Chapter Twenty Five
Mia
Dinner is quiet and tense.
Mateo leaves with the guys when dinner is over. He doesn’t tell me where he’s going, so I have no idea when he’ll be home.
He does that sometimes, but infrequently enough that it makes me feel like there’s a problem when he does it tonight. I think about going to Meg’s room to talk to her, but I guess I shouldn’t do that anymore. When we were living as sister wives, it was fine to turn to each other when we needed someone to pick up the slack, but now that I’m on my own, it doesn’t seem fair.
I didn’t think the first thing I would have to shoulder solo would be something this huge. I wish I had someone else to talk to. It’s a lonely life when you fall out of favor, and I have a bad feeling I’m in for the fight of my life with this one.
I wonder what Vince is doing. Is he still hiding out at his dad’s? I would guess not, since Mateo said he found him. Wouldn’t be too hard to find if he was in the last place you looked. We haven’t talked about that again, since obviously this became the more pressing issue, but I wish I knew for sure he was all right. After last time, I don’t think Mateo would do anything impulsively, but finding out I’m probably carrying Vince’s baby is pretty damn good incentive if he was on the fence about it. How would I even know? No one would tell me. He could kill Vince and just lie to me about it.
I don’t think he has, though. He would be more relaxed about things, right?
Or maybe he wouldn’t. I don’t even know what his primary concern about all this is, because we’ve hardly said two words to each other.
This is not how I imagined entering motherhood.
I fall asleep alone.
I’m relieved, though, when I’m jostled awake as Mateo wraps his arms around me, tugging me back against him. I turn in his arms, leaning in to give him a kiss, but I don’t deepen it.
“Oh, my. You have had a lot to drink, haven’t you?”
“Yup.”
I smile as he leans in, leaving kisses along my neck. He smells like cigars, too. I’m considering suggesting we go shower, but I’m not sure I have the energy for all that. Maybe I’ll just suck it up.
As his magnificent mouth works its magic in the crook of my neck, Mateo murmurs roughly, “You have to let me kill Vince.”
That’s a mood killer. My smile falls and I sag. “Do we really have to talk about this now?”
“I can’t stop thinking about it,” he replies.
“You know I won’t, so I don’t know why you keep asking. If he becomes a threat, that’s different, but if he’s minding his own business, thousands of miles away—”
“Minding his own business?” he demands, pulling back to widen his eyes at me. “He kidnapped you. You are mine and he got you pregnant. He took you away from me and he got you pregnant. I don’t give a fuck if he never comes back; I want him dead.”
I swallow, averting my gaze. “We don’t know for sure yet. Maybe the doctor got the date wrong. I was looking it up online, and I guess sometimes the baby is just a little smaller or a little bigger, so the doctor determines the woman has been pregnant for longer or not as long as she actually has. Since I don’t know the date of my last period, we don’t know that I got pregnant in Vegas. Let’s see what the test says next week.”
“And if it says Vince is the father, I can kill him?”
“Well, no.”
Mateo rolls his eyes, sighing and falling back on the bed. “Then what are we waiting for?”
“Does it really have to matter so much?” I ask, rolling onto my side and looking at him. “I know it isn’t ideal, but I love Bella even though she’s not mine, and you love Lily even though she’s not yours—and you didn’t even meet Lily until she was a few years old. You’ll be there every step of the way with this one. You’ll be her father in every way.”
“Her. And if it’s a boy?”
“Who cares if it’s a boy?”
“I do. Vince and I do not have compatible bloodlines.”
I sigh now, rolling on my back the same way he is. “You people and your fucking bloodlines.”
“You know why Vince’s dad moved to Vegas after Vince’s mom died?”
“Well, since you’re bringing it up now, I’ll assume it’s because he and your dad didn’t get along.”
Mateo nods once. “And I don’t have to tell you how well Vince and I got along.”
“Because you fucked me,” I state. “You guys didn’t hate each other before I happened.”
“Not that much, but we still never really got along. Think back, Mia. Before I ever met you, when Vince mentioned me—did we seem like buddies?”
Sighing heavily, I say, “No.”
“I don’t want to invite that kind of trouble.”
“I just don’t think it has to be like that. You’re making wild assumptions here. Maybe I’ll have a son and he won’t even want anything to do with any of it.”
“Yeah, and maybe he’ll be a fucking hothead who wants what my son has.”
I press my lips together, glaring up at the ceiling. “Well, sure, if you raise him saying things like that, probably. But that would be your fault, not Vince’s. Pit them against each other and of course they’ll grow up feeling like rivals. You don’t need a PH.D in human behavior to figure that one out.”
“We shouldn’t have to deal with this,” he states. “This is bullshit.”
“Karmic retribution,” I mutter. “We certainly wronged Vince enough when he was a part of our lives.”
“I’m sick of karma,” he states, folding his hands behind his head and looking up at the ceiling. “I should be in control here. You’re my fiancée. You’re going to be my wife. You should only be having my babies. That’s not a lot to fucking expect, is it?”
“No, it isn’t,” I agree. “And I’m sorry, but that’s not how it happened. It’ll never happen again. Every baby we have after this will be one thousand percent yours. It’s not like we can only do this once. You hate condoms; I’m going to get pregnant again eventually.”
His talkative streak has apparently come to an end, because he doesn’t answer. He keeps staring at the ceiling. I don’t want to fight, so I curl up against him and drape an arm across his torso.
“I’m so sorry this happened,” I tell him softly. “I know this is among the last things you, personally, want to deal with. And I’m really sorry. But it’s not the end of the world. I love you so much; I want to spend my life with you.”
He doesn’t even move his arms to wrap one around me, so I clearly have not sufficiently sold this.
I burrow in closer, dropping kisses along his muscular chest. “And it would be extraordinarily generous of you to let this go for me,” I add.
His lips quirk at this. “That’s adorable, but don’t try to manipulate me; it won’t work.”
I flash him a little smile. “Is it manipulating if it’s true? I would be super impressed. Putting aside your differences with Vince and raising this baby as your own? Now, that’s super sexy. Also not murdering Vince while doing that? My panties just disintegrated. It’s crazy.”
He sighs, but he finally moves his arms, wrapping them around me and gazing down at me with those sexy brown eyes of his. “I hate when you give me boundaries.”
“I haven’t given you any,” I tell him, even though I sorta have. We can pretend I didn’t. “Think of this is my wish list. Grant them or don’t, it’s obviously your call, I’ll still love you either way, but I would be incredibly appreciative if you did. I’ve been tormented enough for one lifetime. Let’s not do that again.”
“I don’t want to torment you. I just don’t want you to want to have Vince’s baby. I thought I was clear of this shit four years ago.”
“I don’t want to have Vince’s baby,” I tell him. “It has nothing to do with Vince. I only wanted to have his baby then because I thought he was dead and I’m sentimental.”
“I wish I would’ve killed him,” he states.
“No, you don’t,” I say, resting my head on his chest.
“I don’t think you comprehend how much I hate him.”
“Well, you shouldn’t. You won every time you had to fight him.”
“Apparently not,” he mutters. He misses a couple of beats, then tells me, “I think he and Joey were in on the plan to take me out together. Joey wouldn’t have come up with that on his own. Joey never hated me that much.”
My stomach sinks. No one has mentioned this in years, and I never thought I would have to hear about it again, to be honest. I have no idea how to respond to this.
Now he looks at me and I can’t read him. “What do you think?”
I thought I was beyond this, but I break into a cold sweat. Why is he asking me this? Why now? It’s not possible he knew that I knew, right? There’s no way he kept that up his sleeve for four years, on the off-chance he ever needed leverage over me?
Well, he probably would do that. But not about this. He would’ve been furious at me, knowing I knew and didn’t tell him. He would’ve seen that as a betrayal—and if Joey isn’t a sufficient example of what he does to people who betray him, Beth sure is.
“I don’t really think about that,” I tell him, shaking my head. “It was an unpleasant time. It makes my stomach hurt to even think about anyone wanting to hurt you.”
“But do you think Vince would’ve done it? Do you think he would’ve tried to have me killed?”
“I don’t know, Mateo. Why do we have to talk about this?”
He keeps pressing. “Would you have covered for him?”
“Of course not.” At least this is true. “You know I wouldn’t have. You know if I ever thought there was a chance you were in danger, I would’ve told you.”
He nods, still watching me. “What did he say to you that night? How did he convince you to stay?”
I couldn’t be less comfortable with this line of questioning. I don’t know if they’re disconnected questions or he’s got a specific point he’s gearing up to, but knowing him, it’s the latter, and this can’t be leading to anything good.
I’ve never told him the answer to this, though, and it feels pointless to lie about it now. “He told me if I left him and went back to your house that night, he would burn it down.”
Mateo nods, but I think he already assumed Vince threatened me so he doesn’t look surprised. “And that seems like someone you should fight me to keep alive? Someone who would make a threat like that, who—after four years—kidnapped you and tried to take you for himself again? That’s the person you want to father your baby?”
“Of course not. More than anything, I wish you were the baby’s father. But these are the cards we’ve been dealt, Mateo.”
“You don’t think a baby might bring him back again?” he asks.
I close my eyes, dread moving through me. “I hope it wouldn’t.”
“But you know it could. You know we are not safe in a world where Vince is alive and you have his baby. You know eventually you’re going to have to choose one or the other, right?”
I cock a suspicious eyebrow. “So, if I let you kill Vince, you’ll no longer be worried that my baby’s going to grow up to try to steal your baby’s seat at the table?”
“Oh, no, I’ll still worry about that. If this happens, I will always have to worry about that.”
“Have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?” I ask him.
“Of course.”
“Let’s not create one of those.”
Rolling over, he moves closer to my body and lets his hand creep down between my legs. I open them, reaching for him, running my hands down his sides as he moves on top of me.
“You’re not wearing panties,” he murmurs, before dropping a few kisses along my jawline.
“I told you, they disintegrated,” I tease, tangling my fingers in his hair.
I’m perfectly happy to let this ugly topic go and get lost in him for a little while, but his heart doesn’t seem to be in it. As soon as he makes the move to turn things sexual, he wavers.
He pulls back to look at me, his eyes narrowed. I can tell he’s scattered tonight, probably a little from all the bad news about my pregnancy, but mostly because of the alcohol. Mateo doesn’t like to be out of control, so while he drinks plenty, he rarely lets himself get drunk. I’ve only encountered it a few times before, and it’s always a little hard to swallow. He’s all over the place, like his thoughts, usually so carefully organized, processed, and dispensed to the rest of us, are scattered everywhere. My limited experience with Mateo not in control of himself makes me glad he works so hard to stay in control; I’m pretty sure unfiltered he’s a complete disaster.
“What?” I ask, cautiously.
“You know I could force my will.”
This isn’t a threat, merely an observation, but it grates on me all the same. He knows he can force me to do anything he wants through his various channels, his manipulations and tricks, outright threats if he has to. But he doesn’t do it anymore, because he loves and respects me. Because he may play rough, but he never actually wants to break me. Drunk Mateo may not remember that.
As gently as I can manage, I point out, “And you know there would be a high cost if you did.”
“How high?”
My heart thuds. “Too high.”
He considers it for several seconds, then resumes kissing my neck. “I could fix it.”
I don’t want to challenge him, but he needs to know where the line is. I let him keep kissing my neck, one hand resting on his back, but my tone is firm. “No, you couldn’t.”
“You’d still have to marry me.” As if to remind me, he tugs on the death necklace that still hangs around my neck.
I don’t like this at all. I don’t like the unsubtle reminder that even though I want to be here, I don’t really have a choice. He can ultimately do what he wants to me, he only chooses to cherish me. I wish I had sober Mateo in bed with me right now. “We’ve been down this road before, Mateo. Please don’t take us back. It would be much worse this time, and I don’t want to do it again. Respect my limits.”
“What about my limits?” he asks. Not strongly, just curiously. “What if this is mine?”
It feels like my heart turns to sludge and oozes out of my chest cavity. I pull away from him, pushing him off me. “Don’t ask that unless it is.”
He lets me push him off me, but now his hand snakes around my waist, yanking me back against him. “Don’t pull away from me.”
“Don’t make me,” I return.
His hand flattens against my abdomen. It should feel nice, but it makes every muscle within me taut with apprehension.
His voice is soft, but I detect a hint of menace that I hope to God I’m imagining. “Would you choose Vince’s baby over me, Mia?”
I rest my hand on his, on top of my tummy. “You would never make me,” I state, firmly. “Now, I’m tired and you’re drunk. Let’s just go to sleep.”
For a moment, I think he’s going to. Then he moves behind me, rolling me over on my stomach. His hands move to my hips, yanking my ass up and spreading my legs. Pressing his cock against me, he says, “Let’s not.”