Chapter 5
Awake at eight indeed. Claudia had been awake since six, if not earlier. Her mind was alert with thoughts of Mr. Middleton’s dashing smile and the things he’d said to her. She’d successfully avoided being seen with him last night, but what of this morning while they rode? Would people not see them in the park? People that she knew?
She scrambled to her feet, then rifled through her closet searching for the perfect bonnet. A hideous bonnet, one so large it was sure to hide her from other riders. She found it below her other hats—it was a tad squished and wrinkled, but a few shakes should take care of that.
It didn’t match her riding habit, but it would have to do.
Perhaps not, but this was a desperate situation. She couldn’t very well break her promise to ride with Mr. Middleton, but she certainly couldn’t parade about with him as if he was actually courting her, and she was allowing it.
If her father ever discovered all the time she’d spent with Mr. Middleton, he would likely ship her off to live in a convent somewhere. Especially since most of that time they’d been alone. And part of that time, they’d kissed.
She was a ruined woman. Richard would wed her thinking she was a complete innocent, which she was not.
Her cheeks burned with the thought. Instead of fantasizing about kissing Derrick, she should turn her torrid thoughts to Richard. Should not a wife desire her husband? She closed her eyes and gave it a try, but as much as she wanted to think of Richard in that light, there was nothing torrid about him.
She’d never actually entertained torrid thoughts about anyone until that first kiss. Perhaps once she kissed Richard, all feelings for Derrick Middleton would leave her mind forever and be immediately replaced by desire for Richard.
Only part of her actually believed that, but she kept the thought in her mind in an attempt to persuade the rest of her.
She finished tucking her curls into the oversize bonnet. She would have to be careful walking in such a contraption lest she fall over, as it completely hindered her ability to see anywhere but straight ahead. The color, she noted, did match her eyes perfectly, but you couldn’t much see her eyes once the bonnet was in place.
Well, if nothing else, the ridiculousness of this hat would send any suitor in the other direction, so by this afternoon she should be rid of Mr. Middleton and find herself in Richard’s embrace.
She allowed that thought to swim around a bit, trying to warm up to Richard’s arms, but found that when she thought of kissing, only Derrick’s face came to mind. A person needed to take only one glance at Derrick’s lips to know they were created for kissing.
How would she get through the morning looking at said face and lips? Ah, yes, the bonnet—she would simply keep her focus straight ahead and never even notice he sat beside her.
Which is precisely how she should be living her life. Looking straight ahead to Richard instead of her continual dalliances on the side with another man. This was the perfect reminder.
She checked the clock; only fifteen more minutes. Grabbing her reticule, she tiptoed out of her room. She peeked out of the hall window and was pleased to see the day shone brightly with not a cloud in the sky. At least it was a pleasant day for a ride. And she hadn’t been riding in so long.
A black brougham pulled up and stopped. She slipped out of the front door just as Derrick stepped from the carriage. It was a stately carriage, the black so shiny you could see your reflection, and the wheels were apple-red.
“You’re early,” she said.
“You’re ready.” He helped her into the carriage.
“This isn’t a customary vehicle for riding in the park,” Claudia said as he climbed in beside her. The plush seats welcomed her, and she ran a gloved finger against the velvet cushion.
The carriage lurched forward.
“I never said we were riding in the park.”
“Where are we going?” She turned so quickly, she nearly whacked his face with the bill of her bonnet.
“That is a ... lovely bonnet, Miss Prattley. If memory serves me correctly, it is the exact shade of your eyes. I must use my memory, however, as I cannot see any part of your face but your nose and mouth.” He leaned down to peek at her. “Won’t you come out?”
He was an irritating man. But blast it, he was as charming as he was handsome.
“You’re missing all the lovely scenery.”
“I shall consider removing my bonnet once you tell me where you’re taking me. This could be considered kidnapping, you know.”
“Kidnapping?” His left eyebrow cocked. “Indeed? Perhaps I shall ravish you.”
She pulled her mantle tighter around her.
His laugh filled the carriage. “I’m only teasing you. I wouldn’t ravish you. Unless, of course, you asked me to,” he added in a low voice.
She sucked in her breath, not from horror as a proper lady should, but rather from sheer excitement. He would ravish her if she asked him to? Tingles scattered through her veins like fireflies, the feelings pooled somewhere between her thighs. She shifted in her seat.
“We are going to my home. It’s only a short distance from London. I have a large stable and nice land on which to ride. I thought it would be more freeing for both of us. Especially since you don’t seem too keen on being seen with me in public.”
His words stung. It was the truth, but it was such an ugly truth. It wasn’t him—there was nothing wrong with him, but it would only tarnish her father and Richard to explain their feelings about him. And she owed her loyalty to them. They loved her. Mr. Middleton only ... only what? She wasn’t certain what he wanted from her. So rather than make silly excuses, she said nothing.
She untied the ribbon beneath her chin and pulled off the bonnet. She reached to pat her hair, but he stopped her, holding her wrist with his hand. Her pulse leaped beneath his touch.
“Your hair looks fine.”
She smiled. “Thank you.” While nothing he’d said so far had appeared dishonest, she knew in her heart he wasn’t being truthful, yet his words sounded completely sincere.
He released her wrist.
“How long of a drive is it to your estate?”
“Not more than half an hour.” He turned slightly so he could face her more. “I think your last drawings were among your best. Whom do you plan to cover next?”
“The Paddington sisters. I’ve been watching them all Season. They have a unique flair when it comes to their fashions. They’re bold.”
“And yourself?”
“What about myself?”
“Are you bold?”
“I should say not. My tastes run more with the subdued—I like to blend, Mr. Middleton. It is never my intention to stand out in a crowd.”
“Oh, but you do.”
Well, that was nasty. She knew she had a rounder, plumper figure than most girls, but there was no reason for him to point that out. She looked out the window.
“Some things cannot be helped, sir, and I think it quite rude of you to mention them.”
“I simply meant that you have a different way about you. Your very presence makes you stand out among women who look and act as if they were cut from a pattern.”
She knew her mouth hung open, but she’d never before been around someone who seemed to surprise her at every turn. She found herself speechless with him, which was quite rare. Ordinarily she knew precisely what to say. Or rather she had a tendency to say whatever popped into her mind, whether it was appropriate or not. But with Derrick, she found he filled her mind, yet stole her words.
“Thank you, I suppose,” she said.
The rest of the ride was spent in silence. Shortly thereafter, they arrived at his estate. The large stone manor house sat upon an open green expanse. Ash, oak, and birch trees completed the picture. It was simple, yet utterly beautiful.
They parked at the stable and found their mounts were already prepared for them. Her mare was a pretty chestnut and seemed docile enough. It had been a while since she’d actually been on a horse, and her nerves were on edge. But with the help of the groom, she managed to get up into the saddle without embarrassing herself.
They rode for a while in silence. It was nice, and her nerves began to subside. She’d always loved riding and didn’t realize until now how much she’d missed it.
“I can’t even remember the last time I rode out in the country. It’s beautiful.”
“I rather like the solace from London. I come out here often.” He nodded at her. “You handle a horse well.”
“Thank you. My mother loved horses, so as a child I rode a lot. When she died, Father closed our estate, and we moved to London permanently. I love London, and I don’t believe I’d want to live in the country. But I miss having a place to get away to.”
“You’re welcome to come here anytime to ride. Privilege as my employee. Now that I know you’re comfortable on a horse, come. I’ll show you the rest of the property.” He kicked his mount into a gallop.
She followed suit and soon found herself with the wind blowing through her hair and caressing her cheeks.
She and her mother had ridden like this, fast and wild. It had made her father angry—he thought they should have had more control. But her mother would simply nod and go off to her room. Claudia had forgotten what it felt like to let go and ride freely.
And before she knew it, she was laughing out loud as the horse ran faster and faster, chasing after Derrick. Wind whipped through her hairpins, pulling her curls free.
Finally Derrick stopped, and she reined her horse up next to him. In front of them sat a clear pond surrounded by a handful of willow trees.
“This is my favorite part of the property. It is what made me purchase this estate.” He helped her down off her mount. They walked to the edge of the water.
“It’s lovely.”
“Do you swim?”
“Oh no. That is to say I can, I suppose, prevent myself from drowning, but I haven’t been in water in years. Well, I bathe, which I don’t suppose we should discuss.” She bit her lip. “You can gather what I meant.”
He smiled, then motioned to the water. “Want to give it a try? The water should be warm.”
“Mercy no. I didn’t bring anything to swim in. And it would be highly inappropriate for us to swim alone together.”
“Ah, yes.” He nodded. “We must always do what is appropriate.” He took a step closer to her and gently tucked an errant curl behind her ear. “If you continue to live your life like that, you will miss all that makes life grand.”
“Is that so? And I suppose your life is grand?”
“I am my own boss. That makes my life grand.”
“What of family?”
“I have my aunt. She and I are close.”
“I meant a wife and children. Don’t you want to have your own family?”
“I was married once.”
He’d been married? Now he wasn’t. That could only mean one thing. How dreadful. She didn’t even know what to say, how to proceed. Perhaps he still grieved for the loss of his beloved wife.
So she said the only thing she could think of, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.”
“No need to be sorry. You didn’t kill her.”
He didn’t sound like a grieving husband. He sounded sardonic and rather bitter.
Her curiosity got the better of her. “What happened?”
“It is not a story for today; perhaps someday I’ll tell you.” He picked up a rock and tossed it out into the water. The rock skipped three times, then sank, leaving rings in its wake.
“What was her name?”
“Julia.”
“Will you marry again?”
“Perhaps. Right now my newspaper and my employees are my family. I devote all my energy to them.”
“And to being inappropriate.”
A tiny smile quirked his lips. “When the mood strikes me.”
“You get in a mood to be inappropriate?”
“Absolutely.” He glanced sideways at her. “Don’t you ever get that feeling? That urge to do something that may be wrong, but for the moment it feels right?”
“Like what?”
“I’ll show you.” And just like that he closed the distance between them and cradled her face in his hands. He first kissed her gently, an innocent kiss. Then he proceeded to place sweet kisses all over her face. Her eyelids. Nose. Each cheek. Everywhere he touched, she wanted him to find a new place to put his lips.
Then his mouth met hers, and he moved across it slowly. Ever so gently, sweeping his tongue across her bottom lip and then the top. She opened for him and felt his tongue enter her mouth. Tentatively, she moved her tongue forward and brushed it against his. The sensation radiated from her mouth to the tips of her breasts and then ended between her thighs. Bolder, she continued the tongue play until she thought she would lose her footing.
This was wrong. But, oh, did it feel right. Still, it was wrong. She should be kissing Richard this way, not this man whom she barely knew and whose motives she didn’t completely trust and who, she’d only recently discovered, had been married before. She pushed at his chest, and he broke off the kiss and stepped back.
“Why did you do that?” she asked.
“Because I wanted to.”
“And what if I didn’t want you to kiss me?”
“Then you shouldn’t have kissed me back. It’s the simple rule of kissing. If someone kisses you and you’d rather them not, then you simply don’t kiss them back.”
“I’m not familiar with these so-called rules of kissing.”
“Claudia, I’m beginning to think that your so- called fiancé has not taken advantage of your sweet mouth.”
She felt herself stiffen. He might not have properly proposed, but Richard was her intended. Everyone knew that. “My relationship with Richard is none of your business.”
“That certainly answers my question.”
“You didn’t ask a question, and it does not.”
“Did you enjoy it?”
“I beg your pardon? Did I enjoy what?”
“The kiss.”
“I will not answer that.”
“Again you answer.”
“You are infuriating.”
“So I’ve been told. Why is that, do you think?”
“Because you clearly find it amusing to make those in your company uncomfortable.”
“Are you uncomfortable?”
She opened her mouth to answer, but stopped. Honestly? No, she wasn’t uncomfortable. She should be, though. Wasn’t that the point? Nothing about their time together had been proper. So why didn’t she feel uncomfortable as she accused? That was a fault in her.
A fault her father would never understand. Nor would Richard. Richard. She was supposed to meet him today—to test the waters and see if she could persuade him to kiss her. Yet here she was with another man. A man whom she’d kissed. Twice.
“I believe it’s past time that we returned. I have an appointment this afternoon.”
“Very well.”
They rode all the way back to London in silence.
He knew her appointment was with Richard. Knowing that annoyed him. And the fact that he was annoyed annoyed him even more. What did he care if she ruined her life with a bastard like Richard Foxmore?
Derrick acknowledged that it was his pride more than anything that was hurt. She’d kissed him—more passionately than any other woman he’d ever kissed—and yet the entire time she’d been thinking of another man. A man who, Derrick would wager, had successfully hidden his true colors from Claudia and her father.
He climbed back into his carriage after delivering Claudia to her doorstep. This courting business was more difficult than he had anticipated. Not only was he honestly attracted to Claudia, which both complicated and enhanced the situation, but he was beginning to feel guilty about misleading her.
Yes, he was doing an honorable thing by dissuading her from marrying Richard, but wouldn’t he still be courting her to save his paper regardless of her relationship with Richard?
The truth of the matter was he didn’t want to hurt her. He knew firsthand what betrayal felt like, and he wanted no part in inflicting such pain on someone. He simply needed to ensure that Claudia didn’t have real feelings for him. Attraction, yes, but nothing deeper than that, and all would be fine. He couldn’t break her heart if she didn’t give it to him.
It disgusted him that he’d resorted to trickery to save his paper. He despised all sorts of deception after his marriage with Julia, and he’d wanted no part of another charade. Yet here he was playing the lead role in a major production.
He pushed his fingers through his hair. Damn, he wanted Claudia. Wanted to yank off that ridiculous bonnet of hers and run his fingers through her golden curls. Wanted to peel that riding habit off her lush body and cover her with kisses. He wanted to see if the blush that stained her cheeks also stained her breasts. Hell, he wanted to lose himself inside her until she screamed his name.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d wanted a woman the way he wanted Claudia.
It wasn’t as if she’d never been late before, but being more than a quarter of an hour late, she’d be surprised if Richard was still here. She’d been less than kind to Derrick, but that was surely a good thing. If kindness in any way encouraged his attentions, she should be outright nasty to him.
She ran into the house and began her search for Richard. She found him three doors later in the library, newspaper in hand.
“I do apologize for my tardiness, Richard. I can’t possibly expect you to forgive me.”
He set the paper aside. “It is awfully inconsiderate of you, but I suppose I shall find it in my heart to forgive you.” He looked up, and by the expression of horror on his face, Claudia realized her hair and clothes were probably not in perfect order. He came to his feet. “Good God, Claudia, where have you been?”
“I went out for a morning ride, and I’m afraid my horse got away with me, and, well, that is why I look a fright.”
“Did anyone see you?”
“I don’t believe so. I’m not injured if you’re concerned,” she added more tartly than she’d intended.
“Of course. I’m glad to see you’re all right.” He sat. “So tell me what was so urgent that I had to come over today? It must not be too urgent if you couldn’t even be here on time.”
She came and sat beside him on the settee. “I wanted to spend some time with you. Alone.”
“I see.”
“Do you have anything you wish to discuss with me?”
He uncrossed his legs, shifted slightly, then recrossed them. “Not that I can think of.”
“What did you do this morning?”
“Nothing too interesting.”
He recounted his morning events, which consisted of breakfast at his club, and then a meeting with some fellows. “That’s very interesting.” She situated herself slightly closer to him so that her leg touched his. It was through layers of clothing, but nonetheless, it was the most contact she’d had with Richard aside from dancing.
She listened to him drone on about the last session, all the while contemplating how to get him to kiss her. Poppy had said that if she wanted to kiss a man, she’d do it herself. Well, if Poppy could do it, then so could she. And as fortune, or whatever, would have it, she’d had a lot of experience kissing lately, so at least she was somewhat positive that she’d do it right.
She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, then leaned in and planted her lips on his in midsentence. Even with all her newfound kissing expertise, she’d never started a kiss and wasn’t certain how to go about it, so she simply pressed her lips to his.
Richard pushed against her and stood. She must have done something dreadfully wrong.
“Claudia, what has gotten into you?”
“Nothing. I only wanted us to be closer.” She stood too. “Richard, we’ve been together for a long time, and you’ve never so much as kissed my hand.”
“I was waiting until we were properly engaged.”
That certainly proved that Mr. Middleton was not a proper gentleman. He’d said that any man who’d been courting her as long as Richard should have kissed her countless times. And now she’d gone and offended Richard.
She would never learn.
“I’m afraid I must go. I shall see you later.”
“Richard.” She put her hand on his arm. “I wanted to be closer to you. Don’t you ever want to kiss me?” She asked the question without realizing that the answer could be something she wasn’t prepared to hear.
He glared at her hand resting on his arm, so she pulled it away. “I will not have this discussion with you. Proper gentlemen and ladies do not discuss such things. Good day, Claudia.”
He couldn’t have made her feel any worse if he’d laid a shilling by her side. She’d worked several scenarios over in her mind of her and Richard’s first kiss, and none of them had played out like this.
This led her to two conclusions. One, this had nothing to do with propriety and everything to do with Richard not desiring her. Second, if Richard didn’t desire her, there was no way that Derrick did. Not really.