On a normal summer evening, Naomi loved the drive out to the ranch. She’d roll down her window and drape out her hand, letting the crisp air cool her palm and run between her fingers. She’d swear it was more calming than a full glass of good merlot, the way the retreating sun softened the mountains with hazy shadows, the way the trees swayed and the grasses swished as the car rolled by.
But tonight, even though she had her eyes fixed on the world outside the passenger’s window, everything seemed dull and gray. Instead of making her feel that all was right with the world, the curves and dips of the lonely mountain road stirred up her stomach, bringing a swell of nausea.
She snuck another peek at the man sitting next to her, still trying to wrap her heart around the fact that Lucas Cortez was driving her car. Sitting not even a foot away from her. Easily chatting with her ten-year-old daughter about “the bestest fairy tales” in the entire world.
She cranked her head back toward the passenger’s window. God, if you can hear me, please let me come out of this fifteen-minute drive with my heart intact. I’ll do anything. It wasn’t as if she’d have to give up much. She’d practically been a nun for the last ten years anyway.
But the truth was, not even God could protect her from this. From the havoc Lucas’s presence would wreak in her life. In their lives. Nothing could protect her from the havoc that was already starting to infiltrate, in the form of emails from her long-lost ex-husband. She’d never meant to keep a secret like the one she now guarded, but that was the funny thing about secrets. They were never truly safe, no matter how deeply you tucked them away…
“You okay?” Lucas asked her quietly.
“Yes,” she said quickly, smoothing her dress.
“Mommy, can Lucas come over and watch Snow White with us?” Gracie asked in that cherubic voice she used whenever she worried Naomi would tell her no.
Naomi opted for alternative phrasing. “Not tonight, honey. I’m hosting book club at our house.” And she had the feeling she’d be doing a lot of drinking.
She felt his stare as Lucas turned onto the ranch’s driveway, easing the car along like he was a ninety-year-old man out for a Sunday drive.
“Maybe another time,” he said cheerfully.
“Maybe,” she mumbled, gathering her purse.
She couldn’t help but notice how he took his time parking the car. When he cut the engine, she forced herself to look at him. Big mistake. Her heart buckled and her joints got all loose and disconnected.
The years had only made him sexier, engraving wise lines of experience into the corners of his hazel eyes. Eyes that somehow still smiled, even with all he’d been through. He wore his bronze hair a bit longer these days, so that the ends of it fringed the tops of his ears. It was still thick and luscious, but it was his smile that had lured her in and stayed with her all these years. His smile spoke.
A familiar tremble tightened her hands into fists—a tremble that made her fear fuse with anticipation at being so close to him, at having felt his arm slide around her waist so easily back on the highway.
The encounter had struck her—an electrical current splitting her into two different people: the woman who wanted to be wrapped up in him again and the girl he’d once left behind. The girl who’d made mistakes but righted them all on her own. The girl who’d grown up overnight. The girl who still feared his power over her.
Because she couldn’t do it again. She couldn’t let herself feel a connection with him only to have him disappear for another ten years. She couldn’t risk revealing everything to him.
No matter what, she would not risk Gracie’s heart, too.
Naomi blinked, realizing she’d been staring at him too long.
Not that he seemed to mind. His lips simply quirked as though he enjoyed it.
“So thanks for driving,” she said briskly, fumbling with the door handle. Finally, she was able to push it open and release herself. Straightening, she focused on leaning the seat forward so Gracie could climb out.
Lucas came around the car and stood too close. He handed her the keys, his fingers brushing hers.
She quickly stuffed them in her purse. “Sorry about almost hitting you and everything,” she muttered, sidestepping him. “Come on, Gracie.” Tucking her daughter close, she quickly headed for the porch.
“Bye, Lucas! See you soon!” Gracie called.
“I’ll see you both at the play,” he said, lifting his hand in a wave.
As if she needed the reminder. Naomi quickly shuffled Gracie into the house.
“Why’re we in such a hurry?” her daughter demanded.
Was it that obvious? “I have a lot to get ready for book club,” she lied. Her friend Darla was bringing pretty much everything. Darla owned the local wine bar–slash–chocolate shop in town and was so picky no one else even tried to make dessert anymore. “And we have to get you to bed at a reasonable hour,” she went on, hanging her daughter’s backpack on a hook behind the door.
Bogart, their faithful German shepherd, greeted them with his regal, low bark. Naomi bent to scratch his ears, feeling the fatigue of a roller-coaster day catch up with her. It’d been a long evening with the dress rehearsals for tomorrow night’s performance. Normally, she let Gracie stay up past eight on Fridays, but not tonight. Gracie needed rest and Naomi needed her friends.
Over the next hour, Gracie tried every excuse in the Book of Bedtime Stalling—dry throat, sore toe, fear of a ghostly stowaway under her bed—but finally, Naomi had her tucked in so tight and cozy that her daughter’s eyes started to close. Bogart had curled up on his special pillow near the foot of Gracie’s bed and was already snoring.
A pink glow emanated from the flower-shaped night light her daughter had picked out when she was three and they’d been decorating her big-girl room. Soft music played from the clock radio on the bedside table. Oldies. Gracie’s favorite. Holding her breath, Naomi leaned over her. “I love you, Gracie girl,” she murmured, kissing her forehead, then her nose. This girl was her life. Her reason. Her everything. Tears stung like sparks in her eyes. The secret still sat in her stomach as solid and heavy as a stone. What would it do to them? What would it do to the safe and happy life she’d built for her daughter?
She didn’t have time to reflect on the question before the doorbell rang. Eight o’clock on the nose. Her friends were so punctual when there was a promise of wine and chocolate.
Bogart lifted his head as though unsure he should leave Gracie’s side to go check on the door.
“It’s just the girls, Bogy,” Naomi whispered. But he trotted down the hall behind her anyway. As the man of the house, he always wanted to be sure there was no threat.
Opening the door let in a flood of relief. These women were her safety net, the only place she let herself fall. They always caught her with love and wisdom and humor. They always helped her spring back up, somehow feeling stronger. God knew, she needed strength now.
Darla came through first, her petite shoulders weighted down with bags. Although she was the oldest member of the group at thirty-six, she could also be considered the hippest. Her black hair was cropped in a trendy pixie cut made even cooler with smart red streaks. “Hellloooo,” she cried. “I brought truffles! And a local zinfandel!”
“Perfect.” Naomi unburdened her of one of the bags, peeking in and instantly catching a whiff of luscious dark chocolate.
“And I brought bridesmaid gifts!” Jessa announced, squeezing past them while she waved miniature gift bags in the air. Although she and Lance had been together for nine months, her friendly brown eyes still shone like a woman caught up in the richness of new love. Tonight, she had her long blond hair pulled back loosely, making her look even more like a young bride.
“I can’t believe the wedding is only three weeks away,” Cassidy Greer squealed, cramming herself into the entryway along with them. Even her vivid blue eyes seemed to be sparkling more than normal. Usually, the poor woman seemed tired and stressed—working as an EMT while she put herself through nursing school—but tonight the wedding excitement seemed to have given her a second wind.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” Naomi told them all, leading them down the hall and into her small kitchen. While Gracie had been in the shower, Naomi had taken the time to set out her good china plates and wineglasses, along with festive flowered napkins.
“Me too,” Jessa sighed. “I need some girl time. Living with Lance is so wonderful, but there are just some things boys don’t get.”
“I’ll have to take your word for it.” Naomi laughed. She hadn’t lived with a boy in a very long time. And even then it had lasted less than a year.
“Not that I’m complaining,” Jessa said quickly, giving Naomi an empathetic pat on the arm.
“You’d better not complain.” Darla unpacked enough wine from her bags to serve a wedding party. “You’re the only one who gets sex whenever she wants it.”
“Yeah,” Cassidy agreed. “That’s one perk to living with a man.”
“I know, I know.” Jessa pulled out the boxes of chocolate truffles and dipped pretzels, spreading them around the table. “But I’ve been so stressed. You’re not going to believe what happened today. The minister ran off with the pianist!” she wailed. “And now I have no music and no one to officiate at the wedding.”
“Whadda you mean they ran off?” Naomi asked, popping the cork on the zinfandel.
“They’re gone.” Jessa slumped at the dining room table, already reaching for a wineglass. “Together. I guess they left notes for their spouses or something. It’s all over town.”
“Wow.” Naomi sat across from her while Darla took the head of the table and Cassidy scooted into the chair next to Jessa.
“So what’re you gonna do?” Cass asked, eyes rounded with concern.
“I have no idea.” Jessa helped herself to a few of the truffles. “I mean, I’ve already called every other religious official in town—including that guy who owns the tarot card shop—and no one is available.”
“Maybe Levi will do it,” Darla suggested, topping off her glass. Apparently, Naomi hadn’t poured her enough. “God, I wouldn’t mind seeing him all dressed up in a starched black suit and white collar.” She licked her lips suggestively.
“I’m not having Levi do the wedding.” Jessa rolled her eyes. “You never know what’s going to come out of that man’s mouth.”
Naomi didn’t blame her. The youngest Cortez could be a bit of a wild card.
“What about Lucas?” Cassidy proposed thoughtfully. “He’s pretty well spoken.” She slid a quick glance to Naomi. Her friends always seemed to do that whenever anyone spoke the man’s name. As if they were all afraid of what it did to her.
Not that she’d admit it out loud, but it did quite a lot. Hopefully, they’d missed the bright red flush that turned her face molten.
“I thought about that…” Jessa seemed to study Naomi longer than the rest of them. “But he’s so busy getting everything ready to go back to the McGowen’s ranch for good…”
A gasp hitched her breath. “He’s going back?” The words harnessed the strange mix of relief and sorrow that gathered in her heart. “When?”
“Right after the wedding, as far as I understand.” Jessa eyed her as though trying to gauge her reaction. “Bill McGowen told him he needs him back or he’ll have to find someone else.” She gave Naomi a pointed look. “He’s not here much longer. So there’s not much time.”
Naomi focused on her wineglass, on the shimmery rose-colored liquid. Jessa had hounded her for months to talk to Lucas about her unresolved feelings for him. But her friend didn’t know the real reason those feeling still existed. No one did.
“Not much time for what?” Cassidy demanded, looking back and forth between them suspiciously.
“To screw him, silly,” Darla put in. “To see if he’s still got it.”
“That’s not what she meant,” Naomi said. That wasn’t a concern. Something told her he still had it. “I can’t believe he’s leaving again.” He hadn’t said anything in the car. Though she hadn’t given him much of a chance. “He’s supposed to go to Gracie’s play tomorrow night.”
“You invited him?” Jessa asked happily.
“Not exactly,” she admitted. “Gracie invited him.”
Darla munched on a pretzel. “Maybe you two should go out after the play,” she proposed with peaked eyebrows.
“I’m not going out with him.” They’d all been on her case since he’d arrived back in town, but didn’t they get it? Lucas wasn’t going to stick around. She knew he’d leave again. He wasn’t happy in Topaz Falls. So what good would going out with him do either one of them? He wanted to leave and she was staying. She was opening a bed and breakfast.
Not that she was ready to share that news yet.
“So Gracie invited him,” Cass mused.
Yeah. Her sweet, loving, extroverted daughter had invited him. Which meant she liked him. Which meant she’d get all attached to him and then he’d disappear again. Naomi couldn’t tell if the sadness weighting her heart was for Gracie or for herself.
She stamped it out with anger. “He has no business going to that play.” Why would he be trying to build a friendship with Gracie when he was planning to leave?
“What’re you so upset about?” Darla asked, setting down her wineglass. “You’ve hardly even acknowledged his presence in Topaz Falls. You’ve gone out of your way to avoid him for months.”
Naomi’s face burned. She was upset. She was sad and angry. But not at Lucas. She was upset with herself. The truth was she couldn’t look Lucas in the eyes because she had kept things from him. Things she should’ve told him a long time ago.
“Naomi?” Cassidy reached over to pat her hand. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
They all stared at her with concern and sympathy. Her friends. The ones who’d each spilled their own secrets at one time or another. Darla had told them all about the pain of watching her husband slowly slip away from cancer. Jessa had sobbed over her father’s death. Cassidy had shared everything about taking care of her mother, whose life was shattered after Cassidy’s brother Cash had been killed in a bull-riding accident five years ago.
These were practically her sisters, and though she’d talked about the challenges of being a single mom after Mark left her, she’d never told them all her deepest regret. The secret she’d carried for so many years.
The one she didn’t want to carry anymore.
She rested her forearms on the table, ready for this weight to be lifted off her. Ready to be free of it. “Lucas might be Gracie’s father.” She spoke the words quickly, boldly. That was the only way they could come out. Fast. Direct. Honest. That was it. The truth in all its ugliness.
Darla busted out in gut-splitting laughter.
Cassidy shook her head. “Good one,” she said.
“No. I’m serious.” Her voice had gotten brittle, the last words falling apart. “I never found out for sure, but I might have been pregnant before he was arrested.” In the wake of Lucas’s arrest, she’d fallen apart and found herself in a relationship with Mark. Things had happened so fast. When she’d told Mark she was pregnant he’d asked her to marry him right then and there. She’d told him she had to think about it, and that night she went home and wrote Lucas one more letter. Over the previous two months, she’d written him eight letters, one each week, and all of them had been returned unopened. All these years, she’d kept that final letter. In it, she’d told him there was a chance he was her baby’s father and begged him to write her back, but he hadn’t. He hadn’t even opened the letter. After that, she’d realized she couldn’t do it anymore. She wasn’t angry with him, but she couldn’t hold out hope for someone who kept shutting her out. It had hurt too much. So she’d forced herself to move on.
“Shit.” Darla gawked at her. “Shit! You’re not kidding.”
“Oh my God…” Jessa mumbled, mopping her mouth with a napkin.
“I’m not kidding,” Naomi confirmed, pushing away her plate. She couldn’t even stomach a bite of chocolate right now. “I’ve never told him. Never told anyone. But Mark emailed me twice last week.”
“Mark?” they all said in unison.
“He said he wants to talk to me. About Gracie.” He’d actually used the word “daughter.” His daughter. But she wasn’t. He’d been gone for ten years. And Naomi had always wondered whether he was Gracie’s biological father, but it hadn’t mattered. It hadn’t mattered because Mark had left them and Lucas was gone and they didn’t need anyone. She’d taken care of everything. She’d raised her all on her own.
“That son of a bitch.” Darla slammed her palm on the table, causing a wave of ripples in Naomi’s wine. “I’ll email him back for you. Tell him exactly what I think of his sorry ass.”
“While I’d love to hear that conversation, I don’t think it’ll help much.” Naomi heaved a sigh. “I haven’t written him back.” She wanted those emails to go away. Wanted him to disappear. “I don’t know what he wants, but I’m afraid he’ll try to see her.” And he couldn’t. He couldn’t come in now and destroy everything she’d built for her daughter.
“You have to tell Lucas there’s a possibility he’s Gracie’s father,” Jessa said, still gawking at her. “You have to. He deserves to know.”
“Yes. He does,” she uttered in an aching whisper. He deserved to know everything. Finally. After all these years.
She just wasn’t sure how to tell him.