Chapter Nine
“What up, bitches?” Megan’s voice rang through the house, announcing her arrival along with Lance and Abby. The sounds of the additional people reached Elena in the kitchen, where she dumped a bag of chips into a bowl.
Hannah shot her a smile and raised her eyebrows, a silent What can you do? before heading into the living room to greet their guests.
The Thursday night football pregame show was already on, but muted, since Matt found the announcers annoying and would argue with every other statement they made. Which he’d been doing a half hour ago until Hannah went into the living room, muted the TV, and told him to help clean up the house before everyone got there. “But they used to live here,” he’d protested. “They don’t care what the place looks like. They’ve all seen it look way worse than this.”
“I don’t care, Matt. They’re guests, and we’re not having the house look like a sty. Quit arguing with people who can’t hear you and make yourself useful.”
He’d muttered to himself while moving his laptop from the coffee table to his office, but had quieted down by the time he came into the kitchen to take out the trash before everyone got there. Elena had had to hide a smile at how obedient he became when Hannah told him what to do and kept a tight rein on the urge to make a whip sound as he went outside to put the half-full bag in the big trash can.
With a deep breath, she steeled herself to go in the living room. It had been Matt’s idea to have everyone over. Chris’s team was playing tonight, and he was expected to make an appearance on the field. Apparently he didn’t every game. She had no clue how all that worked. Maybe she should pay attention tonight, though, so she had some idea of what was going on at the homecoming game next weekend. Lance and Matt were both friendly, and she figured they’d answer her questions. Since they both used to play, who better to learn from?
Thinking about football and homecoming brought her mind to Daniel. Not that it took much for him to come up in her thoughts. She’d debated asking him to come over tonight. He was friends with everyone here, too. It’d be like a reunion of the group from their trip, minus Chris, of course, who’d only be there through the TV screen while he was playing.
But she hadn’t, waffling too long, until the day had come. With a glance at the clock, she realized he wasn’t even done for the day yet. And he’d have homework. And need a better meal than chips and dip and the junk food they were having tonight. And everyone would think they were together, instead of just friends.
And they were just friends. Firmly in the friends category. With a few side benefits, of course. But they weren’t dating. He wasn’t her boyfriend. She didn’t have time or space for a boyfriend right now. He was a distraction from all the other crap when she needed a vacation from her brain.
“Elena? Are you going to come say hi to everyone or hide in the kitchen all night?”
Hannah’s smiling face had popped through the doorway while Elena had been lost in thought. Now she forced her lips into a smile of their own.
“Of course! I was just finishing up.” Tossing the spoon in her hand into the sink, she grabbed the chips and dip and brought them into the living room, where she was greeted by a shout of general cheer at her appearance and a smile from Abby. Man, Matt’s friends were a rowdy crew, and he was a lot louder when they were around.
Lance slung an arm around her shoulders and gave a little squeeze. “Hey, Elena. Good to see you.”
“You too.”
As soon as he let go, Megan swooped in and squeezed her hard in her signature hug. “I haven’t seen you in so long! Thanks for having us all over!”
Elena laughed at Megan’s enthusiasm. “It was Matt’s idea. Thank him.”
Megan dismissed that with a wave of her hand. “Don’t give him too much credit. He’ll get a big head. We need to keep it under control, or he won’t fit in the house.”
“Hey!” Matt protested.
Megan shot him a sassy grin and stuck her tongue out at him. “I’m kidding. You know I love you, Matty. But I live by myself now, so I don’t get to give anyone shit.” She let out a drawn-out sigh. “It gets boring.”
“You can’t be that bored, Megan,” Lance cut in. “You spend all your time at our place when you’re not in your art studio. I’m surprised you didn’t try to move in with us.”
Her face straight, Megan looked him in the eye. “I didn’t know you were into that, Lance.” Then to Abby, “You up for a sister wife?”
Abby, in the middle of taking a drink of the soda she’d gotten while everyone said hi to Elena, choked and spluttered, her cheeks turning red. “No, thanks, Megan. I’ve lived with you before. You’d be a shitty sister wife.”
Megan cackled in response, not disagreeing. Lance, laughing, pulled Abby in for a kiss. “I love you. You’re awesome.”
She grinned back. “Love you too.”
The game started soon after that, and they all settled down, the two couples taking the couch, Megan claiming the armchair, and Elena lounging on the floor next to the couch. Elena tried following the game, but couldn’t get into it. After asking questions once or twice and either being shushed by the guys or one of them interrupting himself to yell at the TV and forgetting to finish his answer, she stopped trying. She got up and grabbed the book she needed to get through for her poli-sci seminar, deciding to get some homework done at least, but not be completely anti-social by holing up in her room. The shouting from Matt and Lance, and even sometimes from Abby and Megan, distracted her often enough that she ended up watching them more than the game.
Since there were four people on a three-person couch, it was a little crowded, which meant that Abby was mostly in Lance’s lap. Except for when he’d shift her to the side, almost planting her on Hannah’s lap, half standing to yell at the game. For her part, Abby seemed to be just as into the game, standing when Lance would move her off his lap, her eyes glued to the screen, settling back into her place when Lance sat back down.
Catching Hannah’s eye, she and Elena shared a smirk. Hannah was clearly not as into football as the rest of them.
A chorus of, “Ooh!” and, “That deserves a penalty,” went up, drawing Elena’s eyes to the screen. Two of the players from opposing teams seemed to be getting into it, getting in each other’s faces, shoving at shoulders. A ref stepped in, trying to push them apart. Off to one side, another player lay on the field, another ref at his side, followed by trainers coming from the sidelines to check on him.
They all watched in silence as the player was taken off the field, and the ref announced a fifteen yard penalty. Elena wasn’t clear on exactly what happened, except that someone got hurt, and his teammates seemed angry about it.
“I don’t know how you do it.”
Megan turned her head and gave Elena a confused look. “Do what?”
Shit. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud. “Nothing. Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”
Megan shifted, turning around in her chair to face Elena. “No. Say it. You don’t know how I do what exactly?”
Gesturing at the screen, Elena tried to find the words. “Watch him, out there. Knowing he could get injured, bad, at any given time. He could get his knee blown out or his shoulder torn up. Or …” She bit her lip, unsure if she could go there. “Or his head hit so hard that he’s not the same afterward.”
She made the mistake of meeting Hannah’s eyes and seeing the pitying look there. Megan just continued to stare at her without saying a word. Elena didn’t know how much anyone knew about her summer other than Hannah. She assumed Matt had some clue, since Hannah probably filled him in on some of the details. She didn’t begrudge him that knowledge. He deserved to know why his third-wheel roommate was a head case who spent all her time at home in the kitchen baking pies or hiding out in her room.
But she hated the pity she got when people found out about her summer, about her dad, about how fucked up everything had become. That was the worst. She didn’t want pity. She wanted things to be normal again. But that was impossible.
Elena could feel everyone’s eyes on her, but she looked down at the carpet in front of her crossed legs. Matt cleared his throat in the tense silence that had descended on the room. “Well, that doesn’t happen that often. I mean, yeah, sometimes guys get hurt, and sometimes they end up needing surgery or something, but I’ve never known of a guy to get hit so hard in the head that they’re not the same after. And I’ve played for a long time.”
“But it happens.”
“What do you mean?” Matt’s voice was still soft and curious, not harsh and angry like she might’ve expected. And that encouraged her to give an answer.
She looked up, meeting his eye, keeping her focus on him and ignoring the others. “Since my dad’s accident, I’ve been reading a lot about traumatic brain injuries. Something like ninety percent of football players have been found to have brain disease. And it’s not just NFL players, either, but guys who never went past high school or college football.”
Matt chuckled, but it came out forced. No one else said anything. “So, you’re saying Lance and I have some kind of brain disease?”
She shrugged, looking away for a second. “You might. I don’t know. Did you get a lot of concussions?”
Matt and Lance exchanged a look. “A couple. Pretty much everyone does. You’d have a hard time finding a football player who hadn’t by the time they got to college. We were all defense—like Chris—so we did the tackling. It’s usually the ball handlers who get tackled, like the quarterbacks and receivers. They get more concussions because of that.”
Elena nodded. “I’m just saying. I’d have a hard time watching this,” she waved her hand toward the screen again, “knowing what I know. That’s all. I didn’t mean to bring everyone down. Sorry. Ignore me.”
Before anyone could say anything else, she got up and escaped to the kitchen, needing a minute to compose herself. Mierda. Why did she have to open her big mouth?
She grabbed a glass out of the cabinet and filled it with water, gulping it down. When she lowered it, Hannah had come in, and she stood with her arms crossed and her hip propped against the counter.
Elena eyed her, but then deflated. “What? Should I leave? Hide in my room until everyone goes? Sorry. I really didn’t mean to make things awkward. It popped out of my mouth before I could stop it.”
Hannah shook her head. “I came to see if you were okay.”
Blinking, Elena glanced at her hands gripping the counter. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
“You know, that would be more convincing if you looked me in the eye. And said it without your voice cracking like you might cry.”
Elena scrubbed at her face with her hands, not caring that she was probably smearing her eye makeup. She’d go fix it in the bathroom before rejoining the football-watching party. If she could even bring herself to do that. “I’m not going to cry.” She dropped her hands and pasted on a smile before looking at Hannah. “See? I’m smiling. I’m fine.”
Hannah stood silent, looking her up and down before shaking her head slowly. “No, you’re not. You haven’t been fine in months. But I get it.”
Elena didn’t have a response to that. It was true, she wasn’t fine. She hadn’t been since June. But she couldn’t bring herself to admit it out loud. She could barely admit it to herself. If she kept saying she was fine, she hoped it would become true. So far it hadn’t worked, but she didn’t have any other strategies right now.
Tilting her head toward the living room, Hannah went on. “So that in there, about not being able to watch. How does that affect things with you and Daniel?”
“What do you mean?”
Hannah smirked. “Please. We’ve already talked about this. You guys are dating.”
“No. No, we’re not.” She shook her head, waving her hands in front of her, palms out. “No. We’re just friends.”
Laughing, Hannah shook her head. “Uh-huh. Like Matt and I are friends? Sure. Okay. We’ll call it friends.”
“No, it’s nothing like you and Matt. We’re not—we just—it’s not like that. We hang out. I like spending time with him. He’s a fun distraction. But that’s all.”
Hannah narrowed her eyes. “The kind of distraction that gives you orgasms?”
Elena opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She couldn’t deny that. Hannah already knew the answer. So she closed her mouth and said nothing.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
“So?” She bit back a groan at her juvenile response.
Hannah laughed, not even trying to keep it down. Matt came in, his eyebrows raised and a tentative smile on his face. He stepped close to Hannah’s side and wrapped an arm around her waist, kissing her temple. “What’s so funny?”
Hannah shook her head, calming down. “Elena’s telling me how she and Daniel are fuck buddies.”
Matt’s head swiveled to Elena. “Daniel? As in Carter? How long’s that been going on.”
“I wouldn’t—“
“Since Westport,” Hannah butted in before Elena could finish what she was going to say.
Gritting her teeth, she tried again. “No. It’s not—“
Hannah cut her off again. “Well, it started there. But they had to take a break over the summer for obvious reasons.”
Matt nodded. “Yeah. Makes sense.”
“Anyway, they picked up again after they both got back in town.” Hannah looked at Elena. “After the wedding, right? I saw you two leave together.”
Elena waited a beat, her arms crossed. “Oh, so I’m included in the conversation again?” She made a rolling gesture with her hand. “Carry on. You don’t really need my input. You seem to be doing fine on your own.”
Hannah rolled her eyes. “Please. Don’t be so dramatic. I don’t know why you’re being so secretive about it. He’s a good guy. I’m happy for you.”
“I’m not being secretive. It’s just not that big of a deal.”
Hannah gave her a look. “If you say so. Actually dating him wouldn’t be a bad thing, though. And didn’t you tell me he wants you to go to homecoming so he can take you to the party after?”
“Yeah.” Elena didn’t want to admit that, even though she’d already told Hannah about it. She just didn’t want to prove Hannah’s point for her. She knew she was being stubborn and childish, but at least it deflected the attention from her earlier statements and other problems.
“So it seems like he’d like for it to be more than just friends with benefits. And you told him yes, so …”
“Good,” Matt interjected. “I’ve always liked Carter.”
Hannah laughed. “Really? You didn’t seem so fond of him last spring.”
Matt pulled her tighter. “Yeah, well that was when he was trying to make a move on my woman. No one would be happy about that. But he’s never been a bad guy.” He turned his gaze on Elena. “In fact, I’m kind of surprised to hear about the whole fuck buddy situation. He doesn’t usually go for that. He never hooked up with the chicks at parties to my knowledge, and has always made known his preference to be in a relationship over just getting laid.”
Elena shifted, feeling a twinge of guilt. She hadn’t realized that. He’d asked her out a few times and hinted at wanting to turn what they had into something more, but she’d always shot him down. He’d taken it in stride, not seeming bothered by her insistence that she was too busy for a relationship beyond what they had. She’d assumed that he was a manwhore like the rest of the football team. Apparently she’d been wrong.
“Oh,” was all she could manage to say.
Matt and Hannah went back to the living room to keep watching the game. Elena sat at the table for a few minutes, mulling everything over before going to the bathroom and returning as well. No one mentioned her outburst again, though she did apologize to Megan before she left.
Megan waved her off. “It’s not a big deal. I get it. Don’t worry about it.” Then gave her a big hug before waving at Hannah and Matt and following Lance and Abby out the door.
The revelation about Daniel preferring relationships and not usually being okay with casual arrangements stuck with her, and made her want to talk to him about it. What if he wasn’t happy with the way things were? Would he end it if she kept turning him down? That thought made her stomach drop. Would she be willing to give a little in order to keep him around for longer? She just might have to.