By the time Lucas made it down to Naomi’s place, evening darkness bruised the sky. Stars flickered overhead, still faint but gaining momentum as twilight took hold.
The porch light glowed pink, which meant either Gracie had picked out the lightbulb or Naomi’s favorite color hadn’t changed since high school. Despite the painful knot in his throat, he grinned.
These two girly girls could change his life forever.
Before he could make it up the porch steps, the front door banged open. Naomi’s backside came through the door first, her body bent as she dragged something onto the porch.
God almighty, the woman made jeans look hotter than a high-end teddy.
Grunting, Naomi tugged an overstuffed chair across the porch, swearing softly when it caught on the doorjamb.
A woman who could swear like a sailor and look that hot in a pair of Levi’s? He was sold.
“Can I help you with that?” he finally asked, hoping she wouldn’t realize he’d been standing there checking her out for at least a full minute.
Her back went as straight as the column that held up the porch. “I didn’t realize anyone was out here.” She smoothed her hair away from her face. Perspiration shimmered on her skin, giving her cheeks a hearty glow.
“Yeah. Sorry. I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.” He couldn’t help it. When he’d seen her ass in those jeans, time had stood still. “Looks like you could use a hand with that.” He nodded to the chair. It belonged in a living room next to the fireplace, not out on the porch. “You want me to take it somewhere for you?”
“No,” she said without a pause. “It’s fine. I’ve got it.” Leaning over, she secured her hands to the chair’s arms and tugged, shimmying it out of the way. After pushing it aside, she stood upright and mopped her forehead with her sleeve. “I’m glad you’re here, actually.” Her voice had a wispy, nervous quality, almost as if she was talking to someone she’d never met before. “I feel so awful about what happened earlier—”
“Don’t,” he broke in before she could finish. “I shouldn’t have run out on you like that.” Dads didn’t do that sort of thing. Not his dad, anyway. He’d stuck it out, even when he was all on his own. He’d faced his problems head on. And that’s what Lucas would do, too. If he had the privilege of being a dad, he’d make the most of it.
“Do you want to come in?” Naomi asked, shuffling out of the way so he could walk into the house.
“Sure.” He eyed the chair. “But first…Where’s that thing supposed to go?”
She looked at the chair as if she’d forgotten about it. “I was going to load it into my SUV.”
“By yourself?”
She half laughed. “It’s no big deal. I do things myself all the time.” As if determined to prove it, she nudged the chair to the steps and struggled to maneuver it down to the sidewalk.
“Maybe you should ask for help once in a while,” he suggested, following behind her.
“I don’t need help.” She pushed and pulled and grunted until she had that chair at the edge of the driveway. With a smug look, she opened the hatch of her old SUV. At least she’d been sensible enough to keep it when she’d gone out and bought the yellow beetle.
“You sure you can lift that thing?” he asked, wondering how long it would take her to stop and ask for his help.
“Of course.” She stood back, seeming to assess the best way to make it happen and save herself the embarrassment of failing.
Hell, he couldn’t watch her try to lift that thing on her own. Before she had a chance to get her hands on it, he swooped in there and hoisted it up, wedging it securely into the back of the SUV.
“I could’ve managed.” Naomi slammed the hatch shut and turned to him, her face all hot and riled. He was pretty damn sure it wasn’t anger. She felt it, too—the heat that crackled between them, flaring and retracting like the chaos of a fire.
“I don’t doubt you could’ve managed,” he said, letting the flames draw him closer to her. “But why do it alone when I’m standing right here?” She’d done everything all on her own. He got that. But they were connected—by their past, by the feelings they tried to hide…maybe even by a child. And he wanted to help her. He wanted to be part of her life. Whether Naomi liked it or not.
“We can go in and talk,” she said. Judging from the way she dodged him and charged up the walkway to the porch, she didn’t like it one bit. “Gracie’s already asleep. It’s been an intense few days.”
Tell him about it. “So where’re you taking the chair?” he asked, shrinking the distance she kept trying to inch between them.
“Oh.” Her body came to an abrupt stop inside the doorway of the house. She sighed. “I guess it won’t matter if I tell you now. I bought the old Porter house.”
“You what?” Bogart, her faithful German shepherd, trotted over and sniffed his hand.
“I bought it,” she said with an unsure smile. “I’d heard the family wanted to sell, so before it went on the market, I made them an offer.”
“But…” She had a perfectly good house right here on the ranch. “You’re moving?”
“Yeah.” Her eyes lit. “I’m planning to open a bed and breakfast.” She seemed to be watching for his reaction.
He forced a neutral expression so she couldn’t read his shock. The dog bumped his hand like he wanted a scratch behind the ears. Lucas couldn’t manage it. Even though he hadn’t been in touch with her over the years, they were still connected through his family, through the ranch. Now she was starting a new life on her own…
“It’ll take a ton of work of course, but it’s something I’ve always wanted to do.”
Then he’d be happy for her. Or at least he’d do his best. “Does Lance know?”
“Not yet. I’m planning to tell him tomorrow. I’ll give him plenty of notice,” she said quickly. “But this place belongs to him and Jessa. And I’m ready for something new.”
Bogart gave up on Lucas and retreated down the hallway.
“Wow.” In defiance of the disappointment that sunk into his stomach, he fired up a smile. “Congratulations. I’m sure it’ll be a huge success.” She had plans. A dream. After all of these years, the heartbreak she’d been through, she was getting what she wanted. Which meant no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t ask her to move away with him. He couldn’t draw her away from everything she’d worked for.
“We’ll see,” she said, leading him through the living room to the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator. “Can I get you anything? A beer?”
“No, thanks.” He took a seat at the small kitchen table, noticing how full her house seemed to be compared to his stark, empty place. The kitchen was small but cozy, with pale green walls, bright white cabinets, and Gracie’s artwork everywhere. Paintings and Popsicle-stick sculptures and sweet little scribbled notes. Piles of papers and books were stacked on the countertops, making the place look comfortable. What would it be like to live with that kind of beautiful clutter? His own house always seemed so cold.
“I’m meeting with the contractor tomorrow,” Naomi said, coming to sit across from him with a glass of red wine. “So I’ll know more after that.”
“I’m happy to take a look, if you want another opinion,” he offered, even though it was clear she didn’t take too kindly to help. He had plenty of experience to offer. In the early days down at the McGowen ranch, he’d earned extra money fixing up the old buildings and even helping to put up new ones. Before he was arrested, he’d planned to major in construction management in college. He’d always been handy and liked manual work. He figured he could be a contractor and come back to Topaz Falls to live with Naomi. That’d been the extent of his dreams. Spending the rest of his life with her while he made a comfortable living to provide for the family they’d build.
That’d been the plan. He’d even known what ring he wanted to buy her. Right before Levi had set the fire, Lucas had taken Naomi to Denver for a special night out. On their way to the restaurant downtown, they’d walked past a jewelry store and he stopped, asking her what she liked the best. He’d expected her to point out one of those big honking solitaire diamonds, but instead, she’d gazed longingly at an understated band. “That one is perfect,” she’d said. “It’s simple but so artistic.” He’d never forgotten it. In fact, he’d planned to go buy it at the end of the next summer so he could give it to her as a promise before he left for college, but he’d never gotten the chance.
Putting those old dreams out of his mind, he tried to focus on the present. “I’ve done my fair share of projects. I’d be happy to take a look at the bid.”
“Oh…” She drew out the word as though buying time. “Um. Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”
Something told him she’d already put it out of her mind.
“Look, Lucas…” The drop in her tone informed him that the small talk was over. They weren’t sitting here to chat about her new business venture. “I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything.”
“I don’t,” he said simply.
“This doesn’t have to change anything. Even if you are Gracie’s father—”
“It would change everything,” he put in before she could finish that ridiculous statement.
“I know you don’t want to stay in Topaz Falls. And I don’t blame you. Even after all you’ve been through, you’ve built an incredible life for yourself at the McGowen place.”
Exactly. He’d built a life for himself. But it didn’t include anyone else. It wasn’t a life he wanted. It was the life he’d thought he had to choose. “Why didn’t you tell me when I came back?” he asked as gently as he could. “Why did you wait so long?” He had to know if his past—his record—embarrassed her. If she couldn’t see him the same way she had when they were dating.
“I guess…I was afraid to.” She looked down. “I mean…” A heavy sigh dropped her shoulders and exposed more of her graceful neck. “I’ve never had to share Gracie with anyone. You know?” Her eyes squeezed shut. “That sounds horrible.”
“It doesn’t.” It made sense. She hadn’t kept it from him because she’d be ashamed to have him as Gracie’s father. She’d kept it from him because she was afraid she’d lose her daughter. She was afraid to lose what they’d built together over the years. For the first time, he realized how hard this must be for her. How threatened and scared she must be by Mark coming back. The questions that must plague her. She didn’t have to voice them. He could imagine.
What if Gracie chose her father?
“It doesn’t matter who comes into her life now,” he told her. Though touching her posed more of a risk than grasping a live wire, he reached for her hand over the table and swallowed it in his. “You’ve shaped her. She’s so much a part of you, Naomi. I see it in her. Your tenacity. Your strength.” Her flair and sparkle. “Those things aren’t inherited. They’re taught.”
When she opened her eyes they were filled with gratitude. Her hand trembled beneath his, but she didn’t pull it away. “One night after Mark left, I was holding Gracie. She was crying…inconsolable…and I held her against my chest and rocked her for hours.” Her gaze remained steady on his. For once she didn’t seem to fear letting him see a deeper part of her. “I promised her I would always take care of her.” Tears brightened her eyes, but they didn’t fall. That must’ve been her stubbornness, years of holding back tears so Gracie wouldn’t see them.
“I’ve done my best to protect her and teach her and give her everything she needs to be happy. And now it feels like everything’s about to change. I’ll lose control…”
“Change isn’t always a bad thing,” Lucas murmured, openly staring at her, letting himself indulge in the details of her face. The fair, silken skin that hadn’t aged the way his had. Her petite rounded chin. The way her lips naturally curved into that playful pout. He never thought he’d have the luxury of sitting across the table and looking at her again. In prison, he’d longed for it. To simply sit and look at her. “You’re an incredible mother. You’ve done so much for her.” But if he was Gracie’s father she wouldn’t have to do it alone anymore. He would tell her that eventually. When she was ready to hear it.
“I hope it’s you,” she whispered, and even with her chin dipped low, her eyes glanced up and found his.
“Me too.” But he didn’t want her to choose him based on her fear. He wanted to earn her.
She’d loved him once; he was sure of it. Then he’d gone and abandoned her. In the years since, she’d lived a lifetime of heartbreak and disappointment. She’d become so independent, refusing to rely on anyone for anything.
And now if he ever wanted her back—if he wanted her to be truly his—he would have to start all over.