2007
I raced through the streets, weaving in and out of the nighttime traffic, cursing that we lived in Los Angeles and not some rural town where I could just tear down a stretch of open road to get to Elise.
By the time I got there, the paramedics were getting ready to leave, and the EMTs were loading her into the back of the ambulance. Leah was nowhere to be seen. I didn’t rightly care in that moment. I didn’t even shut off my bike. As soon as the ambulance took off, siren blaring, I followed right behind them.
When we arrived at the hospital, I parked my bike, like an asshole, right outside the emergency entrance as the ambulance pulled up to the doors. A security guard came out and forced me to move Lola, so I found a space too far from the entrance in my opinion. Having lost valuable time, I ran to the doors like the devil himself was chasing me.
They’d already gotten Elise into the back by the time I got to the security desk. I gave my name and let them know I was here for her, then sank into one of the waiting room chairs and tried to control my breathing and clear my head. I was gripped with terror, my heart was pounding, and I had a sick feeling in my stomach. I gripped my hands together tightly and tried to breathe deeply.
Miraculously, it occurred to me that the doctors weren’t going to tell me anything since I wasn’t family. With Elise’s mom having passed and no siblings, the only person I could contact was her father. I’d never met the man, but I did know his name. I did the only thing I could think of and called information while praying he had a listed number. Call it fate or divine intervention, but there was a number listed for someone with his name in a day and age when no one listed their numbers.
I called, my heart in my throat. I struggled to swallow, so I wouldn’t be choking out my words and stuttering when someone answered. After six rings, a male voice greeted me.
“Hello, is this Steven Peterson? The father of Elise Peterson?” I managed to croak out.
“Yes, I am. Who is calling, please?”
“You don’t know me, sir, but my name is Justin Sever. I’m Elise’s boyfriend.”
“Oh, yes. I do recall her mentioning you. What is this about? Is Elise okay?” he asked, his voice taking on a deeper tone of concern.
“No, sir. She’s currently in the emergency room at St. Joseph’s hospital. I am not sure what happened. Her roommate—” I said before he cut me off.
“I thought you two lived together. Who is this roommate?”
“We actually broke up a few months ago. She moved in with a girl named Leah. Leah called me tonight to tell me Elise’s was passed out on the bathroom floor and unresponsive. She was brought here by ambulance just a few minutes ago. They’re going to want a family member here, and you’re the only person I knew to call.”
I could hear a commotion on the other end of the phone. “I’m getting my shoes on right now. I will be there within an hour. How will I know who you are?”
“You can’t miss me. I’ll be the tall guy with the tattoos and long hair.”
I heard him sigh, then, “Okay, Justin. I’ll be right there,” he said before the line went dead.
Mr. Peterson arrived within half an hour, looking like he’d just rolled out of bed, which I imagined he had. His eyes were frantic as he scanned the waiting room. When they finally landed on me where I was leaning against the wall, I motioned him over.
“Has there been any news?” he asked with no introduction.
“No, no one has come out since we arrived. If I were you, I’d tell the intake coordinator, so they know a family member is here.”
Steven nodded stiffly. “You’re right. That’s a good idea.” I watched as he hurriedly approached the glass window where I’d announced myself when I arrived. As my stomach twisted painfully, I pushed off the wall and began to pace. I didn’t like how long it was taking. I wanted to hear that she was okay, she was just dehydrated and had passed out, and we could take her home. The longer it took, the less optimistic I felt. I had no clue what could be happening behind the closed doors to the exam rooms, but I knew none of it would be good. I couldn’t even fathom what she and Leah had been doing that would have left her unconscious on the bathroom floor. I walked back and forth, my mind racing, as I nearly wore a path into the tile floor. Mr. Peterson eventually shuffled back over to me.
“I asked about her, and the nurse said someone will be out to update us, shortly. Hopefully, it’s good news. What do you know about what happened?”
“Not much I’m afraid. I got a call from her new roommate, Leah, earlier, who said she was unconscious on the bathroom floor. When I arrived, they were loading Elise into the ambulance, so I just followed. I didn’t see Leah, and I didn’t look for her. Elise was my priority.”
“I completely understand that, Justin,” Steven said as he put his hand on my shoulder. “You did the right thing.”
“Mr. Peterson, you said you didn’t know that she’d moved out of our apartment. When is the last time you saw your daughter?”
Steven looked chagrined as he admitted he hadn’t seen her since Renee’s funeral.
“Things have been tense. I’ve tried calling her, but she’s very distant and just says everything is fine. I know it’s not, but I didn’t want to push her, either. I’ve been hoping she’d come around and talk to me, eventually.”
“Things have not been good for Elise, at all. She left me about three months ago after having completely withdrawn. I tried to help her, but she insisted she was fine and resented any kind of help I tried to offer. She fell in with Leah who is a bad influence. I don’t know how to tell you this, but since meeting her, Elise has developed a drug habit.”
Steven paled noticeably as he swallowed hard. “I can’t believe that. My daughter has better sense than that.”
“Mr. Peterson, if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t have believed it myself. When she was pulling away, I never once suspected that she was using drugs. I have no idea what they were doing tonight, but when Leah called me she admitted they’d been partying.”
Steven opened his mouth to respond, but just then a doctor entered the waiting room.
“Mr. Peterson?” he called.
Steven rushed over, with me shortly behind him. I scanned the doctor’s face, trying to discern any emotion that might give me an idea whether Elise was okay ahead of whatever he was going to say. His dark features were devoid of all expressions, and my stomach ached as I readied to receive bad news.
The doctor thrust out his hand awkwardly. “Doctor Robert Givens. As you know, your daughter, Elise, was brought in tonight for medical attention due to an overdose of narcotics.”
Steven nodded curtly. “I just learned she has been using illegal drugs. Is she okay? Will she recover? What is her prognosis?”
“I’m sorry to inform you that your daughter didn’t make it. She was gone before she even arrived at the hospital. The EMTs tried to revive her the entire way, and we continued their efforts when she came in but were unsuccessful.”
I vaguely heard a noise come from Mr. Peterson, but my mind was a complete jumble. Elise was dead. She’d been dead on arrival. The numbness that stole over me made my vision tunnel. My sight was suddenly tiny pinpricks of light. I couldn’t focus on anything, couldn’t hear anything but my own harsh breaths that were rapidly accelerating. I felt my hands fist tightly before coming to the sides of my head. A painful roar swelled in my chest, but my lungs were too tight, almost as though they were buckling in on themselves. I gasped and staggered back as the entire room rushed back in on me. The light was now harsh and blinding. Steven stood next to me, his head hanging chin to his chest as his shoulders shook. I watched as the doctor slowly retreated, not interested in offering comfort to the two people whose lives had just been destroyed.
I should have tried to support Steven to at least offer an apology for not having saved his daughter, but I was thrashing inside to get out, to go, to put as much distance between me, this hospital, and the truth as fast as I could.
“I...” I stammered. “I have to go, Mr. Peterson. I’ll call you later today.”
I bolted from the waiting room, unaware and unconcerned about my surroundings, leaving Steven to fend for himself. Lola. I needed Lola. I want the deep purr of her engine throbbing beneath me as I raced through the twisting canyons surrounding Los Angeles. No sooner did I think it, I was turning the key in the ignition and hearing her voice growl into the night. Like a rocket, I sped out of the parking lot and off into the dark streets.
It could have been minutes or hours, I really couldn’t say, but I found myself out in front of Leah’s apartment. I stared up at the building for a few minutes as I felt the anger surge within me. This was her fault. My angel was dead, and Leah was to blame.
I jerked roughly off the bike and ran through the gate to the building. After a quick scan of the door numbers, I located her apartment. I hammered loudly on her door, hollering her name and demanding she open up. Before long, I heard the twisting of the locks and the door squeaked open. I pushed into the living room where Leah had already parked herself on the sofa. She looked a fright, her eyes red and swollen, her face tear-stained as her trembling hand brought a lit cigarette to her mouth.
“I’ve been waiting for you,” she said softly.
“I’m sure you have. What happened here tonight?”
“We were celebrating. I got a new job, so I scored some heroin,” she said as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Fucking heroin?” I shouted incredulously. “What the fuck were you thinking?”
She turned her head toward me slowly, a creepy look on her face. “I was thinking about having a good time, Justin.”
“Well, it was quite the party, wasn’t it?” I spit out bitterly, the sarcasm dripping from my words. “I hope you had a great time.”
She shook her head slightly but said nothing before taking another long, deep drag on her cigarette.
“Are you even going to ask?”
She looked up at me again. “Do I even need to?”
“She’s dead, Leah. You killed her. You killed my girlfriend.”
“Ex-girlfriend,” she replied nastily.
“Thanks to you, now she’s my dead ex-girlfriend.”
She waved a hand at me. “Thanks for the info. You can go, now.”
The urge to rush over and drag her up off the couch seized me. I wanted to shake her violently, to demand that she take it back, that she fix this mistake. This terrible, wretched mistake that never should have happened. My shoulders sagged as I realized that’s what it was—a mistake. Yes, Leah was culpable, but it was Elise’s mistake. One that cost her life, and me the love of mine. Without another glance at or word to Leah, I turned and left the apartment, shutting the door softly behind me.