We lay in bed, neither of us saying a word for a long time, maybe both of us wondering what the hell had just happened. At least, I was pretty sure that’s what was going through Damon’s head.

Me? I wanted it. I’d always wanted it. Wanted him. From that day we’d spent together four years ago, I’d wanted him. It wasn’t even just sex. I just… I wanted to be with him.

I’d never believed in love at first sight, and that wasn’t what this was. It was deeper than that. Like two souls who belonged together were finally coming together. It made no sense. Even thinking it made me feel like an idiot, but that was it.

Damon held me to him, his arm draped over me. I had my back to him, his legs bent behind mine, his nakedness against my nakedness. I listened to him breathe and knew he lay awake.

And I could almost feel the guilt rolling off him.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done—” he started.

“Stop.” I turned to him and touched his face, the room too dark to see his eyes. “I wanted you to.”

“Lina.”

He took my wrist and pulled my hand away.

“I took advantage of you.”

“No, you didn’t. I needed—”

He sat up and switched on the light. I drew the covers up and looked at him, his expression heavy, sad.

“It can’t happen again.”

He wouldn’t look at me. He pushed the covers aside and got out of bed.

“It won’t,” he added.

I opened my mouth, but he picked up his discarded clothes and walked away, went to the bathroom. There, he turned.

“Get dressed. I’ll take you home.”

He closed the door behind him. A few minutes later, I heard the shower go on.

I sat up and shook my head, confused.

Hurt.

He regretted it.

Shoving the covers off, I dressed quickly and grabbed my coat and purse. I paused then, glancing at his wallet on the table. I had no money. I needed to get home, and I had no money. Alexi controlled everything, and…No. I couldn’t think of Alexi now.

Feeling like the lowest of the low, I opened his wallet and took out a $50 bill. I slipped out of the room, ran down the stairs, and out the door, where I hailed a taxi. I climbed in and gave the driver my address. I didn’t look back as the cab drove away, wiping stray tears away instead.

What had I expected? A declaration of love?

Why had he done it? Why had he even started it? He had no business starting something he had no intention of finishing.

My cell phone rang a moment later. I reached into my purse to take it out. Damon. Of course. I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to talk to him. I sent a quick text, knowing he’d come after me if I didn’t.

“I’ll save you a trip. I’m in a taxi heading home. I don’t want to see you, Damon. And I’ll assume you won’t say a word to Sofia about having run into me, considering. Have a good life.”

Then, feeling guilty about the money, I sent a second text.

“Borrowed money for cab fare. Forgot my wallet. I’ll send you a check.”

I switched it off, knowing he’d call again.

When I arrived at the brownstone, it was a little after two in the morning. I paid the driver and climbed out, feeling a momentary panic that Alexi was back in town. He liked to drop by unexpectedly. Fucking jerk. I don’t know why he bothered. It wasn’t like I was ever going to give him what he wanted.

The day his father, Sergei, had been arrested, he’d transferred the club’s title to Alexi. I didn’t understand why but was sure it had to do with the charges and with protecting assets. I knew who Sergei Markov was when I first came to New York and sought him out. Knew what kind of business he ran, the things he’d done. But he’d been different than I’d expected. And to me, he’d always been kind. Maybe I was blind, or desperate, but he’d accepted me, and in a way, he’d taken me in. Back then, I’d needed that more than I realized. Maybe growing up with a cold substitute for a father had done that to me. Had made me willing to overlook terrible things.

He’d lent me money to get set up when I’d first come here. He’d also let me live in the apartment until I found something else. Thing was, I’d never been in a rush to move out. He claimed he wanted me there—better than leaving it empty, he’d said—and I had accepted the offer, always telling myself I’d look for something else soon.

When Sergei was arrested and Alexi stepped into the picture, though, everything changed.

Alexi had accused me of stealing from his father, of seducing him and tricking him into giving me money, a place to stay. He’d made me an alternate offer. Fuck him, and he’d treat my loan like any bank would. Don’t, and pay him back at an exorbitant interest rate, which he and I both knew I’d never be able to do.

Since I didn’t take him up on his first offer, he insisted I stay on at the club and the apartment, claiming he needed to be sure he got his money back. When I’d made the mistake of reminding him it was his father’s money, he’d slapped me so hard, I’d had to cover the bruise on my face for more than a week. His private bodyguard, Maxx, had been there. He’d caught me when I’d fallen, but he’d made no move to protect me. Instead, he’d stood me back up, so I could take more.

Alexi hadn’t hit me again, though.

He’d repeated his offer. I’d politely declined him again and agreed to the arrangement. Now, I worked—essentially for food—because he skimmed so much off my paycheck that I barely had enough to get back and forth to the club.

I knew all along it wasn’t about money. Alexi hated his father. He wanted Sergei to be crucified. Because only then could he take over the family business. The fact that I had a special relationship with his father baffled him. I still wasn’t sure he believed it wasn’t sexual. His small brain couldn’t process a relationship based on anything else, I guess. I wasn’t even sure if he wanted me because he was attracted to me or to take one more thing from his father. I did know, however, how dangerous Alexi Markov was. And the thought of Damon crossing his path scared the crap out of me.

A glance up and down the street told me he wasn’t there. Maxx usually waited outside in his ridiculously oversize SUV, sometimes blocking the street while Alexi was inside.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I fished out my keys and went into the building, up the flight of stairs to the second floor, and into my apartment. After closing the door, I slid off my coat and shoes, set my purse on the table, and switched on the light.

The moment I did, I let out a small scream.

“You’re going to wake the fucking neighbors.”

Alexi sat in the center of the couch in the dark, arms spread wide across the back of it, looking pissed off.

“Shit, Alexi. You scared the crap out of me!” Best to act like nothing was out of the ordinary.

“Where were you?” he asked, rolling his r’s. He’d grown up in some small Russian town, and no matter how long he lived here, his accent lingered. Strangely enough, it was worse than Sergei’s, but that’s probably because Sergei hadn’t found out he even had a son until Alexi was ten. He’d brought him to the States then, but the accent stuck.

I went into the kitchen to get a bottle of water, not wanting him to see my face. “Getting drinks with a girlfriend.”

“You don’t have friends.”

I leaned my back against the counter, staying in the kitchen and watching him through the opening at the bar. “I have friends.”

“Who?”

“The girls I used to work with.” Before working at Club Carmen, I’d waitressed at a cheap motel restaurant for all of five weeks. I’d hated every minute of it, but it paid for my cot in the apartment I shared with six others. The conditions had been awful, but it was better than this, wasn’t it? Better than having to answer to a killer. “I was wound up after work, so I went out there, and we had some drinks. That’s all. Why do you care, Alexi? Why are you here sitting in the dark?”

He rose to his feet. My heart raced as he approached, and I wondered if he’d smell sex on me. If he’d smell Damon on me.

My chest tightened at the thought of Damon.

Alexi came right up to me, the toes of his shoes pressing against my bare feet. I hadn’t bothered to put my stockings back on before leaving. I’d just wanted to get out of there before the humiliation of having Damon take me home. Alexi now stood close enough that I felt his body heat and hoped my face didn’t betray my panic.

He looked me over slowly, his gaze settling on my lips for a moment. He then inhaled deeply.

“I smell a lie, Kat.”

Kat. I’d forgotten he called me Kat. I’d become Lina again, the very moment I’d seen Damon.

“Liars tell lies,” he continued. “I don’t like liars, you know that, don’t you?”

“Your sense of smell is off,” I said, somehow sounding a thousand times more casual than I felt. I stepped around him and went into the living room to look through the mail I’d stacked on the coffee table. “I’m not lying.” Dropping the envelopes back on the side table, I faced him. “Listen, I’m tired. It’s been a long night. What can I do for you, Alexi?”

At that he grinned. “You can take off that dress for starters.” For a moment, I wondered if he actually thought he had a chance with me. If he thought I was remotely interested. But then his expression changed. “You know you’re supposed to leave those dresses at the club. Uniforms aren’t personal property.”

“Are you serious?”

He stalked into the living room and stood just close enough that I knew how much bigger than me he was. How much stronger. How much more dangerous.

“Those are designer. They’re expensive. You can’t afford to damage one and have to owe me even more than you already do, can you?”

My jaw tightened. This wasn’t about the dress. It was about humiliating me.

“Can you, Kat? Can you afford to owe me another penny?”

“No.”

“Take it off.”

I took a step to walk into the bedroom and change, but he grabbed my arm.

“Here.”

I studied his cold eyes, blue, like Damon’s, but so fucking different. Inhuman. Dead. I reached to take down the straps, pulled the dress off, and stepped out of it. Second time tonight. I held it out to him, not covering myself even though I stood in just a pair of panties. I wouldn’t show him he’d won, that he’d humiliated me.

Alexi’s grin widened, and he slowly dragged his gaze over me.

“The panties are mine,” I said, breaking into his power play. “Take the dress and go. I need to get to bed.”

His eyes narrowed, and as he reached to take the dress, he gripped my wrist. “Offer to work a party still stands,” he said. “You’d be done paying me in a third of the time. And if you wanted to be done at once, well, you know what I require.”

“No thanks. On both counts.”

He released my wrist and walked away, taking his coat, which he’d hung over the back of a chair.

“Don’t be so hasty to answer.”

He opened the door but turned to look me over once more.

“You could make a lot of money, Lina. I know many men and women who’d pay handsomely to have you on your knees—”

“Get out.”

“Are you kicking me out of my own house?”

He loved to lord it over me. “It’s your father’s house.”

His mouth tightened, and his hand fisted.

“How’s your sister, by the way? Belly swelling with those sweet, tiny little babies?”

I stared at him, anger turning to something else. Fear.

Swallowing my pride, I bowed my head. “I’m just tired, Alexi. Thanks for coming to pick up the dress I borrowed. I won’t let it happen again.”

That seemed to satisfy him because when I looked up, he was smiling victoriously.

“Almost forgot. There was a reason I dropped by. Leslie’s sick. I don’t think she’ll be able to make the party tomorrow night. I’m going to need you to take her place serving.”

“I told you, I’m not interested in working a party—”

“Relax. I’m talking about serving drinks. Not your pussy.”

I guess it was shock at his language that silenced me, giving him that second he needed before I told him no.

“After your shift on piano.” He reached into his pocket and withdrew his wallet, took out some bills, and tossed them on the table. “Make sure everything’s taken care of, Kat. My guests pay for the cream of the crop.”

I glanced at the bills on the table, feeling like a whore for the second time that night. Even if I wasn’t fucking him, it’s what everyone thought, wasn’t it? His whore to display and humiliate.

“You’re a good girl, Kat. You just need to learn when to bow down. I’ll teach you. My father spoiled you, but I’ll teach you yet.”

We stood facing each other another moment before he finally walked out. I locked the door behind him, leaning against it, breathing hard. I hated him. I hated Alexi. I hated that I had gotten myself into this mess with him, because he wasn’t ever going to let me go. He would always come up with something, some other thing I owed him. And the threat of hurting not only me but my family gave him power over me. There was no way out. Not until he tired of me. I’d thought about giving in, about letting him have me, letting him get bored of me, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.

Would that even be enough anymore anyway? He wouldn’t be satisfied until I crawled at his feet, kissing the underside of his shoe for all the world to see.

* * *

Did I expect Damon to chase me back to the apartment? Had I expected him to come the following morning? Because he didn’t do either of those things. I turned my phone back on late the next afternoon to find I had four messages. I dialed my voice mail to hear Sofia on the first one.

“Hey sis. It’s been a while. I know you’re busy with school and all, but give me a call. I’m bored to tears lying here all day. I hate bedrest. Hate it. Talk to you soon? Please? Pretty please?”

I smiled, but guilt quickly wiped that smile off my face. I’d been lying to Sofia for more than a year. What a jerk I was. All she wanted was the best for me, and I flat-out lied to her. The least I could do would be to call her. At least I knew Damon hadn’t told her about running into me. Was it because of my message the night before? Was he forced to keep my secret, now that last night had happened?

The phone went on to the next message. My heartbeat picked up when I heard his voice, deep and dark and worried.

“Lina. Fuck! You were supposed to wait for me to take you home. Answer your fucking phone. You know I don’t like you out there on your own so late at night.”

A few minutes later:

“We need to talk. Can’t just bury your head.”

A few minutes after that:

“Look, I have to go to Florida tomorrow. I’ll be back in two days. I’m coming to see you then. It’ll give us both a chance to think. Lina…I’m sorry about how things…about everything. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Too late.”

I deleted all the messages, regretting it the moment I did. But I wiped my eyes and got up. I had a party to attend tonight. Maybe Alexi was right. Maybe I should just work them, work these parties and pay him off. I had options. I didn’t have to whore myself out. I could serve, like I’d be doing when covering for Leslie tonight. Or I could agree to his other offer. The one that would wipe out my debt in one night. Public submission. Public punishment. Publicly being made to kneel. It wasn’t like I knew these people. Although I wouldn’t know if that was true. Guests wore masks.

The one party I’d attended had been months ago. He’d hired me as pianist and warned me I may see things that might shock me. Even his warning, though, hadn’t prepared me for that night, and the few things I’d seen were from behind a gauzy screen separating me from the room. At least Alexi had made sure everyone knew I was off-limits, but would he do that again? Would he protect me again? And who’d protect me from him?

Damon.

No. No way. I had to get that thought out of my head before it ever took root there. Alexi already suspected something with me. If he found out about Damon, he’d hurt him. No, I’d keep Damon far away from Alexi. And that was exactly why it was better for Damon to go away anyway. To not pursue anything. Hell, I should thank him. He was saving me the trouble of concocting more lies to make him leave me alone.

* * *

Later that night, I forced myself to eat dinner, even though I didn’t have much of an appetite. I played to a full club but made several mistakes as I kept searching the crowd, hoping to see Damon’s face. Hoping, stupidly, that he’d come for me.

My shift ended early, and another pianist, a man in his fifties, took over as I disappeared into the staff area. We all knew the private parties existed, and anyone who’d attended one in any capacity was made to sign a nondisclosure agreement, which also stipulated there could be no conversations about the parties between attending staff. We all just had to pretend they didn’t happen. Pretend to un-see things that couldn’t be unseen.

Alexi’s father owned the building where Club Carmen was located. The parties took place upstairs, in the penthouse. I made my way up at a little after eleven, following the instructions left for me in my locker to the letter: enter through the door designated for servers. Wash any makeup off my face and change into the uniform—which made me laugh. By uniform, Alexi usually meant naked. Or almost so. The last time, servers had worn thongs to distinguish them from those available for use. You didn’t want some guest mixing it up.

After changing, we were to wait in the designated room.

When I arrived, six others were already there. All but one were female. I got a glimpse of the uniform upon entering: a gold thong, a gold lace mask with eyes cut out, and gold platform pumps. Oh good.

I washed off my makeup and tried to pretend I wasn’t standing in a room full of people as I stripped off my clothes, slid on my thong, and put the mask in place over my eyes. Another door opened, and two women entered rolling a table into the room between them. No one spoke. That was another rule. Absolutely no talking. I wondered what Alexi would do or how he’d even know if anyone broke that rule, but no one whispered a word.

The women started with the person closest to them, taking her to a corner that had been screened off. She stepped behind it, and we all watched that screen as silence permeated the room. Ten minutes later, the girl reemerged. She looked stunning. Every inch of her was covered in gold from the top of her head to the tips of her platforms. She stood against a wall with her arms stretched out. I guess the gold they used had to dry? She looked ridiculous. But maybe this was part of Alexi’s plan anyway. He liked the servants to know they were beneath him. That he could and would humiliate them at every turn.

The next girl followed, and we waited. I wondered about the single male server who had a face that was almost pretty. When it was his turn, he put on the platforms like the rest of us and went behind the curtain, emerging ten minutes later covered in gold. I was the last to go. Behind the curtain, I stretched out my arms and spread my legs and the women painted every unmarked inch of me, working together like they’d done this a hundred times before. And when I was finished, I glanced at the mirror almost not recognizing myself. My tattoos remained untouched, and I knew they wouldn’t go unnoticed in the next room. A special instruction from Alexi, I was sure. I would be wondering who’d seen me here every time I played piano at the club, and I already felt my face burn with embarrassment.

Music began to play in the main room, which meant the party had begun. I picked up a tray of filled champagne flutes and followed the others out. The room, much like the rooms at the club downstairs, were softly lit, a reddish tint that softened and made everything more beautiful. There were about seventy-five, maybe one hundred guests, and although one of the rules for servers was that we kept our eyes lowered, I snuck glances, unable to keep from looking at the masked faces, the elaborate, over-the-top dresses of the women, the sometimes frightening masks of the men. I felt gazes following me the whole time, and I may as well have been naked for all the thong covered.

Men talked, women giggled, drinks flowed, countless empty bottles of champagne stacked up in the kitchen. Then the groups started to form, small cliques holding private court in various alcoves or not so private ones in plain sight.

I wondered where Alexi hired his whores. Beautiful men and women to service all of his guests needs, however perverse. Soon, conversation muted to the sounds of flesh slapping against flesh, of moans of pain and of ecstasy. I tried to see only the marble floor before me, but felt people watching me at every turn. I searched for Alexi’s icy gaze, knowing he reveled in my humiliation, but couldn’t find him.

At a little after one in the morning, a gong sounded.

Everyone stopped. Someone clapped. Another cheered. The servers set their trays aside and lined up against one wall. I guessed they’d been given instruction to do so. I had not, but I followed them to it, taking a spot at the end of the line. Glancing at them, I saw how they’d not only lowered their gazes but bowed their heads. Clearly we were not supposed to watch whatever was coming next.

Men dressed in black poured in from two side doors and arranged chairs all facing the gong. People took their seats, looking more like vultures than ladies and gentlemen. The men in black disappeared, and now that everyone was seated, I had a clear view of what was happening.

The gong sounded once more, and quiet fell over the crowd.

I knew it was Alexi who walked to the center of the space from the way he moved. He wore black and had on a skull mask. I hadn’t seen that one tonight but recognized the gold ring I’d noticed on a man earlier. It wasn’t one he’d ever worn before, so I hadn’t realized it was him. He must have swapped out the mask he’d worn earlier for this Grim Reaper’s mask.

“Welcome, dear, honored guests.”

He took a bow and switched to Russian then. I couldn’t follow the speech but realized most of his guests did with the way they responded to him. At one point, the crowd erupted in hungry cheers. That was when Alexi stepped aside, and a door opened. A woman was led out by a man in black. He was also masked. She was dressed in an elegant black evening gown, her hair and makeup impeccable. The glance she gave Alexi was all that betrayed her trepidation.

Alexi switched to English, whether for the woman’s benefit or not, I couldn’t tell. I didn’t want to think he did it to make sure I understood. Not given what followed.

“Nadia has agreed to the restitution I have laid out. She begs your forgiveness and is willing to take the punishment necessary to earn back your trust.”

The crowd booed.

Alexi raised his hand to silence them.

“Nadia, show them how…repentant…you are.”

Nadia glanced at him, then at the group. Her lip quivered as she reached to unzip her dress and let it drop to pool around her ankles. She wore nothing underneath. The hunger of the audience was almost palpable in their quiet as Nadia stepped out of her shoes and stood naked and barefoot before them.

The man who had led her inside returned with another dressed exactly as he was.

Between them, they carried a padded bench with leather straps across it. They placed it before the room and left.

Nadia glanced at Alexi, who nodded. She then moved to bend herself over the bench facing the guests, spreading her arms over the sides and her legs wide, holding her head up so they could see her face.

“Supplication is a beautiful thing, is it not?”

The crowd began to chatter.

“What say you? Five strokes to warm her before she’s…opened up, so to speak.”

As he spoke, he moved to secure the straps over Nadia, one at her lower back, the other just beneath her shoulder blades, as two men worked to bind both ankles and wrists. All this while the audience called out yeas and nays. What the hell was about to happen? Why was he strapping her down, and what had this poor woman done? Was this some sort of game? Why would anyone allow themselves to be treated like this?

“Now, now. You’ll all get your turn. Let’s not act like barbarians, shall we?”

I watched from beneath my lashes as one of the masked men stepped forward, holding out a long, thin leather strap.

Nadia looked up, tears on her cheeks as Alexi took the strap extended to him and circled her.

This was why he’d wanted me here tonight. Leslie hadn’t gotten sick. He wanted me to see this. He hoped, no, he expected, me to acquiesce to something like this? To allow him to punish me like this to release me from my debt?

In the next moment, my gaze found Alexi’s. He stared right at me, as if he were waiting for me to watch.

“Fine. Fine. Ten strokes it is then, and Nadia’s body is yours to use for the rest of the evening. I personally can’t wait.” He raised his arm and, keeping his eyes locked on mine, he struck so hard, I jumped as Nadia let out a scream.

Alexi pulled his mask off his head and tossed it aside. His hair stood on end as he set his face and took aim before striking again, his lips tight with the ferocity.

Nadia let out another cry. The audience watched in silence. I wondered if beneath their masks, they all wore smiles.

Undeterred by her cries, Alexi delivered the rest of the ten then set the strap down on her back and smiled at the guests, sparing me one quick glance.

My heart raced.

He gestured for a man to open the door. He did, and a naked woman was led out on her hands and knees. Another woman, also naked, led her toward Alexi. There, she handed him the leash.

“Ah.”

Alexi circled the woman, who remained on her hands and knees. He mentioned her name and had her stand to discuss various aspects of her anatomy. He then had her turn and bend over to the immense pleasure of the crowd. Once he handed the leash back to the woman who’d led her in, he began the bidding. It was an auction. This was what he wanted from me.

The bidding began. The winner paid more than ten thousand dollars for the woman. I watched, shocked, as the woman was led to kneel along the wall and another one was brought in.

Altogether ten women and eight men were auctioned off for the night. I couldn’t keep track of the amount of money that would exchange hands by the time the bidding was over and the real party began.

As the servers went to fill their trays with champagne, I followed, but Alexi called my name from behind. I stopped. I didn’t turn around, not yet.

“Lovely, isn’t she?” he said. “Come here Kat.”

I turned to find him talking with a couple. They’d taken their masks off, and they watched me with hungry eyes.

“We noticed you right away,” the man said.

I glanced at Alexi, not sure what was going on.

Alexi’s gaze examined me slowly, pausing at my nipples tight beneath the dry gold paint. “Gold is your color,” he said.

“I’d like to place a bid,” the woman said.

My mouth fell open, and, panicked, I turned to Alexi.

He smiled.

“Not tonight, I’m afraid. Kat’s…not quite ready for us, are you, Kat?”

I didn’t answer.

“Soon though, I think. Very soon, I’m sure, in fact,” he said. They moved away, dismissing me.

I stood watching them for a moment, then turned my gaze around the room. The sounds, the sights, the smells: sex permeated the space, every act—depraved or not—played out before my eyes, and the woman, Nadia, still cried out as guests lined up to strap her. I took a step backward then turned, trying to block the noise. I went into the kitchen and stood in line to pick up a tray, looking at the clock. Two hours to go. Two more hours before I could leave this place, wash this stuff off me, try to forget the night. Forget what Alexi had said. No, promised. I had to find some way out of this. Alexi was playing with me, and I knew that soon, he’d take what he thought he was owed. Soon, he wouldn’t wait for my permission.

“Block it out,” someone said beside me.

It was one of the servers. She smiled and loaded her tray with glasses.

“You’re new to the party, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Just block it out. Think of the money. Easiest grand you’ll ever earn.”

“How do you do it?”

“Well, I don’t have Alexi Markov watching me like a hawk.” She winked. “He likes you.”

We picked up our trays. “No, he thinks he has some right to me.”

“Alexi Markov always gets what he wants. It’s not like he’s bad to look at. I’d do him.” She chewed her gum, which she hid well because we weren’t allowed gum, and walked to the exit. “But if you’re dead set not to, keep a very low profile.”

She walked out into the party room. I set my tray down, feeling sick to my stomach, and made my way to the bathroom, where I locked myself in, trying to block out the noises of the party. I had to find a solution to this. I had to find some way to get Alexi off my back for good. I couldn’t run or hide. I’d tried that once, and he’d found me within twenty-four hours. Besides, I didn’t have the means to do it. He made sure of that. And there was more than my safety to think about. There was Sofia. Her babies. He’d mentioned them more than once. And this was not about a fuck. He wanted more than that. I’d become some sort of obsession for him.

Someone knocked on the door. “Just a minute.”

They left. I looked at my face in the mirror, feeling like I couldn’t breathe, when I heard Nadia cry out again. God, they weren’t finished with her yet. I pulled at my hair. I had to get out of here. I couldn’t be here one more minute.

I scrubbed furiously at the paint on my face and got dressed. I walked out of the bathroom and left the building as quickly as I could.

Snow had begun, the blizzard they’d predicted now a reality. I ran from there, stopping at the all-night liquor store a block from the subway station and buying a bottle of cheap whiskey. I wanted to be obliterated tonight. I needed to be out of my head.

I ran fast, habit somehow carrying me to the subway where I boarded my train, where, without being able to get the image of the Alexi’s victorious grin out of my head, I got off at the right stop. I needed to get to the apartment before I lost it, lock myself in, even if I knew how pointless that was. I wanted to submerge myself in water so hot, it would melt the gold paint off my body. Burn the images out of my mind.

Alexi liked fucking with my head. He knew tonight would terrify me. The conversation with that couple? I had no doubt he’d set that up. He wanted me unhinged, scared as fuck. Well, I was. And I also had no doubt he’d be back soon to make good on his promise.

There was only one person who could help me. Sergei. But would he help me over his son? And if he didn’t, and Alexi found out I’d gone to him? What then?

Underneath all this insanity, the image of Damon that night, his eyes, his face, the feel of him holding me, his arms around me—I wanted to lose myself in that memory. I wanted to let myself—for one fucking second—feel safe. Feel like I had some control of my life. Feel like I could breathe. But I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t think of him. I couldn’t think of him ever again.