Chapter Seven
When Diana finally woke up an hour later, Rafe was watching. He got to see it all, the soft trusting look in her eye as she surfaced from sleep.
Then the exact moment when she remembered everything that had happened, and fear reentered her beautiful brown eyes.
Rafe had no idea what to say to her. He needed her to trust him. And the way they were going, one of them was going to die either trying to run or trying to save the other one. He reached out his thumb and swept a tear off her cheek.
“There are some things that we need to talk about. Things I need to tell you.” He sat next to her on the bed, taking her hand. “I don’t even know where to start.”
Diana shifted so she was on her side facing him. “Start at the beginning.” She hesitated. “I want to understand you, Rafe.”
The soft whisper hit him right in the chest. Maybe it was an impossibility, but having her understand him was what Rafe wanted most in the world. To have her look at him the way Lucia looked at Noah. To have someone see him, all of him, and still look at him like a hero despite the things he’d done.
“I was a wild kid. Really wild. My parents had just died, and I left my home and everything I knew. I was thrust into a neighborhood that, let’s just say, wasn’t great. My grandmother was awesome. But all of a sudden, I had to be a man when I knew nothing about being a man, and in reality, I was just a kid. I fell in with the wrong crowd.”
She reached over and squeezed his hand. The gentle pressure gave him the courage to continue.
“There was one particularly bad time. I thought I was this big man. Like all the things that I brought with me from Connecticut mattered in that neighborhood. One thing that did work out was this deep sense of justice I had. I was like a teenage vigilante or something.”
“That sounds like a TV show.”
He shrugged. “Hell, it might make a great TV show one day. Problem was I was also a hustler. I sold a little weed on the side, but before I knew it, I was running pills and then hard stuff. The kind of people that I associated with, they were the worst of the worst. I saw a friend of mine killed in front of me.” He scrubbed his hand over his face like he could wipe the memory away. “That was the wake-up call I needed. I knew if I kept going the way that I was, I was going to die.”
Diana put her hand over her mouth. “That must have been awful. I’m so sorry, Rafe.”
“I was sorry too. I hate thinking about what I would’ve put my grandmother through if I’d been arrested, or worse. But after that, I straightened up my act. Focused on school. Went straight to school and straight home. Then I enrolled at Fordham. You know, I thought I was going to have the normal life. Go to school, get some kind of job that paid decently. I worked part-time. It wasn’t much, but it seemed to be enough. And then I was approached by the FBI.”
Diana froze. He swallowed hard. This was going to be the hard part. Telling her that he’d lied to her. It was going to get much, much worse when he had to tell her about ORUS.
“The FBI recruited young for those that show exemplary skills and aptitude in certain fields. I was a good student. Always had been. That was why Nonna never seemed to know about my extracurricular activities. Because no matter what else was going on, my grades stayed up. I was also a good athlete. Good reflexes. I went through a special training program at Quantico primarily for undercover work. They wanted me to go undercover in a government organization, one that had once worked for the US government but the FBI suspected were taking their own contracts.”
She shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
“Trust me, I’m getting there. The best part about the undercover gig was money. Lots of it. I would keep my FBI salary in addition to the salary that the organization paid me. It was enough to take care of Nonna and Lucia. That was all that mattered to me at the time. And let’s face it, I was young. So to me, the idea of undercover work seemed fascinating, exciting. A far cry from the ordinary life I’d been living. I could run into danger but sanctioned danger.” He shook his head. “I had no clue what I was getting myself into.”
“So you’re FBI?”
“I was. I’m sorry I lied to you. It’s a long story. I was undercover for a long time. Hell, I’m technically not even supposed to be alive. It’s only been a year since I’ve come back out into the world under my real name.”
She stared at him, but she didn’t remove her hand from his. Instead, she watched him intently. As if waiting for him to tell her more.
“After Quantico, I was sent back to school as if that semester had never happened. As if all that training had never occurred. The extra FBI courses I needed to graduate from Quantico, I took through correspondence on weekends. There are a few of us that were like that. All because they wanted us young, fresh. It was strange being back in my normal life. In essence, all I had to do was wait to be approached by ORUS. And just like my handlers said, it didn’t take very long.”
“And ORUS is that organization you were talking about?”
He lifted his head so he could meet her gaze directly. He needed to be looking her in the eye when he said this.
“It’s an organization of assassins. They’re a black-ops group working with the US government designed to take out the worst of the worst. The kind of people that you can’t even contain in prison. The kind of people doing damage across the world to thousands if not millions.”
Very quietly she asked, “So you’re an assassin?”
“Not anymore. After I was recruited into ORUS, I started out low level but quickly worked my way up. Most of the hits I was on were sanctioned by the government. I only had problems twice. Once, there was this girl who wasn’t supposed to be in the house. When I took out my target, I found her there.”
She swallowed hard. “Rafe, what did you do?”
“I knew what the FBI protocol was: call it in, have her taken from her home. Away from any family who might be able to look after her. Have her questioned. After losing her father, I didn’t think that was the best course of action for her. And then, of course, my ORUS orders would’ve been to take her out.” He shuddered. “I was a killer, but I wasn’t going to hurt that little girl. She was an innocent. It was her father who was the dregs of society. So I put her in a closet and made a point to put the fear of God into her. It was the only way to keep her safe. If she ever mentioned she’d seen me there, both my organizations would’ve taken action. And I didn’t want anything to happen to her.”
Next to him, she shook. “You did that to save her?”
He nodded. “I may be going to hell for the things I’ve done, but I’m not taking anyone else with me. I’m not a complete monster.”
Diana closed her eyes, looking pained. “I’m sure she didn’t understand at the time, but if she had known, she would’ve loved you for what you did.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“What about the other case?”
“That’s the one that got me killed.”
She frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“It wasn’t a sanctioned hit. The leader of ORUS was going after someone who was actually an undercover FBI agent. I tried to deter him, but it didn’t work. He sent Noah to do the job.”
“Noah? Your brother-in-law? But he runs a security firm.”
Rafe smiled ruefully. “He didn’t always run a security firm. He was ORUS once. I was his mentor in the organization. I taught him everything. He was like a brother to me. But that day, they sent him to do a job they didn’t intend for him to come back from. They intended him to die there. But I was able to stop him from executing the hit. And instead, I died.”
“How?”
“I was wearing a special type of ultrathin Kevlar. So when he shot me, he thought he’d killed me. But I managed to live through it.”
“Noah killed you?”
“He didn’t mean to. It’s a long story. But that day, Rafael DeMarco died. The feds had to clean up after everything went down, so I was given a new name and identity and sent to work overseas. But I had no life. No family. No friends other than people I worked with. It’s been only recently that I came back into Noah and Lucia’s lives. We brought the leader of ORUS to justice. The organization is still around but with a new leader and back in the fold of the government.”
“My head is spinning. This is so much. Why did you tell me all this?”
“I know you have things that you don’t want to tell me. Things that you’re scared of telling me. Things you think will make me walk away from you. And I want you to know, that after everything I’ve done, the lies I’ve told, the people I’ve hurt, killed, there is nothing that can make me walk away from you. I love you. It’s as simple as that.”
“I want to tell you. I do. I’m so scared.”
“I still have my FBI contacts. I can help you.”
She looked stricken, like she might be ill. Her skin went a chalky white. Was she afraid of law enforcement? He needed to do something.
“Okay look. We don’t have to do anything right this second. All I need you to do is promise me you’re not going to run. Whatever happens, you and I deal with it together. And you tell me in your own time.”
“Why are you being so good to me?” She searched his eyes, and he smiled.
“Because I love you. You touch me in a way no one else has. And I’m not going to let you go.”
Rafe decided that they were past the talking stage. Diana wouldn’t understand how serious he was about her until she had time to witness it. There was no greater proof than the past.
He’d seen the look on her face when she found out he’d been law enforcement. It was a look only seen on the faces of people who have been in trouble. Rafe knew what it was like to be afraid of police and other authority figures. Although he had to admit that it was shocking to think of Diana as the type of person who would be a criminal. She kept telling him that she’d done bad things, but he wasn’t sure he could believe it. What kind of bad things could she have done before this? If anything, she had been forced to do things for others. He’d seen it before, criminal groups that used innocents to do their dirty work. But no matter what she’d done or what she’d been forced to do, Rafe didn’t care. They were kindred spirits.
Once they’d been together for a while and she had assurance that he wasn’t going to ditch her when it was convenient, she’d trust him.
Until then, he’d show her.
Threading his fingers through her hair gently, he kissed her forehead. She sighed when his lips met her skin. Rafe almost did too. He was starved for her touch and wanted to wrap himself around her. But it was more important that he not scare her. He had to show her that he could be gentle and take care of her.
“When I saw him with his hands around your neck, my heart almost stopped beating,” he whispered before he kissed her again, on her cheek this time.
Diana angled her head slightly to allow him better access, but he tightened his fingers in her hair. He didn’t want her moving too much and hurting her neck.
“Shh. Easy, sweetheart. Just let me hold you. I need to feel that you’re okay. Need to feel you here with me.”
Rafe knew he was rambling and probably sounded like an idiot, but he didn’t even care. Because everything he was saying was true. He’d almost lost her today, and if he had, his heart would have been as good as gone. Now that he knew what it was like to love someone, he couldn’t imagine going back to his prior cold, hard existence.
“I’m so sorry,” Diana mumbled. “You could have been killed because of me.”
Rafe snorted at the idea. “They aren’t a threat to me, but they are a threat to you. And I’m going to make sure they never get anywhere near you again.” It wasn’t bravado that made Rafe so certain. It was simple observation. If those goons were anywhere near his level, they wouldn’t have had to recruit a woman to do their dirty work for them.
He didn’t even want to think of what they might have on her to force her to take a job like that. Did she owe money? He cursed. He could only hope they hadn’t kidnapped one of her kids or her parents.
“Sweetheart, how did those guys force you to work for them? They didn’t take your baby hostage or anything, right? Because if they did, I’ll go and get him for you. Hell, Noah and his whole team will suit up if necessary.”
Diana’s eyes shone as she looked up at him. “It’s nothing like that. I don’t have any children, and my family… my whole family is gone now. I’m all alone.” Tears welled in her eyes and spilled over. “I don’t have anyone.”
Moved beyond words, Rafe cradled her closer. “That’s not true. You have me, and I’d die before I ever let anyone hurt you. I’m in love with you, Diana.”
Rafe kissed her, allowing his lips to dance gently over hers.
Diana clung to him, her fingers digging into his biceps. “You can’t love me.” She sobbed. “You don’t even know who I am.”
He moved closer, kissing her the whole time. “I know enough. I know how I feel when I’m with you. And I know I’ve never felt like this before.”
Diana moaned softly as he put a hand on her back, right below the hem of her shirt. Rafe slid his fingers over the warm, soft skin bared to his touch. He could never get enough of this. She was perfect for him.
“Don’t kick me in the balls this time,” he warned teasingly.
She smiled against his lips. “I really am sorry about that. I’m rather fond of those, actually.”
He pressed against her and was rewarded with a soft moan. “I can tell. I’m fond of every single part of you. Especially these.” He cupped her breasts gently, squeezing them in his palms.
Rafe growled as her hands tightened on his shoulders. He loved the way she felt in his arms, her fingers trailing over his back. His eyes closed at the sensation. He could never get enough of her touch.
She lay back on the bed, and Rafe crawled over her. Then before they could get too carried away, he got up and locked the bedroom door. If Matthias or Jonas walked this way and got a glimpse of her naked, he’d be forced to hunt them down. That was the last thing he needed, especially when he was so on edge. They were just starting to forgive him for the misunderstanding when he’d tried to kill them before.
Diana pulled her sweater off, revealing her bare breasts. The leggings he’d put on her before they left were quickly pushed down and kicked to the side. Rafe didn’t waste any time getting out of his clothes either. There was a part of him that was desperate for her, that wanted to bind her to him before she figured out what a bad bet he was. No matter what she’d fallen into recently, Diana was a sweet girl at heart. Her innocence shone out of her like a beacon, tempting the darkest parts of Rafe to ravage and consume. He wanted to eat her up.
So he would. Why deny himself?
He settled between her legs, and her thighs fell open to welcome him. When he licked her little clit poking eagerly out of her folds, Diana sighed and squirmed beneath him. Her fingers tangled in his hair as he licked and sucked her to her first screaming orgasm. She’d barely had time to catch her breath before he was working to get her to number two.
“Oh my God, Rafe. That was too fast.” Diana panted.
“No such thing as too fast when I want you this much, sweetheart. Plus it just means I get to do it again.”
She laughed heartily when his head dipped and he went back to work. By the time she was squirming beneath him again, he was hard as a rock and leaking all over the bedsheets. He rolled on a condom and sank down on top of her, savoring the feel of warm skin against warm skin. When he came down on top of her fully, her breasts were presented to him like ripe fruit. He took a nipple between his lips and tugged lightly. She rewarded him with a throaty moan.
At the same time, he slid into her, growling as she instantly clamped down on him.
“Fuck, Diana. You’re always so damn tight.” The firm clasp of her pussy held him lovingly, her spasming muscles massaging every inch of his cock.
He wanted to go slow, to savor and comfort her, but it was impossible with his blood rushing at a fever pitch. Diana’s nails dug into his shoulders as she rocked her hips, riding the rhythm he set. She was always right there with him, game to go as hard as he was. Before long, they were both moaning, their breath mingling as Rafe thrust into her eager, wet warmth.
When Diana turned her head and screamed as she came, Rafe could no longer hold back. He was surrounded by her and could feel the sensations they generated together all over his body. He was falling into her, and he never wanted to come back.
“Yes, Rafe. I want to see you come too. I want to make you feel good.” Her soft whisper was the last straw.
Rafe roared in satisfaction as the knot of tension at the base of his spine snapped. He thrust once, twice, and then held himself firmly inside her as he drowned in pleasure.
“I love you, Diana.”
Her eyes stayed on his as he continued to circle his hips, drawing out the connection between them. Her eyelids fluttered, and she moaned softly when he finally dropped down next to her, too weak to hold himself up anymore. This was what she did to him, made him feel weak but also safe enough to let his guard down.
“Tell me you love me. I know you do.”
Without lifting his head, Rafe waited. He probably should have played it close to the vest and not pushed her for more than she was ready for, but he couldn’t handle not knowing if she felt the same way. She was quiet for so long, but he knew she’d heard him because her hands had flexed on his back in shock.
Finally she let out a little sigh. “I do love you, Rafe. It’s not a good idea, but I just can’t help it.”
“Good. I don’t want you to.”
He kissed her gently before disengaging. He went to the bathroom to take care of the condom. By the time he got back, Diana was wearing her sweater again and facing the other way.
He climbed on the bed behind her and pulled her into his arms. “I know you’re worried about how things will play out, but there’s nothing you can do about it right now. Sleep. No one can touch you here. All the rest… we’ll work it out, okay?”
She stiffened at first, but after a brief pause, she relaxed in his arms. “Okay.”
Diana stretched and rolled over, her hand connecting with Rafe’s arm. The sight of it reminded her of the prior day’s events. That, along with the intense soreness in her throat. Suddenly alert, she glanced around the unfamiliar room. They were in the guest room at Rafe’s brother-in-law’s place, hiding out from her deranged brothers. His place was compromised because he was helping her. She couldn’t afford to forget that or how much he’d sacrificed on her behalf.
He loves me.
It was unbelievable and something that she didn’t think she’d ever get her mind around. Rafe had been a lot of places and done a lot of things. If the things she’d seen in that file were just a sampling of the kinds of missions he’d done, by all accounts he should be hard and deadened inside. But nothing could be further from the truth. He’d held her so gently and touched her like she was the most precious thing in the world.
She didn’t fool herself that he was some kind of monk due to his background either. Just because he’d been all over the world doing those top-secret missions didn’t mean he’d lacked female company. A man who looked like Rafe, a man with a body like that, would never be starved for female attention. But she doubted that he’d ever let any of those women into his heart.
Instead, he’d saved that for her.
Diana smiled to herself, but her smile faded as she thought of all the things Rafe still didn’t know. It was humbling and scary as hell at the same time. Rafe had her on this pedestal where he’d convinced himself that she was perfect. All the amazing feelings he had for her, what would happen to all of that when he discovered she was part of one of the most heinous crime syndicates in the world? The fact that she hadn’t known about it until recently wouldn’t matter in the end because it would still have the same result. Rafe would lose out on the normalcy he’d craved for so long. He said he was retired from the FBI, but what would happen if his old colleagues found out he was harboring a criminal? If he got in trouble for helping her, it would ruin his chances for having a new life and career outside his former line of work.
It was a choice she didn’t want him to have to make.
Moving carefully so as not to wake him, Diana slid to the end of the bed. It was a struggle to get the covers untangled from around her legs so she could stand without bringing the entire sheet with her. Then there was the ache in her throat that had somehow transferred to the rest of her body. Ow. Diana slowed her movements, trying not to anger the muscles that already felt like they’d been run over by an eighteen-wheeler. When she was finally untangled, she stood up and turned around. Rafe watched her silently from the bed. Shit.
“I was trying not to wake you,” she admitted.
He only smiled. “I know. You didn’t do too badly. It probably would have worked on anyone else. Well, anyone who hadn’t been waiting for you to try sneaking out since four a.m.”
Diana shouldn’t have been surprised. It was nearly impossible to sneak anything past Rafe. He was too well trained for the usual tactics to be effective. Now that he was on alert, Diana figured her nut jab was the last time she’d take him off guard.
“No more running,” Rafe said as he sat up. The sheets slid down slightly as he moved, showing off his ripped chest.
Diana sighed as she took in the full view of a morning-after Rafe. The sight was quickly becoming one of her favorite looks on him. With his hair wild and his dark eyes sleepy and shuttered, he was her every erotic dream personified. He was the embodiment of everything she’d wished for as a young girl when she imagined the kind of man she’d marry when she grew up. Diana smiled.
Okay not exactly.
She definitely hadn’t thought she’d marry some black-ops type, but she’d imagined someone intense and protective. Someone who’d do anything for her and considered her love as a gift. Rafe was her dream lover in all the ways that mattered.
Except for the part where she could potentially ruin his career and put him and his family in danger.
She shook her head, emotion clogging her throat. The worst part of all this was Rafe thought he was doing the right thing. He wanted to show her that she could trust him and that he would be there for her no matter what. What he didn’t understand was that those traits were exactly why she needed to leave.
He would be there for her. In fact, she had no doubt that he would endanger everything he held dear on her behalf, and she couldn’t allow him to do that. She loved him too much to watch him implode his life for a girl who wasn’t even who he thought she was. He wanted her to tell him everything, and she knew if she did, he’d keep her secrets. But doing so would put him in an impossible position, forcing him to lie to everyone and to the authorities. After years of being under the government’s thumb, she wouldn’t be the reason he lost his chance to break free.
She loved him too much for that too.
“You can’t keep me here against my will.” Her declaration probably would have been more effective if her voice hadn’t wobbled halfway through. But damn if the thought of walking away from Rafe didn’t make her want to bawl like a baby.
“Can’t I? You must have forgotten who you’re talking to.” Rafe chuckled and threw the sheet off, revealing that he was completely nude.
Diana gulped. “You don’t fight fair.”
“No, I don’t. That’s what I’m trying to tell you, sweetheart. No matter what I have to do, no matter how hard it is, I’m willing to do whatever it takes because I believe in us.”
She backed up slowly, Rafe stalking her until they ended up pressed against the bedroom door. Her eyes roamed over the ultra-ripped chest that always made her drool a little. Her breathing sped up as he lifted her and held her against the door. Diana cried out. In this position, she could feel everything, the hard bulge pressing against her core and the sheer strength it took for him to hold her up like that.
Can you say, sexy as hell?
“Don’t go, Diana. Let me fight for you.”
“There’s nothing you can do,” she whispered, wishing with all her heart that it wasn’t true. But nothing short of a time machine that could go back and undue all the damage her father and brothers had done would change anything.
“If you’re in trouble, my contacts in the FBI can keep you safe. Whatever is going on, you’re not alone with it anymore. We can figure it out together. I’ve trusted you, more than I probably should have”—he looked down at his crotch with a raised eyebrow—“and now I’m asking you to trust me.”
For a long moment Diana stared into his eyes. She wasn’t even sure exactly what she was looking for, but suddenly she knew this was the moment to stop running. To trust that someone else would actually stick when times were tough.
She ran her hands through his thick hair. “Okay. I’ll trust you.”
Rafe nuzzled her nose gently with his, the uncharacteristically tender gesture taking her off guard.
“Good. Until then, I guess I’d better deliver on my promise to keep you happy.”
Diana’s mouth fell open when he nipped her ear. His finger trailed gently over her neck. Then he snatched his hand back like he was afraid he’d hurt her.
“It’s okay. You didn’t hurt me.” She didn’t mention that her throat was sore as hell on the inside. It was like having strep throat on maximum power.
“Let’s get you some more meds, and then we can return to the regularly scheduled program.”
“Oh yeah, what’s that?”
“Operation make Diana come as many times as possible.”