Chapter Two
“And that’s the closing shot of the ad,” Jordyn announced as she switched the overhead lights back on. She caught sight of General Jack Jones discreetly trying to wipe away the tears, no doubt thinking that a man of his stature shouldn’t be this affected by a simple video considering the horrors and tragedies he has to witness on a daily basis.
“Well done, Jordyn.” Carrie said, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
Jordyn tried, but failed not to notice Thomas’s reaction. He was sitting there, the blood gone from his face with a death grip on the table in front of him. It wasn’t his paleness that struck Jordyn though, it was the fact that he had obviously been crying. His lashes were wet with tears, and Jordyn even saw a lone tear make its way down his cheek.
Her heart twisted painfully at the memories of all the things that used to tie them together, and the gulf that now stood in between them. He was farther away from her now than he was when he was overseas.
Jordyn shook her head to keep the memories at bay. “Thank you, Carrie.”
She cleared her throat. “So, gentlemen, what do you think? We’d really like to be the company you choose for this ad. As you can see, it’s something we’re very passionate about.”
General Jack scratched his chin thoughtfully. “Yes, I can see that. Your passion for this project, Ms. Ross, practically leaps off the page. It’s very moving. It makes me wonder if this is something quite personal to you if you don’t mind my asking.”
Jordyn hesitated briefly as she felt Thomas’s eyes travel to her face. “My father used to be in the military, Sir.”
General Jack nodded thoughtfully. “That definitely explains the perspective of the little girl waiting for her father to come home, and the song just suited it to a tee.”
“What do you think Captain Thomas?” General Jack turned to face Thomas who aside from a slight twitch in his jaw showed no sign of having heard the question.
***
“It’s perfectly fine, Sir. It showcases exactly what we need. It tugs on emotions, and we need that if we’re going to get new recruits any time soon.” His voice dripped with practicality, and it almost made Jordyn wince because she knew that he was affected too. He just didn’t, or couldn’t show it. She understood why.
She missed him too. Everyday. There wasn’t a day that went by that she didn’t think of how differently things could’ve turned out if she was still around.
“Yes, indeed.” Amusement laced General Jack’s tone. “As you can see, Captain Thomas is not easily swayed by his emotions. He’s a very practical sort of man. Not a bad trait to have, but remember Thomas, that it’s okay to feel too. It’s what makes us human.”
Thomas gave him a polite smile. “Of course, Sir.”
“May I have a few minutes alone with Ms. Ross? I’d like to discuss some aspects of the video that I feel need a little work.”
General Jack looked surprised. “I don’t mind at all, Tom. If it’s okay with Mrs. Montgomery.”
Carrie waved the protest away, but not before shooting Jordyn a curious look. “That’s perfectly fine, gentlemen. We can go to my office General Jack, and we can discuss the details until they are finished here.”
They both stood up and made their way out the door. Jordyn stared at them in dismay, wishing she wasn’t the one who had to sit here and talk to him. She would give anything to not be in this room right now, face to face with her demons.
“Jordyn.” Her head snapped up as she took in the sight of Tom standing there, his hair sticking out at all ends, the pain reflecting clearly in his eyes. “How are you?”
Jordyn swallowed. “I’m fine, Tom. How are you?”
Thomas looked startled. “I’m fine.”
They lapsed into silence once more. “I don’t know what to say about this video to be honest.”
Jordyn shrugged. “I think Gracie would’ve approved.”
Thomas winced at the mention of her name. “I think so, too.” He exhaled sharply. “I miss her too, Jordyn. Everyday. The sound of her laugh, the way her smile just lit up her whole face. I miss the letters she’d write me, the ones that I’d read right alongside yours during the long winter nights when we were apart.”
Jordyn swallowed the lump in her throat. “I remember how much she used to love writing those. She’d beg me to stay up just a little more, so she could write to you.”
Tom collapsed into the chair in front of him and stared at her wordlessly. “Jordie, I—” His voice was thick with emotion. “I never meant for things to turn out the way they did. You need to understand that, but after we lost Gracie, I couldn’t bear to be in that house anymore. She was everywhere.”
Jordyn blinked. “I was there too, Tom. I lost her too, and I was there from the moment the doctor told me that she had cancer right until the second she drew her last breath.”
Tom closed his eyes painfully. “I know, Jordie. I don’t know how you did it.”
Jordyn blinked furiously to keep the tears at bay. “Tom, I know that you couldn’t take a lot of time off of work. I know you did your best to be there throughout the whole thing. I don’t blame you for that. I wouldn’t wish it for anyone.” She splayed her hands out in front of her. “Watching your little girl fight for her life when she wasn’t even old enough to ride a bike on her own—that is devastating. Knowing that there wasn’t anything you could do to make it better, praying that you could take their place.”
She heard Thomas draw in a sharp breath. “I wish she was still here.”
“Me too,” Jordyn whispered quietly. “But we can’t change what happened, any more than we can change where we are right now.”
Thomas leaned back in his chair. “I know, Jordie. I know I wasn’t there like I should’ve been, and I shouldn’t have left you after Gracie died. I shouldn’t have run away like that.”
Jordyn studied him carefully, before she finally spoke. “No, you’re right. You shouldn’t have, but you didn’t just run Tom, you bolted. Gracie’s body wasn’t even cold in her grave before I got served with those divorce papers.”
Thomas recoiled. “I know, when you put it like that it sounds insensitive and heartless, but you have to understand, it wasn’t about that for me, Jordie.”
“What was it about?”
“We were strangers by then, Jordie. I didn’t recognize who I was, I didn’t recognize who you were. We weren’t us anymore, we were shells of the people we used to be. Gracie unraveled us.”
Jordyn pursed her lips. “I know that, Tom. Don’t you think I know that? A loss like that, it changes people, that’s normal. It’s supposed to make them stronger if they’ve got a good basis to begin with, not tear them apart. Losing Gracie isn’t something we would’ve ever forgotten, it would’ve always been there, but I had hoped it would make us stronger.”
Tom gripped the edge of the table. “I wanted it to make us stronger too, Jordie. I just didn’t know how to look at you without seeing her, and I didn’t want us to be those people who were married, but didn’t really see each other. They exist in different spheres, they might as well be in different worlds.”
“Right, so instead of staying and working hard to get back to where we were, you decided it would be easier to just leave? You didn’t even think about consulting me?”
“It wasn’t like that, Jor. I just didn’t want to delay the inevitable, or have a conversation that I really didn’t think would help us, and would only make us hold on longer.”
Jordyn clenched her hands into fists. “So you thought you’d make my decision for me? A marriage is two people, Tom. It takes two to enter it, and two to decide when it should be over, but you didn’t even try to discuss it with me. You just thought you knew better.”
“I was away for months, Jordyn. Months. After almost a year, when it was time for my annual leave, for the first time, I didn’t want to leave. For the first time since we met, I didn’t want to come home to you because I didn’t know what to say, or what I could do to make it better.”
Jordyn stared at him from across the table, across the mountains that lay between them. “You should’ve tried, Tom. You could’ve at least tried. If not for me, at least for Gracie. She was your daughter too.”
Tom slammed his hand against the table. “Damn it, Jordyn. I know she was my daughter too—”
“Then, what?” Jordyn interrupted, trying to keep her voice at an even level, failing to keep the frustration, anger, and hurt from seeping into her tone. “What was it?”
“I felt guilty, okay?” he yelled. His eyes widened at the admission. “I felt guilty, and I felt like I wasn’t good enough because you were there for Gracie the whole time, and I couldn’t be. I couldn’t get flexible hours from work to be there because I knew we needed the money, but it wasn’t just about that. I used work as an excuse to stay away because I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t watch our vibrant little daughter turn into this shell of a person. I couldn’t watch my strong and beautiful wife turn into a broken person because of the way loss affects mothers. I just couldn’t do it.”
Jordyn sighed deeply, a tear streaking its way down. She stood up and made her way over to Tom who stared at her apprehensively. She placed her hand atop of his, and he stared at it, not sure what it meant. “You always did try to take on too much, Tom. Nobody asked you to be perfect. Nobody asked you to take on the weight of the world as your own. I know you felt like you had to, but you didn’t. I was there for you, Tom. I would’ve helped you, we could’ve helped each other. That’s all I wanted for us.”
Tom began to stroke her hand with the pad of his thumb. “I know, and I wish I had known that back then. It’s been 2 years, Jordie, and I’ve never stopped thinking about it. Never stopped missing Gracie, or wishing I hadn’t made that decision that separated you from me, and there were so many times when I almost reached out to you, but I was too ashamed. I couldn’t face you knowing that I ran.”
Jordyn covered his hand with both of hers. “Tom, I blamed you for such a long time, but the truth is, both of us just had different reactions. You shouldn’t have run away, but I should’ve taken the time to tell you that it was okay, to let you know that we were in this together. I don’t blame you anymore, Tom.”
“You—” He paused as if unable to form the words. “You don’t?”
Jordyn shook her head sadly. “I don’t, Tom. I mean, I could. God knows I did for the longest time. I—” She paused, and she couldn’t stop the passion from seeping into her voice. “I hated you, Tom. I broke things around the house that reminded me of you, of us. I hated you so much, it felt like it took everything in me to focus on that, and in the end, I thought it was better to channel that grief into hate because if I stopped long enough to think about why I hated you, the hate would turn into grief, and I just didn’t want to break down like that.”
Tom took her hand in his. “Then what happened?”
“I passed by the calendar one day, and it was her birthday. Our little Gracie would’ve been 5 years old back then if she had lived that long, and seeing that date circled, I just slid to the floor and sobbed. I cried so hard, I was sure I’d never be able to stop. It just racked through me, and I was left drained afterwards. Franny found me like that, laying on the floor, immobile. I moved in with her, and I began to let go of the hate I had in my heart.”
Jordyn saw the rise and fall of Tom’s Adam’s apple. “You are far stronger than I ever was, Jordie. I never could’ve done what you did. I don’t think I would’ve been able to forgive you.”
Jordyn shrugged. “I’m not sure if it was strength, but I felt her there, Tom. Our little girl. She was guiding me forward, encouraging me to be better, like she always used to do, and suddenly I was filled with this unbearable lightness, and this overwhelming sense of peace, and I knew I was ready.”
“Ready for what?”
“Ready to say goodbye.”
Tom stood up and faced Jordyn, so that they were face to face. “I hope I find the same peace that you did, Jordyn, because I crave it so much. I don’t know if Gracie would ever be able to forgive me for leaving you. I don’t know if you’d be able to forgive me, but I sure hope you both do.”
Jordyn gave him a small smile. “Tom, I already forgave you for thinking you weren’t strong enough to stay by my side. It’s okay.”
Hope dawned on Tom’s features, causing all of his features to change. “You have? Jordyn, I’ve wanted to hear you say that for so long, but I don’t want you to say it because you pity me or anything. I know that forgiveness has to be earned, and I have not truly earned yours.”
Jordyn gave his hand a quick squeeze. “You don’t have to earn it, Tom. I’m giving it to you anyway.”
Tom stared at their hands before he brought them up to his chest. “Jordyn, I have to be honest with you. I know you walked into this meeting not knowing who to expect, but that wasn’t the case for me.”
Jordyn stared. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, when my boss told me that he wanted to create an ad to get more people to join the military, I suggested your firm because I knew it was a good one, but I was also hoping that you would be the one to get it, so I could see you and apologize. I don’t know how to begin to make amends for what I’ve done, but I hope that you’ll let me try.”