Chapter 12
After Travis had dropped me off, saying he’d be home in a few hours, I wandered his home, still marveling at how empty it felt. Finally, I launched into some yoga, hoping to center myself and take my mind off the call with Ryan.
By the time I heard the garage door open, I’d showered and was attempting to do something I rarely did, and almost never did well: I was cleaning.
“Em?” Travis’s tone was wary as he eyed me sweeping the broom across his hardwood floors.
“Able’s hair gets everywhere,” I grumbled.
“Em.” His tone was more forceful, trying to get me to look at him, but I knew if I did I’d lose it. Just hearing his voice was making a knot grow in my throat.
Suddenly the broom was taken gently from my hands as he tipped my chin up to look at me. “Talk to me, babe.” His dark eyes were so concerned for me, his tone so gentle that it broke the last vestiges of control I had left.
I burst into tears.
He pulled me into his chest holding me close. “Are you okay?” he demanded.
I nodded against his chest, unable to speak.
He wrapped an arm around me, guiding me toward the couch, where he pulled me into his lap. Able paced at his feet, clearly worried. I didn’t think he’d ever heard me cry. I curled up in a ball, relishing the feeling of Travis’s strong arms around me, of his heart beating under my cheek.
He held me patiently, waiting as I desperately tried to pull myself together. I couldn’t decide if vomiting in front of him or ugly crying onto his chest was worse.
Though I supposed vomit was never the choice if there was one.
I pulled back, wiping my eyes. “Sorry.” I exhaled on a rasp. “I thought I could hold it together, until I saw you.”
“It’s one of my gifts,” he replied dryly.
I smacked his chest. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
His expression was cautious and full of something close to hope when he spoke next. “How did you mean it?” The question clearly mattered to him—or at least the answer did.
It was so soon to share what I felt, but one look at him had me unable to do otherwise.
“I meant that I’m used to taking care of myself. And of others,” I murmured. “Growing up, I couldn’t afford to fall apart. I guess the habit just stuck.” I toyed with the frayed edge of his T-shirt cuff. I couldn’t meet his eye, and that little stubborn streak allowed me to continue. “One look at you, and I realized I could actually fall apart. That if I did, you’d help put the pieces back together.”
His hand lifted, tilting my chin so that I looked at him. “Always, Em,” he swore, his expression so earnest I had no choice but to believe it.
“Always is a long time,” I murmured.
“Yeah,” he agreed without hesitation.
The silence that followed stretched between us, and I knew I needed to keep going. In for a penny, in for a pound.
“Ryan and I had it all right growing up,” I began. “I didn’t have the easiest time making friends. The kids used to tease me about my wild hair and braces.” I winced at the memory of my gawky self. “Ryan used to get into fights with anyone who teased me. Even when he was just a little thing, he’d threaten the biggest and oldest kids. It never mattered to him.” I shook my head with a small smile at the memory. “My parents made sure we had what we needed. Enough food. Clothes. But they weren’t around a whole lot. To this day, I’m not sure if they loved us,” I mused distractedly. “Anyway, at the end of my junior year, they took off.”
Travis stiffened. “What do you mean, took off?” he demanded.
I shrugged. “They up and left. They left a note saying they were going on an extended vacation. Left us some money, and never came back.”
“Shit.” He swore vehemently. “Do you think something happened to them?”
“No,” I scoffed. “I think they were tired of being parents. They had shit timing, too. I was still only seventeen, and I couldn’t risk Ryan and me being separated, so we hid their absence. We kept up our normal routine, lived sparingly off the money they’d left us, and tried to keep up appearances. Once I turned eighteen, I applied to be his legal guardian.”
Travis continued to stroke my hair, his fingers sliding down my neck in a rhythmic gesture as he listened intently. “That’s a lot to take on,” he murmured.
“I didn’t think about it that way. Ryan and I were a team.”
“When did he join the Marines?”
“Right after graduation.” I sighed. “I was so proud of him, I still am, but he—” I swallowed hard before continuing. “He was all I had.”
“He’s not all you have anymore,” Travis replied resolutely. It was a moment before he asked gently, “What happened today?”
“Ry called—said he has to go off the grid for a while. He’s my baby brother, you know?” I said hoarsely, hoping he could understand. “I know he’s in danger all the time, but having it put so bluntly and knowing he won’t be able to check in for a while was hard to take.”
He kissed my temple. “I’m sure that was tough. And I can relate. I’ve had to go off the grid more than once. Sam has been in your shoes before. It’s never easy, but I always came back in one piece. He will, too.”
Something about him saying that, despite knowing there was no way he could know for sure, eased the ache in my chest a bit.
“Thanks,” I replied, tensing slightly with my next question. “Will you have to go off the grid again?”
His fingers paused their movements through my hair before starting back up again. “Maybe. It will never be my choice to do that, but I don’t want to lie and say it could never happen.”
I craned my head to look at him. “I’d rather you be honest.”
He offered a gorgeous smile. “Believe me, Em. Having you to come home to won’t have me volunteering to travel.”
“Don’t you think we’re moving sort of fast?” I asked cautiously.
He shrugged. “As far as I’m concerned, I’ve waited over thirty years for you. Doesn’t feel fast to me.”
My heart quickened its pace. He’d been so open with me, something I knew didn’t always come easily to him. I wanted to do the same. “There aren’t many people I’ve been close to in my life. Men in particular; it was just always too complicated, it didn’t feel right. It was easier to bury myself in a great love story in one of my books.” I swallowed hard, working up the courage to finish my thought. “But I told myself if I ever found that man—the one who made me want to open up, who made me feel, well, the way that you do, that I’d give him everything and never look back. And in case you haven’t gathered, you’re that man.”
I looked down, unable to meet his eyes after laying myself bare. He didn’t allow me that, and instead tilted my head up in that trademark gesture I’d come to love.
“Are you scared to death?” I squeaked.
A slow smile spread across his handsome face as he slowly shook his head.
“Are you going to say something?” I demanded.
“I’m going take you upstairs and prove I’m as yours as you are mine. I’ll ask my questions later.”
He didn’t have to prove anything, I already believed it, but I was more than happy to let him try.
****
“It’s why you work so much,” he stated hours later as we lay wrapped up in each other in his bed, with Able at the foot and Buster nestled in the curve of my back. “Because your parents left you.”
“Yeah,” I murmured. “The money that they left ran out when I graduated. I put myself through school, and I’ll be paying my loans until the day I die.” I laughed darkly. “And I needed to support Ryan through high school. He hated it, got a job to try to help out, but he was just a kid. He needed to focus on school. He’d have to be a man soon enough. That day came so quick.” I trailed off thoughtfully.
“You’re amazing, you know that?” he marveled, kissing the top of my head.
“Not amazing,” I disagreed. “I’m—”
“I know, I know. Just doing what anyone would do, right?” he finished for me. “Someday I’ll get you to see how special you really are.”
I liked the idea of someday, so decided not to argue, simply burrowing closer. We lay quietly, the only sounds the rustle of Able and the distant murmur of the ocean.
“You want me to find them?” he asked finally, shocking me.
“What? My parents?” I asked, horrified.
“Yes. I could, pretty easily I’m sure.”
I’d never considered the idea, but only had to think about it for a minute. “No.”
I could practically feel his skepticism at my quick response.
“They left us,” I continued. “I don’t want to invite them back into our lives. I don’t need them. I’ve been doing just fine on my own.”
“That’s the thing, Em. You don’t have to handle that kind of shit alone anymore.”
I let the silence hang between us before I looked over at him. “You don’t either. Have to handle things alone, I mean,” I murmured.
He blew out a breath, nodding in acknowledgement. “I know you’ve got my back, babe. Sam and I, we weren’t raised all that differently from you. My parents didn’t leave us, but it didn’t feel like they were ever there to begin with.”
I lay in rapt silence beyond thrilled that he was sharing while at the same time devastated by his words.
“Sam took it harder than I did. I always kind of felt like if they didn’t want to spend time with us, if they didn’t want to be involved in our lives then fuck ‘em. But I know it hit her hard.”
“But you were affected by it too,” I pressed as gently as I could.
He appeared to mull that over. “I’m sure you’re right. I’d never really thought much about it. Sam has said as much as well. I guess it did lead to me being more closed off. When your own parents don’t give a shit, you don’t think other people will either. Joining the SEALs helped though. There’s nothing like that comradery. That loyalty. But with women….” He trailed off.
I raised a brow. “So, I’m your learning curve, huh?”
He offered a boyish grin. “Prettiest curves I’ve ever seen.”
I blushed while muffling a yawn.
“You sure you’re okay to work tomorrow?” he asked gently, pulling me closer.
“Fine,” I muttered sleepily, nestling closer into his warm body. I
started to doze off, content cuddled so close to his beating heart.
“Hey, baby?” His voice was a gentle murmur through my sleepy haze.
“Hmmm?”
“Thank you for telling me. For trusting me.”
“Ditto.” I smiled tiredly, moments later falling into a restful sleep.