Chapter 7
“Are you going to talk to me about what’s going on?” Mabel asked the following evening as I sat nestled on her couch, a hot toddy in hand.
She’d sworn it soothed whatever ailed. I wasn’t so sure it could soothe a broken heart, but I was willing to humor her.
“Travis just wasn’t who I thought he was.” I sighed.
“In what way?” she pressed as she moved in closer beside me on the couch, taking my hand in hers.
“He didn’t tell his sister or his friends that we were… whatever the hell we were starting to be,” I muttered. “He pretended like he barely knew me. And then I overheard them talking.” I swallowed hard at the memory.
“Heard who talking?”
“Him and his sister. She’d picked up on something between us, despite him obviously not wanting her to. She said he’d be smart to date me. That I was smart and beautiful.”
“As you are,” Mabel put in proudly.
“He just said that I’m quirky,” I said hoarsely.
“Oh honey.” She sighed. “Maybe you misunderstood what he was trying to say.”
I shot her a teary look of incredulity.
“All right, all right. It’s not great,” she agreed. “But I know that man has feelings for you. Real feelings. I saw that within a moment of being around the two of you.”
“Yeah well, now we’ll never know for sure,” I replied, taking a sip of my drink.
“Was it the word or what it means?” she asked gently.
I thought about that for a moment, my finger skating over the rim of my glass. “What hurt most was him not acknowledging that we were dating,” I explained. “The fact that my being quirky was the first thing that came to his mind certainly didn’t help. Hell, I don’t mind having some quirks,” I was quick to add. “But the way he said it—it was like a dismissal. Like it was the reason for him to avoid the topic all together.”
May reached over and took my hand, squeezing once. “You know what I think, honey? You are unique. You’re special. You put your own stamp on things and you can be adorably, lovably quirky. If he doesn’t see that, then it’s his loss. But Emmie, I think he sees that,” she assured me gently.
I offered a sad smile before taking a sip of my drink. “You know you’re my best friend,” I told her sincerely.
“I know.” She smiled. “Now, how about a little half-naked Brad Pitt to cheer you up?”
We both knew it was really for her, but I went along with it anyway. “Sounds good, May.”
When I went back to the cottage later that night, I saw Travis standing on my porch before he saw me. I debated running in the other direction, but figured I’d have to face him sooner or later. He’d texted me more times than I could count, and I hadn’t responded to a single one.
“What do you want, Travis?” I asked with a sigh when he turned to watch me approach. I unlocked the door, walked in, and turned to face him, making it clear he wasn’t welcome to come inside.
“Why haven’t you responded to any of my texts? I came by the other night, too. I was worried,” he began.
I shrugged, eyeing him coolly. “I guess I’m quirky like that.”
He let out a breath. “Well, that answers what you heard,” he muttered, running a hand over his closely shorn hair. “I’m sorry, Em. I fucked that up.”
“Yep,” I agreed succinctly. “Listen, we can be cordial when you come to pick up Hudson. He loves to see you, and I want him to have that. But I’m not interested in carrying on any more of this conversation. I heard more than enough already.” I moved to close the door.
His hand came up to stop the door’s momentum. “Wait, Em.”
“What?” I clipped with frustration.
“The other night? You left too soon. You didn’t hear the part where I said how much I liked that you’re quirky. That you make me laugh. That you’re so different than me but the same in all the ways that count.”
“Yeah well, you still sat across from me all night and basically pretended like you didn’t even know me,” I retorted.
“I know. I was caught off guard,” he admitted. “I don’t share much about my personal life with anyone. I wasn’t sure how to handle it, but I obviously didn’t handle it well. I also wasn’t sure what you’d want to share.”
I hadn’t considered that part.
That didn’t mean I wanted to open myself up to further hurt. “I appreciate you coming over to apologize,” I said quietly. “But I’m not interested in pursuing things.”
“Well I am,” he replied without delay. “I like you, Em. I like you a lot. That doesn’t happen to me, and I realize now more than ever how much I want to hold on to that. To hold on to you. I’ll give you a bit more time—I was an ass. I know that. But I’m not giving up.”
I stared at him blankly, unsure what to say to that.
His expression softened. “I never intended to hurt you. I’ll spend as much time as I need proving that. But babe, I got to tell you, those soft lips hit mine, and that was it. I was done for.”
“You’re delusional,” I scoffed, despite some of what he said worming its way into my heart.
“I’m not as adorably quirky, kindhearted and gorgeous as you are. But I see things pretty clearly,” he assured me.
“There’s that word again,” I muttered.
“It’s a good thing,” he replied. “I wouldn’t want you any other way.”
“Goodnight, Travis.” I moved to close the door again.
“Night, Em.” He shot me a smile that was far too confident. “See you soon.”
Right.
****
“Should I just rename my brother ‘the ass’?” Sam demanded the next day as she approached me after yoga class. I felt badly that I’d been avoiding her texts, but I just didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry if you were hurt by what you overheard,” she added, eyeing me worriedly. “Would you be willing to grab a drink with me so we can talk?”
I eyed her cautiously. “Sam, I’d love to. But I really don’t want to put you in the middle of this.”
She snorted. “Don’t you know I love sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong? And plus, I really think I might be able to help. Please?”
“Okay, but can we go to my house? I need to let the dog out.” I’d been gone for much of the day.
“Sure,” she agreed readily. “I’ll follow you.”
For once I was grateful for the ever-present Los Angeles traffic, needing the extra time to collect my thoughts. The blaring of horns and low bass rumbling from the car next to me offered a surprisingly soothing soundtrack for my muddled mind.
On the one hand, I welcomed the opportunity to hear Sam out, hoping that maybe, just maybe the result would be something akin to hope when it came to Travis. While on the other, that same hope meant I might just have to let Travis in, something I was terrified of for fear of future hurt.
I sighed as we neared my neighborhood. Regardless of my reservations, it was now or never.
“He’s so cute!” Sam exclaimed when we’d arrived back at my cottage. Able was all over her, frantically trying to get as much love as possible.
“He knows it, too,” I replied dryly. “Do you want something to drink? I have some white open.”
“Sure,” she agreed, still kneeling on the ground greeting Able. “I didn’t used to be a dog person,” she explained.
I watched her getting licks from Able. “Obviously, you are now.” I laughed.
“Trixie sort of changed my mind.” She shrugged, standing to accept the glass I offered her.
“They do that.” I nodded knowingly. “I wasn’t looking for a dog or a cat.” I pointed toward Buster sleeping on the sofa, far too lazy to be bothered to greet guests. “They found me.”
“I’d imagine you’re a magnet for animals and kids.” She smiled warmly. “And men named Travis.”
“Nice segue.” I held up my glass in mock salute.
She laughed. “I try. But seriously, Em, I feel so bad about the other night, especially after Travis told me what you actually heard. He called to talk to me about it. That has never happened,” she marveled. “Anyway, I don’t want to push you. Whatever happens between you two, I really want us to be friends.”
“Me too,” I assured her as we made ourselves comfortable on the couch.
“I just have to say—my brother can be a surly, closed-off guy a lot of the time, and I have never seen him like he’s been since he met you. I saw something different right away. I think he just didn’t know how to share something like that with us—not right away. He never talks about his personal life. And as for the quirky comment, Em, he loves that about you. Seriously. So do I. Though I think it takes one to know one.” She winked.
I laughed, feeling lighter already. “I get it. I just—that word doesn’t have a good connotation for me,” I shared glumly. “Let’s just say my being unique didn’t bode well growing up. I grew up feeling like I should be embarrassed to be myself. And overhearing your conversation, I felt that same way.”
She reached for my hand “I’m sorry. But honey, it’s not like you’re totally wacky or something. Why was this such a big thing growing up?”
“I know,” I agreed. “My parents weren’t the best. Anyway, I appreciate you talking to me,” I continued, not wanting to talk about it further. “I’ll think about what you said. I’m just still not sure Travis and I….” I trailed off, not wanting to say it out loud.
She offered a knowing smile. “That’s fine. He’s sure enough for the both of you.”
She looked so sure, I almost believed her. That was the tricky thing about hope; it could mean everything you’d ever wanted—or it could devour you whole. I wasn’t sure which road I was headed for, but I found myself surprisingly willing to venture down the path regardless.