Sunlight peeked over the horizon by the time Zig, Benz, and I finished our conversation. Nothing was settled. Tension simmered between us. Zig left the barn first. Gran’s rooster crowed to mark his passage. I moved to follow him but Benz grabbed my arm. As keyed up as I was, my instinct was to turn and smash something. I didn’t though. Instead, I dropped my head.

“Ax,” Benz said.

“Don’t, man.” I looked up. “I’ve said all I can say.”

“Well, you better think of more shit .The longer you let this fester, the worse it’s gonna be. Bear’s gotta know. The club has gotta know.”

“You gonna get between me and Maya?” I asked him. We were almost nose to nose. I stared Benz down. Out of everyone, he was the closest to me. Benz and I came up together. Two scrappy sixteen-year-olds on the edge of fucking our lives up forever. If Bear hadn’t let us start hanging around the clubhouse and the other members, we’d probably both be locked up by now.

He had to feel more betrayed by me than anyone. That hurt. But he didn’t know. He didn’t have somebody like Maya in his life.

“I’m not gonna hurt that girl,” Benz said. “And I swear to God, I hope you can make Bear see your side of things. But you need to understand why I gotta stay out of it. Take it to the table, man. Then we’ll see what’s what.”

It was all I could ask of him. I knew what Benz had just risked not picking up his phone and calling Bear right then and there. Zig too. But they didn’t. They were giving me the benefit of the doubt. I could only pray Bear would do the same.

“Come on,” Benz said. “We ain’t gonna solve any of this now. Get an hour of sleep at least. Then we’ll head into Port Az together. You think you can keep Maya here for the rest of the day?”

“That won’t be a problem.” Zig had come back. He stood in the barn doorway. His eyes glinted.

“Zig,” I started.

“No.” He put a hand up. “Here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to the clubhouse now. Not in an hour. Now. I’m going to stay here and keep an eye on things.”

Acid seemed to fill my lungs. His expression brooked no argument. If he’d called Bear, there might already be a new plan in place where Maya was concerned. Zig must have seen something change in my own face. He held up a hand.

“Status quo,” he said. “I meant what I said. I’m going to keep an eye on things. That’s it. But I’m not gonna lie to Bear for you. Not even for a second. So, you go in now. You go in and tell him you need an emergency meeting. That’s the best you’re gonna get from me.”

I let out a hard breath. “I appreciate it. Just let me say goodbye to her.”

“Benz is going to go with you when you do that,” Zig said. He didn’t trust me and I couldn’t blame him. Still, my throat felt thick with dread as I nodded once and walked out of the barn with Benz two steps behind.

Gran was already up and heating her griddle when I walked in the house. Maya wasn’t at her side. She must have overslept. I was surprised the rooster didn’t wake her. Gran had her back to me, working her kitchen magic. I went to her and kissed her cheek, putting my hands lightly on her shoulders.

“Wash up,” she said. “What did you do, sleep in the barn?”

I didn’t answer. It was bad enough I had to find a way to pretend with Maya. I couldn’t do it with Gran. Benz stood in the hallway outside the bedroom. I could hear Maya stirring inside.

“Let me go in alone,” I said. “You come in there with me and she’s gonna know something’s up.”

Benz gave me a solemn nod and let me pass. I gripped the doorknob damn near hard enough to crush it before stepping inside.

Maya sat at the dresser, brushing her hair. Her eyes looked red-rimmed like she hadn’t slept much herself. I went to her, putting my hands on her shoulders like I had with Gran then leaned down to kiss her. Maya put a light hand on my cheek and met my eyes in the mirror.

“I looked for you,” she said. “You never came back to bed.”

“Sorry,” I said. “I had some things to talk over with the guys.” Sticking as close to the truth was the only way I was going to get through this.

“All settled?” she asked, giving me a bright smile.

“No. Baby, I know I’m sounding like a broken record, but it’s gonna be like this sometimes. I gotta head back into Port Az for the day. Shit needs tending to and I can’t put it off. But I’m going to be back here by dinnertime. That’s a promise. Will you wait for me?”

She set her hairbrush down on the dresser and turned toward me. She wore one of my old t-shirts. Her tanned legs poked out beneath the hem and even now, I had the urge to reach beneath it and find her sweet spot. It’s all I wanted. Just to disappear into Maya and push the world away. But she deserved more than that from me. She deserved promises kept, not lies.

And what the fuck was I going to do if I couldn’t get through to Bear? For now, I couldn’t let that possibility enter my mind. I’d find a way. What Bear didn’t know, what none of them could understand was that I was willing to die for this woman. It’s the one card I had left to play if it came to it. I just prayed it would be enough.

“I’ll wait, baby,” she said; sliding her hand up she touched my face. Her hands were so cold. She trembled. I turned my face and kissed her palm.

“Thank you,” I said. “I know what I’m asking. I heard everything you said yesterday about not wanting to have your life on hold. It won’t be. One way or the other. Okay?”

“Sure.” Maya smiled. I wondered if maybe Gran had talked to her. Or maybe I judged wrong and she’d had a good night’s sleep. The light of a new day had changed her mind. Whatever it was, I said a silent prayer of thanks that Maya’s change of heart about leaving for Port Az with me had bought me a little bit of time. I just had to hope the last part wouldn’t spook her.

“Zig is going to stay here at the farm today,” I said. “Gran’s got some shit that needs doing. Since I’ve got some responsibilities in town, he’s stepping up to take care of what she needs. He won’t be any trouble. He’ll stay out of your way.”

“Okay, baby,” Maya said. Her eyes glistened. God, she was so beautiful. So trusting. My guts twisted knowing I didn’t deserve her. I just hoped that by tomorrow, I could set things right with all the people I loved.

“I’ll be back tonight,” I said, promising her one last time. I kissed her, then rose to my full height. Maya stayed on the bench in front of the dresser and picked up the hairbrush. She turned back to the mirror and didn’t watch me leave.

* * *

Zig and Benz swore they hadn’t clued Bear in to what was going on at Gran’s farm. But when I walked into the back room at the clubhouse, I thought for sure one of them had lied. Bear sat at the head of the table, his face hard as granite as he stared at me. Benz stayed at my shoulder. He gave me a tight-lipped nod as he walked around the table and took his seat.

I couldn’t. Part of me felt like I hadn’t earned the right to sit at this table today. What I had to tell Bear and the others might be the last thing I ever did. I gripped the back of my chair and dropped my head.

“Zig said you had something to report,” Bear finally said. “Why the fuck isn’t he here? You wanna clue me in, Axle? We’ve got shit storms brewing on all fronts.”

I cleared my throat. I felt like I could splinter the wood beneath my fingers as I gripped that damn chair. Now that I was here, I didn’t have a damn clue what to say. What could I say that would make these guys understand I wasn’t just thinking with my dick? Hell, it’s what I would think in their position.

In the end, I went for simple and honest. I’d lied and kept things from the men who had my back for twelve years. It’s what I owed them. That and so much more.

“I know where Maya Ballard is,” I said. “And I’m not going to kill her.” The room went dead silent. I pulled out my chair and sat down.

Bear’s expression betrayed nothing. He kept that stony stare on me as he thumbed his chin then looked around the table. Every man here took his cues from Bear. He was fair, but he was also ruthless. No matter what, he would always act to protect the club, even from me if it came to it.

“Keep talking,” Bear finally said. His voice took an edge that heightened the tension around the table. I put my hands flat in front of me.

“I lied to you. It wasn’t my plan, but there it is.”

“You lied to me,” Bear said. “You wanna fucking elaborate, Axle?”

So I did. I told Bear everything. I told him how I met Maya at Cups days before Cory Kline turned up dead. At first it had been about getting in her pants. Then it wasn’t. Then Junior killed Cory. I told them about taking her to Gran’s and that she was there right now. There was no point in hiding that fact. Zig would probably text that intel to Bear within the hour. He’d given me the chance to come to Bear first, but that’s all.

There was silence around the table save for a few of the guys shifting in their seats and clearing their throats. This was all about Bear. Bear and me. I would live or die based on his decision.

“Fucking Christ,” Bear finally said when I’d finished. He pounded his fist against the table. “You owe me your patch for this. Do you get that?”

I did. I said so. My guts seemed to hollow out and Bear’s booming voice echoed through the room. He got out of his seat and stood with his hands flat on the table.

“I never intended to go against you,” I said. “And I understand how dangerous Junior is. But this girl ... Maya ... if I hadn’t met her before all of this ... but I did. I swear to God, Bear …”

I didn’t get a chance to say the rest of the words. E.Z. lunged at me. He gripped me by the vest and we tumbled backward together until he had me pressed against the back wall.

“You son of a bitch,” E.Z. said. “You sat at this table and lied. You fucking lied.”

E.Z. punched the wall next to my head. Then he landed one square across my jaw, then another to my temple. My head exploded with light but I stayed on my feet. My lips curled back and my vision clouded over with red rage, but I kept my fists at my sides. He owed me this. They all did. I would take their anger. I would take their violence. I would take it all if it meant saving Maya’s life.

It was Bear who pulled E.Z. off me. Blood poured from a cut above my eye but I didn’t flinch. I stayed on my feet and faced Bear. He got right in my face, his eyes flicking over me. He kept one hand flat against the wall next to my head.

“Why the fuck should I let you keep your patch?” Bear asked. His eyes were red-rimmed and up close, I could see the agony he felt behind them. I had done this. I had caused him pain. I counted on his rage and stood ready to absorb it. But his disappointment hit me square in the gut, harder than any blow E.Z. could land.

“Maybe you shouldn’t,” I finally said. “But you have to know. Bear, I love her. I fucking love her.”

Bear dropped his head. He grabbed my cut and twisted it in his fist.

“She won’t testify against Junior,” I said. “I can make her understand that.”

“Then you’re a fool,” Bear said. “You think that chick is going to listen to anything you have to say when she finds out what this club, what you were hired to do? Does she know already?”

“No. But it’s not going to take her long to put it together. I’m asking for the chance to try. And I’m asking for the club’s protection ... for Maya.”

Bear finally stepped back. He wiped his hand across his mouth and stood bent over with his hands on his hips as if my words had delivered a gut punch. I suppose they had.

“Bear, you know this won’t end with Maya, even if we do silence her. And you know why. Junior’s too weak. The fact that he was stupid enough to off that kid on his own fucking property ought to tell you that. I know the jackpot we’re in with Gino out of commission, but maybe it’s better to take care of Junior now.”

Bear eyed me, then went back to his place at the head of the table. I hadn’t noticed it before, but he had a long white envelope sitting in front of him. He picked it up and crumpled it in his fist. Shaking his head, he opened it.

“Tell them, Bear,” Benz spoke up. A look passed between him and Bear. My heart started to race as I realized there was something else going on. I’d been so wrapped up in everything with Maya, I hadn’t put it together that the entire membership had gotten here so quickly. This wasn’t just about me and whatever Zig had told him. I never bothered to ask Benz why they showed up at Gran’s.

“I put a tail on Junior,” Bear said. “An independent contractor. He’s been a busy little fuck.”

“Bear, what the hell is this about?” I asked. “You weren’t all waiting just for me.”

E.Z. fumed in the corner. When he made a move toward me again, Bear stepped in. “Now you need to sit the fuck down,” Bear yelled. “I told you when we all walked in here I’ve got shit storms brewing on all fronts. I can’t have in-fighting. Not now. Axle, this shit you pulled, there has to be a reckoning. You know that.”

I squared my shoulders but dropped my head. When I lifted it, I met Bear’s eyes. “Yes.”

“Now sit down. As much as I fucking hate the way you handled this, Axle, your instincts are right. Junior’s a problem. How big of one, I don’t know yet. But I got a contact on the inside that I trust. Junior’s been taking meetings with the Feds.”

E.Z. muttered something under his breath then finally took his seat at the table, crashing down on it hard.

“What do the Feds have to do with this shit with Cory Kline?” Chase asked.

“He’s trying to cut a deal,” I said. “That little fuck is twisted enough to sell out his own family to try and wriggle out of the mess he’s created.”

“Looks like,” Bear said. “I’ve been trying to reach out to Christine DiSalvo through back channels. But my contact says it’s been going on for weeks. He started meeting with an undercover agent even before this shit with the Kline kid went down. So far, Christine’s gone radio silent. I don’t like it. Not one bit. We’ve got a big shipment coming in next month. We don’t need our suppliers getting antsy. I should have fucking known. Things have been quiet along the docks too long.”

“So what’s the play?” I asked.

“You can just shut your damn mouth,” E.Z. said.

“Enough!” Bear said. “What did I just say about in-fighting? Jesus. We keep our heads and we get through this. For the time being, finding Junior DiSalvo and getting him off the streets is the priority.”

Nods and grumbling agreement went around the table. Except for me. I knew I was pushing my luck, but I had reason to. “Bear, what about Maya Ballard?”

“It’s off.” Bear answered so abruptly, it took me a beat to even process it. Then my heart dropped to the floor. E.Z. muttered something and shifted in his chair until Bear got a hold of him.

“We have a problem,” Bear said, leveling a stare at me. “We are gonna have to find a way to resolve it. You went against me, Axle. I can’t let that slide. But when I’m wrong, I say it. Going after that girl wasn’t the way to handle this. I misjudged how big a fuck nut Junior was. I won’t do that again.”

My whole body shook with relief. My vision wavered. It was Benz’s hand on my shoulder that finally pulled me back in.

“Bear,” I said, my voice choked. “She’s still not safe. Junior still knows she’s the eyewitness.”

Bear leaned back. He looked around the room. Sometimes, his silence could convey more to the men at this table than anything he said. Every man turned to him, giving him their full attention. I knew it was what he was aiming for.

“Maya Ballard is Axle’s,” he said. “We have shit to sort, but that’s for me to decide. Believe me, I will.” He turned to me. “She has the protection of the club. Anyone has a problem with that, speak up now. It’s gotta be unanimous. Otherwise, we good?”

My heart stopped beating as I looked around the room. Each solemn “Aye” around the table fell heavy on my shoulders. I’d given these men every reason to go against me. But they didn’t. Then it fell to E.Z.. He stared at me with cold eyes and a nerve jumped in his neck. Then he lowered his head and uttered his “Aye.”

Pressing my fist against the table, I made eye contact with each of them. “Thank you,” I finally said, because what else was there?

Bear said other things, but the pulse pounding in my ears drowned most of it out. I would help find Junior. We would bring him in. Then church was over.

Mama Bear stood leaning against the doorway. I always wondered if that woman was part witch. She seemed to have a keen sense of everything that happened in this club, even if she wasn’t privy to the details. Her eyes misted as I walked past her for the parking lot. She squeezed my arm and smiled.

“He loves you, baby,” she whispered. “We all do.”

I was too choked up to answer. I walked into the light and put a call into Gran’s landline. Bear put E.Z. on calling Zig to stand down and head back to the clubhouse.

Gran answered on the second ring with her usual, piercing, “Yallo!”

“Hey, Gran, I need to talk to Maya.”

She paused a beat and for a moment I thought I’d lost the call. Then she sucked in air and answered. “Well, that’s gonna be a bit of a problem.” The tone of her voice set off every alarm bell in my head. She knew something.

My heart fell. “Gran. What did you do?”

“I’m nobody’s fool, Axle,” she said. “Sometimes even you need to be saved from yourself. Now, I know you’re going to sort all of this out. That’s what I told Zig. He’s hopping mad at me just now.”

“Gran?”

“Oh, don’t worry,” she said. “I didn’t hurt him or nothing. I just gave him a dirty job out in the barn to keep him occupied for a spell.”

I clenched the phone and tried to focus on breathing. What the fuck had she done? Maybe Gran had a little of the same witchcraft that Mama Bear did. More likely, she knew me well enough to put two and two together that Maya was in the middle of club trouble.

“You need to tell me where she is. Gran, I’ll keep Maya safe, I swear to God. But I need to know where she’s gone.”

“She didn’t say,” Gran answered. “She’s a smart one though. Whatever you tried to keep from her, she’s figured it out. She took my bug-out bag, Axle. Honey, she’s gone.”