with his extra business, he’d make sure you paid. I played it off like you were just pussy to me. He didn’t buy it.”
My heart fell to the floor. Holy shit. Who would do that?
“That was the moment I knew I didn’t have a choice other than to take him down. I made a plan and followed through. I got my club out of the business, had the Colonel begin his take over, and then shot my father.”
I closed my eyes as my mind processed the barrage of words. He had shot his father? He shot his father. Holy fucking shit. My gut twisted in a knot so tight I didn’t think it would ever release. He was right about one thing—this was huge. This was murder, and he trusted me with this information.
“Babe, I’m telling you the truth. I’m trusting you with this information because I believe in you … in us,” he said with such earnestness that my heart jumped.
“Trix,” Boner said from across the room, and my eyes went to him. “He is. The only reason the club came on board with him telling you is because he loves you.”
Cade whipped his head around to glare at Boner, and I felt my heart shatter. Damn, I was a moron. He didn’t love me. That hurt.
“Spook, stop fucking around. Your woman is about ready to leave your ass. You don’t throw all your cards on the table now, she’s gone.”
“It’s too late.” My chest hurt. I wanted them all to leave. “You said your peace; now, please, leave me alone.”
Cade sliced his head back toward me, a new sense of determination coming off him. If I weren’t holding up the wall with my back, I would have tried to move away. His breathing intensified, nostrils flared, and his eyes darkened, seeming to be working fast with thoughts behind them. Then he spoke, knocking me on my ass.
“He’s right. Loved you fifteen years ago, love you now.”
How many times in my life had I wished to hear those words coming from Cade’s mouth? Now, here they were, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t trust those words. What if all of this was another test to gauge me or something?
I shook my head. “Too late,” I whispered.
He came to me quickly, pulling me into him.
I pushed at his chest. “Let go,” I demanded.
“Trixie, I’m trying really hard here to be a patient man, but it’s getting harder by the second. Me and my boys are the ones you can trust. Swear it on my fucking life.”
I lost it. “Don’t you know how fucking badly I want to believe you? Trust you? I’m back in your life for days, and you lay all this on the table! Tell me, Cade, if I can trust you to tell me the truth, did you help your father with his business?”
Cade stilled under me, and my stomach dropped, but I didn’t let it show.
He shook his head as if he were clearing away some memories. His voice came out quiet, his eyes appearing pained. “Yeah, babe, I did. I don’t wanna talk about the shit I did. Please don’t make me,” he pleaded. “I don’t want that shit floating around in your head. I’m not that man. I’m the guy who was with you for six months. I’m the man who stands in front of you today. Everything in the past is exactly where it needs to stay.”
“How do I get over that?” Because I had no clue. How did I live with the knowledge that he helped his father sell women, possibly even hurt them?
“I didn’t have a choice, Trixie.” He pulled me to him more firmly. “I had to follow what he said. He was too powerful not to. All you gotta do is believe in me, the man before you now.”
For a flash, I saw the boy who had laid with me under the stars as I told him what each of the constellations were. I didn’t think he cared about them, but he listened to my little freshman self.
I missed him. So damn much. My heart ached to the point of serious physical pain.
“I don’t know if I can.” My words were quiet and I hurt from the pained look on his face.
Tears sprang to my eyes, and I couldn’t hide them.
“Try. For me, baby. You gotta try.”
While I wanted to let him in, it was all too raw, too fresh.
Silence filled the space for long moments as my mind spun.
“I make no promises.” I couldn’t. My stubbornness wouldn’t allow me to get walked all over again. However, I had that small glimmer of hope that he would prove himself to me. “If I find out you’re lying to me about this, that you took advantage of my trust in any way, you’ll never see me again, and I’ll put a bullet in you myself.”
The guys chuckled.
“Go,” Cade barked out at the two guys.
I rested my head in the crook of his neck. He smelled of tobacco and Cade as I hugged him, wanting to be able to trust him. At that moment, however, I just needed comfort from my life, and I sought it in Cade’s strong embrace.