“You sure you don’t wanna see these?” Joanie asked me. She was on her laptop, on the other side of the island in Woo’s kitchen, the screen turned away from me. “Are you absolutely sure? I’m telling you… you look good.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

I was hungover, nursing a glass of water and preparing to take my lunch outside. I’d only gotten up half an hour ago. I knew the photos of Seth and I from yesterday were all over the web by now. But I didn’t particularly want to see them.

If I saw them, it would just beg the question of what everyone else was thinking when they saw them… and I didn’t want to care about that.

“Seth looks good,” Joanie added, glancing at me.

I narrowed my eyes at her; I did not appreciate her getting that familiar with me. Joanie had worked for me for several years now. I’d say we were friends. She knew almost every personal detail about my life, and I trusted her with those details. But that didn’t mean I wanted her sticking her nose into my relationships with men.

She gave me a cheeky look right back and went back to her computer.

I sighed. “Fine. Turn it here.”

She dutifully spun her laptop around. On the screen was a webpage open to a photo of me and Seth at the beach. And he did look good.

He also looked like he was my man.

We were holding hands, just barely, our fingers touching… and we weren’t even looking at each other. But there was something there, in that touch. In our body language. Something gut-deep, almost tangible.

I didn’t realize it when it happened. That what I’d been feeling, standing there with Seth, would come pouring through the photo the way it did…

Chemistry.

Connection.

And I had this kind of saucy, Fuck the world look on my face. Because that’s exactly what I’d been thinking when the photographer took that photo.

Fuck the world if they want to judge me for this.

I reached out, before I even knew what I was doing, and slammed the laptop shut. Joanie’s eyes met mine. “Do you think there’s any chance in hell that the internet will… I don’t know… go up in smoke or something, before everyone sees that?”

“I think it’s too late for that,” she said.

As if on cue, her phone, sitting on the island between us, started to vibrate. It had been doing that a lot. Unable to resist, Joanie swiped it up and hightailed it out of the kitchen to answer the call where I couldn’t hear her.

I took my lunch out on the back patio, alone. I had my phone with me but the ringer and vibrate mode were turned off. The calls had been coming in all morning; Joanie had told me so.

I still hadn’t answered one of them.

And I realized, as I ate: I only actually cared about what one person thought of those photos. But I hadn’t seen Seth yet.

When I asked Flynn if he’d seen him, he said Seth had gone down to the beach early and he hadn’t come back. I did not know what that meant, if it meant anything.

When I finished eating, I gathered my courage and checked my texts. There were many, but I only opened one.

Ash: What the fuck is going on?

Okay; he was mad.

Maybe he had a right to be?

Maybe I’d somehow let him believe he had that right. Which meant I really had to set things straight. I decided to call him, and I really fucking hoped he’d pick up; I just had to get this over with.

“Elle,” he said when he answered.

“Hi.”

“You okay?”

“Yes.” Why did everyone keep asking me that? Like Seth had abducted me and dragged me off to paradise? “You?”

“Not really. Just saw pictures of you holding hands with Seth at the fucking beach, so no, I’m not okay.”

“Why?” I asked him.

“Because. You fucking know why. Are you fucking him now?”

I took a deep, slow breath. “Ash, it’s none of your business.”

“Since when?”

“Since when do you think it is your business?”

“I don’t know, Elle. Maybe since you started fucking me?”

“As friends. You said it yourself. ‘Friends with benefits.’ You made me agree we weren’t gonna mess with our friendship by fucking.”

“So? That doesn’t mean seven months later, when I’m the only guy you have been fucking, it’s okay for you to run off with someone else without even fucking telling me.”

“I didn’t run off. And I don’t have to tell you anything, Ash.”

“So that’s it? You’re just blowing me off?”

“I’m not blowing you off. We’re friends. That’s all we’ve ever been.”

“That’s fucking bullshit, Elle.”

“No. It’s the truth.” And finally, I said it. “There’s nothing between us, Ash. Just… let it go.”

There was an awful, crushing silence on the other end of the line.

Then he hung up.

That was when I felt it; someone standing close behind me.

I turned to find Seth holding two mugs of coffee. He reached to set one down on the table in front of me.

“Thanks,” I managed, setting my phone aside.

Seth stood there looking uncertain, maybe wondering if I wanted to be alone. But right now, the last thing I wanted was to be alone. If I was alone, all I’d hear in my head was that conversation. And that horrible silence.

The sound of Ash hanging up on me.

“You can sit down, if you want.”

Seth sat in the chair opposite me. He didn’t seem to want to look me in the eyes though, his gaze stuck on his mug.

How much of that conversation had he heard?

“I’m gonna head up to Vancouver,” he said to his coffee. “You know… I owe Ray that visit.”

I didn’t know what to say; that was kinda the last thing I expected him to say. “Oh. Okay?”

“I booked a flight out.” Finally, he looked up at me. “Today.”

“You booked a flight?” I repeated, stunned. “When?”

“Last night.”

“Last night…? Before we went dancing?”

His eyes slowly darkened, maybe recalling the way we’d steamed up that dance floor. He shook his head a little. “In the middle of the night.”

“In the middle of the night?” Damn. That came out… bitchy. Weirdly high-pitched.

I was starting to freak out. My lunch sat in a glob in my stomach.

“I’m heading to the airport in a few minutes. You know… I should get back…” He trailed off.

“Oh,” I said, again. “Okay…” I had no idea what he needed to get back to, but suddenly I felt weirdly betrayed. Like there were all these things about his life I didn’t know, but maybe I should know… and yet, I had no real right to know.

I was getting pissed off, actually. Anger; a knee-jerk reaction to him leaving and me not knowing what the fuck to do about it.

I couldn’t do anything about it. He didn’t owe me anything.

But I didn’t want him to go. Not yet.

“Do you have to go?” I asked, desperate for some excuse to slow his departure. “I mean, I’m staying a few more days. We could fly back together.” I’d been planning to stay as long as I could; maybe longer than I’d originally intended. I’d spoken to Woo yesterday, and he’d assured me I could stay forever. “Woo doesn’t mind,” I told him, though I knew the real reason I’d become so comfortable here, and it had little to do with Woo’s open door hospitality.

It was all Seth.

“That’s not a good idea, Elle,” he said, his voice a little rough, but his gaze steady on mine.

“Why? Is this… Is this about the pictures?”

“It’s not about the pictures.”

“Did someone say something to you?” Shit, did someone call him and threaten him or something? One of the guys in the band? Brody? Ash?

“Elle… I don’t want to cause you any more trouble than I already have.”

“You’re not causing trouble, Seth,” I insisted. “It’s trouble that was always there.”

“I’m not making it any better.”

“Actually,” I found myself saying, “you are. It’s been great having you here.”

“I’m sure Ash would see it differently.”

“I don’t care how Ash sees it.”

Our eyes were still locked. I couldn’t quite read the look on his face, other than the fact that something was telling me he did not actually want to go. He was just trying to do the right thing.

And something deep inside me twisted inside-out.

“I want to thank you, for what you’ve done for me,” he said, in a soft, low voice. “Bringing me here. Talking to me. Extending that olive branch.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Seth.”

Silence.

And yes, there was something in his eyes. Something he wasn’t saying. Something that was absolutely burning with need.

It wasn’t the same need I’d seen in his eyes before, back at the audition: the need for redemption, acceptance.

This was something else.

And I felt it, too.

“Thank you,” he repeated.

Then he looked away. He stood, and I watched him turn and head into the house. He hadn’t even drank his coffee.

And that was it.

Seth was gone.

* * *

Mid-afternoon, the intensity of the sun drove me off the beach; it was crazy-hot today. I made my way back up the rocky path through the trees in my bare feet, slowly, enjoying the fragrant, coolish air between the trees. Or trying to enjoy it.

I was wearing a light, lacy cover-up over my bikini, and it was fluttering around me in the breeze. This feeling; this was why I came to Hawaii. Peace. Quiet. And that ever-present ease in the air, the smell of the ocean, the flawless blue skies.

Paradise.

And yet, with Seth gone… it didn’t feel the way it should anymore. I just couldn’t absorb any of it.

I’d spent an hour on the beach, alone, and I couldn’t relax. I couldn’t stop wondering if there was something I should’ve done differently, said differently, to somehow make him stay.

It was a dangerous line of thought. Too close to the questions I’d asked myself in the days and weeks, and even months, after Jesse left me.

I’d been avoiding my phone since that phone call with Ash, but now, as I reached the top of the path and stepped through the trees, I realized maybe I should’ve been answering it.

Because there was a camera crew in Woo’s yard.

It was Liv, standing on the back patio with Joanie, and a camera guy sitting nearby, tinkering with his camera, setting it up on a tripod.

“Fuck.” I stopped up short. “Seriously?”

Flynn, who’d been trailing silently in my wake, stepped past me. “I’ll get rid of them.”

“No.” I caught his arm, stopping him. “I want to see what she wants.”

I already knew what Liv wanted. More “sound bites” for the documentary series. And if she’d come all the way here, to talk to me, when there were plenty of other band members closer to where she was that she could be harassing… this was about Seth.

As I stepped through the gate, they all saw me and Liv smiled.

“They just got here,” Joanie explained, hurrying over to me, probably expecting me to be pissed. I wrapped my cover-up around me as I approached, though they weren’t filming. “I was just on my way down to tell you. You weren’t answering your phone…”

“The tripod’s a tad presumptuous, Liv,” I told her as I reached her on the patio. I wasn’t in the mood for small talk, and I didn’t want her to think crashing my vacation time with a camera was in any way okay with me.

Brody would be hearing about this.

“Well,” Liv said, “I was hoping I could get that footage. You know, you, on camera, sharing your thoughts about Seth Brothers and whatever’s going on between him and Dirty.”

“You should’ve called.”

“I did,” she said. “So did Brody.”

Great. So Brody knew about this. Approved it, maybe.

He’d definitely be hearing about this.

“I have nothing to say right now. I’m on vacation.”

“I realize that,” Liv said. “And I’m sorry. But the band is planning to resume auditions as soon as you’re back, and the footage of Seth’s audition is likely going in the show, which means I need someone to talk to me about it. And since you came here with him, I figured, you and he must be…” She trailed off. Apparently, even Liv didn’t have the stones to outright accuse me of screwing Seth. “Friends?” she finished.

“I told you. I have nothing to say.”

“Right. But obviously you have an opinion.”

“An opinion I’m not prepared to share at this time.” I could feel Flynn hovering, edging closer. Just itching to interject and escort Liv and her guys off the property.

A couple of other crew guys had appeared around the side of the house, hauling equipment bags. They held back, observing the negotiation.

But Liv was not backing down.

“This is an important part of the process, Elle. I understand that you’re on vacation, but Brody and I discussed it, and we both felt you’d be the best person to comment on Seth’s position with the band—”

“Seth doesn’t have a position with the band,” I said. All the while, my head was fucking reeling. Brody and I? What the fuck was Brody doing, sending her here to accost me?

“And if that’s the case,” she said, “all I need is for you to say so, on camera, and we’ll be on our way.”

I doubted that. As soon as she got me in front of that camera, she’d be digging for more. I couldn’t really fault Liv; she was just trying to make a killer TV series. Doing her job.

But right now, I didn’t care about that.

I really didn’t need her showing up here, right when I was feeling so fucking vulnerable—having Seth here, having Seth leave… and having no idea what to do about all these feelings he’d stirred up in me. The very last thing I needed was a camera crew in my face.

But I would play the game.

I wasn’t going to have Flynn throw her out. I was going to make her turn around and leave. Voluntarily.

“Listen to me, Liv. This has nothing to do with Dirty or finding our new guitarist.”

“Then let’s talk about that.”

“We are talking. But not on camera.”

Liv considered that. Then she said, “Seth already talked to me. On camera.”

What?

“When?”

“We caught him at the airport, when we landed. Total fluke.”

I stared at Liv for a long, long moment. She didn’t flinch.

I believed her, maybe, about the fluke of running into Seth. Either way, though, interviewing him was no fluke.

“Alright,” I said, because she’d caught me off-guard. I didn’t love it, but I definitely didn’t like Seth talking to her, and me without a chance to respond.

I wasn’t planning to ask Liv what he’d said. I didn’t like what asking might imply—that I was worried about what he’d said about me.

So I simply said, “I’ll give you the interview. When I’m ready.”

* * *

Two hours later, I was ready enough. Joanie had called in a hair and makeup team from among the many contacts she kept on the island. I’d gotten dressed, had my hair and makeup done, and rejoined Liv and her crew on the patio. They’d set up in the shade, the ocean view in the background, and were ready for me.

I sat down and we started rolling. I knew it wasn’t gonna be easy. I knew Liv was gonna dig. And dig she did… After some bullshit small talk about the audition process overall, she went straight for it.

“Tell me about Seth.”

But this was far from my first rodeo. I wasn’t gonna give up anything I didn’t want to give.

“What do you want to know?” I asked her.

“What do you think of him?” Liv sat across from me, next to the camera, feeding me questions. It was her job to get content out of me; content she could use. I knew whatever she said wouldn’t be included in the show, but anything I said might be.

“I think he’s our ex-guitarist.”

Liv sighed a little. “Come on, Elle. This is a documentary. I’m not grilling you for some junk entertainment gossip show. This is the real you, right?”

“It’s the real me,” I said.

“Then tell me what you really think of Seth Brothers.”

“I think Seth Brothers is an extremely talented musician,” I said.

“Okay. Now tell me about the man, not the musician.”

“Are you gonna tell me what he said about me?” I asked, breaking form. Because for the last two hours it had been killing me. I wanted to ask her, without coming right out and actually asking her.

“You really want to know?” she said. And there was something about the way she said it that rubbed me entirely the wrong way.

Like there was something to know. Something I should know?

Something I wouldn’t want to know?

Yeah. This was a mistake.

Since when had this documentary become an inquisition about my feelings toward Seth Brothers?

“This interview is over.” I got up. I started to walk away, heading into the house, but turned back. The camera was still filming; the camera operator had swiveled it around to film my exit. “Turn the camera off.” I directed this straight at the camera op. He glanced at Liv, and Liv nodded.

He stopped rolling.

“You know I’m gonna hear what you asked him anyway,” I told her, “when I watch the dailies. That’s in my contract. I get all the dailies.”

“Uh-huh. So does he.”

“What?”

“Seth’s negotiating a deal with the network.”

“Since when?”

“Since this morning. When I interviewed him at the airport.” Liv shrugged, like this was no big thing. To be expected, even. “The network wanted to talk to him before they’d let me interview him. Turns out they want his side of the story.”

I just stared at her.

What the fuck was going on?

“You know,” Liv said, “there are two sides to every rock ’n’ roll story…”

I was already walking away.

“I mean, your story is the one everyone cares about, of course,” she backpedaled, following me into the house. But while I jetted straight for the stairs, Flynn stepped in to stop Liv in her tracks. “Come on, Elle! You know what I mean!” she called after me, but I wasn’t listening.

My phone was already dialing.

“Brody!” I said when he answered. “What the fuck. Seth’s in the documentary now?” I wasn’t even sure why it bothered me so much. My mind was spinning in every direction at once as I closed myself into the bedroom.

“Apparently,” Brody said. “We’ve decided to roll with it.”

“We?”

“We’re gonna let the network do a contract with Seth,” he continued, “and see how it plays out.”

“He gets the dailies?”

“Who cares? The band gets approval on the final cut anyway.”

I could not believe it. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

And why didn’t Seth tell me? He could’ve called me from the airport, or messaged me to at least give me a heads up about Liv.

Except… he didn’t have my number.

How would he? I’d never given it to him.

“I did,” Brody said. “Check your messages once in a while.”

I ripped open the bedroom door, about to call out for Joanie—but she was standing right there, poised to knock, looking sheepish as fuck.

“Talk later.” I hung up on Brody. “Brody called?”

“Yeah,” Joanie said, her eyes wide. “He called this afternoon. Several times. Something about Seth and the documentary? He wants you to call him back. But you told me no calls… especially from Brody…” She trailed off. “Shit. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She was right, I did tell her that. Repeatedly. “Just get me a flight home.”

“To L.A.?”

“No,” I said. “Vancouver.”

I had no idea if the auditions Liv had mentioned were about to get underway in L.A. or Vancouver, since, clearly, I hadn’t been checking my messages. I wasn’t even sure where all the members of my band were right now.

All I knew for sure was that Seth was in Vancouver.