“Who’s the bozo with Crazy Bitch?” Calder asked his brother as Star opened her birthday presents.

“Don’t tell me you’re still sporting a hard-on for that bitch.”

Calder shrugged. There was no sense in denying the truth. He had been trying to hook up with her since he got clean.

Seeing Crazy Bitch placing a slice of cake on her new boyfriend’s plate had him turning around to watch his niece again. A wrenching pain struck him in the gut when he saw Star motion to Stud, hugging him when he came to where she had unwrapped his and Sex Piston’s gift to her. It was the new laptop she had been asking for. He had thought it was too expensive for a kid her age, but Stud had only bragged about how smart she was.

Every time the subject switched to Star when he was with his brother, Stud would give him a look as if he wanted to ask if it bothered him that he had married Candi. He wasn’t. He couldn’t begrudge Star being a part of Stud’s life. He was a standup guy, always looking out for him, even when everyone else had turned their backs.

He didn’t blame them. He had fucked over his friends and family for the drugs that never could keep him satisfied for long. The monster inside him had to be fed constantly, gradually increasing his amount of tolerance that had him escalating his use. Stud had tried to pull him back, but he had thought he had it under control.

He didn’t blame Stud for getting together with Candi when he was in prison. They had been toxic together. He still had his “Dear Calder” letter she had written to him, telling him she had lost their baby and that she and Stud were getting married.

He wasn’t a rocket scientist, but even he could count birthdays. Star was his. Calder had decided before he had even gotten out of prison that he would forfeit any right to be called Star’s father.

He had never mentioned it to Stud or Sex Piston, and had no intention of ever telling Star. What kid would want him as her father? A recovering junkie, whose brother had to give him a job because of his record.

Star was staring up at Stud like he had hung the moon.

He then watched as she opened the next present, unwrapping a pink blow-dryer.

“I love it, Crazy Bitch!”

Calder noticed Crazy Bitch wave from the crowd while her date took their empty plates, carrying them toward the kitchen.

Calder squeezed through the crowd until he was standing next to Crazy Bitch. “She’s almost finished opening her presents. Let’s go for a ride.”

“I’m here with a date.” Crazy Bitch didn’t turn her gaze away from watching Star.

“That lame dick isn’t a date. He’s an experiment.”

“An experiment?”

He finally managed to get her attention on him.

“Yeah, to see if he can make you as horny as I can.”

“He might not make me as horny, but at least he doesn’t leave me hanging.”

Calder crushed the empty paper cup in his hand, wanting to throw it at the man who was heading in their direction. “I was fucked up back then. I’m not anymore. Ask anyone. Hell, I’ll even take a drug test if you want me to.”

“I don’t.” Coldly, she curled her arm around the man who came to stand next to her.

“Sam, this is Calder.”

Crazy Bitch’s date held out his hand, but Calder ignored it, moving away through the crowd to the door. Outside, he unrolled his pack of cigarettes from the sleeve of his T-shirt, took one out of the pack, tapped the tobacco down, and then lit it. Sucking in the smoke, he then blew it out, watching it swirl lazily upward.

Why did he care who she fucked? Because it isn’t you, he answered his own question.

A headlight turned into Stud’s driveway. Coming to a stop, the biker turned off his motor, and Calder squinted through his smoke to see Train getting off his bike, striding to where Calder was standing on the porch.

“Catching a break from the kids, or the bitches?” Train asked as he drew closer.

“The bitches. I take that back—just one of them.”

“I hope it wasn’t my old lady?” Train’s smile faded.

“No. Crazy Bitch. That woman makes me want to run headlong into a rose bush. It would be easier to pull the thorns out.”

“I’ve been there.” He gave him a sympathetic look.

“What’d you do to piss Crazy Bitch off?” Calder asked.

“Not Crazy Bitch. Killyama. Hell, all the Destructors had a front seat when I tried to give us a chance.”

“I don’t have to ask if you thought it was worth it. You married her.”

“Killyama might be my wife now, but damn, there were times I could have strangled her. I still want to sometimes. Sex Piston’s crew knows how to push buttons that no reasonable man would put up with. Stud, Cade, and I joke that we must be masochists.”

“How’d you finally get through to her?”

“Same way Cade and Stud did—let them think they’re the boss in the relationship.”

“That’s not going to work for me.”

“I had a hard time with that, too, until I took Stud’s advice. Let her think she’s getting her way, then show her who’s boss in the bedroom.”

“My brother told you that? I’m surprised you listened.”

“Why not? I figured a man who can tame Sex Piston is a man I’d listen to.”

Calder laughingly agreed with him.

“I better get inside, or my new wife will be showing me who’s boss for being late. You coming?”

“No. I’m going back to the Blue Horsemen clubhouse.” Calder flicked his bud into the dark. “Tell Stud I’m leaving for me?”

“Will do. Take it easy.”

Calder was walking toward his bike when he heard Train shut the door. Gripping his handlebars, he swung onto his bike before turning the key. He backed up then rode off, seeing the lighted windows of Stud’s house in his rearview mirror.

The wind cooled his temper as he thought about Train’s words, but soon, the ride to the Blue Horsemen took his concentration, the road narrow and winding.

He had taken over as president of the Blue Horsemen, since Stud lived closer to the Destructors and to his bike shop. Although Calder still had an hour ride back and forth from the bike shop, he didn’t mind. He had finally earned Stud’s trust back. His brother had to see him early in the morning, and therefore could see for himself that his hands were steady and his eyes were clear.

The lights were still on when he got to the clubhouse. A few of the brothers were sitting around drinking, while two women were keeping them entertained. Calder hadn’t seen the whores before and didn’t care.

“You got any ones on you, Calder?”

He stopped as he was about to go to his room, taking out his wallet and taking out what singles he had, handing them to Fender.

Fender grasped the bills. “You want to give her one?”

“No, thanks.” With disinterest, he watched as Fender pulled apart the woman’s ass cheeks to smash one of his bills into her crevice. Her muscles clenched, nearly making it disappear from sight.

Calder turned back toward his bedroom, passing by Loco, who was watching the women give lap dances.

“Where’d Fender find them?”

“His cousin does porn movies on the side. Those are his co-stars. You want to try one? I’ll send one back to your room when Fender and Chief are done with them.”

“No, I don’t need a case of the clap to go with my morning coffee.”

“I’m sure they’re clean; movie companies have standards.”

“Not when their offices are in Fender’s cousin’s basement.”

Calder left the brothers partying with the two whores. He was sick of coming home from work to see them fucking some whore they had bought for the night. Unlike the Destructors, they didn’t have many female hang-arounds. Not because they didn’t attract sluts, the brothers just didn’t want the hassle of them hanging around.

In his bedroom, Calder took off his clothes, throwing them into a basket by the bathroom door. He kept his room clean, whereas the other rooms smelled like dirty clothes, sweat, and sex. His had been the same way once, until he had gone to prison and was forced to keep his cell neat. Being an addict hadn’t been the only habit he had broken. He had just achieved it too late to claim his daughter, or Crazy Bitch.

Star’s birthday party had his old demons haunting him.

He and Candi had been high the night Star had been conceived. He hadn’t given a fuck about using a condom or the consequences. He used Candi, because she always managed to keep a supply of the drugs he craved. He didn’t care about her or their personalities clashing in a tumultuous relationship they shared for a couple of years. He was never faithful to her, nor she to him.

He wasn’t able to care about anyone or anything at that point in his life. His conscience ignored Stud’s warnings and concern, unable to fight his way out of the addiction he clung to like a lifesaver to lift him out the mess he had made of his life.

Once, he’d had dreams of becoming a motorcycle racer like Stud. When that had bit the dust, nothing else mattered. Especially not a sexy hanger-on he met when Stud took him to meet the Destructors.

The first time he met Crazy Bitch, she was nineteen, and the chemistry between them was immediate on both sides.

Every time he visited the club, he wanted to take her back to the Blue Horsemen’s clubhouse, fuck her, and put his jacket on her so both clubhouses knew who she belonged to. Stud stopped him, though, telling him Crazy Bitch was a friend of Skulls’s daughter, and you can’t walk into another club and take what was theirs. Therefore, he waited.

She was no different than the other women who wanted his dick, except she was. The more he went to the clubhouse with Stud, the more he wanted Crazy Bitch. The last time he went before his arrest, he made up his mind to take her.

He took enough of a hit before he left the Blue Horsemen clubhouse to feed his monster. It carried him through most of the night, until she asked him to go to her apartment. He planned to talk her into riding with him back to his club, but that was when he screwed up. His monster was getting hungry and needed to be fed. Surely, something was floating around Skulls’s club.

There wasn’t.

Every second that ticked by made his monster hungrier, until he couldn’t think straight. He went outside, texting Candi. Looking at the time on his cell phone, he knew he was blowing his chances with Crazy Bitch. He told himself that she wouldn’t mind if he was late, arrogantly believing the jumbled logic that convinced him the nineteen-year-old woman would open her door when he got there.

When Candi arrived, he met her in the parking lot, snorting a line in her car. They stayed outside long enough for his monster to be appeased, and then Candi convinced him to let her come inside the clubhouse.

Forgetting about Crazy Bitch, he danced with Candi while going to the bathroom a couple times to snort more lines of coke. When he came out the third time, he spied Sex Piston and Killyama leaving, only then remembering Crazy Bitch.

He squinted down at his phone for her address. Then, on a drug-induced ego trip, he got on his bike. To this day, he didn’t know how he hadn’t been stopped on the way to her apartment, or even how he had managed to find it.

He knocked on her door for ten minutes, until one of her neighbors came out and told him to beat it or he was going to call the cops.

Going down the flight of stairs, he saw Candi’s car parked next to his bike.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I followed you. I was worried.” Candi put her arm around his waist, helping him to her car. “Why are you here, Calder? That bitch doesn’t have anything I don’t.”

“Lay off. I’m not in the mood for your petty jealousy.”

“I’m getting sick and tired of you fucking around on me. You didn’t want me to come with the other women from the Blue Horsemen, but you had no problem getting me out of my bed to bring you a fix. You think that slut is going to take care of you the way I do? I’m the one who’s always here for you. That bitch wouldn’t even open the door for you. Baby, let’s go to your place. You won’t remember her name when I’m done with you.” She leaned across the console, placing her hand snuggly between his thighs, cupping his cock.

“What about my bike?”

She reached for her cell phone, making a call. Calder didn’t know or care who she was calling. When she finished, Candi turned the car on, taking the choice out of his hands.

He closed his eyes so he couldn’t see the opportunity he had missed, not opening them until he was certain they were well away from Crazy Bitch’s apartment.

It was better he hadn’t met her on time. She didn’t need a cokehead in her life. He would have dragged her down in the losing battle he was fighting with the monster that was riding him hard. He had tried to buck it off so many times, but he was tired of fighting.

“I don’t even know her real name.”

“What did you say?” Candi turned her head from the road.

“Nothing. You got any more coke?”