“You don’t have to marry me,” Claudia said once they were alone in the carriage.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Claudia, of course we will marry.”
“My father will forbid it.”
“Your father has no choice. I’ve ruined your reputation, and I will do the honorable thing.”
His words pricked at her heart. Honor. It was an admirable trait, but no woman wanted honor to be the reason for becoming a wife. She almost laughed. Were it not so painful, she might have. She remembered as a little girl she’d dreamed of this day—the day she became betrothed—and it never played out in such a manner.
There had always been declarations of love in her fantasies, but the reality held no promise of love. She looked at Derrick, who sat statue-still across from her. He stared out the window, his mouth tight, a frown furrowing his brow. If he’d been courting her the way he’d claimed, he would not be so disappointed right now.
“When we get to your house,” he said as he turned to face her, “I want you to wait in the hall while I speak to your father alone.”
“Derrick, my father will not be pleased.”
“No father is pleased when his daughter is caught in an intimate embrace in public.”
“But he is not fond of you.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“He does not care for your paper, believes you print lies. He doesn’t like you.”
“I don’t care if he likes me or not. I am going to marry you. It’s the right thing to do. And I’ll do it with or without his permission.”
“Why are you so angry?” she asked.
He released a heavy breath. “I’m not angry. I’m frustrated. With myself. I should have had more control. This wasn’t your fault, Claudia, it was all mine. I take full responsibility.
“I want you to remain in the hall until I am finished speaking to him. I think it will be better that way. Unless you can think of something that will convince him to allow you to marry me.”
She chewed at her lip. It would not go well. Her father had such a temper. “No,” she said softly.
“I didn’t think so.”
They rode the rest of the way in silence. When the carriage rocked to a stop, Derrick turned to her. He held his hand out to her, and she clasped it.
“It will be all right. No matter how it appears now.”
She gave him a smile, then followed him up the stairs to her house. She took a seat on the bench in the hallway while Derrick was announced in her father’s study. Her hands were shaking so badly, she had to clutch at her skirt to still them.
She closed her eyes and tuned her ears to the voices behind the door. She could hear them speaking, but could not make out any words. Frustrated, she stood and put her ear to the door. Still nothing.
Derrick had said everything would be all right. She wanted to believe him, but she knew her father, and nothing that happened today would be all right with him.
“No!” her father suddenly yelled.
She silently cracked the door open, just enough to let the sound out.
“Viscount Kennington, I appreciate your anger, but understand something. I did not come here to discuss this with you. I merely came as a courtesy to my future wife’s father.” Derrick’s tone was even, but strong.
“My daughter will not be your wife.”
Her father’s steps paced across the floor. No doubt he strolled behind his desk as he did every time he was upset. Guilt settled in her stomach. There was no excuse for what had occurred today. No reason that any of the things that had happened with Derrick had happened. No reason other than her weakness and inability to say no. It was a sickening realization that she had so little resolve.
“Something happened today that demands that Claudia and I marry,” Derrick said.
“I don’t care what happened. You’re not marrying her. You’re not even from a decent family,” her father spat. “Not to mention that piece of garbage you call a newspaper. If my daughter were associated with you, it would disparage my reputation in Parliament.”
“Your daughter is already associated with me.”
It was evident that Derrick was trying to tell her father about the compromise, without having to give him specifics. But her father was not listening. He rarely did.
“Nonsense. A few dances mean nothing. She’s danced with other men before. She’s betrothed to another; she can’t marry.”
“Richard Foxmore?” The words came out in short, clipped tones.
“Precisely.”
“She’s not betrothed to him.”
“I beg your pardon.”
“Claudia said Richard has never asked for her hand.”
“Yes, but he and I have discussed it. He’s planning to ask her tomorrow. They have an engagement to meet.”
“He’s too late.” Derrick’s tone prickled the hairs at her neck. He did not yell with anger as her father did, yet the anger was there. Quiet and controlled, held just beneath the surface.
“Go to the devil, Middleton,” her father said, seemingly unaffected by Derrick’s words. “I don’t have to explain this any further. You may not marry my daughter. Now get out of my house.”
“I compromised your daughter today, and I will marry her, because she does not deserve to have her reputation shredded.”
“Compromised? What did you do?”
“The details do not matter. What matters is, we announced our engagement at Lady Oliver’s house but an hour ago. I suspect everyone in London knows by now.”
There was a long pause before her father mumbled, “Compromise. Wrong bloody man. Should have planned such a situation myself.” Then he cleared his throat, “Middleton, your honor is surprising. But take heart, I will not demand you marry her to save her reputation. She’ll ride out the scandal herself. I’ll send her to the country to make it easier on her.”
His words sliced into her heart, as clean as the sharpest of knifes. He was a harsh man; she’d always known that, but she suspected he loved her. In his own way. But to do this? To prefer that she be ruined rather than see her marry a man he didn’t approve of? She squeezed her eyes shut to keep the tears from falling.
“You would rather see your daughter ruined than allow her to marry me?”
Derrick had put her own thoughts into words. It was worse hearing them out loud. One tear slipped. She allowed it to fall, leaving a cold, damp trail down her cheek.
“Yes. No question about it. My reputation is far more important than hers. Girls like her have lived through scandals before. She’ll be fine. She’s sturdy.”
“Sturdy?” She heard Derrick take a ragged breath. “I’ve tried to be patient and polite, but I’m tired, so let us see if this is easier for you to understand. Claudia and I will be married this Saturday. You are welcome to attend, but only if you support her. If not, stay home. This isn’t open for discussion. The announcement will be in the Times tomorrow.”
“Bastard. You can’t do that.”
“Try and stop me,” Derrick said coldly.
“You won’t get her dowry.”
“I don’t give a damn about her dowry. Keep it. Roll in it if you must. Were it up to me, know that Claudia would cut ties with you as soon as we wed, but I know her, and she won’t want that to happen. But it is in your best interest to be kind to her. I’d hate to see anything nasty written about you in my paper.”
“Are you threatening me, Middleton?”
“No, I’m warning you.”
Before she could move from the door, Derrick pushed it open. His gaze met hers, and compassion warmed his eyes, if only for a brief moment.
“Come with me, Claudia. You won’t be staying here any longer.”
“I can’t live with you,” she said.
“I know that. I’ll take you to Poppy’s. I’m sure you can stay there until we wed. I’ll send a carriage for your things. You can include a note with instructions for your maid.”
She wished she were the kind of person who knew what to say to her father to make this all right. But she wasn’t. She took one last glance at the door, then walked to the carriage. They would talk later. Once he accustomed himself to the idea of her marrying Derrick. Once his anger subsided.
They were halfway to Poppy’s before Derrick spoke.
“I’m sorry you had to hear all of that.”
She couldn’t look at him. She simply kept her focus out the window and let the tears stream down her cheeks.
He didn’t know what else to say. She wouldn’t even look at him. Her tears shocked him. Not because they were unwarranted, she had every right to cry, but because he was used to seeing her vivacious, not beaten down like this. It stirred something inside him. Something that demanded he protect her at all costs. And that scared the hell out of him.
Hell, he hadn’t even been courting her—not really—and now he’d have to tell her that. He certainly couldn’t go into a marriage with that lie above them. But not today.
He certainly hadn’t meant for them to be compromised. He shouldn’t have been so reckless. He’d lived through enough scandals—he certainly didn’t need to be tied to another. And he couldn’t allow Claudia to take the blame. Her father was capable of making her life unlivable.
He’d had doubts in the carriage on the way to her father’s house. Her soft words promising to release him from his duty had been tempting. He wasn’t ready to marry again. But after seeing her father and hearing the filth he had to say, there was no question of what to do.
While he wouldn’t be able to offer Claudia a marriage full of love, he could certainly give her respect and treat her kindly. He refused to give her his heart, but he’d make up for it every other way he could.
What of her heart? Would she offer it freely to him? Probably not. Especially after he explained the truth behind his courtship. It was completely unfair to expect her to love him when he couldn’t offer her love in return, but he acknowledged that he desired just that. He was a selfish bastard.
* * *
Once Claudia was settled in an upstairs room at Poppy’s house, and after Lady Livingston had fretted over her for a quarter of an hour, she was left alone. But her solitude was brief. Only a moment later, Poppy poked her head into the room.
“If you’re not ready to talk about whatever has happened, I’ll understand, but you look just awful. Are you all right?”
She had totally forgotten that the tears had probably left her usually rosy cheeks with white streaks and that her eyes more than likely were puffy and red. She gave Poppy a weak smile.
“I’m fine.”
“Can you tell me what happened? I obviously know that something happened at Lady Oliver’s, but she wouldn’t say.” Poppy’s brow furrowed. “Which is unusual, but I’m assuming since the dowager duchess was there, she censored herself.”
There had been a time when Claudia told Poppy everything, but ever since she’d met Derrick, some things seemed too personal, too intimate.
“Derrick and I are engaged, and my father is upset, to say the least.”
“Engaged?! How marvelous.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. It was somewhat unplanned and very sudden.”
“Does this have anything to do with your kiss the other night at the ball? Did someone see you? Were you compromised?”
“Not at the ball.”
“When?”
“Today. At the card party.” How humiliating. It was bad enough that Lady Oliver knew, but to admit to your best friend that you lacked control... She buried her head in her hands and waited for Poppy’s disappointed reaction.
But instead, Poppy laughed. Not a little giggle, but a full-out chuckle.
She snapped her head up. “What is so funny?”
Poppy smiled widely. “I’m enjoying the irony of your situation. Your father wants you to marry Richard because it will be good for your reputation, so what do you do—go and get yourself compromised with a man your father despises. And at a tea and card party. In the middle of the afternoon. It couldn’t have happened any better had I planned it myself.”
“Poppy, it’s not funny or ironic. It’s dreadful. I’ve ruined my reputation and tarnished my father’s in the process. He’ll probably never forgive me. This would never have happened to you. You’re the very picture of decorum.”
“It has nothing to do with decorum and everything to do with the fact that I’ve never had a man like Derrick Middleton pull me into his arms. I’m not laughing at you, and I certainly don’t find it humorous at your expense.” She scrunched her nose. “You know, I hate to admit it, but I’m enjoying the fact that this must be awful for your father.”
“That’s a rotten thing to say.”
“I can’t help it. He’s been a rotten father.” She held up her hand to silence Claudia’s protests. “I know he’s provided for you, and you think he’s done his best raising you without your mother. And yes, he’s a hard man, but the truth of the matter is, he’s not a kind man. There are many people out there hardened by life, but they haven’t allowed it to tarnish their hearts. Being compromised with Derrick is the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
“I believe your perception is altered.”
“I’m serious. He can take you away from your father. No more worrying about every step you take, every word you say.” Poppy clapped her hands together. “Oh, and you’ll be free to continue your illustrations. How perfect. You can even sign your name. Let the world know that you are the talent behind those drawings.”
Claudia shook her head. “No. It would destroy my father to know that I had a paying position behind his back. I can’t do that to him.”
“One of these days your blind loyalty to him is going to cost you dearly.”
“I can’t turn my back on him. You should have heard him when Derrick was explaining what happened. He was furious. He’ll probably never forgive me, Poppy, and that hurts me. I know he hasn’t been the sort of father you think is kind and loving, but he’s the only one I have. The only family I have. And family deserves loyalty. I betrayed him.”
Poppy sighed and squeezed her hand. “I understand, and I’m not going to tell you that you’re wrong for loving and respecting your father, but you cannot continue to live your life trying to please a man who will never approve of you. Instead of thinking about him and how he feels today, you should be reveling in the fact that Derrick rose to the occasion and saved your reputation. He did the honorable thing, and to find a man with honor is a rare thing—he will make you a good husband, Claudia.”
“He doesn’t love me.”
“You don’t know that.”
Her heart skipped a beat. Could he love her? In time would he grow to love her, once she gave him children? He liked her, seemed to enjoy her company, but ultimately she didn’t believe she was the kind of woman who could evoke such a strong emotion in a man. Derrick would never love her. She was being ridiculous even considering it.
“All right, so maybe he doesn’t love you. Yet. That doesn’t mean he won’t or isn’t already starting to. He certainly started courting you for a reason. He genuinely likes you. Anyone can see that. He enjoys your company. He obviously desires you, else you wouldn’t have found yourself in this situation.”
He did desire her. She knew that. Felt it deep inside. She didn’t understand it, but she knew it. Perhaps it was simply that she was a willing female, and he’d have reacted that way with anyone.
But he’d said himself that he’d never wanted anyone the way he wanted her.
“He will love you, Claudia. I know he will. How could he not?” Poppy wiped the tears that Claudia hadn’t even realized she’d cried. “I’ll leave you alone now, but let me know if you need anything.”
Claudia smiled at her best friend. “I’ll be fine. I promise. This morning my life was headed in a different direction. But I’ll be fine,” she assured her.
Poppy was a good friend, but there were things she’d never understand. Derrick would never love her; Claudia knew that. But she could certainly see herself falling in love with him, and that terrified her.
She’d resigned herself to a loveless marriage with Richard. With Richard it wouldn’t matter if he didn’t love her, because she knew in her heart that she would never love him. But a loveless marriage with Derrick was a different matter entirely. She didn’t want to love him if he didn’t love her in return. Marrying Derrick would break her heart because she was certain she’d begun to love him already.