Chapter Fifteen
Daniel’s eyes widened in surprise when he answered the door to find Elena standing outside of his apartment.
She gave him a hopeful smile. “Hey. Um, sorry to show up like this without calling or texting first. I, uh, well, it’s been a shitty day, and I didn’t know where else to go.”
He stood there staring at her for a second, unsure what to say. Her rambly explanation didn’t actually tell him anything about why she was here.
“Can I come in?”
Part of him wanted to tell her no, still angry that she’d broken up with him the day he’d gotten a concussion. Not that he wouldn’t have been angry even if he hadn’t had a concussion. But that wasn’t the point.
No, the point was that he missed her more than he was mad at her, and her showing up like this made him curious.
“Sure.” He opened the door wider and stepped back, letting her in. She kept her arms crossed over her chest, her backpack hanging from her hunched shoulders, like she was trying to protect herself from some unknown attack.
“Do you want some water or anything?”
She shook her head. “No, but if I could use the bathroom that would be great. I’ve had a ton of coffee and drove to Richland and back today.”
“Of course.”
Dropping her backpack on the floor by the couch, she left him alone in the living room again. He sat on the couch, not sure what to do with himself. Not sure what to do with the fact that Elena was here again, almost like nothing had happened, like she hadn’t dropped him last weekend and refused to answer his calls or texts this week.
When she came back out, she was rubbing her palms up and down her denim-covered thighs, the sleeves of her purple shirt pushed up to her elbows. She looked around the living room like she hadn’t been there a billion times already this semester before finally settling her gaze on him. “Is Coop around?”
He shook his head. “He went out with some of the guys from the team.”
“Oh. Okay. Cool.” She crossed her arms again, her shoulders coming up by her ears once more.
He wanted to touch her like he used to when she was all keyed up like this, soothe whatever was making her edgy. But she’d made it clear that she didn’t want him anymore. She wasn’t his. So he stayed put, his hands clenching into fists to keep them to himself. And he waited to see what she wanted.
She shook her head, her eyes cast down so he couldn’t see them. “I’m sorry. Really, I don’t—“ She swallowed. “I know I have no right to come here like this and expect anything from you. But, well, I was supposed to go home this weekend. I mean, I did go home this weekend. But my dad—“ She shook her head again, and when he saw a tear tracking down her cheek, he became concerned.
Elena didn’t cry. Not more than a tear or two that he’d ever seen. She hated to cry for some reason, and refused to let it out. Like always, she mastered it, looking up at the ceiling and blinking until the urge to cry passed.
“I couldn’t stay with my dad the way he is.”
“What happened?”
Her eyes flicked to him, and she shook her head, looking back at the coffee table again. Apparently that coffee table was fucking fascinating. “I don’t really want to talk about it, but it was more of the same from this summer, and I just couldn’t take it. So I came back. But I’d already promised Hannah that I’d be gone for two nights so they could have kinky, spanky sex.”
He widened his eyes and coughed a little, not sure if he should laugh. “I don’t think I needed to know that.”
A wry smile twisted Elena’s lips, and she lifted her face to his. “I know, right? I could do without that little piece of information too, but since I live with both of them it’s hard not to know.”
She held his gaze for a moment before dropping it back to the coffee table. He waited, but she didn’t say anything more, just stood with her arms wrapped around herself and stared at the damn coffee table.
“Elena.”
Her eyes lifted. “Hmm?”
“What are you doing here?”
“Oh, well …” She looked at a spot on the wall behind his head. “I couldn’t go home, and I just, I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I’m sorry. I can leave if you want. I’ll just go hang out at the mall for a while and text Hannah that they need to finish up so I can come home.” She swallowed, blinking hard a few times. “I’m sorry.” Her voice rasped, thick with tears. “You’re right. I’ll go.”
He stood, his hands gripping her arms before she could reach for her backpack, turning her to face him. “I didn’t say any of that.” She nodded, keeping her eyes on his chest, and when two more tears fell, it made something in his chest hurt. “What do you need? Do you want to talk?”
She shook her head, another tear escaping, and she reached up and wiped it away, the motion fierce and jerky.
He sighed and pulled her into his chest, unable to keep himself from offering her some form of comfort when she so clearly needed it. “What do you need?” he asked again.
She didn’t answer for a few minutes. “I’m so tired. Could I just sleep for a while?” She paused, and then whispered, “And if you could hold me some more, that would be really great too.”
He nodded, smoothing his hands down her back. “I can do that.” Even though it would be a form of self-torture, he couldn’t deny her when she was crying. Pulling away, he led her to his bedroom. “I thought you said you had a bunch of coffee.”
She let out a low chuckle. “Yeah. But I’m so exhausted that there’s not enough coffee in the world to keep me awake right now.”
And she wasn’t lying. As soon as they slipped into bed, she snuggled back against him, pulled his arm around her waist, and fell asleep in minutes. He held himself still, not wanting to give in to the temptation of curling around her but finding it hard to stay separate. Closing his eyes, he breathed deeply, inhaling her scent, the fruity smell of her shampoo mixed with the unique smell of her skin. That sent blood flowing south, his cock lengthening against his thigh, which was the last thing he wanted right now. She didn’t want him. Not really. He needed to remember that. He wished he could flip a switch and turn off her effect on him.
Since he couldn’t do that, he waited a few more minutes to be sure she was deeply asleep, then extricated himself and went out to the living room. He sat there as the twilight faded and the room grew dark, contemplating what Elena’s sudden appearance after a week of silence meant. What did he want it to mean? If she wanted to get back together, would he do that? Maybe.
Puzzling through what-ifs and maybes was exhausting and useless, and he still had a dull headache from the game last weekend. The floaty, head-too-big-for-his-skull feeling had faded after a few days, but he still got tired faster than normal.
Flicking on a light, he pulled out some homework that he needed to catch up on. The trainers and coaches had told him he needed to rest for as long as possible, but he also couldn’t afford to get too behind in his classes. He’d missed Monday and Tuesday, but had gone the rest of the week. The one good thing was that this was the week they didn’t have a game, so he wasn’t missing anything there.
It didn’t take long for the tiredness to start dragging at him, blurring the numbers on his homework and making it difficult to do any more. He squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing them, and closed his math book over his notebook and pencil. He’d finish later.
Lying back on the couch, he kept his eyes closed. It felt good to close his eyes, so he’d sit like that for a while, listening for any sounds from Elena in his bedroom. She’d been asleep for a while. Would she wake up soon?
Someone hit his foot, bringing him out of his unplanned nap. He blinked his eyes open and found Coop standing at the end of the couch by his feet.
“Hey, man. Why are you sleeping on the couch?”
Daniel sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Elena’s here. She fell asleep in my bed.”
Coop snorted, opened his mouth, closed it, and shook his head.
“Shut up, man. It’s not like that.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
Daniel glared at him. “I know what you didn’t say.”
Shaking his head, Coop laughed quietly, keeping his voice down. “Whatever, man. Why’s she here? I thought she dumped your sorry ass.”
“Thanks so much for your sympathy, dude. What would I do without you?” Daniel stood and walked to the kitchen, stretching on his way there.
Coop followed him, waiting as he got a glass of water and drank it. “Seriously. Why did she come over? Is she trying to get back together or something?”
Daniel shrugged. “I don’t know. She went home today for the break, but I guess it didn’t go well, and she came back. She said she’d promised Hannah and Matt a weekend to themselves and didn’t feel like she could go there. She said she couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.”
“And then she fell asleep in your bed?” Coop had crossed his arms, disbelief coloring his voice.
“Pretty much. She said she was really tired and asked if she could take a nap. I came out to the couch after she went to sleep and did some homework. My head started hurting, though, and I closed my eyes for a minute and fell asleep. What time is it, anyway?” He swiveled his head around to find the time on the microwave, which showed 7:56.
“Shit, man. She’s been asleep for over three hours.”
“You gonna wake her up?”
Daniel shook his head. “Nah. Why would I do that?”
Coop shrugged. “Dunno. Figure out why she’s really here? What she wants from you? See if she’s hungry?”
He considered that. “No. Not yet. She said she was exhausted, and she looked it. Man, she was crying. That woman never cries. She holds it back and pushes it down and doesn’t let it out.”
“That doesn’t sound healthy, dude.”
Daniel shrugged. “Maybe not. I dunno. I’m a math major and a football player. We’ve all been told to suck it up and walk it off since we were kids. If that’s what she wants to do, who am I to judge? But for her to let tears out …” He shook his head. “Man, whatever’s going on with her is bad, and I couldn’t just kick her out.”
Coop considered that, then sighed. “Yeah, okay. I get that. But don’t let her keep stringing you along. You deserve better than that. You’ve been miserable this week, and not just because you got kicked in the head. You don’t need her to come back and fuck you over again.”
“I know. I’m not doing what we were doing anymore. I’ll find out what she wants from me after she wakes up. And we’ll go from there.”
Coop studied him for a minute. “Okay. I was going to hang with you and watch a movie or something, but since you’ve got company, I’m gonna go hit a party that Wilkins was talking about.”
“Cool. Have fun, dude.”
“See ya.” Coop grabbed a sweatshirt and picked up his keys before heading back out, leaving Daniel alone with his thoughts again.
But that didn’t last long. Shortly after he settled back onto the couch with his homework again, the door to his bedroom opened, and Elena stood in the doorway, wearing his jersey.
And nothing else.
She leaned against the doorframe, one hip cocked, all curves and seduction. “Why don’t you come back to bed?”
He licked his lips at the sight of her, unable to help it. Just like he couldn’t stop the blood rushing to his cock. He let out an involuntary groan, her invitation so tempting. It would be so easy to fall back into their old pattern.
But he didn’t want that. Knew he couldn’t take it. He wasn’t the kind of guy who did well with casual relationships. He liked the stability of being with someone, not chasing pussy and trying to get laid all the time. When he was a freshman, he’d done that for a while. Hanging out with the guys on the team, it was hard not to get caught up in that, since it seemed to be the dominant culture. But he’d never liked it, it reminded him too much of how his dad operated. And he never wanted to be like him. By the time he was a sophomore, he’d started dating a girl. The guys had given him shit for a while, but it had been good-natured, and now no one even noticed when he didn’t hook up at parties between girlfriends.
Elena had been an exception. One he’d convinced himself wouldn’t hurt. But he’d grown attached, and tried moving them into the realm of committed relationship, and she’d broken up with him at the first opportunity. That was reality. She didn’t want to be in a relationship with him, and he wasn’t willing to accept less than that from her.
He tossed his pencil on his notebook. “Elena.” His voice came out low and gravelly, sounding like he was giving into her.
One corner of her mouth curved up in the sexy smile that always appeared right before they got naked. “Daniel.”
He let out a harsh breath and shook his head. “You said you wanted a place to crash.”
“Yeah. That doesn’t mean we can’t make each other feel good while I’m here.”
He closed his eyes to gather himself. “Elena, you broke up with me last week. Remember? Or were you hoping the concussion would make it so I’d forget? And hopefully not notice the fact that you haven’t talked to me all week?”
She crossed her arms, standing up straight, her seductive smile gone. “That’s not fair, Daniel.”
He let out a short laugh. “I’m not being fair? Please. If anyone has room to complain of unfair treatment here, it’s me. I got hurt, and you dropped me like I’m damaged goods.” He pointed a finger at her. “That’s not fair. And for you to show up here after a week of no contact and expect me to have sex with you? Completely unfair. Why did you come here, Elena?”
She held out a hand, palm up. “Does it really have to be over? Can’t we go back to how things were?”
He stood, his frustration starting to bubble over. “You’re the one who ended things. How could we possibly go back?”
It took a long time for her to answer, her eyes not meeting his, her lip caught between her teeth. When she finally spoke, her voice came out small, a pleading tone in it that he’d never heard from her before. “Please, Daniel. You—being with you, it’s the only thing that makes me forget.”
“What are you talking about?”
Her brown eyes met his at last. “When you touch me, I can finally stop thinking about all the other crap. You get my brain to shut off and make all the bad disappear. I need that. I don’t—“ She shook her head. “I don’t know how to deal without that.”
At first, her words warmed him. He made things better for her. But as what she said replayed in his head, it sounded darker, more sinister. Like … “So I’m like a drug for you? You want to feel better, so you come to me for a hit? And now you’re addicted and can’t figure out what to do without a fix. Is that what this is?”
Her eyes widened, and she shook her head, her hands up, palms out. “No, no. That’s not what I’m saying. You make me feel better, that’s all.”
“I make you feel better.”
She nodded, her expression relieved, like he finally got it. But that was the problem. He finally got it.
“I make you forget.”
“Exactly.”
“You’ve been using me. To make yourself feel better. The same way most people drink or get high when life is shitty.” He ran both hands over his head, trying to catch up with everything. No wonder she hadn’t wanted a relationship. “You’ve been using me.” Just like his dad had. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it before.
“No, Daniel. That’s not how it was.”
He speared her with his eyes. “Yeah, that’s exactly how it was. You came over when you had a bad day or talked to your mom or spent all day working on stuff for your dad. You used me. Like my dad used to use me. And I thought you cared about me, just like I used to think he did. But you never wanted to be with me for me, because you liked me. You just liked that I could get you to stop thinking.” He chuckled, even though nothing about this was funny. “Most guys would probably be flattered that a chick was into him just so he could fuck her brains out.” Pause. “Too bad I’m not most guys.”
Stepping back into the bedroom, she drew in a breath that was half gasp, half sob. The sound felt like a punch to the gut. Or a kick to the head. The same ringing, distant feeling that he’d had a week ago was back. And he was suddenly so tired.
When she came back out she had on her own clothes again, her eyes not meeting his. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’ll go.” She took another one of those gasping, sobbing breaths. “I won’t bother you anymore.”
And she left, the door closing behind her lending a sense of finality to the conversation. This time, he didn’t consider going after her. Didn’t want to try to convince her to stay. Accepted the hollow feeling that carved into his chest. After the agony of the last week, now he just felt numb. Nothing had been how he’d thought it was with her.
At least now he knew.